Katrina's Nonsoapy Journal

June 12, 2004

Watching the rest of Pirates of the Caribbean right now. I heart Johnny Depp. He's from my hometown and is my age, well two years younger. Sadly, he left Owensboro before such a time that I could have almost dated him, but just that close is good enough for me. George Clooney too. Two of my favorite actors = hometown boys. Wait. George Clooney is from Lexington, which is halfway across the state from where I was raised. Never mind. But Johnny Depp is definitely from Owensboro. I'm so eager for "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" to come out. I hope Tim Burton adequately conveys the point that is glossed over in the first (albeit wonderful) CATCF, being that Willy Wonka is totally insane. My son, Joe, would have done a much better job of remaking it. I can say that without even seeing the new movie (which I know will be awesome). He could remake Charlie and Mary Poppins and Alice in Wonderland and The Shining and The Warriors and A Christmas Carol and so many other movies and make them even more incredible than anyone else ever could. As he describes them, I can see them in my mind so clearly and I pray I get to see them in reality in my time.

Did I mention that Johnny Depp is from my hometown?

So we went to Hamburger Night on Friday and sure enough, the whole town gets together for a big town picnic every Friday night. A group called "The Committee" (which instantly conquered up all kinds of Shirley Jackson imagery for me) puts on the picnic and they set up endless folding tables and green and white resin chairs for everyone. There is a line of maybe 4-5 of the folding, cafeteria-style tables end to end with napkins, tomatoes, pickles, baked beans, sauer kraut, wafer cookies, Ruffles chips, salad, melon, carrot sticks and lemonade. Music plays from a stereo on the back of a flatbed. It's everything from polkas to 50's rock to Burt Kaempfert, "Wonderland By Night." I teared up when I heard it because it was my Mom's favorite. Eric threatened to break out his Beatles CDs if they played even one more song by Leslie Gore.

No one really paid us much attention. One older lady took it upon herself to reprimand Dylan for running in the table area (there were several kids running and he was one of them), which struck me wrong, but I decided to pick my battles. I gave her the frowning of a lifetime, she with her fussy, smart-assed ladybug shirt. One lady had on a white, tight shirt and was illustrating exactly how chilly the night air was with her jack-ball sized nips rising up to greet the world. There were no less than two sets of twins.

At one point in the evening, the volunteer fire department guys who were on call showed up and they kinda looked like this, all walking up to the grill like a sixpack. They did have on black official t-shirts, so it wasn't exactly like this.

All in all, it was fairly uneventful. We arrived. We kibbitzed with Nathan's future kindergarten teacher a bit, we sat, we ate, we people watched, we got up to leave, whereupon Eric promptly found an old guy to talk to about winters in Grizzly Flats and gold panning and god knows what all else while we standing around with our collective thumbs up our collective butts waiting for him.

It was definitely a good thing to not have to cook.

I've cooked for about 32 years now and I think I'm about done with it. I don't get the satisfaction I used to from slaving out a good meal and I'm starting to enjoy other people cooking for me a bit too much.

Got my "At Ease" wild yam/natural progesterone cream in the mail today. It was a hot $10 off of e-bay. I hope it works for me better than the Remifemin does. Lord knows I need to get something going on here for some energy.

We went to Sacramento today so that Delena could see the new Harry Potter movie. Eric and I took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese's and let them blow a couple of dollars worth of tokens while we made them regret the all you can drink soda fountain. Afterwards, Eric and I went out for the cheap Chinese buffet (bleh, it wasn't what my stomach was wanting at all). The drive down sucked, as always. I got queasy and the kids were bitchy. Coming back, the kids AND Eric were bitchy and I wanted to hide in the glove box. Headache stuck around and now it's in full bloom.

I expect I'm going to take some Tylenol (can't take the Excedrin I want to take because it has just enough caffeine to play with my screwed up hormones and keep me awake all night) and some Gravol and slip into dark sleep. I wish I could sleep with the door open so that the dog won't wake me up to go in or out or back in again. I vaguely recall what it's like to sleep through the night and wake up feeling rested. Now I wake up looking like a cartoon that has been heavily doused in Dip (watch "Who Framed Roger Rabbit").

I think I need one of those R-U-N-N-O-F-T moments that Vivvie had in "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." I need to drive to the beach and stay there and sleep until I don't know what day it is any more and I have my head on straight again. I have the GH Fan Weekend coming up in a month, but I often leave that exhausted because of all of the back to back events and activity. I'm trying to pace it out so that I have more quiet time and less busy time, but I can already see the schedule filling up. Of course, I have the 7-8 hour drive down there and back to be on my own, but given that I'm just not one of those people who get enjoyment out of driving, it's more of a necessity than a pleasure. I expect it will be me and Dr Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Solution on CD for the drive down and back.

If you want to hear a good mom song, listen to "Dimming of the Day" by Allison Krause. It is, in fact, from the Ya Ya Sisterhood soundtrack.

Meanwhile, here are some funnies from Stephen Wright:

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to getaway from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Satan walked up to the old man and said, " Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" asked Satan.

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?"

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Whall, I figger we're family. I been married to your sister for 48 years."