This
week's Muse Column is provided by:
Chris
I can’t adequately express to you how disappointed I am in myself. Last weekend I finally had a fairly large block of time in my life to sit down and watch the 12 (count ‘em, 12!) days’ worth of General Hospital that I’d been avoiding for, oh, 12 days. In a last ditch effort to do anything BUT subject myself to this unfortunate boredom, I decided on one more tour around my cable channels to attempt to find ANYTHING that could even remotely entertain me more. Ironically, I ended up watching “Soap Dish” with Sally Field and Kevin Kline. Now granted, the movie takes soaps to an extreme but I was FINALLY satisfied by viewing something resembling a soap opera. And, as an added bonus, to top off the entire experience, Stephen Nichols graced my screen for a few fleeting moments at the end of the movie (this had to be more air time than he had on GH during his last 6 months on the show).
I truly hate that I’m beginning to dread rewinding my tape every night (or every 12 nights, as the case may be) to try to salvage something positive that apparently isn’t there. I’m honestly trying but I’m just not seeing much and I don’t WANT to be this way. Maybe I’ve got blinders on and I just need all of you to point out to me what’s good. I know that all of our opinions are different but it may help me (and even you) to hear what others are enjoying. I’ll even start the ball rolling with the only thing that I honestly like lately: Luke and Laura are back together (sorry, I stole the easy one).
Anyway, on to my “nits”.
- I love that Luke and Laura are communicating on the Nik issue. It’s been a touchy subject between them for many years now. It’s great to see that they’re handling it with a mutual respect that’s refreshing to watch.
- Now let me get this straight. Nik and the tribe drag around Dead Ted for weeks on end -- even stuffing him into a freezer -- and Nik’s worried about the implications of a mere bit of witness tampering? Considering the “punishment” they all got over poor Dead icicle Ted, the PCPD probably wouldn’t even slap young Nikky on the wrist for this bit of fluff. Oh, and by the way, just because Gia had some champagne doesn’t mean that she was actually drunk. (That statement in no way advocates drinking and driving.)
- And speaking of the young prince, Nik’s going to “bring someone in to handle the administrative duties” at GH? Isn’t this supposed to be Florence’s job?
- I’ll go ahead and say it. I want Liz and Lucky back together. But if it isn’t going to happen, please don’t let my “ick” factor kick in by having Lucky end up with Sarah. It’s just not right. At least in the case of Ned and Kristina (and mind you I hate saying those two names in the same sentence, but bear with me), Alexis and Ned were not together any more and claim no residual feelings of “love”, per se, for each other. Liz has flat out stated over and over to Sarah that she is still in love with Lucky. And why must we be subjected to yet another sister-boyfriend-sister triangle? Can’t the writers of this show come up with anything more original to do with Sarah if they insist on keeping her around? (What am I saying?!?!) I mean, if they’re going to rehash a storyline, can’t they at least go back a few months or so as opposed to serving us the same crap at the same time? Next thing we’ll be seeing is Amy trying to steal Luke away from Laura.
- While I think her dance on top of the brand new bar in the “high class” club was more than slightly lame, Elizabeth looked GREAT. I would venture to say that she’s lost all of the pregnancy weight. And her hair looks much better straight than in the bad perm look she’s been sporting. By the way, too bad Carly didn’t walk in during that scene. I’m sure that, at the very least, Carly would have slapped Lizzie with a hefty bill for a re-waxing of the bar.
- If Helena was a maximum security prisoner, why wasn’t she handcuffed to the bed? And if she could bribe two people to help her escape and procure for her a stealthy black outfit, why couldn’t she come up with some loot to get out of town? Where’s Andreas? Is he being held hostage somewhere with Reginald, Leticia, Johnny and Tammy? Or did Helena finally catch up with him for sending Stephan the recordings of Helena’s conversations while Stephan was supposedly dead?
- Helena has escaped and is on the loose in PC and Bobbie still feels that it’s safe to party at Club 101 with Scott? Who’s watching Lucas and is he still 7 years old?
- Why is it that when I saw Helena in the dive bar a la Carmen Sandiego, all I could think of was Marisa Tomei’s line to Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny: “Oh yeah. You blend.” ?
- Most common line said to Mac: “How could you let this happen?”
- Has anyone else noticed how horrid the “security” is in Port Charles every where you turn? Wyndemere is supposedly heavily guarded yet Helena seemed to get in, around and off Spoon Island without much effort in what must be a pretty conspicuous boat. Courtney and AJ seem to get past Sonny’s men with the lamest of disguises. Things seem to get “slipped” under Sonny’s door all the time (however, if they would give Johnny a line or two these things wouldn’t happen). Luke manages to get scrubs and into the room of a supposedly heavily guarded criminal. Alexis gets all the way down to the holding cell area where they’re holding Sonny before Taggert eventually catches up to her. So it isn’t just the PCPD that’s inept -- it’s everyone who’s supposed to be guarding anything or anyone.
- Everyone, or at least the most vocal fans it seems, rips on Alexis for the relationship that’s developing between her and Sonny. But why is it that no one has the same animosity towards Zander? Let’s face it, Zander is to Carly what Alexis is to Sonny. Yet which is actually worse: the way Sonny plays Alexis (because he actually KNOWS how she feels about him and continues to play with her head by sending her flowers and taking her on exotic trips) or the way Carly is with Zander (she’s actually kissed him twice AND is obviously jealous of any female that comes near the territory she seems to have marked with pee around him -- animal reference, I apologize if I didn’t say that exactly right).
- When did Sonny get a pinky ring?
- I’m having a hard time with the fact that Sonny constantly accuses AJ of being an alcoholic yet just about every time you see Sonny he has a drink in his hand. Not to mention the fact that Sonny claims he can’t sleep without a hell of a lot of alcohol in his system. Pot? Meet Kettle.
- Alexis’ referring to Sonny constantly as “my client” is way past old. New line, please.
- And who’s been dressing Alexis lately? Her dress for the club opening was hideous. The gray suit she’s been wearing the past few days makes her look pregnant.
- So the “deal” is off between Jax and Zander? Another 2 second storyline bites the dust.
- Can we please SORAS Courtney? The actress doesn’t necessarily bother me but if she’s going to be 20 (did you all know that?) then maybe she should be given lines that are age appropriate.
- Hold on. Courtney can see that Carly is transparent but can’t see that AJ is? Is this girl the absolute WORST judge of character that’s hit PC in a while?
- Why would Maxie go to a place to buy beer where she KNOWS that the owner knows her? And since when do bars sell six packs? Get thee to a convenient store. (By the way, can anyone explain why they changed the actress who plays Maxie? This one doesn’t look any older than “Old Maxie” and certainly doesn’t hold a candle to her acting wise. Just curious.)
- Bobbie’s boobs look like she’s carrying around two solid spheres of cement. Do they look just plain painful to anyone else but me?
- Finally, has anyone else noticed that the picture of Alan in the opening credits is about 70 pounds ago?
I feel a little better but would really prefer to say more positive things. Please let me know what YOU like about GH. I’ll share in my next column.
Thanks for reading.
Chris
