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Comments through Friday, May 14, 2004 Remember this commercial?
This is your brain.
This is your brain on drugs. Well, that’s not me because I don’t take drugs. However, if I had had access to drugs over the past few weeks, I definitely would have been tempted to fry my brain. How come when I signed papers dedicating my money to a 30 year mortgage, no one informed me that houses have a 6-1/2 year shelf life and then they begin falling apart piece by piece? A/C, refrigerator, rotting wood on the outside, rain gutters, stair railing…the list seems endless. As a result I have formed a new relationship with a handy man which will, I hope, eliminate my yearning to hop in my van and drive, and drive, and drive and...I’m sure you get the picture. Top the house mess off with days upon days of thunderstorms, flood warnings and watches, and wet and windy bus rides and you have a woman unable to form coherent sentences. As a result of the activity around me, knowing I wasn’t going to attempt a column, I watched GH in fan mode and ignored the commentary running through my head. Know what I saw? I saw romance. Disjointed, star crossed, dysfunctional, and transitional, but a definite focus on relationships. Can you feel the love? It’s as though Mr. Guza and Mr. Pratt put their heads together and tried really hard to come up with a theme for May sweeps that hasn’t been done in a long time. Light bulbs flashed and they came up with the concept to concentrate on relationships. I’m so proud of them! Maybe even (quick dig out your rose colored glasses and put them on) they surfed the net and realized there’s an ongoing outcry by fans regarding GH - cut back on the violence, perk up the relationships and romance. Let’s make a list (because I so love a good list) of the couples on GH and where they’re sitting in their relationships. Skye and Luke: Disjointed, building trust step by step, fun Jason and Courtney: Transitional, marking time, unfinished Sonny and Carly: Transitional, dysfunctional Carly and Lorenzo: Road blocked with occasional, unexpected sparks Courtney and Jax: Oh wait, we haven’t seen that one yet. Dillon and Georgie: Star crossed Sage and Dillon: Unhealthy obsession buts head with uncaring object of adoration Sonny and Sam: Painfully doomed to fail Liz and Ric: Painfully doomed to continue Lila and Edward: Steadfast Alan and Monica: Steadfast with tricky rickety patches Emily and Nikolas: Disillusioned because they lost the happily ever after Sonny and Emily: Just checkin’ to see of you’re payin’ attention Alexis and…..: Quick, someone find a guy for Alexis! When Jason kissed Courtney on Friday and Monday part of me thought, “Oh goody, kissing!” While another voice in my head chimed in, “In the rain? Again?” In the end though, the rain didn’t matter. I like Jason showing emotion and kissing. “I can’t freakin’ do this anymore. I can’t have you yelling at me one minute and crying for me the next. I can’t stop being mad at you anymore than I can stop loving you. And I don’t want to fight anymore!” Since a Jason/Brenda, oops I mean Sam, redux is in the works, I guess Jason will revert back into irritated protector mode while Courtney relieves her pain with Jax so it was nice to have that quickie kiss thrown in to titillate the Journey fans. Both separate storylines have potential entertainment value but I think the Journey fans were cheated out of at least a couple episodes of happy (again).
If a person were going to write a love song about Jason and Courtney They should name it “Kiss ‘N Cry” What I like about Jason veering into Sam’s short term maternity world is that it separates the Fab Four into individuals performing scenes with different characters. Bring on Carly’s feelings for Lorenzo and The Cellar, give me Courtney and Jax interacting in a fun way, let me see Jason doing what he does best dealing with deep painful emotions when Sam miscarries the baby, hand me Sonny…Sonny? Who’s with Sonny? Oh my, this is a first. Sonny may have to play supporting role to other character’s storylines. For Maurice Benard’s sake I hope this is so, because he must experience some serious burnout. Say what you will about Sonny, MB works hard at what he does and it shows in the intensity of his performances no matter what the storyline. GH needs to give this guy a couple days off occasionally so he can maintain his standard of excellence.
Sonny visited with all his women this week….and Jason.
Let the bonding begin. Oh man, not the old prego-down-the-stairs plot device! What originality! NOT! Somebody should have warned Sam that pregnant women in Port Charles always tumble down stairs at least once during pregnancy. The only mama-to-be in P.C. who hasn’t played fatal footsy on the stairs in the last several years is Courtney but that’s only because she jumped off a boat which still counts as falling-while-pregnant.
I’ve been known to trip a time or two yet I’ve never knocked myself out. No, I am always fully conscious to enjoy my full cup of embarrassment. I’d much rather trip on a soap. Here’s a hot potato for ya. Sam has two men, potential fathers, willing to be involved with their child and she won’t even consider the possibility that the men have rights to decisions regarding the baby’s future. It’s a difficult dilemma - two tango and a bambino results. If both individuals want the child, does the woman have the right to say no deal, my body, my baby? Is it right for her to decide independently if the baby should live, die, or be given up for adoption? I know my opinion. I’d really like to hear your ideas on the subject of where responsibility falls.
