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Comments through Friday, February 27, 2004
Watching GH is like watching a NASCAR race on TV. Sweeps are the hype at the beginning of the race while the days blend together with different scenes whizzing by like cars on a race track. zzzZZZZzzzzz…Sonny and Carly argue. zzzZZZZzzzzz…Emily is stuck in an elevator with Sam. zzzZZZZzzzzz…Maxie and Georgie tell off Tracey. zzzZZZZzzzzz…Jason throws glass. The scenes whip by at a lightning pace and some make more zip than others. Every once in a while a car crashes and burns (like a hotel fire) and others fizzle and limp off to the sidelines (Cameron and Alexis come to mind). The only difference is that this race never ends, it just restarts every once in a while. Several scenes whipped by me this week, with a few notable highlights. It was a big reveal that received no play. Buzzers should have sounded, lights should have flickered, while streamers and confetti fell from above. Did you catch it? It could be groundbreaking and important if it’s played correctly and I sincerely hope it wasn’t a tiny bone tossed into the ring of storyline madness. Carly said the actual words. She said…..are you ready?...she threatened to use Sonny’s breakdowns as a tool to obtain custody because she’s pretty sure that Sonny is…hold your breath… MANIC DEPRESSIVE. There! It’s out in the open and waiting for the writer’s to pick it up like a precious glass egg filled with believable scenes and storyline twists, hopefully respectful of the actor and the condition. Maurice Benard stated when Sonny experienced his last breakdown that he’d like to incorporate the condition into his storyline and see it go all the way where Sonny obtains help. Emily went to an actual cancer survivor meeting before her cancer magically disappeared because it was inconvenient to her love affair with Nik. Why can’t Sonny play MOB boss on meds? Can’t you picture Sonny in therapy? “Well, Doc, I’m a passionate kinda guy. I tell a woman I love her, we have sex. It’s really quite simple - as long as they don’t expect me to share my emotions, my life, or my business, I allow them to hang around. I yell a lot and throw glass. Women seem to like that.”
They’re streamers. I’m tryin’ to make a party here.
You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! When it comes to custody I’m on Michael’s side. Go live with Jason. Other than his pesky enforcer occupation, he’s the ideal parent. Sonny doesn’t care about custody enough to rein in his lust and Carly’s more worried about proving to Sonny that he doesn’t run her life so staying away from Lorenzo long enough to settle custody isn’t an option. So what if Sonny thinks he’s running the show? If Carly wanted her children she’d cater to Sonny’s control freak ego long enough to get her way and then do as she pleases after the court order is issued for shared custody. Sonny’s more worried about the thorn in his pride because his wife left him for another man than setting a good upstanding citizen example. Pfft! To them both!
The Daddy thing is complex, Michael. First Dr. Jones was your dad, then me, then A.J., then Sonny, now maybe me again. At what point, I wonder, will Lorenzo look at Carly and think I’m paying for your life, playing second fiddle to your not yet ex, and receiving crumbs of attention in return. I know he’s in love with her, obsessed with her, but the relationship appears to be majorly one-sided. I’m glad Carly’s stepping away from Sonny and his problems and hoping that their break up allows them both to grow as characters. Hopefully, Lorenzo won’t get used up and mowed under in the process.
Carly begs Lorenzo to get a haircut. “But Carly,” Lorenzo sighs, “pretty soon I can put it in a ponytail.” How many salvage boats boast a floating boudoir like Sam’s complete with beaded fringe pillows decorating the bed? I laughed at the pillows thinking of Sam waking in the morning with little bead marks imprinted down the side of her face. Despite her reassurances to Sonny regarding her noninvolvement and independence, I see her fascination with Sonny’s snazzy mobular packaging. He’s not in any way hooked on her, therefore, she’s drawn to him.
“Wow, Sam, this is way better than the Motel 6,” Sonny remarks. Being a
conscientious viewer I try really, really hard to figure out what’s
motivating a character. Even if I don’t agree, I make an effort to
understand where they’re coming from. With Sam this week, I lost it. She
receives a Four Star Duh Bunny Award. So Sam, the guy you’re fascinated
with is married, wading through a messy custody situation, and you feel a
need to visit his not yet ex-wife?
