February 2, 2004

For living in a football town (Go Ravens!) my household was remarkably unexcited about this year’s Super Bowl match-up.  With neither the New England Patriots or the Carolina Panthers posing a particular divisional rivalry or threat to our beloved boys in ahem,..purple, it just wasn’t the celebration that it has been in the past.  Still, there were the commercials and the hope that it wouldn’t be an outright scoring blowout.  I managed to hit the grocery store with a vengeance on Saturday and came up with a passable menu for the festivities.  We had a fridge full of beer and hard cider (yum!) and along with a few buddies (and the kids until we could claim it a reasonable hour for bed) we nestled into the couch for hard-hitting gridiron action and cool commercials.   

I was SO not expecting to generate a column’s worth of commentary over the course of the evening.  If J-Lo had driven on to the field in her Bentley at halftime and married P-Diddy, I honestly don’t think it would have caused as much ruckus as Janet Jackson’s damn boob.  Thankfully, the children had been nestled all snug in their beds just prior to the end of the second quarter (because frankly the last thing I need is my five year old with newfound ambition to sing like Kid Rock; he’s impressionable, that one).  With a barbecue sparerib in hand and a drink on the table beside me, I was grooving along with Nelly and wondering aloud at network television (not to mention the stuffed shirts at the NFL) for allowing the performance of “Hot in Herre”.  Yeah, yeah – I’m getting old but alarms go off in my mommy mind when I consider the potential number of preteens sitting there deciphering “I wanna take my clothes off” for the first time.  Ah well, we pat ourselves on the back for finagling the early bedtimes and just keep on dancing along (well, I do anyway…the husband is just rolling his eyes and wishing Beavis and Butthead still hosted the halftime Butt-Bowl).   Then appear Janet and Justin.  It’s a powerhouse match-up and the gossip queen in me perks up.  Weren’t these two getting freaky with each other last year?  Cozying up in bars and being Hollywood’s next potential Demi/Ashton before Hollywood even knew it had a Demi/Ashton?  OK, well I’m a little shocked that they’re performing together (and I was promised shock, right?), but I’m guessing that most folks aren’t down with tabloid fodder and don’t even realize that Cameron Diaz must be having a complete duck watching them bump and grind.  They are hot…yeah, it’s a decent show if not exactly what I’d use for the Super Bowl.  I make the out loud prediction that they’ll be tonguing each other by the end of the song because who woulda thunk that he’d actually get her naked?  And then, he yanked her shirt off.  Well, half her shirt.  Or bra.  Whatever it was…her boob came out.  And the camera cut away so immediately that I was left only with the startling image of Janet and something silver glinting over her nipple.  “Oh my gosh, was that her real boob?”  was all I managed and then we all fell into a sort of stunned silence.  

 Finally, a word from my husband, “She just did that to take the media’s attention off her pervert brother.”   

A sage word from our best pal Jay, “She’s got a new album coming out – they were trying to upstage Britney and Madonna”.  

 And the increasingly eloquent me, “She just showed her boob!”   

Cause I, gotta have you naked by the end of this song

(For real, girl) 

Upon close inspection, you can see that what appeared from a distance to be a pastie, was in fact some type of nipple jewelry.  There is a barbell (oh, ouch) type piercing that holds the sun in place.  That’s no pastie…it’s definite nipple.   

Immediately following the performance, Justin Timberlake issued a statement expressing regret at the “wardrobe malfunction”.  Yeah…uh huh.  He also added flippantly, when speaking to an Access Hollywood reporter, “[We love to make you guys talk.]”   

Following the game, CBS and the NFL made the requisite “we are embarrassed by this and God knows we knew nothing about it” statements.  MTV (who produced the halftime show) denied involvement.  Today the FCC announced their plans for a federal investigation into the performance. While the brass shirked responsibility, Janet Jackson finally made a statement on Monday night suggesting that the stunt had not been rehearsed and was added at the last minute.  A representative from her official website added that a piece of red material worn beneath the leather bustier was supposed to have remained on her breast.  Uh, sure.  Well, I guess it’s a good thing she was wearing that freak-ass sun thingy, just in case the red material got caught up with the black leather when Justin was fumbling around with velcro attachments.   

On one hand, I think…sheesh, it was just a woman’s breast.  On the other hand, I think it’s all about the context of the breast (and she wasn’t whipping it out to feed anyone, though JT was lookin’ three shades of huh-ungry) and it’s right about time for one of the government agencies to perform.  There was no rating on the program and the exposure happened before 10pm.  That’s a definite legal problem and a source of stumbling explanations for parents who innocently thought to enjoy a sporting event with their kids. I’m mostly offended by the fact that a sporting event turned into a celebrity publicity spectacle, as if professional sports needed any help in that area.  From the staggering accusations against Kobe Bryant to the much more minor discovery that Sammy Sosa used a corked bat, the pros needed absolutely no assistance in furthering their raunch factor.  While it didn’t reflect on the athletes directly, it is another breach of trust between the public and the entertainment industry.  When I turn on MTV or HBO, I expect to see L’il Kim or one of the Sex and the City gals in all her glory.  When I opt for sports, I’d like it to be a little more wholesome and much less naked.  With a side of Pete Rose and his gambling habits if I must. The bottom line is that Janet made a boob of herself.  She sure didn’t need to do that to generate record sales, though it sure generated a ton of negative press.  I could get into the larger question of how much more of this “top this” obscenity our culture will take before it becomes fed up with the increasing crassness of celebrity.  I could, but I won’t because I’m as guilty as anyone who gets a charge out of US magazine having pictures of Colin and Angelina riding her kid around on a camel in Egypt.  Why, I dunno…but there it is.  Just warn me when my football gets mixed up in ass next time, alright? 

From what I gathered, it was a great football game.  Down to the final seconds, the teams were neck in neck and playing their hearts out.  For the record, we were pulling for Carolina and were just impressed that they managed to hang in there like they did.  It’s too bad no one cared much after halftime, that boob being at the front of everyone’s shocked brains.  

Photos courtesy of the Drudge Report.