and his name shall be... Ryan Lavery!

Introducing the guest writers who sing for us "when the Muse strikes"

September 24, 2005
By Emeraldax

Ryan was wondering who would wake up – good Jonathan or bad Jonathan.  The thing is, how would he really know?  Jonathan has proven time and again that he is able to completely fool anyone into thinking he is sweet and innocent.  I hope the writers continue that aspect of Jonathan, when he comes back to town.  The citizens of Pine Valley aren’t going to be able to know for sure whether he really has taken a turn for the good – why should we?  Keep us guessing for awhile.  For some viewers, he will never be redeemed.  And the writers should not go overboard to try and change their mind.  I, for one, do not like blatant manipulation that involves Greek Choruses coming out of nowhere to proclaim a particular character as holy and without spot or wrinkle – for instance all the people who came out of the woodwork a couple of weeks ago to sing praises to Babe for saving her son’s life.  Having a character do a good deed is one thing – having other people go on and on and on about it just ticks me off.  Sledgehammers give me a headache. 

Greenlee’s grief was put on hold by her excitement over the baby plan, and now it is pushing its way out again.  I was disgusted by Ryan’s idea to have Erin call Greenlee.  On what planet was this a good idea?  Forcing Erin to lie to Greenlee over the phone.  Getting Greenlee’s hopes up that she can connect with a member of Ryan’s family, only to have Erin blow her off.   

I couldn’t get over seeing Kendall and Greenlee at Fusion!  So they remember where the building is.  Greenlee went back into mini-megalomaniac mode and Kendall had to smack her down.  I loved how Kendall said that if she got any action, it wouldn’t be in the back of a car.  I started channeling Dr. Seuss.  “They will not do it in the car.  How about behind the bar?  Will they, will they on a cot?  In the sauna, steaming hot?  How about the famed boat house?  Buttons flying off her blouse?  I really want to see them do it.  Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it.”  Umm…somehow Madonna crept in there.  Never mind. 

I think one of the funniest things about Greenlee is how she just blurts stuff out.  It got worse when she was on the anti-psychotics, but that was just a hyped up version of her usual self.  My favorite term for this is “verbally incontinent” (nod to Bridget Jones Diary).  Sometimes it’s a good thing, like her revealing to Zach about Kendall’s growing feelings for him (although I suppose Kendall wouldn’t agree that it was good).  Sometimes it is bad, like in the previews for next week when she tells Kendall that she knew she couldn’t trust her.  Whatever she is thinking at that moment, no matter how illogical or possibly hurtful, comes right out. 

I was so scared that we were going to find out that Greenlee’s eggs didn’t make it, and Kendall was going to offer up one of her own.  Damn that was close.  I have no idea what Greg and Hazel were talking about (okay, I have my theories), but I doubt it was about that…..Oh, who am I kidding, we don’t really know for sure if Greenlee’s eggs survived.  I’m so afraid this will be a Rendall baby.  Please for the love of all that is soapy, don’t make this a Rendall baby.  I haven’t had any reason to hate Dr. Madden yet, but if he is responsible for a Rendall baby, then the writers will see that *I* AM THAT MONSTER! 

I really hope Tanisha Lynn was wearing pasties or something, because the whole bathroom scene made me really cringe.  If we had to see someone walk in on someone else naked after a shower, couldn’t it have been Zach and Kendall?  Aidan and Amanda?  David and Greenlee?  I want to be titillated, not nauseated. 

I started out feeling pretty bad for Mimi.  What a horrible position to be in – listening to the man you love and your daughter tell opposing stories, and have to decide who to believe.  But any sympathy ended pretty quickly.  As soon as Garrett batted his baby browns at her, she decided her daughter was a liar and threw her out of the apartment.  What the hell?  Is he that good in bed, darlin?  And the wedding scene was just sad and pathetic.  Livia and Jack stayed for this travesty, why?  One thing that I thought was funny was the evil little smile on Garrett’s face after Josh punched him.   

It was hilarious when Garrett said “I’m crushed” after Dani stomped on the little groom.  The hallmark of a good villain is a great one-liner.  He appears to be more than the usual perv.  He’s not just interested in getting into her pants.  He has grand delusions of molding her into the perfect doll for him to play with.  Ickickickick.  Tanisha Lynn is doing an excellent job of portraying a girl growing up into a poised young woman before our very eyes.  She was down, but not out.  She is going to fight her stepdaddy and fight for her mother – whether the woman deserves it or not. 

The perv storyline is working well because we hate it.  If they were messing it up, we would either feel scorn or laugh our heads off.  Instead we are reacting the way we are supposed to be reacting.  “Eeeewwww!  Oh no he didn’t!  She took the man’s side over her own daughter?  Bitch!”  That means the actors are doing a great job with this. 

I had to bust out laughing when Julia threw off her cloak or whatever she was wearing and whipped out her gun.  Also, I’m never into prolonged struggle scenes – I spent the whole time wondering if we were going to find out if Di wears bikini briefs or a thong.  Once they got through all that, I enjoyed their scenes.  Di took charge, and the women agreed to a plan.  Kinda funny, since across town Zach and Tad were drawing straws to see who could play hero.  There were a lot of balls swinging around in Thursday’s episode.  Did you feel the breeze?  Not just the guys – Mimi, Julia and Di could hold their own in a swaggering contest. 

Tad missed a major strategic opportunity when Zach suggested they work together.  Not only would he have been able to tap into Zach’s resources, but he also would have been able to keep an eye on Zach’s activities.  If he thinks Zach is such a screw up, why is he pushing him out the door?  Someone who is, in his mind, a loose cannon?  There’s a reason for the cliché, “Keep your enemies closer.”   

Short bits: 

Adam in a wifebeater shirt is a sight that I’ll not forget any time soon.  He does have nice biceps.  The scenes between him and Krystal were pretty funny, but I could have done without the flashback scenes.   

The CPR class between JR and Babe was so cheesy, but they really worked it.  I loved every contrived minute of it.  JR couldn’t bring himself to kiss her. 

Julia’s daydream seemed completely bizarre to me.  Most of her scenes these days seem like they are right out of Fantasia – like it would make more sense if I was smoking something. 

Amanda was the voice of reason in a scene between Mimi and Aidan?  I think I felt the earth shift. 

NuJosh looks like Aidan’s long lost little brother.   

Is Zach really that unaware of Kendall’s feelings for him?   Awwwwwwww.  Smoochies. 

Fun Facts about Emeraldax:  There’s a new radio station in my town that I’ve fallen in love with based on their motto alone.  “We’ll play anything.”  When they played Rock Me Amadeus, I knew it was true.  I mentioned last week that I love Horatio Cane on CSI:Miami.  I also love Will Grissom and Mac Taylor.  I watched a rerun of CSI:NY the other day, and could not stop giggling when Penelope Ann Miller kept flirting with Lieutenant Dan…I mean Mac.  I’ve written fanfic sporadically since 2001, when I started watching soaps again.  Right now I’m on a Zach bender.  I’ve never been this inspired by a character.  The only non-soap fanfic I wrote was a short fluff piece where some of the characters of Star Trek:TNG have suddenly morphed into Star Wars characters.   

Thanks for reading!

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