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Comments through August 27, 2004 Well, I tried and tried to write a regular column but it kept sounding like one big murder mystery bash. With only a handful of characters on the canvas after a couple paragraphs somebody was getting picked on. Finally, I erased the whole thing a tried a different approach. In the spirit of taking what was offered on my screen and making the most of it, I decided to summarize and comment day by day. Here goes… Spirits come and spirits go, Ask the board, it’ll tell you so. Danger lurks in every room, Carrying a garden implement of doom. Sage is mean with her last breath, Locked away in the freezer of death. Faith shoulda been watchin’ her back, Clawed by a ninja and caught by Mac. Poker in his back, remember Trent’s face, Next week he’s gone without a trace. Look for Mary mild and meek, She’s the star of murder mystery week.
MONDAY The séance began with a message of death as the doors blew open admitting Heather which seemed appropriate considering her marriage/widowmaker daydreams about Edward.
Georgie asks seriously, “Board, can you tell me where Maxie is?” Emily gave Nikolas a history quiz to make sure every detail of his memory had returned and then they made whoopee in the boathouse since that’s what boathouses are for. Because of “General Hospital” I will forever harbor carnal boathouse thoughts, which may or may not please my husband mightily should we ever find ourselves alone in one.
I pasted in this picture of Emily in her personal boathouse of passion.
Then I remembered this picture. I don’t know if she experienced déjà vu, but I certainly did. Proving that lust transcends death, Faith and Justus practiced freezer body warming techniques and their happy moans and happy sighs floated up through the grates turning into Lila’s ghostly presence. Never let it be said that Lila wasn’t creative with her afterlife messages. Wasn’t it nice to see a softer side of Faith? More Justus, please.
What’s that old saying? Cold floor, warm hearts? Alan and Monica played doctor in the dark while Edward and Heather tried to play it on top of them. Now that I think about it, there was a whole lot of mambo going on in the Q Fun House. Every player with the exception of Alice, Tracy and the teens were enjoying happy hour – until the claw of death appeared! I would have been afraid except puny garden instruments don’t usually have that affect on me. Lila’s wheelchair moving down the hall by itself scared me more.
“You gotta ask youself a question. Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk??” All the lit candles that appeared in the mansion were white except the four black ones surrounding the channeling board. Correct ambiance must be a prerequisite for defending Lila’s honor from a marauding spirit channeling in her name. TUESDAY Wow! Alice two days in a row. It’s gonna be a good GH day.
Alice says cook did it in the freezer with the meat hook. She called the Psychic Hotline and asked. Definitely, Sage wins the award for Unkind-Spoiled-Brat. However, Georgie wins the prize for Whiny-My-Feelings-Are-Hurt-Everyone-Suck-Up-To-Me teen. If she were on screen more I’d say a baby switch story was in order because she’s obviously related to Sonny. Emily and Nikolas find themselves trapped in her bedroom. Discussing Emily’s young teen fantasies Emily confessed to Nikolas, “You were usually a cavalier or a knight wounded in battle or a gunslin-ger running from the law.” Emphasis on the ger in gunslinger. Wait, stop, until I quit laughing. Ewww. The claw person is checking out the action from the closet as they hit the sheets. Ninja voyeur in da house.
Emily has a fine time with her gunsling-ger (emphasis on the ger). Do you spell that with one G or two? Did anyone else love Sir Dillon Oar-celot charging out the door of the boathouse to save Georgie from the scary scraping sound and then charging back in and screaming back and forth with her? He can be my hero any day just because he tries to hard.
Georgie promises Dillon that if he’ll put down the paddle, she’ll let him use her hairspray. Lemme get this straight. Nikolas, an escaped mental patient, hides in Emily’s room with Emily. They play naked gunslin-ger (don’t forget, emphasis on the ger) and damsel in distress, but they can’t remember to lock the door? And why was Sage wandering from bedroom to bedroom anyway? I loved Justus’ defense of Edward to Felicia and family. I especially loved his parting shot. Edward: Where are you going? We’re in the middle of a trial. Justus: You’re in the middle of your own living room with the lights out trying to keep your hands on your late wife’s money and your girlfriend at the same time. Well now I know Trent’s gonna die. Since he’s been on he’s had maybe 2 or 3 lines in a scene but now he gets a whole monologue shaming Dillon, Georgie, Lucas and Brook Lynn for not showing proper respect to Sage even though she treats them badly on a daily basis.
