It was quite a year for ABC soaps as we wondered (for about 5 minutes) who killed Michael Cambias, who killed Keri Reynolds and we're still wondering who killed Ida.  From triumphant returns to horrific recasts, 2003 was a year of visceral ups and downs.  Fans walked away, ratings fell and actors both veteran and newcomer were shed like tears from a mother's eyes.  It's easy to focus on just the good or just the bad, but when you consider the year as a whole, you'll find that there were a lot of fun memories intertwined with the mess that was the Year in ABC Soaps.

Stroll with me, darlin...

First, the review of the best and worst of Head of ABC Daytime, Brian Frons:

Best of Brian Frons was that he did away with the gaudy and annoying "Shop the Soaps" that was the brainchild of ex-Prez of ABC Daytime, Angela Shapiro. 

There were only 2 worsts of Brian Frons this year:  Everything he said and everything he did (except scrapping Shop the Soaps)

The grandpa of ABC soaps pulled more boners this year than than a British page three girl.  Every time he opened his mouth, he offended fans, offended actors, offended his species and was an embarrassment to his network.  The guy should be issued a directive from Disney, "DO NOT SPEAK."

Now, on to:

Best Newcomers:  Michael Jordan as Reggie and Crystal Bock as Lysistrata Schwartz.

Best Return:  Cameron Mathison as Ryan Lavery

Best Je ne sais quoi:  Palmer Courtland

Best Transformation of a Character:  David Hayward from grieving father to pained divorcee to champion for Bianca, the handsome doctor ran the gamut of emotions and never failed to deliver, no matter which of his many facets were on display at the time.

Best Reveal:  Greenlee is Jack's Daughter.  Runner up is the news that Henry Chin wasn't gay.  Maggie thought he was and well, so did we.  Who knew?

Best Kept Secret:  Bianca's continued pregnancy.   This has been kept under wraps far longer than I ever imagined it could be. 

Funniest Scene:  Opal describing to Anna how she was attacked on a drug deal gone bad as she tried to score some "blow."  Runner up is the Fusion girls making lipstick in Kendall's kitchen.

Best Tear Jerker:  Leora's death.  Ow.

Best Running Joke:  The "Tad the Cad" song.  Runner up is Simone constantly getting arrested.

Best Drama:  Kendall and Erica in the thunderstorm as Erica revisited the rape in her mind.

Best Team:  Adam and Mary

Best Lines:  Tad and Simone were invariably given the finest quips.  Simone: "Are you spiritually gay?"  Tad:  "That is so stupid I just don't know how to respond"

Best Irony:  Jamie goes for JR's woman again... that's Laurie and Babe in one year! 

Best Kiss:  Bianca and Lena

Best Murder:  Michael Cambias got blood EVERYWHERE.  So far we have blood on Kendall's shoe, blood on a pillow on Adam's jet, a big blood stain on the carpet of the Cambias condo and a stiffy in the meat locker.  That's one widespread case of bleeding!

Biggest Jackass:  Jake cheating on Mia with Allison, acting as though it's her fault he's cheating, leaving her without saying good-bye and returning solely to introduce her to his new wife.  Runner up goes to Edmunch for his relentless and violating pursuit of Maria/Maureen, up to and not limited to stalking her, kidnapping her, locking her in a room at Wildwind and drugging her with a substance even David Hayward didn't even trust.  Guess being an ass pays off because he got what he wanted.  I think we need to play a little Robert Palmer for these guys, "Might as well face it you're addic..."  whoops... my record skipped.

Biggest Flop:  Sexiest Man contest.  Bleh. 

Dumbest Move:  Simone not reading the fine print on accepting the transfer of funds that awarded controlling interest of Fusion to Michael Cambias.

Dumbest Drama:  Flanders chucks Maddie into the drink, Maria dives after her and by the grace of the spotlight of a helicopter, Maria regains her memory.  Angels sang.  We yawned.  This is followed closely by the whole Morgan, Julian, Aidan and Maria on the island thing with Maria chained to a bomb.  OK, honorable mention goes to "Bianca Goes Nuts on a Pool Table."

Smoothest Cuckold:  Jack moving in on Erica when she was engaged to Chris Stamp.  I'm sure that broke some kind of man-code in the man-club.

Biggest Ouch! (Well, other than that whole baby dying thing):  Mia walks in on her boyfriend, Edmund, in bed with Maria and their children post reconciliation.  Talk about cold comfort for change.

Who Cares?:  Anything to do with Juan Pablo or Carlos.

Worst Recast:  Jacob Young as JR Chandler.

Most Unlucky in Love:  Mia, Aidan, Simone and Brooke

Character We Could Most Do Without:  Michael Cambias.  I don't think anyone in Pine Valley would disagree that this guy just should not have come to town.

The Very, Very Missed:

TTo E-mail
Katrina