This week's Muse Column is provided by:

(Note from Katrina:  This is not our "In a Lather" columnist, Chris Simons, who is on hiatus.  
This is another wonderful Chris!))

                    I just spent the weekend trying to catch up on 4 weeks worth of General Hospital (minus the two days when my tape ran out and I didn’t know it but it doesn’t seem to have made much of a difference).  Let me just say that until there’s a new regime in town, don’t attempt this unless you’re begging to be beaten into a coma.

                    There are, however, a few glimmers of hope for some decent entertainment IF the storylines are handled with anything other than a hatchet.  So, what the heck, I’ll actually start on a rare positive note.

·        AJ and Courtney have the most potential of ANY couple in Port Charles (disclaimer:  I don’t watch “Port Charles” so read accordingly).  Most people are assuming (so I will too because I really like the sound of it) that AJ will actually fall in love with Courtney.  The possible story “fingers” spreading out from this pairing could be huge if SOMEONE WOULD PLEASE JUST TOSS US A FREAKIN’ BONE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.  The relationships that would have to develop between Sonny and AJ, the Q’s and Sonny, AJ and Michael COULD be great.  Let the imagination flow.  Forget the “Pretty Woman” angle.  In my opinion, this could be the best “Romeo and Juliet” scenario since Luke and Laura.  And, although I reserve the right to change my mind on this at any time, I like the character of Courtney.  Unlike a good chunk of the newbies thrown at us lately, this chick has flaws.  Now, granted, she gets a tad whiny at times but, please, whoever claims they weren’t whiny at 20 is a big fat liar.  Billy Warlock has FINALLY been given SOMETHING to work with and it’s obvious that he’s running with it.  I admit (please don’t hurt me) to previously being fairly ambivalent towards him but I have truly seen the light.  (And if the AJ/Courtney pairing doesn’t work out, can we figure out a way that AJ and Skye aren’t related?  Talk about chemistry.  These two together are amazing.)

·        Okay.  Another positive comment.  I love that Luke and Laura are reuniting.  I don’t CARE that it happened so quickly on the heels of the Fluke fiasco (which, by the way, I’d like to erase with a Dallas/Bobby Ewing shower scene, please).  All I care about is that it’s happening.  Let’s ignore the fact that I’m a HUGE L&L fan from back in the Campus Disco days.  Color me boring, but I just want to see a happy, stable, FUN couple.  Now there ARE several couples who have been around PC for a while but I dare anyone to classify them as “stable” or even “fun.”  Alan and Monica?  I don’t have enough time to even BEGIN to delve into that dysfunction.  Edward and Lila?  She’s stable.  He isn’t.  Am I missing anyone?  If any two actors can make “couplehood” exciting and fun to watch, it’s GOT to be Genie Francis and Tony Geary -- if they are given halfway decent material to work with.  Again, am I asking too much?

·        I’m about to open a very large can of worms here but it’s a subject that’s been bugging me for a while now.  I am, obviously, one of the few (scared) GH fans who doesn’t want to see Sonny and Carly reunite.  (However, please note, I don’t want Sonny to get together with Alexis either - except for a possible quick one night stand to take a little of the edge off of Alexis, if you know what I mean.)  I don’t happen to think that Sonny is GOOD for Carly.  Don’t get me wrong.  I LIKE Sonny.  However, I also like the direction the character of Carly is headed -- she’s more confident, more relaxed, more of an example of a strong woman.  But every time Carly has dealings with Sonny, I feel like I’m watching Sarah Brown stomp across the stage and the character becomes grating, self-righteous, possessive and obnoxious.  Not exactly a positive female role model.  Again, is a strong woman (like a stable, fun couple) such a bad thing?  Does this automatically translate into boring?  And can anyone actually explain to me WHY Sonny and Carly should get back together?  How is this good for Carly?  To be put in a position where she’s sent to her room every time Benny or Alexis walks in the door?  To consistently be called on the carpet to explain your every action or word?  I wouldn’t want to live that way.  Pair Carly up with someone who SHE deserves -- not someone who’s required to submit to a control freak.  And how is a Sonny/Carly reunion good for Sonny?  He flat out doesn’t trust her.  TO ME, that’s a pretty big relationship no-no.  But again, just my opinion.