Dialogue = Death WEDNESDAY Still not grasping the concept of locking the door for privacy, Emily and Nikolas raided the kitchen and packed a sumptuous picnic to eat in Emily’s room. Is it any wonder then that Faith barged in? I mean what other room would she choose in a whole mansion of rooms but the one where Emily and Nikolas are playing house. The best part of Heather=Lila was the expressions on everyone’s faces when she began talking. “Scarlet Ribbons” shall go down in Q history as the rose that returned from the dead. Brook Lynn is seriously obsessed with “the spirit”. Tons of events are happening around her, but I give her credit for focus. Obviously Brook Lynn experienced some deviations from the wholesome family upbringing in Bensonhurst that Lois keeps bragging about or she wouldn’t have the rather unwholesome fascination with contacting “the spirit”.
To Brookie’s surprise “the spirit” turns out to be the ghost of Chloe Morgan, Who vows to haunt her until she takes off some of her jewelry And learns to dress like a real teenager. Georgie, Georgie, Georgie. She lost her grip on the see-saw of sanity and slid right into the muck of madness. Locking Sage in a freezer when she could have say…ignored her for the rest of the night is beyond extreme. Sage sure surprised me though by allowing Geogie to tie her hands behind her back, drag her down the stairs, and shove her into the freezer. What happened to the girl who fights back? What happened to Sage’s friend, Trent? What happened to the common sense of every other person in the room? I couldn’t buy into the scene set up at all. Why couldn’t the teens have been together by the freezer checking out eerie sounds and Georgie, sick of Sage’s continuous cruel remarks, pushes her in and locks the door? Every other scene including Georgie’s self blame could have followed. Whoever paid the writer who wrote this piece of fluff needs to get their $1.50 back. Felicia acted out the only realistic part of the scene, horrified that her daughter would imprison another person in a freezer. I’m so disappointed in Alice in cahoots with Heather. Or maybe I’m sorry for her because Heather obviously took advantage of her good heartedness. THURSDAY OK, I have to admit that today I wished for the favored few to show back up on my screen.
Miss ‘em? Do you think that Lila’s family will receive residuals for Lila’s front and center part in the murder mystery? And why couldn’t Georgie just say, “She was alive when I left her.” Pfft! Again to this piece of writing! Uh oh, the ninja claw person got tired of hiding in Emily’s closet. Yeah, yeah, I know who it is, but ninja claw person is a lot more fun to type.
Faces with no eyebrows scare me. Sage is dead and there’s Brook right on cue. “Let’s work the channeling board. It has the answers.” FRIDAY Stick a fork in me, I’m done. There’s only so much thunder, lightening and drama music I can stomach before things become funny. How come no one is worried about the many lit but unattended candles in the house? Brook Lynn has some major fashion, make up and hair issues to address because after a week in the same clothes she looks like a cross between a teenage bag lady and goth wannabe. How many accessories can one person wear and still stand up straight?
I promise, next week I’ll try to say something nice about her. Because this week turned into a Brookie bash. Run, Dillon, run! The ninja claw person did target practice at Dillon and he dodged in time but then he forgot the I’m-terrified part and leaned back in relief against the side of the bed.
“We have to stop meeting like this.” The best part of Mac, searching upstairs by himself was the music. Did you feel the tension building? The claw is coming!
Don’t worry about the hall, Mac. All the action is in Emily’s room. How is it that everyone goes upstairs directly to Emily’s Depot of Peril? Sure hope she didn’t leave her underwear or other unmentionables on the floor. “I feel a lot safer knowing I have you here to protect me. There’s no one I’d rather have at my side,” Heather cooed to Edward. Excuse me while I gag into a tissue.
Part of me feels sorry for Edward, lost in his grief. The other part of me wants to knock him upside his head for falling for Heather’s sickly sweet lovetrap. Remember when Tracy was grieving for Lila and I said that it changed the way I viewed her? Well that feeling went away this week because she was hard, crass and devoid of human empathy. From what I’ve heard and read she used to a character of depth. I’m lookin’ hard for depth but it’s a barren search so far. Since Sage was dead and Felicia kicked her out the running for Lila’s money, I guess Tracy didn’t have anything to lose except viewer points trying to blackmail her way back into the money by threatening to sic Lorenzo on Georgie.
