GH Epiphany
By Minda

Have you ever been doing something so completely non-soap related, and had the most brilliant thought - a thought that, all by its self, totally sums up your thoughts on your beloved soap? It happened to me today - right there in aisle three of the grocery store, among the shampoo and hair coloring. General Hospital finally made sense. I finally would be able to sit through a full hour without having to fast forward. I know, I know - you're all jealous and wish I would just get with it - right? Well, here goes. 

It suddenly hit me just how similar General Hospital is to my long time favorite sitcom, Three's Company. Three's Company was the forbidden fruit for me. My parents, stict religous southerners, thought that it was an immoral show completely based on sex. Thank goodness they were right! And thank goodness that my best friend's mother was an immoral heathen that more than welcomed me around their television! It was sinfully funny, and my side would hurt from laughing when I finally wandered home. What does Three's Company have to do with the current state of General Hospital? Oh, I am so glad you asked. 

That little 'love loft' of Courtney and Jason's has forever reminded me of something, but it took me until today to figure out what. Everyone, say it together, "the apartment shared by Chrissy, Janet and Jack." I know, this is a loft and that was a two-bedroom apartment, but there is something about that door and the decorating that screams 'Three's Company'. That and those 1970s velour jogging suits that Courtney so frequently adorns herself with. I'm really surprised that it took me this long to figure it out, because now I can see clearly how the roles on General Hospital have been re-molded to meet the Three's Company Standard.  

Courtney is Chrissy Snow (I know, Mike is a far cry from the minister father that Chrissy had, but just imagine the minister fell off the wagon and gambled away the church coffers). How is Courtney like Chrissy? For starters, the blinding blonde hair and the, um, ta-tas. We can't forget how Three's Company tried to play up the size of those ta-tas by putting Chrissy in too-small tops, just as GH does Courtney. Just last week, we saw Courtney in a shirt that barely restrained her ta-tas while wearing her hair long and staight with twin knots on each side. I believe it was Sage or Dayna (of EOS Fashion Police) that commented on how that particular hairstyle was more appropriate for the third grade. Personally, I think it was perfect for Courtney's Chrissy Snow persona. It's more than a physical similarity for me. Chrissy Snow was always getting herself into some kind of trouble in which she relied on her friends to get her out of. Chrissy was somewhat of a klutz - falling in the bathtub, running into stuff, etc. Chrissy Snow was always the one who 'stole' Janet's boyfriends. Who is Janet? Do you really have to ask? 

Elizabeth is Janet, albeit a new and improved version of the 70s character. Elizabeth is the petite brunette that is never fully appreciated by those around her. She is often overlooked (probably because she doesn't have the massive ta-ta's like her friend Chrissy). She usually loses her man to her buxom friend Chrissy - yes, even their 'roommate' Jack would prefer to bed Chrissy. Who is Jack? 

Why, Jack is Jason, of course (their names even start with the same letter, just as Chrissy/Courntey). I don't think that Jack actually killed anyone through his cooking, but I do believe that in one episode he thought that he had! Jack has always had a lot of pent up sexual anxiety. He rarely gets to let off enough 'steam'. Their are rumors that he is gay (just ask Prince Joe!), and that that is the reason that he hasn't been able to let off steam. He has to hide his desire to be with Chrissy, because he would lose everything (job & friendship for Jason, place to live for Jack) if it were to be discovered. Everyone who watched Three's Company knew that Mr. Roper was always on the lookout for any sexual involvement, just so he could destroy Jack's life. 

Sonny is Mr. Stanley Roper (notice the first names again Sonny/Stanely). Stop laughing! I'm not going to compare Sonny and Mr. Roper PHYSICALLY, although I don't find either of them appealing - I'm being nice for those of you who DO. Mr. Roper was a controlling man, who thought that because he was the landlord (insert mob boss & Chrissy's brother) that it was his duty to protect the virtue of the girls that lived up stairs. He, unlike Sonny (only because Sonny always sought other 'outlets' for his steam, while Mr. Roper was generally loyal to his wife), was sexually frustrated because of his frequent fights with his wife Mrs. Roper. 

Ahhhhh, Mrs. Helen Roper has to be Carly. Work with me people!!! Carly and Mrs. Roper both defended the right of the girls (Courtney) to have the freedom to choose who they wanted to be with, even if it was Jack (Jason). Mrs. Roper always knew that Jack wasn't gay, but they never REALLY explained how she knew that - did they?! Now you know, they probably had had a previous relationship. Mrs.Roper was always upsetting her husband with her defense of Jack and the girls. She gave out some pretty decent advice to the girls, and occasionally to Jack and Larry - do you remember him? Larry was the sex-crazed nut that lived up stairs from Jack and the girls. Who is General Hospital's version of Larry? 

Coleman, of course! Larry would do anything to be surrounded by half-naked ladies. He probably never thought of opening a strip club, or if he did that was one of the episodes that I missed thanks to my puritanical parents. Larry had the major hots for Chrissy, but really wasn't picky about women. Larry frequently got drunk, or tried to get women drunk. He was a used car salesman with very low morals. Once, he even slept with Jack's former girlfriend Lana. You remember Lana, right? She was the older red head that had the hots for Jack, and sometimes Larry. 

Who is Lana? Has to be Skye. I know it's a stretch, since Skye believed that she was Jason's sister, but bear with me! Lana slept with desperate Larry to get even with Jack (for this comparison, pretend I said Jack was Jax - not too hard, right?). She was extremely hot for Jack, but he was too busy with the other women in his life to notice Lana, so she used Larry as a consolation prize.

I could go on forever, but in the interest of time and space I probably shouldn't. I hope by now that I have at least inspired you all to look at General Hospital in a new way, and to look at Courtney as the comic element of GH - just as Chrissy was for Three's Company. I know that I will never be able to look at her the same way again!

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