Tough, painful questions and decisions for everyone. I kinda don’t get Mike at the moment. What happened to Mike’s bar? Did he gamble it away and now he waits tables? It’s low to take Penny’s job, she was the only steady help Bobbi ever had. Then there’s Mike, the dispenser of fatherly advice, feeding Courtney encouraging lines like, “You’re a wonderful person. But cast all your morals aside and stay with Jason, ‘cause he can make you happy if you let him.” Huh? What kinda of nonsupportive fatherly advice is that? How about, “You’re a wonderful person. I admire how you are sticking to your principles.” Doggonnit! Why do I always find myself defending Courtney who I don’t even like all that much? Maybe because she’s as close to normal as any character on the show. Anyway, in my GH fantasy world she carries on with her foundation for kids and it becomes a vehicle for stories and characters on the show down the line. Plus, when Courtney talks about her foundation she doesn’t wear her snit face which I’ve grown exceedingly tired of. Courtney happy is a Courtney I can tolerate.
Words come out of his mouth, but they make no sense. Maybe he tied the apron on too tight. “Run, Skye, run!” I yelled at the TV as Skye stood on the gazebo watching the mysterious woman raise the knife glinting in the lightening. But no, Skye didn’t run. Skye whipped out her cell phone and called Luke and then Lucky. “Come quick, I think a crazy woman is after me with a knife. She’s standing a couple yards away from me behind one of those skinny eavesdropping bushes. Don’t worry, I’ll stand here in plain sight and wait for you.” Other than the glinty knife part, I found myself laughing instead of shivering in fear. ‘Cause I know I would have gotten the heck on out of Dodge, out of the gazebo, out of the park, maybe out of Port Mayhem-Chuckles (except it’s not quite maternity leave time) before holding conversations on my cell phone, if someone was stalking me with a knife as long as my arm.
Skye tries to call Emeril to report misuse of knife wielding By a stalker maniac. Now that every single resident of Port Charles has played a scene in the gazebo, do you think they’ll take it down and resurrect it again for its obligatory appearance on the 4th of July episode? Since no one has walked along the docks since Emily spilled Sam’s expecting secret to Jason I’m wondering if set upgrades are in progress. Here’s hoping they replace the skinny fake trees with fatter ones that will be easier to hide behind when eavesdropping is called for. While they’re at it, I think all telephones with chords should be replaced with cordless phones.
One week in the gazebo. It seems that Ashley Alphabet has left the building, but that’s OK because Sage can sing. Dillon can sing. Maybe Georgie and Maxie can form a girl band. The theme for summer will be the rock ‘n roll teen scene mentored by Nedly. I’m keeping an open mind; however, I’d appreciate some leather pants on Ned while he supervises. (And while I’m thinking leather pants, Mac needs some too. Doesn’t leather offer healing properties for burn victims?) My favorite scene so far was Uncle Lorenzo telling the kiddies to play nice and get along. The dichotomy between Lorenzo’s two sides - doting Uncle and international arms dealer - needs to be addressed.
“Uncle Lorenzo says I can be in your club. Do I get to learn the secret handshake too?” Can someone please explain to me why Ric can expose Alexis’ one night stand with Sonny who has nothing to do with Faith’s money laundering case while no finds it worth mentioning that Ric and Faith did the deed more than once themselves. Why isn’t Faith crying foul at Ric for prosecuting her case? Talk about conflict of interest! These scenes don’t sit well with me and I can’t seem to overlook the ridiculous manipulations of the justice system. I object! On the other hand, I always enjoy Ric/Sonny scenes because the emotions play under the surface and make each sentence full of double meaning.
Sonny slept with Alexis, but refused to sleep with Faith who slept with Ric but wanted to sleep with Sonny. The women hate the women and the men hate the men. Meanwhile, the judge thinks Ric’s da bomb and panders to his every objection. The security guard has the hots for the judge and thinks about shooting Ric for flirting with “his girl”. If Mary wanted a child she should have waited until an unconscious kid showed up on her doorstep instead of trying to push ConNik into the mold. She can call him husband, but she treats him like a child. “No, no Connor, you mustn’t leave the cabin.” “Bad boy Connor, it’s dangerous to go to town.” “Beware of strangers named Lorenzo Alcazar, Connor.” She’s been laying down rules left and right and I was glad when ConNik finally spoke up telling her to back off and stop smothering him. I hope I am not expected to feel a lot of sympathy towards Mary because I don’t. She knows what she’s doing and she’s making it worse by sympathizing with Emily over her loss. In my eyes, she’s not exactly evil like Helena, but she’s not Mary Sunshine either.
“Do as Mommy says, Connor, and hide in the bedroom.” If you’re not currently enjoying GH consider this. You could be watching Erica in a Farah Fawcett wannabe wig pretending she’s a Las Vegas showgirl. The kicker being that Desiree actually seems more interesting than Erica. I know, I know, I supposedly don’t watch other soaps much less comment upon them, but this kinda slipped out. Don’t tell anyone.
