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I’m growing very concerned about the state of General Hospital. I try to keep it light and I won’t even bring my opinions about the pathetic attempts at storytelling into it...but there are major problems at the hospital, and I am declaring an emergency. A true Fashion Emergency! Brenda has gone and she has taken her closet with her. We are completely without a style maven! Think about it – who else possibly qualifies? Skye has some lovely duds and she always looks pretty as a picture, but her fashion is by no means cutting edge. Gia used to be a supermodel, but since she changed her face she wears a lot of tweed and turtlenecks and won’t relax that hair for a minute. Well, there was that minute last Monday where she had it all pulled back with one of those synthetic hair elastics that stick up like a ring of porcupine quills. I remember the first time I saw one of those on a teenager at the mall. It was neon pink and the rest of her hair was blond and it took me a good minute of wondering how she dyed just that section pink before I realized… Anyway, we cannot look to Gia for our dose of haute couture. She’s supposed to be smart now and so it must be that she dresses like a granny.
From hip to drip – Gia Campbell
Summer is a new character whose style eludes me. She won’t let us forget that she is an ex-hooker, but her clothing often says soccer mom instead. It’s all cute enough, but hardly the soapy stuff that I so enjoy. Khakis and a yellow sweater, long skirt and a cable knit sweater…nothing especially exciting. I liked her black shearling coat with the pink trim, but found it’s pairing with the coral sweater, gloves and scarf a bit odd. Why wouldn’t they have given her pink stuff to actually match the coat? I may have been the only person in the world to notice but those wardrobers get paid for this stuff and tell me who matches their gloves and scarf to their sweater as opposed to their coat? She’s a pretty woman but looks terribly high maintenance with the hot roller curls and heavy makeup. I’d like to see her in some kind of business atmosphere (behind the desk, not under it) – surely it costs something to live as she does, and I bet her savings will zap out soon on expenditures for facial cleanser alone. We shall not look to Summer for the crowing of the fashionista.
We consider Courtney briefly for her coats. The girl has about 65 of them at last count, but she’s prone to TIGHT Levi cords (you can tell by the little brass rivets that look like they are gonna pop right off her hips and break my TV screen) and common little mall shirts that accentuate her ample bust line. Definitely not our icon. Carly looks really good most of the time, but like Skye, I don’t think she’s flying into the city for fashion week. She’s sleek and if they’d give her a line worth speaking, she’d be a force in her slim red sweaters and little black dresses. The Cellar could be the place to be with Carly at the helm (and with Sonny bound and gagged in the storeroom so he couldn’t shut the place down every time he wanted to have a conversation).
I was more than pleased to see Liz in her studio this week, wearing jeans and a paint splattered canvas button-down. I was pleased to see Ric too…that just goes without saying (and I hope he kicks Sonny’s butt!). Liz is my little classic beauty, all roses and cream and perpetually good hair. Sadly though, she’s on the screen about 4 minutes per week at best, and usually wearing the same type of mall shirts (No offense meant to anyone who has some of these – I’m the queen of Old Navy myself, ok?) that Courtney has – she just looks much less pornographic in them. Lovely Lizzie alas, will not be whom we turn our heads to ogle as she walks by dripping in enviable fabrics.
Aren’t they just so darn pretty though?
For lack of any other female characters who get airtime, we must look to the boys. Oh, I forgot Alexis…but I’ve been trying to forget that poor dear lately. See comments on Carly and Skye – always gorgeous but nothing too crazy. I’m looking for a diva here! So we shall consider NuLucky. Did this guy study way too many Jacob Young tapes or what? What a rip-off that we went from sensitive, cerebral Jonathan Jackson as Lucky, to boy band and chisel faced anger boy Jacob and then…then! We’re teased with the gorgeous Greg Vaughan who shows up with this dyed blond, sticky looking mess of a haircut and the same flunky clothes that Lucky2 wore! WHY??? For the love of all that is holy, let this guy’s hair grow out and let him see some JJ tapes so he can know that Lucky is supposed to act like Luke’s son! So far, he is NOT our fashion queen...and poor Nikolas fares no better. His hairline is starting to recede a bit. I’m not convinced that smashing his hair down in front and razor cutting it so the ends look more jagged than broken glass is the answer though. Is this the modern day version of the combover? Let’s hope not and let’s get Nik back into action – let him grow up and well, comb his hair properly! And enough with the dramatic black suits in the middle of the day – what the heck does he do to dress that way? IxNay on his nomination as well.
Sonny and Jax are just out because I’m mad at both of them. I’d give it to Ric because he makes my heart flutter and he really wears suits and jeans well…but his intentions are still questionable and I can’t in good faith nominate a rapist…even if he’s just a fake rapist. I need to know where he’s coming from – the awards commission really doesn’t do well with humiliating secrets. Ned’s overcoat is too big – he looks like he’s playing dress-up, which is appropriate really, because I don’t think he’s quite big enough for some of the games he’s dabbling in. And that leaves us with…our one hope for fashion successes…and the award goes to AJ!!! He gets no respect otherwise, and if nothing else, the man can at least pull off a sweater better than his sacred, sterling brother.
Looking good and comfy – that’s our guy!
I’m really looking forward to the return of Emily Quartermaine…she always knew how to get funky and maybe her Pixie-Stick eating self will come back and save me from fashion depression!
Hope you all have a great week and feel free to e-mail me with any comments – I love to hear ‘em!