Now for some miscellaneous thoughts:

·        Okay.  So Lucky FINALLY got around to seeing Kevin (who, I understand, has been busy with his own little life and near-death in PC).  Is it me or is it POSSIBLE that Lucky’s “love for Elizabeth” hasn’t been erased but merely REPRESSED?  I mean, Helena is good but do we really think she’s THAT good?  Can someone maybe call Gail?

·        Isn’t there an age limit for SORAS-ing a character?  Isn’t Sarah Webber the same age as Nik, if not younger?  Do they have an accelerated college/medical school program in Europe?  One day she’s a senior in high school and seemingly the next day she’s an intern immediately noticing that Elizabeth has a collapsed lung?  Please.

·        I’m not even going to say everything that deserves to be said about “The Accident.”  There is absolutely nothing positive to say about this.  From Max getting all of the lines that SHOULD have been Johnny’s to Taggert ordering a nurse to get a blood alcohol test “stat”?  Is he a cop or a doctor?  He must be a doctor because they certainly aren’t letting him play a convincing cop.  One thing IS for sure -- there’s so much procedurally wrong with this mess that it stuns me that Alexis hasn’t yet buried the PCPD with a barrage of complaints.  Whoever wrote this crap should be forced to watch it.  Geez, Gia’s hair even looked better AFTER The Accident than it did before.  I really hate it when the writers think we’re idiots.

·        Ned’s dimples are so deep they must come out the back of his head.  I just need a private moment to dwell on that...

·        Be still my heart.  There’s been a lot of talk of Jerry Jacks lately.  (And, gratefully, once was Sonny reminding Jax of the HUGE favor he did by getting Jerry out of town.)  Is there hope that Jerry might be coming back?  Does anyone know what Julien Stone is up to?  Is this also too much to ask?


·        Angel has, finally, been deleted from the opening credits after hanging around in them for twice as long as she was actually on the show.  But couldn’t they have left Stephen Nichols on for just a little longer?  Surely his YEARS on GH rate that.  And why was Helena axed?  Just because she HAPPENS to be behind bars temporarily doesn’t mean she’s out of the picture.  We all know better than that.

·        After the kiss between Carly and Zander, I’m really surprised that her daydream on the pool table was about Sonny.  Although the shirt Sonny was wearing during the scene looked remarkably like the one that Zander had been wearing...

·        Has anyone else noticed that NuNik is a hugger?  I swear this guy hugs everyone he comes in contact with.  And he’s adopted the patented Maurice Benard “stare off into space” look.  MB can pull it off.  NuNik should look for his own angle.  Or at least look at a different spot.

·        Skye has the most style of anyone on this show.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin to LOOK for a light blue clutch to match my light blue sweater set and pants.  Can we have her hang out with Laura for a while?

·        Why is Jax wearing a wedding ring in the still shot scenes during the intermission where he’s holding the champagne glass (you know, those black and white and yellow clips)?  Could it actually be that they took these pictures during the 20 minutes he was married to Alexis?

·        What was up with Laura’s saddle bags?  And is there anything else in there besides the toy gun?  I didn’t even see a lump for a toothbrush.  I carry more on me when I go from the downstairs to the upstairs in my house.

·        What ever happened to Carly’s supposed pregnancy? Add this one to the ever-growing list of lost opportunities/storylines in the past year plus.

·        Did we ever hear where Jason disappeared to? 

·        And what about Rosco?  He was just a little too easily disposed of for someone who was so easy on the eyes, if you ask me.  Not much of a threat, I guess.  Too bad.

·        Let’s add another name to the long list of talented actors that have wasted their valuable time at GH:  Jensen Buchanan.  This is a bigger crime than the lame storyline.  If you’ve watched her in the past week and a half (when she’s all of a sudden become the Angel of Death) you’ve been able to see what she’s capable of.  It’s just a shame.

·        And speaking of a shame, Stephen Nichols’ exit was embarrassing.  This man deserved SO much more than what he was tossed at the last minute.  The only scene that was even BARELY worthy of him was when he said good-bye to Alexis.  I admit to tears.

·        Hey, who’s living in Brenda’s cottage?

·        And now, my award for the most positive thing to come from JFP’s reign at GH:  the end of the opening montage where Luke and Laura’s faces appear on the screen together.  I’m still not tired of it.  (Although this is a pretty sad commentary on JFP’s work product, if you really think about it...) 

I feel cleansed.  Thanks for reading!



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