November 30, 2004 

I’ve started three times and I can’t come up with a good opening line.  So, I’ll make that my opening line and see if I can move on from there.  I have to tell you, my mood is very, very cynical today.  I just finished catching up on my General Hospital episodes this morning, and I’ve decided that the major irritation I’ve felt throughout most of the viewing I did this weekend as well as the last two days is not so much over my feelings about the show, it’s about my feelings about writing about the show.  I used to watch (and yeah, I know I’ve said this thirty times before) and feel sparked by ideas, comical or serious, that I couldn’t wait to find the time to write out.  It’s just not there anymore.  I watch hours upon hours of this show and I feel numbed by it.  I can’t really explain it adequately, and I’m not certain yet what it means (I first wrote “I’ve no idea yet what it means” but I realized that’s not entirely true, I fear I *do* know where I may be heading with this) for me, but there it is.  To be entirely truthful, things have been beyond hectic and in some ways kind of tough around here for me so I cannot decisively say that these feelings aren’t a manifest of my just feeling burned out on life in general at the moment.  I find myself dreaming on occasion of just driving on off down the road for an impromptu few days to myself, so that sort of relays the workings of my psyche at the moment.  However, it needs to be said that despite whatever personal rebellions I’m suffering, when I consider wandering off alone, it never once enters my mind that I’d need to have a room by 3:00pm so I won’t miss GH.  Considering that a few years ago I went to Puerto Rico for nine days and set my VCR, complete with lining up someone to come into my house and change the tape on certain days to ensure room for everything, I’d say times have changed and it isn’t all me. 

Anyway, the point is that while I’m not writing today to announce a sabbatical (and really, that might be too holy sounding of a word to describe the process) from GH viewing, I do feel it necessary to mention that the only thing left for me to do is see if my feelings change when my mood about other things inevitably changes.  If it doesn’t, I can safely say I’m done for a while.  That is maybe the toughest thing I’ve written in this column ever, because it feels different than the time I took a break out of anger and frustration.  I’m not angry, I’m not frustrated; I’m just. not. interested.  I guess I never realized when I took on the honor of writing this column that there would be a day when a television show could take away something I love doing so much.  That part really sucks, to put it nicely.  Katrina is very tolerant of my mercurialness toward GH, but Eye on Soaps is and should be about celebrating the genre, and my spirit no longer feels that as far as GH goes.  I could probably write about another show (the only other thing I watch these days is As the World Turns, which I really enjoy and look forward to – another reason why I’m doubting my month-long bad mood is responsible for my GH feelings), and maybe I will, but it still won’t be the same.  I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful GH viewers, and I cannot tell you how much fun it is to hear from every one of them.  I’ll miss that.  Whatever GH’s failings, it has always inspired a huge online fan base, second to none.   Okay, so now this is starting to sound like a Dear John letter and that’s not my intent at the moment!  I really just haven’t felt right about writing without being honest about the fact that mostly, I’m writing to talk to you guys, not because I feel inspired to say something about the show.  It’s sometimes a difficult distinction for the reader to see, but it’s a gaping chasm in front of the writer.  I’ve always told myself that it’s a very bad idea (particularly in the online soap world) to use readers as the main inspiration for writing because you’ll quickly find yourself writing toward something that was never your intent to start with.  It’s not something I am willing to do on a regular basis.  I hope that makes sense and is taken the way it’s intended! 

Moving on to actually talking about soaps instead of talking about talking about soaps! 

Still with me? ;) 

So…seriously?  (Always follow one fragment with another…for continuities sake) What kind of accountant makes up a big file of all his client’s illegal maneuvers and hand delivers it to said client’s apartment?  What is it, like a criminal diary?  Write everything down in one place because it’s easier to destroy that way?  I don’t get it.  There are a *few* other things I don’t understand, so let’s just do categories this time around!   

THINGS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND: 

Did Audrey pull some strings to make Liz an insta-nurse?  I’d be willing to go with it since it allows another character hospital time that isn’t bullet induced, but they really should have at the very least made her attend a class or two or something.  Telling Brook that Kristina wasn’t Ned’s was just wrong on a million levels, even if it was general knowledge in the hospital halls by that point.  But then, Liz’s mouth and I have often been at odds so this isn’t surprising to me.  

Why is it “profound” that Sonny allowed Kristina the stem cells “regardless of his grief and anger”?  Good grief, it wasn’t an organ.  It was something that would be tossed aside like so much trash and it could save a child’s life.  I’m apparently missing the big moral / ethical decision.  Frankly, it smacks of deifying a greasy criminal once again, and I’m fed up with that.  Ric declaring that he witnessed a miracle when Sonny nodded his mobster nod of blessing at Doc Weber and in one fell swoop saved a life, made me feel physically ill.   

Why the hell did Alexis go to the memorial service?  And why, why, why would she show up LATE even?  Sheesh. 

How does one go about getting lips that look like Sonny’s new attorney’s do?  I cannot stop staring at them. 