Carly’s right. Go back and play with Jax. When I work on this column usually I write the spoilers first, the beginning and ending, and then I work on the storyline paragraphs. As you can see, I worked on the Fab Four bits first this week. However, I’ve just been slam dunked by my son who suddenly remembered that his Spanish project on Ecuador is due on Monday. Since he needs help I am being forced to cut short my column. Doggonnit! I’ll probably explode by next week, unable to hold in the surfeit of words running around in my head. Realizing that I’ve only addressed the favored few, I offer the following pieces of what I wanted to talk about, lots of pictures, and an apology for not being more balanced.
Ask me anything. Can Sonny be any more disrespectful? I was ticked off and turned off when he showed up at Sam’s bordello and didn’t say a word but shed his jacket. Way to treat a woman like a hooker, Sonny.
I’m here. Let’s get naked. Finesse…NOT! The next time Lorenzo faces off with Alexis about murdering her brother I wish Alexis would throw in his face the fact that his suddenly saintly brother Luis blew up her sister and walked away from Alexis writhing in labor in the snow with no help in sight.
Could Alexis’ lack of enthusiasm for Carly’s custody case be any more apparent? When Jason threw the glass I wanted him to turn around and tell Sonny, “Ha! Beat you to it!”
Was it good for you, Jason? Sage’s good scene of the week played when Uncle Lorenzo bailed her out of the PCPD and reassured her that he loves her and isn’t planning to send her away. Good for him for making her feel worthwhile.
He loves her now. But what’s he going to say when Sage trades her leopard print minis for maternity clothes? Oops, mini spoiler. Maxie was a shining star of maturity as she comforted Georgie. Georgie was a fiery ball of angst when she told off Tracey. Points to them both for not falling for Tracey’s phony concern.
Maxie’s a teenager. She shouldn’t have to be the strong emotional support. My favorite lines of the week came from Skye when she told Luke, “Tracey’s no excuse to drink. Nothing’s an excuse to drink. I drink because I’m sick and when I stop that means I’m on my way to getting better.” I like that Skye’s alcoholism is presented as a real issue that she deals with in a real way. In between her adventures with Luke, of course.
I see plots hatching and battle strategies being planned. Aren’t ya wondering how Zander’s going to draw everyone into his “murder”?
Let the mind games begin! If Nikolas keeps getting arrested, he’s going to catch up with Jason’s record for number of times handcuffed and then released.
All he needs is a leather jacket. It’s a little silly for Courtney to think she can run waterfront property with no business experience, but I can buy into her rigid stance about what’s acceptable. When a person wants to change their behavior many times they make unrealistic goals like, “Tomorrow, I will exercise for two hours, do 200 sit ups, only eat vegetables and drink water.” (I used to try this mindset every time I ate a bunch of cookies or a huge bowl of ice cream, so I know.) Being traumatized by The Life, she’s now determined to 180 and become a stellar beacon of legitimacy.
Conversation 1,082,354 about why we can’t be together even though we still say we love each other. Loved Courtney’s pink/tan outfit. Couldn’t believe when she told Sam, “Take your trashy little homewreckin’ a** out of my office. Now. And don’t come back.” A little power rush, Courtney?
Courtney looked pretty darn good while she told Jax to buzz off. Hmm, Emily and Sam stuck in an elevator having a real conversation. Is it the beginning of a beautiful friendship or a filler scene leading nowhere in the maze of storylines?
And once, there was this time, when a photographer took my face and attached it to a naked body and then tried to blackmail me. And once I tried to fly off the roof of the Q mansion. And once I woke up next to a dead cop and my friends and I hid his body in a freezer. Want another chocolate? Scotty was corrupt but he wasn’t stupid. Why would he send an incriminating tape? Why not a picture of him sipping a drink on a boat named the Laura Baldwin? Luke would figure it out.
Dumb farewell, I thought. Justus needs more development. He rides the moral high ground with the Q’s but doesn’t have any qualms about working for Sonny. Gimme some believable motivation, some passion, and a couple character quirks.
So Justus, what’s your favorite TV show?
Bye-bye Eddie. I wish you well.
