May 6, 2004

Headaches suck.  I think this one is a stress thing.  I've certainly been getting enough sleep now that I have regrouped from the sleep lost working on the computer worm.

This morning was just atrocious.  They've been tough for about a week now.  Delena has decided that she hates this school as well (read:  Delena just hates school).  Seeing the work she's doing, I know home-schooling isn't an option for us.  My education on the things she's doing is over 30 years old and a lot of the stuff she's learning, I didn't even learn back then.    I know what it's like to hate school and I really feel for her, but damn.

Today, she was just dragging and dragging and dragging and the kids' actual leaving was such a mess.  I was cramming Delena's Dramamine at her, she was sure she vomiting was already imminent (before she even got on the bus), she couldn't/wouldn't find a hairbrush.  It was 20 seconds before the bus was due.  I ran upstairs and threw her one from the balcony.  I didn't even get to kiss her or Dylan goodbye because of all of the last minute running around.  Nathan started SHRIEKING because he didn't get hugs from them.  Dylan turned around to come back.  I was yelling from the balcony, "No, Dylan, go get on the bus!!"  He was all confused and torn.  Finally, he was on the bus and they were pulling away.  Eric is in a class all day today and so I had no car to take them to school if they missed the bus.  I was in tears.  Nathan was hysterical.  The kids were all sad and frustrated and being pushed so hard.  It was a terrible time.  I know we can do this differently.  For some reason, I was just unseated today.  Tomorrow, or starting tonight, I'll organize us better, talk to Delena about the inevitability of school, about the upcoming summer vacation (they are out the end of May) and about how much her approach to leaving for school affects the people around her.  It's so, so hard to be a kid in school.  Couple that with Delena being a child who is dead set on being unhappy and it's not a good mix.  If you bring Delena an ice cream sundae on a silver tray, she'll complain that the sundae has no nuts and the tray isn't gold.  I adore her, don't get me wrong, but nothing is every good enough and there is ALWAYS something to bitch about, no matter how wonderful everything is.  I so wish I could Dr Phil her. 

We finally go the info on our house.  We have the signing tomorrow at 3pm and have to bring $1500 with us (rather than the previously purported $3600; they cut it down, plus we've already paid in a thousand).  That is quite a relief.  We have put together a bit of it and Eric's parents loaned us the rest.  We are indebted to them in more ways than one.  Eric and his partner were invited to bid on 5 more housing projects by the company with which they are currently contracted.  Those wouldn't start until late summer, early fall.  They were awarded a state job that will happen in late September.  He will have to be away from home for 3-4 days for that one, but they will be paid well.  The company that they are contracted with who failed to pay him last month as agreed, have vowed that he will be paid on the 25th of this month and once that happens, we should be "safe."  I don't think I've felt that way since he left the military in 2000.  We should get a month or two after the signing where we don't have a mortgage payment due and that should give us a chance to get late bills caught up, the car registered and life on an even keel. 

I have never had much money in my life.  My family was extremely poor when I was growing up.  Paul and I were an enlisted Air Force family and although housing and utilities are provided, the pay isn't much.   Most Air Force families easily qualify for food stamps. When I married Eric, he was several ranks lower than Paul had been, so I was pretty much going back to where I'd been before financially.  In between, I was a single mom with 3-4 kids and not even barely making it.  Eric and I have always had a surplus of love and a deficit of funds.  At one time, we had all six kids at home on an airman's pay (around $25,000 a year).  We made it, but it was stressful.  When Eric left the military in 2000, the telecommunications field was thriving and he was offered a job (before he left the military) with MCI Worldcom for $60,000 a year.  That was more money than we could imagine!  We found a wonderful house (the one that was just sold) and settled into what we thought was going to finally be a relaxed and prosperous life.  We started working toward catching up the chronically late bills.  We bought a car we loved.  Three months later, everything crumbled.  The dotcom companies in the Bay Area suddenly all went bankrupt at once.  A whole lot of them had accounts with MCI Worldcom and as a result, MCI Worldcom went bankrupt.  Immediately, the layoffs began and since Eric was a newcomer, he was a first leaver.  Because all of the telecom industry was affected, it went into a nosedive and even though he was wonderfully credentialed,  he had trouble finding work.  When he found work, it was only for a few months at a time, then he'd get the call again.  His last job was another one that we thought would be permanent and despite all assurances, that job went under as well.  He was laid off for the last time the first part of last June (can you believe it's been that long??) and we've filled in the blanks with money he's made from small jobs done with his partner, plus what little he gets from unemployment insurance.  I've taken small jobs here and there doing web design for people or cleaning houses.  I've scrubbed dried maggots off of an old refrigerator for minimum wage before.  (Literally)  I can't believe we've actually made it so far.  We've faced eviction notices twice.  We've wondered often where we were going to get the money to keep the lights and heat on and the phone going.  It's invariably showed up in one way or another. 

I can't imagine what it will be like to not have to sweat out every single month.  I hope that's what's coming.  I dare to hope again, chasing that carrot that's out in front of us now.  We planted prosperity and abundance this year and owning our own home is a good bit of that.  Eric's business seems to be taking off and with any luck, we'll have steady income after the payment on the 25th.  i am trusting that regardless, all will be well.

Today, I have to clean the house from top to bottom.  It's not in bad shape.  This house requires a lot more ongoing maintenance than the other one did to keep it looking good, so doing a major clean isn't as bad as it would be without that.  Joe and Sandra left this morning for the states.  They're likely on the ferry between Victoria and Seattle right now.  We are all so very excited.  They're driving and will stop in Eugene, Oregon tonight, then in Redding, California tomorrow night.  We'll see them just after lunchtime on Saturday.  They'll leave out again on Tuesday for LA to spend a few days at Disneyland, then stop back for 2-3 days just over a week later, then on back to Victoria again.  It will be so great to see them!

David and Josh both have birthdays next week.  David will be 24 on the 11th and Josh will be 22 on the 16th.  My sweet little Taurus boys.  :)

OH, funny stuff!!  http://www.illwillpress.com/fatkins.html  It's a long load time, but very well worth it!  Must have speakers!

Doing laundry, cleaning out my desk, setting up the printer and scanner that haven't been hooked up since the move, cleaning kids' rooms and scrubbing the bathroom are my joybugs for the day.  I want to write a soap column, so if I can get jamming fast and get everything done, I might be able to hit the keyboard again!

With all that's going on in the next few days, I won't likely be back to post again until Tuesday.  I hope you have a brilliant spring weekend and that joy and happiness are your constant companions.  I wish you so much:  prosperity, joy, love, friendship and incredible health.  We spend these few minutes together when you read what has happened in my week or my day and it feels like we're talking over drinks, laughing and sharing.  It's been a long time since I started writing nonsoapies.  I don't know what I'd do without it now.  Do take care.

Love,
Katrina

PS:  Have you heard about the new male enhancement drug called "Levitra?"  For side effects, the commercial says, "In the rare event that an erection last longer than 4 hours, see a doctor."

wow.

Four hours?

Just...wow.