On the First Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

A can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Second Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Third Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Fourth Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Fifth Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Sixth Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Six Q's a-fightin',

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Seventh Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Seven hunks a-strippin,

Six Q's a-fightin'

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Eighth Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Eight tan sessions for Liz,

Seven hunks a-strippin,

Six Q's a-fightin'

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Nine limo rides with Sonny,

Eight tan sessions for Liz,

Seven hunks a-strippin,

Six Q's a-fightin'

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Ten year contract for Elton,

Nine limo rides with Sonny,

Eight tan sessions for Liz,

Seven hunks a-strippin,

Six Q's a-fightin'

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,

Eleven dresses from Skye's closet,

Ten year contract for Elton,

Nine limo rides with Sonny,

Eight tan sessions for Liz,

Seven hunks a-strippin,

Six Q's a-fightin'

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas,

Bob Guza gave to me,.....(deep breath, now)

Twelve hours each with Jax and Zander,

Eleven dresses from Skye's closet,

Ten year contract for Elton,

Nine limo rides with Sonny,

Eight tan sessions for Liz,

Seven hunks a-strippin,

Six Q's a-fightin'

Five days-'n-nights with Coleman,

Four fatty meals for Carly,

Three of Courtney's coats,

Two kicks at Brenda,

And a can of Dapper Dan for Son-ny!

Whew!