Talk about a good sport. Rebecca Herbst allowed all of daytime TV viewers to see a shot of her little girl. She’s famous and she isn’t even born yet. Spoilers make the world go round in our little Net community. Sonny and Carly feel betrayed by Jason. . (GHFF) Well, this must be a rough day in MOBville. Probably Jason instructs them that they can only have supervised visits with Michael and Morgan because he knows Carly and Sonny are not concerned about their children only with one upping the other. Sonny will stomp his Italian leather clad loafer and look for glassware, while Carly will spew lines about how Jason is her bestest friend and has never let her down until now. The Q's are cleared of responsibility for the fire. (GHH2) Who do you suppose Tracey paid off to make sure the Q’s came out smelling pretty? Without Scotty around I can’t figure out who’s corrupt and who isn’t. Except Ric who is a bankruptcy of corruption. After an accident, its a case of partial amnesia. Someone can't recall if they are a murderer....or not. .(GHH2) Oh, please tell me that Faith doesn’t push Liz down the stairs again making fuzzy memories of her one man murder spree on not dead, Zander. Katrina posted in her Scoop-a-holics! column last week that Tamara Braun and Ted King would visit the Wayne Brady show on Wednesday. Since Wayne Brady airs in my area after GH, I set the VCR to tape it and enjoyed a good laugh at their antics. It wasn’t really a Tamara and Ted visit Wayne show, it was a Wayne visits the set of GH and plays Soap Hunk with Tamara Braun show. Wayne donned Ted King’s hair and proceeded to yuck it up in a kissin’ couch scene with Tamara after being informed by Ted that “she doesn’t like tongue.” Remember the scene in which Carly informs Alkie that she can’t see him anymore and they sit on the couch while Lorenzo says he understands, plays with her hair, and they kiss? Wayne Brady with his comedic antennae turned on high jumped right in and gave it the old soapy try, redoing the scene several times when all involved broke up with laughter. The high point came at the end when Lorenzo’s long lost Black brother came to the door only to find his brother’s flame Carly who used to be his old flame Sheniqua who used to be Black in high school. It was funny but there was a little part of me hanging back thinking, “Watch it, Wayne. It’s OK for me to make fun because I love the show, but I don’t know about you.” The spot ended with Tamara Braun visiting the Wayne Brady Show to bring him a gift, his Ted King hair. It was fun to see the actors using their serious scene for a few light hearted minutes.
Remember this scene….
Now picture Wayne Brady in Lorenzo’s place with Lorenzo’s hair. This past week I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple necessary items like bread and the Soap Opera Digest on sale for $1.99. Our Wal-Mart is a super Wal-Mart which means that all the latest gadgetry in the retail world is installed for the consumers’ buying pleasure. The latest being the self-checkout aisles. A handy dandy Wal-Mart employee is assigned to the self checkout area and if a customer walks by looking for the ideal line, they attempt to lure them into the snare of self-checkout. I’ve used the self-checkout several times successfully, so I haven’t had any issues to relate until now. Scanning the magazine it made the satisfying checkout sound and I placed it in the bag. Next, I scanned the loaf of bread which popped right up on the little screen at a $1.09. I placed it in the bag and prepared to scan my last two items when the machine said something like, “Breakable item, please remove bag from bag stand.” I ignored it because the other two items I wanted to purchase were small and light and no threat to the bread. I scanned and…nothing. “Breakable item, please remove bag from bag stand.” Impatient because self-checkout is supposed to save me time, I informed the machine, “I don’t want to remove my bag, just scan.” I tried again. No dice and by this time the self-checkout helper lady walked over to me and said, “Oh, you have to remove the bag,” which she did probably thinking I was too stupid to understand instructions from the machine. The last two items scanned with no problem and I finished checking out while she held onto the bread bag like I was gonna go renegade on her and dare to add items to the bread bag. Now I don’t know about anyone else, but I do not appreciate being bossed by a machine, instructing me on how to place items in a bag. I am smart enough to decide for myself what I want to nestle next to my bread. Furthermore, control freak machines issuing verbal instructions, ought to be able to understand verbal replies, such as “no” and “…(oh shoot, I dare not type what I am thinking. Just insert the words of your choice equivalent to stick it where the sun don’t shine.)”. If Wal-Mart is going to tout the joys of modern technology, let’s go all the way and have two way communication. Somewhere in the technerd hierarchy there’s a guy on a power trip because, unless groceries are bagged according to his instructions, we aren’t gettin’ outta Wal-mart! Go forth and conquer. Do not be intimidated or fazed by self checkout or other electronic wizardry. In the end, we are invincible, because we hold the cash (or debit card). Thanks for reading.
Dreaming…Fantasizing.
http://www.internetbumperstickers.com/ A standing ovation to GH World, the best screen caps site around! http://groups.msn.com/GHWorld4
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You
try to negotiate custody with her. 
You
try to explain his motivations. 
And
then you make the tactical boo-boo of listening to the wronged wife’s
assessment of you as a naïve trollop not worth the water in which you
berth your boat. 