I hope both ladies sucked on a breath mint before this scene.
Nikolas looked aristocratically handsome lounging in the striped chair that blended nicely with the stripes on his shirt watching the Q’s squabble.
A prince instinctively knows to repose on furniture that compliments his clothing. No logic was involved in the decision to mass exodus the living room, divide and conquer, armed with pokers and decanters. And if I were Trent forced to guard the hall, I’d darn sure stand with my back to the door to the room where my friends were hoping that they’d guard my back. I know I’m being hard on Brook Lynn this week, but dang, the girl needs to learn how to cry. Trent fell dead in front of her with a poker in his back and she kinda coughed into her hand then that was that. Emily locked herself in her room and deduced from the broken frame and torn picture that some nefarious person had passed through. Since every person who goes upstairs walks directly into Emily’s room she should expect occasional damage from visitors passing through. Finally, the Ninja Claw Person, who changed into the Ninja Knife Person, showed herself. I wonder if Natalia Livingston and Catherine Wadkins did the fight scene or if stunt doubles stepped in. Mary kept her silence until she went after Emily at which time she began howling and growling. Do the growl sounds come as part of the outfit?
It’s so hard these days to find a good ninja who speaks English. A couple fun pieces of dialogue rolled past me today.
Alice: Maybe we should go back to the
foyer. We haven’t heard any noise from there in a while. Edward: I want to check this room. Heather: Wait a sec, we’ll all go in together. You first Alice. Alice: How come I have to go first? Edward: Because you have a longer reach. With your broomstick.
Way to show what you’re made of Heather and Edward. Dillon to Georgie: Everyone’s arming themselves. I don’t know if I just had like a hairspray can and a match I could rig a flame thrower or something. It’s ironic don’t you think? All those years of hair vanity and the first time I need it, I’m without product. OK, for crack up lines like that, I’ll watch the murder mystery. The boathouse was almost as busy as Emily’s room so I tried to keep track of boathouse visits for no reason other than I couldn’t figure out why folks kept running out there. Boathouse Traffic Log: - Emily and Nikolas hide and reconnect – literally. - Alice drops in to pick up a piece of equipment. - Emily leaves for supplies, Nikolas follows when he hears sirens. - Georgie runs to the boathouse so Dillon can follow and beg her to forgive him for the 635th time. - Dillon and Georgie run screaming out of the boathouse and back to the house after Trent makes scraping sounds with a 3-prong garden tool that looks scarier than the one the ninja closet person is carrying. - Sage runs to the boathouse to pretend death. - The teens traipse to the boathouse to apologize to fake dead Sage. - The teens traipse back to the house leaving Sage and Trent in the boathouse. - Nikolas and Emily end up back in the boathouse. I don’t know why they went there to hide from Faith. - Faith showed up at the window of the boathouse but she didn’t stay. - Mary, ahem excuse me Ninja Claw Person, visited the boathouse and traded her claw for the knife Faith left behind. - Faith returned to the boathouse to hide. - Monica and Alan in a panic ran to the boathouse and cornered Faith followed by half the house. It took until Thursday, but I actually missed the rest of the cast. I’m ready for Sonny, Jason, Sam, Carly, Courtney, Jax, Alexis and Ric and various others to hit my screen again. OK, I know that those of you who know me well are laughing. So what if I really only missed Jason? I’m trying to be balanced here. Really, I missed the spice of different storylines on my screen. Bring ‘em on, only don’t bring just the regulars, keep the murder mystery thread weaving through. What am I hoping for? I’d like more emphasis on the “B” word. That would be Balance - balanced storylines with interwoven characters. Hey, it could happen (she says, firmly adjusting the rose colored glasses on her face). Shocking as it sounds, I read the spoilers but nothing struck me as particularly funny or intriguing. So following the rule that if I don’t have anything to say – don’t. I won’t. I wish for you smooth riding even if your life feels like a bucking bronco. I’m into cowboys this week. Thanks for reading.
Or a cool cowboy hat. GH World 5 rocks!
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