Sonny is actually having discussions with Jason about being “set up” with truthful information?  I could watch that if Tony Soprano were saying it since there is no doubt about where the criminal element resides in Soprano land.  But then, in Soprano land, mobsters make fairly pitiful fathers, terrible husbands, and their “power” has boundaries.  We’re clearly in an entirely different element on GH.  General Hospital has lost the power to make me feel sorry for Sonny or anyone choosing to stay near him, and it clearly happened at the same time they lost their way in the soap genre as well.  Scenes that involve Sonny feeling wronged by the law just bore me now.  As do scenes where people crawl out of the woodwork (Justice anyone?) to rally ‘round the poor persecuted Sonny.  The very fact that there are so many characters with NOTHING else to do but to sit around and wait for the next chance to service Sonny is reason enough to not bother with these people.  I’m not sure there is a smart, interesting character among the whole lot of them.  And that’s because they all circle around a character that is in a never-ending downward spiral and like a tornado he pulls everything around him into the mess.  If he ever just slammed into something bigger than he is, something immovable like reality, or karma, or justice, or truth, and just s t o p p e d, for just a second, and had to lay there on his back and look up so he could see just how far he’s gone, he could still be interesting and worthwhile, otherwise no.  It’s that simple.   

Does Carly not understand what “apartment” means?  Is she aware that innocent people share the walls, ceiling, and floor and are going on about their day, expecting not to be set ablaze?  If there is some explanation for how she knew that no one would be injured, I’ve yet to hear it.  Yet, somehow, the act charmed Doc Weber (whom I now have no use for because frankly, I thought he had brain cells and I was obviously wrong) and he wuvs her just the same.  What the heck ever.  I swear, the depths this show sinks it’s “heroes” and “heroines” to, all while they show absolutely NO remorse, is beyond insanity.   

Why was the file in Ric’s apartment?  Was the evidence room at the PCPD not flammable enough?  Why was Ric too stupid to make a copy?  When the case went “under review” or whatever he said, did those people reviewing it not want a copy to peruse?  Did Alexis use a key to open the cabinet (and if so, when did she and Ric come up for air from worrying over Kristina in order to swap keys to the old homesteads and file cabinets?) or did it just miraculously burn open after Carly loosened it by prying at it with a letter opener?   

I stopped caring much about the Heather and Luke stuff when it became apparent that the story only exists in the realm of rewriting history.  Stories like that mean little to nothing to me, particularly when they offer up nothing of consequence after implying that long time viewers were somehow asleep at the wheel and missed important anchors of said story.  I always liked the actress, but Heather is a waste of the current GH viewer’s time I’m sad to say.   

Wait!  We were doing “do not understands” weren’t we?  Here’s one:  I do not understand why Sonny has any chance at custody to begin with.  He decided in the middle of a previous custody trial, basically on the stand, that his kids were safer with Carly (after his limo blew up again or whatever).  So now, a judge is going to hear Sonny out and believe that things are different now?  As in, security is tighter, illegal importing and exporting business is booming and there’s less chance of inter-mobular attacks?  WTF?  Oh wait!  And then, he’s going to listen to Carly testify that yes, even though she fought Sonny for custody once, she now agrees with him that he deserves sole custody, as long as it’s someone else’s child he’s fighting for.  That should work.   

Why can’t Alexis just flat out say, “I’ll gladly share custody with you if you give up being a career criminal”?  That would put it in focus, now wouldn’t it?  Everybody is dancing around it, and I loved the moment that Alexis told Mike that Sonny would do anything but give up his power trip for his kids.  Those moments give me hope; everything else is just like watching the whole thing on mute.  The mouths are moving, the arms are waving (try waving back at Carly sometime, it can take your mind off the bad clothes and terrible lighting) but none of it computes.   

So far Diego’s sister, can’t remember her name already, seems fine.  Acting is okay, she’s attractive, etc.  How the kids got to Mexico in three minutes is debatable, and I couldn’t care any less about Diego or his “girlfriend” Brook.  What exactly happened to Brook and Lucas dating?  I wasn’t overly interested in that either, but I swear they were dating, and then *poof*, Lucas up and disappeared and Brook is now Diego’s.  How does a teenage girl interested in two boys at once not even rate five minutes of diary writing or something?  Sheesh.  Then again, there really isn’t room for more than one diary writer and we all know Emily has that market cornered.  But anyway, how come the only one anyone is missing is Diego?  Don’t Brook and Georgie have to check in somewhere on occasion?    

Speaking of Emily, I can’t say I’ve watched much of that.  I caught Connor being the only sane one in the room after Nik confessed, looking around like he was surrounded by a flock of raging idiots.  “Yes he did it, but Connor, how *could* you make him confess to a crime he committed?  Do you have any idea of what you have done to him, to us?”  Uh…okay.  (Actually, that’s probably exactly what Connor said; he seems that kind of guy)  I caught a few minutes of Emily and Nikolas fighting, and her calling him selfish.  That cracked me up quite nicely.  Those two could spend the next forty years accusing one another of selfish acts and still not run out of material.  I guess I’m supposed to think a jailbird wedding that binds them through until he is released in fifty years is romantic.  Instead I just find myself grateful that we might not get a wedding night this way, woo whoo! 

