January 28, 2004

In anticipation of glamour, gowns and gossip, I was thrilled to sit down with notebook in hand on Sunday night to view the 61^st Annual Golden Globe Awards.  Traditionally less formal than the Oscars and inclusive of television as well as film nominations, the Globes are often regarded as a ceremony focused on fashion. Folks who make a living predicting Hollywood trends were calling for an abundance of color and high glamour during this year’s stage show.  Some stars fell short and some hit the mark and you can bet that I had no trouble being the judge and jury on that.   

I always feel a certain amount of pride when daytime vets make it to the red carpet.  Congratulations to Amber Tamblyn (former Emily, GH) for her nomination and for choosing an especially lovely gown.  She arrived with her father and looked absolutely lovely, with curly long hair mimicking the train of her pale corseted gown.   I loved it.  Josh Duhamel (former Leo, AMC) was a presenter at the ceremony and arrived at InStyle magazine’s after-party with girlfriend, Kristy Pierce (and her boobs, who evidently couldn’t wait to get out and join in the festivities – yikes!).  Josh played it safe with a well-tailored tux, white shirt and black tie.  But then, who needs to go daring when you have a face like that? Party on, Josh.    

So who was the best? Who was the worst?  I have a hard time judging the men because they’re all dressed up in fabulous suits and tuxedos and frankly I’m such a sucker for a man in a suit that they all tend to make a marvelous impression.  It’s hard to choose.  Eric Mc Cormack (Will, Will and Grace) wore a red tie and I found it gorgeous. Bernie Mac wore a wedding-ish vest and tie and it was…very Bernie Mac.  Johhny Depp wore a brown vagabond pinstripe with a derby hat, and it was atrocious, but alas, also very Johnny Depp.  It matters not what he wears, for he is the Captain and always very extra special gorgeous.  His girlfriend/motherofhischildren Vanessa Paradis wore some insane black ruffled goth get-up that must have been very Vanessa Paradis, otherwise her stylist should perish in polyester sparked flames.   

Johnny and Vanessa

Trudy & Sting

Sting showed up with his shirt unbuttoned down to there, but he’s still as hot as 1985, so that’s okay with us.  I love Matt LeBlanc (Joey, Friends) more than life, but I could have stood to have seen him in something a little more casual, maybe like Sting…hehe – how you doin’?  Like I said, I take no issue with the men.  Suits pretty much work for all of them and they don’t have much to really consider besides a tie choice and a tailor (um, Demi…would you do us all a favor and let Ashton know that the re-emergence of 1978 fashion ended last year and we’re completely through with his bellbottoms and ultra-wide lapels?  Thanks girly – we luv ya!)   

I watch Sex and the City and pretend that Carrie’s is the life that I would have led had I not had a hundred kids before I was thirty.  Sarah Jessica Parker is sigh, simply a fashion icon, so how delighted was I to read that after accepting her Golden Globe, she confessed that she had selected her grey Karl Lagerfeld gown because it resembled the Empire State Building.  “It’s my favorite building”, said our darling Sarah, proving the depth of her love for the fifth girlfriend on the show, which..duh, if you didn’t know..is the city!  Love my Carrie, er, uh .. Sarah!  The rest of the SATC cast wore a bevy of pastels, with Kim Cattral leading the pack in a 1969 vintage Valentino.  The pink gown accentuated all her positives and she did a great job of matching the hair with the gown’s style.  Bravo, Kim. Cynthia Nixon, in pale blue satin Luca Luca, and Kristen Davis in a too peachy beige Prada didn’t do nearly as much justice to their gorgeous selves.   

   
Isn’t she….PRETTY in PINK?  

In other “We Worked It” news, Queen Latifah looked like the absolute bomb-diggety.  Proving that you really and truly don’t have to be a size 2 to make ‘em say “Hey Ya”, the Queen shook it like a Polaroid picture in pink chiffon.  You just freakin’ go, guuurrrl.    

And who had the BEST of the best?  The greatest gowns?   Who could overlook Christina Ricci?  She arrived on the red carpet in 1960’s Madame Grey Haute Couture, a simple black dress that slung sensuously over one shoulder.  With her petite but buxom frame, Christina knew that simplicity did the trick in making her appear sexy yet entirely classy.   What a stylish choice.  

Christina (not Aguilera)

Brittany (not Spears)

Brittany Murphy chose the most photogenic gown that has possibly ever existed.  She admitted to Joan Rivers that she was going for “a Jean Harlowe look” when she chose the pale green and silver confectionary Dolce and Gabbana.  She certainly achieved an element of old Hollywood that screamed glamour when she strode onto the stage.  The sequins sparkled and her face echoed enthusiasm that said “Oh yeah, Just Married”, I’ll top YOU, yet.   

