About Life, the Universe and Everything
October 27, 2005
Blessedly, there isn't much going on, so not much to report. After the frenzied activity of the past month, it's great to have nothing much going on. Eric ordered his package from License Instruction School to get his contractor's license, which will open a lot of doors for him. I feel so much better about this than I ever thought I would about him going into business for himself. The last time he did so, on a practical level it was not a success, but on a deeper level, it accomplished a great deal for us, so I'm not complaining. I always thought I would tense up and go into red alert if he thought about going into business again, but when he mentioned it this time, several months ago, I felt a surge of unexpected excitement and a sense of rightness about it. So far, everything has come together beautifully for it to happen with obstacles melting before we even see them. I have always known that he would be great at running a company. He has such a head for business and the only problems before were the horrible partners he had at the time. Going at it on his own will be much, much better and I have no doubt that he will be very, very successful. Anyone who knows Eric knows that he will be good at this. It will be great to see where it goes.
The refi is almost completely finalized. We ended up having two different sources pay our property taxes, so we will have a check coming eventually for the overage, as well as a check for the underwriter's fee that was supposed to be waived. As anyone who has refinanced before knows, you skip a payment, so November's payment is going to take care of Christmas, I'm thinking. I think only one year did I Christmas shop before December. Guess I'll need to start thinking about that soon.
But not this week.
This week, I rest.
I had a wonderful dinner with my friends, Jennifer and Melissa, on Tuesday night. As almost an afterthought, I brought Delena with me. We had just the best time. She is growing up so fast and I am so proud of how well she conducts herself around grown women. She isn't obtrusive, but is well able to hold up her end of the conversation. I am constantly amazed at what a fine young woman she is turning out to be. I eagerly look forward to taking her to the GH Fan Weekend with me next year to meet my wonderful staff (who are also dear friends) and the other online friends I have who I normally see there. We are going to have so much fun.
Halloween costumes are secured for the year. Delena is going as the "Jay" half of Jay and Silent Bob. She has her Jay and Silent Bob T-shirt, a red windbreaker and a Snoogans beanie. Her hair is getting a lighter rinse tomorrow, which should look really good. She has very, very dark blonde hair and we're going with a more wheat color. Dylan is going as one of the Ninja Turtles (the blue one) and Nathan got a really cool skeleton outfit. On Sunday night, we'll take them to the Grizzly Flats party at the Fire Station, then there is one road up here where the houses are fairly close together, so we'll give them a trick-or-treat run up through there and they'll be happy. We're having friends over on Sunday, so one of us will excuse ourselves for a bit to take them to the party. They really look forward to it.
I have been completely enjoying having the Sirius satellite radio in the house at my desk. When I first set it up, I wondered (add a questioning hick voice to this), "How come th' antenna cord is so lonnnng?" I quickly found out that when you live on a mountain top in the middle of a lot of trees, you have to move that thing around a lot outside to get a good signal. It seems to change every few hours. (Evidently satellites move. Who knew?) I immediately went through and took out all of the rap stations, the jazz and soul stations (sorry, folks), the traffic, the foreign language, the SPORTS and anything else I was never, ever going to use. That leaves me with a nice selection of talk radio, comedy, country, classic rock, radio Disney (Delena), stations dedicated to each decade of rock, hair bands and metal for Eric, the Rolling Stones channel and a good bit of other stuff. I've barely had the TV on at all except for soaps. One station, Roadhouse, has all classic country from the 50's, 60's and 70's, which is completely my time. I tend to hang out there a whole lot. I have discovered The Radio Chick on Sirius Stars, which is great (I love good talk radio) and I've been a long time fan of The Wiseguys (led by Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore) and Jimmy Breuer Live. It seems like every day I find something new that I like. As I sit and listen to the old country, I keep finding songs that I want to download, which is very nice. My music collection was getting a little stale.
I have a new weight loss approach that is gearing me up to give it another try. I've been eating however I want and not exercising officially for about a month now (I think, lost track). In the past, Eric and I always linked together our extrication from our vices, his being smoking. He gave up cigarettes two years ago and now says they really repulse him. Now he only smokes pipe tobacco or tiny little cigars called "Black and Milds," which is quite an accomplishment for him considering that he was a 2 pack a day smoker. I am so incredibly proud of him for doing that. No matter how much he tries, he has not been able to lose the cigars and pipe. Now, for my own purposes, I don't care one way or another. Of course, he will live longer and be healthier if he doesn't smoke. He was, however, a smoker when I married him (even more of a smoker, in fact) and I didn't marry him with the agenda of changing him. All I needed him to do was get older and he's handling that very well. He is the one who beats himself up for smoking and so I want it for him. I'd rather having him happy and smoking for 20 years than miserable and not smoking for 23 years. Of course, I might change my mind around year 19.
My weight, however, is something he has worked hard to find peace around. Before me, he always took up with Barbie doll types. Let's face it, he's a hunky guy and he's aware of that in a matter-of-fact way rather than an egotistical way. I know I'm pretty good looking as well, but there isn't really any getting around the fact that I'm fat. I'm OK with that as far as being identified as fat. I don't blush or shrink or feel hurt about it any more than it being identified that I have grey in my hair or I'm Caucasian or I'm fairly short. It just is. In about 50 pounds, we can let things be more ambiguous, but right now, I'm fat and it is what it is.
So yeah, even though he has come a LONG way in his acceptance of my body type, even though it's still not what he'd choose if he lived in a perfect world, he is much more invested in my success at this than I am in his. So as I said, since the situations are so similar and involve distinct similarities, such as health risks involved with both, a sense of social acceptance involved with both, self-esteem issues with both, will power issues with both, instant gratification factors with both, long term bad habits with both, long term commitments and struggle once it stops, comfort that comes from both activities that we have not yet been willing to sacrifice... There are a lot more parallels and that has gone a long way toward helping us each to understand what the other is experiencing. Because of those similarities and because we tend to draw strength from one another, we tend to start our quests together. We'll have a big acceptance ritual and christen our efforts and off we go! The thing is, it seems like that his task is a lot harder than mine because he is definitely a strong, dedicated person and he invariably fails first. I keep going, but eventually, get frustrated that he's indulging and I'm not. I compared it to the two of us getting on a train together and me looking back, seeing him on the platform lighting up and waving goodbye as the train chugs away with me on it. He is totally understanding about my observation and gets what I'm saying. The right thing to do is to disconnect my own goals from his and no one has to write and tell me that. I do get that. I am enjoying the time off, of course and the damage has been minimal so far.
What I have done for the time being, which has changed the dynamic between myself and Eric dramatically on this issue, is I have told him that when he has been 2 weeks clean from smoking anything, I will start dieting and working out like mad and stay with it. He was surprised and seemed a little frustrated with the decision at first, but then settled into it and understood. I, of course, am ready to start my diet and exercise now, I just won't let him know of the change of plans. He can notice the benefits as they occur. I haven't really binged or anything. I just haven't exercised or monitored what I ate intensively. These days, I'm pretty much drawn to the foods I should eat anyway. I'll just need to change portion controls, drink more water and exercise and then I'll be right where I need to be. I feel very happy, optimistic and positive about doing that.
For a time when nothing is going on, I sure had a lot to say! If I don't check in between now and then, have a great weekend!