No Thanksgiving pizza?  That blows.   

THINGS I LIKE: 

I’m thinking.  Be patient.   

I liked Kelly Monaco’s acting through this whole thing.  Sure, the falling on the floor was ridiculous since fresh C-section scars are not conducive to coughing, not to mention doubling over.  Sure she spent a lot of time hitting Jason; which is, in my opinion, not all that realistic of a reaction for most women.  However, since then she has settled into the quiet despair that is much more fitting the situation.  I find I enjoy her and Jason and I actually look forward to them finding solace together.  I thought the hug at the end of Monday’s show was sweet and real.  I’d love it if Jason told Sonny that Sam needs him right now and that he’s gonna give up his job and concentrate on being there for her.  Kind of a “losing this child I really wanted has made me realize it’s not worth risking my life, giving up on things that could be in the future for me, like a family” sort of thing.  It’s time for Jason to get a life already. 

Despite many misgivings, I find I enjoy Carly’s relationship with her father.  I’d be happier if it were actually the focus, which despite attempts to make it appear that way, it is not, but overall, I really find I like Durant.  I’d probably like it if he were actually straight up and ethical, but let’s face it, he spawned Carly - so the chances of that are slim to none.  I imagine part of why I enjoy it is because Carly is less annoying around him; she’s not usually posing or caterwauling, as she’s prone to do.  Scenes with Durant are among the few that Tamara Braun usually plays appropriately, if you ask me.  Otherwise, she’s still all over the map, with the scenes with Alexis being among the worst she’s put forth of late.  Where’s the remorse for setting a fire that could’ve killed the doc and who knows whom else?  Once upon a time, Carly would’ve at least shown fear at the prospect of getting caught at something she did wrong.  Now she just sneers when the law threatens to prosecute her for legitimate crimes.  It’s all so tired.   

I like seeing Alexis with a little power for a change.  Will it last?  I’d bet not, but for now I’ll enjoy it.  The entire baby/stem cell/Kristina thing just never hit a resounding note with me.  I felt for Sam’s loss, I felt Alexis’ fear…and I really never felt like either of them was wrong.  I liked that aspect of it, as I perceived it at least.  Of course Sam wouldn’t want to risk her baby (though my best friend’s doctor just offered to induce at 38 weeks and never mentioned that 10 % risk or whatever - is that what they said?  I’ve forgotten already) and of course Alexis would try to do anything to save hers.  I could put myself in both of their shoes.  I’m not sure I’d approach a stranger and beg for stem cells, but I’d probably find myself able to feel comfortable enough with someone I knew to try at least.  And I can completely understand how once one gets started on a quest to save a child, things can quickly go beyond what a well rested, non-terrified person would allow.  I felt all sides, and that was a welcome change.  Sam should have just clued Alexis in to the fact that she wasn’t the only pregnant person in the hospital (because, come on!) and told her to start asking around the Labor and Delivery floor.  Some joyous new parent would have agreed to save another’s baby, I’m sure.  Of course then we’d have missed watching Sonny’s head hurt over the big massive decision between the trashcan and life.  God help us if someone ever asks him to pass the salt… “I need to…think.  I need time!  ENOUGH!  Okay, sure, you can have it.”  Pfft.  It all only reinforced the feeling I had all along, every time Sonny whispered “You’re mine” or “I’ll take you home with me” to a baby on her deathbed, and that is that every move Sonny has made since he found out about Kristina has been aimed more at putting the fear of God into Alexis than at having a part in his daughter’s life.  It’s about “me” and “mine” and “I won’t lose this”, etc.  The moment that he whispered his undying devotion to making Kristina his, while glancing maniacally over his shoulder at a stunned Alexis in the doorway, it became very clear to me that there was no need to feel sorry for Sonny over the loss of two years of Kristina’s life.  He’s just happy to have another possession, now that his power struggle with Carly has fizzled out.  He’s thrilled to have somewhere new to focus his need for fulfillment.  It was also obvious that he had no intention of ever trying to work out a shared arrangement, otherwise there’d be no need to tell the child she’d be coming to be with him from now on.  Seriously, I’ve never seen his power trip more apparent nor more destructive than in those moments.   

Turns out that’s all I like.  Like I said, I’m kind of waiting to see what happens.  I know my interest in soaps isn’t gone, since I very much look forward to ATWT at the moment.  Maybe it’s just that GH is still so dark and gloomy all the time, and the other show has light, happy, romantic moments that I really crave during my escape time.  Maybe it’s just that GH sucks like a Hoover and I’m rightfully fed up.  Stay tuned I guess, and we shall see.  In the meantime, feel free to let me know how you’re feeling about the show.  Did sweeps “sweep” you off your feet?  I’m going to wander off now and use my Jubilee column (found here) as a journal and try to get a few things off my chest (nonsoapy things). 

Take care all!         
 

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