Well, I’ve been watching General Hospital since the early 80’s. I used to rush home from school to catch the last 30 minutes, which is when everything happened anyway! I love the stories, the characters, the inadvertent humor that GH provides. I could care less about who ends up with whom and would rather invest my time in the entertainment value of the show as a whole, not just the CarLo, Samson, Casper, Sexis, RegLet(!) aspect of it all. Sage’s recent photo retrospective got me all nostalgic, made me think about all the things I’ve experienced with the PC gang over the years. And it made me want to sit right down and make a list! So here we go!
Things I miss:
Richard Simmons’ aerobics classes at the campus disco!
Wyndham’s Department store
Reginald sassin’ the Q’s
Elton doing anything (it’s a cryin’ shame that no one ever got to attend any of his weddings)
Scotty catching Laura’s bouquet – insert audible gasp here
Heather Webber drugging Diana’s drink and then drinking it herself by mistake
Anne Logan and Jeff Weber – the eternal virgin meets MacGyver
Rose Kelly – lest we forget that she and Paddy started the joint
Jonathan Jackson – the Ultimate and Onliest Lucky
Lucy – ooooh la la
Lucy’s clothes – oooo la la infinity!
Sigmund the Duck (who I now hear is doing commercials for AFLAC)
The Nurse’s Ball – High Art
Amy Vining - Knows all, tells 85% (hehehe)
Ruby – what did she put in that chili??
V. Ardanowski (I guess you can’t actually have male/female friendships in Port Charles without ever sleeping with the person – it ruins the flow)
Bad girl Liz
Perfectly Good Wastes of Space:
Sarah Webber – in any incarnation
Hannah – can you say “Brendawannabe”
Roy Redux - zzzzzzzzzzzz
Lydia – Old Lydia was kinda sorta OK – but the premise was dopey, lose her – oh wait, they did!!!!
Kristina Cassadine – did anyone really give a rat’s anus when this chick bit it?? She was beyond annoying.
Janine Matthews – was that voice for real? I
didn’t know Port Charles had a trailer park.
Felicia married Frisco Jones, then later went on to
marry Mac Scorpio – so why is her name “Felicia Scorpio Jones”?
Shouldn’t it be: Jones Scorpio??? hmmmm
Jason losing part of his brain and gaining a storyline
B.J.’s death / Maxie’s heart transplant
Stone’s illness and death / Robin accepting Stone’s AIDS quilt
Clink / Boom
Liz’s rape / Lucky and Liz fall in love
Liz and Lucky’s “wedding”
Lucky “dies” in the fire
Brenda’s fantasy in the Q’s tub – you go girl!
Brenda’s return in the rain
Jason and Sonny not rescuing Brenda and Carly from the quicksand right away.
A.J. “hanging around”
What were they thinking?
Lucky’s worm farm
Helena “brainwashing” Lucky
The Stavrosicle - lame
Killing off Rick – lamer than lame
Brenda’s final wedding dress and Rapunzel hair – WTF??
Luke as Mayor
Scotty as D.A.
Courtney stripping to save A.J.’s ass
What Ever Happened To?
The Lab under the Hospital
You Were Onto a Good Thing …
The Bell/Cassadine Engagement Bacchanalia
Felicia, Chloe, Alexis, etc. pigging out on pie and man bashing!
Brenda and Jason
Stefan with a heart (Chloe), before the Lydia
Jason tearing the condom package open with his teeth – My hors were moaning!
Bobbie and Jerry boinkin’ in the board room – yowza, highlight of that year’s ball (in more ways than one!)
Sam and Jax in the red light (sorry, but it really
worked for me)
1) Lucky remembers he’s got Luke’s blood coursing through his veins and starts workin’ all the PC women over the age of twelve. Felicia, Alexis and Lucy all tumble ass over teakettle in lust with him and he tries to juggle them all with surprising success.
2) Jerry Jax makes a huge settlement with the government and breezes back into town. Bobbie tortures him and makes him wait for sex… wait until they both take their clothes off anyway.
3) Sonny makes one too many promises to God after being shot again and enters a monastery, no one visits because no one cares.
4) Jason and Liz bump into one another during Mardi Gras where both are masked, and end up having incredibly hot sex without realizing who they’re with. Upon returning to PC, Jason realizes he’s become impotent and confides in Liz. Liz offers to help him “paint the wind” ;-)
5) Carly takes over the Cellar again but forgets to pay some B.S. tax… she winds up in front of Judge Mathis who tells her that she needs to stop letting Leticia raise her children and to spend more than 6 minutes a day with each of them before Sam and Ric are awarded full custody of the future mobsters.
6) Coleman saves Tracy Q’s ass when she inadvertently stumbles upon an Alcazar arms deal gone bad. They go on the run a la L&L and she’s forced to lower herself to do unspeakable things, like eat fast food and enter a Laundromat. She finds herself falling for him and vows to become the reincarnation of June Cleaver in order to keep him. Coleman decides he’d rather have a fling with Monica, who obliges him – again and again and again.
7) Emily dies… for real.
8) Courtney decides that she’s married twice for love and hey, girls just wanna have fun. Jax gets caught in the position of being her cat toy – and finds himself wanting to put the brakes on his blossoming feelings for her. She could care less how he feels, cuz she’s got his number on speed dial with “booty call” next to it. Jax takes it, just like all the women on GH have taken it for years.
9) Dillon “revirginates” and he and Georgie decide to wait until they are thirty before making love. In the meantime, an absolute gaggle of hunkity hunks come out of the woodwork and begin vying for Georgie’s time and affections. Let’s see a nice girl battle the physical cravings being offered by bad boys for a change, while she tries to stay true to her first love. Quit making every 16 year-old girl out there a hoochie mama future home wrecker in training.
10) Luke realizes that both he and Laura are being manipulated by Helena and Faison. He manages to free himself and Laura while simultaneously imprisoning the two of them in an abandoned Wal-Mart. Faison attempts to bust their way out using a forklift, but all he manages to do is bury Helena under an avalanche of blue plastic bags. With Laura off her catatonic meds, she and Luke have a heart to heart where they realize that while they will always love one another, they just can’t be together. Luke feels a sense of relief because he’s fallen for Blaze in a big way. Those two hook up and become the darlings of Port Charles, living their lives with no thought except their own happiness. Laura reunites with her mother and daughter and opens the Stefan Cassadine Home for Wayward Girls. The five of them plus Lucky and Bobbie and NuNuNuLucas spend all their holidays together.
I crack myself up.