Over on the “I’m so over you” side of the fence, Uma Thurman was far more convincing than Jennifer Lopez.  Uma wowed the crowd with an amazing purple satin Versace while J-Lo went humdrum in a cantaloupe hued Michael Kors.  Granted, Uma’s had a little more time to acclimate to the single life, but I’d venture to say that Jenny’s stylists didn’t come from the Block.  They couldn’t have done better than that?  With hips that looked too hippy and hair that looked too drippy, Miss Lopez’s big news was the show of her nippy(s), cuz it were cold out in Calif-orn-I-A. 

Uma works it.

You can see through Jennifer’s top.

And as long as we’re categorizing the competitors, let’s go for the pregnancy fashions.  Debra Messing is ready to birth today I believe, while Cate Blanchett has a few months to go.  While months certainly make a difference in the size of the bump (or hump, as it may go), do they contribute to a fashionista’s ability to select appropriate awards wear?  I thought Debra’s Isaac Mizrahi gown and coat was a little vampy and maybe a bit too buttoned up and wintry, while Cate made the most of her maternal mojo with  deep red.  I’m also not real keen on ponytails (unless of course, you’re doing laundry, dropping your already borns off at school or actually in the act of giving birth..) while Ms. Blanchett’s retro wave up-do was appealing in a sea of overtly undone hair.  The Brit takes the cake, and the tea.  Mummy dearest, indeed.   

 
Debra misses while Cate hits. Happy Mommy-ing! 

I’m usually a great big fan of Jennifer Aniston.  She has a casual, simple style that rarely fails.  Unfortunately, on the night of the Golden Globes she left her most gorgeous accessory at home (that’d be Brad Pitt), and also wore a Valentino gown that appeared backwards with a bra strap running across her ribcage. I’m probably being picky though, because I expect a lot from her.  Her hair was floppy and practically flat which says something of her laid back, Cali-girl ways, but not much for a gal on the red carpet in Valentino.  Get thee some Goody bobby pins my dear, and put that business up, UP I say!  I was also fairly aghast when I saw Renee Zellweger.  Not for the twenty plus pounds she’s gained for the filming of the Bridget Jones’ Diary sequel, but for the way she squeezed herself into that navy Caroline Herrera.  What, was it, 2 sizes too small?  Cleavage isn’t always fabulous when it’s oozing out at all angles… Her flat hair spoke too much of being on a plane for ten hours, so I sincerely hope that’s what she was doing prior to her arrival at the ceremony.  Blech.   

Two of my girls go wrong on me… 

Two of the evening’s greatest fashion victims have to be Diane Keaton and Scarlett Johannsen.  While we have grown to expect no less from Diane, someone really should have told Scarlett darling that underwear as outerwear isn’t doable, especially when it’s two sizes too small.  I so hate the corset dresses and their awful grandmotherly beige-ness and I’m ready for everyone to just STOP wearing them.  Her pin-curls were also particularly unattractive. I’m also ready for Diane Keaton to just stop with the gloves, and the pearls, and the whatever hell else that mess is. A travesty, squared.   

AAAGGHH!

Honorable style shout outs go to Gwen Stefani for having a great dress that I would kill or die for (but the hair…oh, how the hair is overprocessed) and Nick and Jessica. Nick and Jessica just because they’re cute and Jessica had a great Chanel gown with a neck/flower thing that you can’t see in the picture (but I couldn’t post one without Nick, because…well, I love Nick).  I’m not sure that they served any other purpose than cuteness and that great Chanel gown, and Nick’s hotness.  Love my Newlyweds. 

I’m sure Gwen would love to hear that she’s lumped with Jessica Simpson.  Tee-hee. Me, on the other hand…would SO not mind being lumped (or bumped or humped) with Nick Lachey. 

And so it now comes down to the inevitable selection of best and worst.  It’s a no-brainer.  You know who I’ve overlooked among the big names.  There was Nicole and then there was Charlize.  Nicole went with a Salome¢ (pfft) inspired gold coin Yves St. Laurent design that fairly well designated Yves St. Laurent should be out of the design business.  It was a horror that managed to make a perfectly breathtaking woman look like an idiot.  I don’t know if it was the knowledge that she was reading Tom Cruise’s name aloud, or hearing that Lenny Kravitz was partying in Miami with Michelle Rodriguez, but something altogether bad prompted her to also tie a Christmas ribbon around her too blonde head.  Gasp and horrors, she was the worst.   

Though I haven’t seen the movie, I have heard from no less than a billion people that Charlize is more than a jaw-dropping face and 20 extra pounds in Monster.  She’s reportedly brilliant, and brilliant she was on Sunday.  In a Christian Dior designed yellow chiffon number that made her look more golden than 24 carats ever could, Charlize earned every bit of red carpet sensationalism.  One day with a body like that, in a dress like that, and I don’t know….I would either conquer the world or stare at myself in the mirror all day.   

 
It was zee best of times, it was zee worst of times….
Gorgeous Charlize scores a ten, while Gorgeous Nicole just looks like a lunatic.  

I hope you enjoyed your walk back through Golden Globe fashions.  I’d love to hear if you agree or disagree with my opinions so drop me a line if you’re so inclined.  And please come back next month because the Oscars are JUST around the corner!!!