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So I went on vacation to Ft. Lauderdale with a side of Disney week before last. I am now officially broke and I have 5 days worth of General Hospital to watch that I haven’t yet found the time to slog through. I didn’t stop watching the new stuff, I catch it in real time when I can and tape it when I can’t. Consequently, I have a rather large hole in my viewership. I’m telling you this because my column (and I use the term loosely) will probably seem rather loopy as I talk about what I’ve seen, what I’ve heard about and what’s kind of old but I just saw it so it’s new to me. You got all that? Good. Jax gets my nice guy award this week. When Bridget asked him his opinion of Jason as a father, he didn’t trash him. He told her that he would make a wonderful father and that several women that he cares about (intelligent women at that!) seemed to think Jason was great. He had a perfect opportunity to just screw over one of his biggest rivals (behind Sonny of course – no pun intended) and he was a stand-up guy. Too bad Court didn’t happen to overhear his remarks; it might have made a difference. Anyway, I’m glad that the last impression I have of ole’ Jasper is a good one. Seems like he’s on an extended trip (wink, wink) which may be payback from the writers for his remarks about being “burned out”. Remember what happened in the Friends storyline when Joey told Soap Opera Digest that he wrote a lot of his own dialogue… karma’s a bitch. Usually a Helena siting puts me in a sublime mood. I’m lovin’ seeing her royal evilness, but I find myself adistracted by those humongous Judy Jetson shoulder pad thingies on her black overcoat. What are those things??? I keep expecting them to start flapping and take off or something. Creepy.
I love Jason with Sam.
Bridget is the most mature looking teen I’ve seen in a long time. She just doesn’t fit. And I’m like so totally sick and tired of hearing her use the words like and totally in every other sentence. I like totally want to whack her upside her head - totally.
GH Wardrobe Department outdoes itself in the fugliest sweater category – was that Flower the skunk from the movie Bambi? I don’t see the pairing of Carly and Steven going anywhere. They have zero chemistry. Correction, they have negative chemistry. I can’t help but see Steven as this gawky 13-year-old boy that’s trying to hit on some 18-year-old friend of his sister. It’s just not working, and I guess if the spoilers are to be believed, it’s going to be a one time thang anyway –kind of like an appetizer before the main course… I hear Carly ordered the Coq au Lorenzo! Woo hoo!!
Appetizer
Main Dish I know it wasn’t popular on all fronts, but the splitting up of Carly and Sonny has got to be the best thing to happen to those characters and actors since we had a Democrat in the Oval Office! Carly suddenly seems to have a life of her own and something worth saying!!! And Sonny – oh my, Sonny has finally figured out that the world does not revolve around him. He’s thoughtful, he’s charming, the dimples are working overtime – hell, he even gives a shit about Jason and how his life is going. After all this time, I’m finally starting to see what all the hullabaloo is about. Mighty fine, that’s all I gots to say – Mighty fine.
Speaking of mighty fine… me ‘n Kathy Hardeman have got a date with this boy come February 19th!!! Actually we’ve got a date with Greggie, Teddy AND Ricalicious (and yes Kathy, I will call them that to their faces!) Uh huh, that’s 3 of them and 2 of us – I better start taking my vitamins now. I’d tell ya’ll where you can get tickets to see these hunka hunkas when they come to the Big D next month, but that would be operating counterproductive to my own self interests! Never let it be said that the best ideas are also smart ones – take for instance this AIM chat that I pulled from my desktop recycle bin: KellyB (7:32:13 PM): u there? Katrina (7:32:20 PM): yup KellyB (7:32:32 PM): hey - did you get my staff profile? Katrina (7:32:50 PM): i sent it with a read receipt - then i remembered you don't "do" read receipts Katrina (7:32:57 PM): yep, posting it now KellyB (7:33:11 PM): ok cool - the site looks wonderful KellyB (7:33:15 PM): you did a brilliant job Katrina (7:33:45 PM): thank you! Katrina (7:33:47 PM): I'm glad you like it Katrina (7:34:09 PM): speaking of badass KellyB (7:34:20 PM): you rang? Katrina (7:34:21 PM): look at you gettin down wit yo bad self using your real last name KellyB (7:34:21 PM): lol KellyB (7:34:27 PM): oh shit KellyB (7:34:31 PM): should i have not? Katrina (7:34:35 PM): pfft Katrina (7:34:38 PM): has never hurt me Katrina (7:34:43 PM): I've always been right out there Katrina (7:34:44 PM): ego thing KellyB (7:34:47 PM): don’t Kathy and Sherry? Katrina (7:34:50 PM): yep Katrina (7:34:55 PM): sage too Katrina (7:35:01 PM): Kate Katrina (7:35:02 PM): also KellyB(7:35:13 PM): did you think i was gonna go pseudonym? Katrina (7:35:23 PM): We've always posted you as KellyB KellyB (7:35:23 PM): maybe some porn star name Katrina (7:35:34 PM): so I thought it was a security thing Katrina (7:35:41 PM): we should all use those porn name generators Katrina (7:35:43 PM): to come up with our names KellyB (7:36:01 PM): i smell an instant message column!!! KellyB (7:36:12 PM): porn name generators for GH characters Katrina (7:36:15 PM): lol Katrina (7:36:19 PM): we should!! Katrina (7:36:20 PM): you should!! Katrina (7:36:24 PM): and hobbit names! Katrina (7:36:30 PM): and mom names Katrina (7:36:33 PM): and prison bitch names! KellyB (7:36:40 PM): hehehe KellyB (7:36:42 PM): slow down KellyB (7:36:52 PM): don't hurt yourself Katrina (7:36:52 PM): that should read "mob names" KellyB (7:36:57 PM): i was wondering… So I figured that I would run some of our beloved characters through the porn star name generator, just out of curiosity of course. I limited it to peeps that had had some good onscreen lovin’ in the last few months. Besides, since we’ve had to suffer through Emily and Nik’s cheesy porn music every time they knock boots – it’s almost apropos. I threw in Liz and Lucky as wannabes. It made sense. Here’s what I came up with. Pimps and HosSonny - Jamal Lipps Carly - Sandy Slick Jason - Hard John Hott Sam - Busty Sparks Courtney - Karen Head Jax - Buck Velvet Liz - Marcia Steele Lucky - Victor Slams Emily - Shannon Bottoms Nikolas - Armand Might Luke - Rod Cockney Skye - Debbie Thong Lorenzo - Hard Vegas Lois - Holly LeVeaux Ric - Orson Throb Alexis - Cassie Lustley Just so you know, Katrina came up as Candy Samples and yours truly rocked out with… wait for it… Bambi Cummings. Maybe some things are better left in the trash! I crack myself up. Kelly BScreencaps are from:
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