I, umm, borrowed this screen cap from a very cool site called MSN's All My Children Community. I searched for an e-mail address to ask permission but couldn’t find one anywhere on the site. Please forgive me. Please e-mail me and I’ll be happy to give credit where credit is due. Spoilers weren’t a priority for the past week. When I finally checked in I found some fresh interesting tidbits. Lorenzo tells Carly that Sam is pregnant. (GHFF) It’s a cryin’ shame that the pregnant person is not allowed the joy of telling one single soul. We can blame the headline news that Sam is pregnant on Tel-Emily (as Katrina aptly called her a couple weeks ago). I’m sure it’s because of the lip gloss. Words just slip out and can’t be sucked back in. Baby no more. Shortly after her wedding to Jason-- that is never completed-- Sam miscarries, with Jason by her side! (GHH2) I hate when the babies are miscarried. Tears and tissue all around. *Sniff* Emily shoots an "intruder" in the Q Mansion. (GHFF) It’s a scary thought that there’s a gun anywhere in the Q mansion. Luke plans to torch Wyndemere. (GHFF) Really? Again? This isn’t a spoiler, it’s more of a recurring theme for Luke. Em catches Nik and Mary in the act of "consummating their marriage'. This is when she realizes that Nikolas does not know her. She plays along... (GHH2) I can’t help it. The picture in my head sees Emily entering a room where ConNik and Mary are busy consummating. Then I get stuck on the “plays along part”. No woman finds out her supposedly dead fiancé is playing choo-choo with a woman she thought was her friend and then “plays along”. Unless she’s biding her time until she can obtain a lethal weapon to use on former friend and not-so-dead fiancé. Would you play along? I wouldn’t. With Justus' help, Carly once again becomes the owner of The Cellar, wrestling it away from Faith. ... (GHH2) This is my very favorite spoiler. Translation: Carly gets a life that doesn’t revolve around Sonny. *Gasp!* I feel I must address an important issue. Despite what Carolyn posted, I am not obsessed with Tyler Christopher’s abs. Carolyn has mistakenly interpreted my concern for her well being with ab lust. Since she has been unable to watch GH with any sort of consistency lately due to mommy duties and that pesky thing called real life, I try to help out by letting her know when the good stuff floats across the screen so she can tune in to SoapNet at night. In the interest of time and friendship, wouldn’t you do that for a friend? Of course you would. Tyler Christopher has obviously spent an impressive amount of time working on his six-pack which he has taken to showing off regularly. I am simply trying to keep Carolyn abreast of these important developments. Any responsible friend would do the same. About a week ago, an interesting article appeared in the New York Times lamenting the loss of surprise endings and plot twists because of “leakage” from the set. That would be spoilers to us. Like most of the TV world, the execs offering opinions apparently had no idea that another genre exists which deals with spoilers every day and it’s called Daytime TV. “J. J. Abrams, the creator and executive producer of "Alias," expresses a similar mix of chagrin and resignation. "On the one hand," he said, "it's infuriating when the secret gets out. It's like you work very hard to put on a magic show, and the audience has already read how your tricks are done. On the other hand, we are beholden to the fans. I appreciate it as much as I despise it. I'm pretty convinced if I weren't doing this, I'd be one of the people wanting to know." In the last two years, spoilers have increasingly migrated into newspapers and magazines, sometimes blocked off under special warnings, sometimes simply dished up in gossip columns. But their emergence is tied directly to the lively, occasionally worshipful and often rancorous community of television watchers online, where devoted fans gather to talk about the shows they love — and often directly to the people who make them.” I find it humorous that prime time is just now addressing this issue. Maybe they ought to contact Mr. Frons to discuss this hot topic since daytime has been dealing with “leakage” since surfing the ‘net became as common buying CD’s instead of cassettes. What continues to puzzle me is the attitude that the internet is an entity at odds with television - like there’s an unspoken media competition between radio, television and internet. Networks create generic program web pages that offer bland already-been-posted info and tell themselves they’re using the internet as a marketing tool. Pfft! I hit the ABC GH website maybe once a month. Why bother? There’s not much to see. What I don’t understand is why the networks can’t grasp that viewers love the interaction offered on the ‘net and use it to their and our advantage. How cool would it be if ABC GH offered a page a week ahead called “Guess the Spoilers” where viewers could check spoilers and some would be red herrings and some real. Of course “leakage” would still occur, but that’s part of the fun. How about a page called “Finish the Story” where viewers were invited to write in ideas instead of treated like poisonous snakes waiting to strike. How about offering couple fanatics a place to wave their Journey, LiRic, CarLo, NEM, ZEM, Nexis, Sexis banners on the site. At EOS we have our own little campaign spearheaded by Sherry for “Soily”. ABC definitely needs to hear about it. I think their attitude should be if you can’t beat ‘em, control ‘em, to both the shows’ and fans’ advantage. May you be protected from rip offs, whether they’re in the form of unscrupulous businesses, internet rumors, mail solicitations, telemarketers, fake spoilers, or your cousin Vinnie’s good friend who wants to borrow money. In a world that isn’t always gentle or nice, I hope you’re filled with wisdom to deal with the booby traps in your path and an industrial strength pair of rose colored glasses. Thanks for stopping by.
Find the pirate inside and let him out to play for a while. If you’re really lucky, find Captain Jack Sparrow and play with him.
I love screen caps! GH World rocks!
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