Katrina's Nonsoapy Journal

5
What's coming into being

4
What's passing away

1
Main Focus

6
What will happen

9
My thoughts

2
Accentuating Main Focus

3
Foundation of reading

8
About my Environment

7

About Me

August 23, 2004

It's baby time! Well, almost anyway. Tomorrow is when Valerie's labor is being induced and presumably, Aidan (I keep wanting to call him Ian for some reason) will be here! It's Valerie's third child (first was a vaginal birth and the second was a c-section for a footling breech), so with any luck, it won't take long. Of course, she's not even due for a few days and inductions are weird if the body just isn't ready to go. I hope her cervix is nice and ripe and her uterus is ready to do its thing. She's being admitted at 5:30am, so knowing hospitals as I do, I expect she will not even be induced until after 7 or so. My sweet baboo, David (24) is coming up tonight with Eric to baby sit tomorrow, get the kids out the door for school and such stuff. I hope to be able to come home with Eric on time tomorrow night if Valerie finishes up. If all goes well, tomorrow is happy baby day. :)

I've been having some emotional issues lately. Not my usual good cries and not even really cries. Just feeling melancholy and blue without a real target for it. Finally, yesterday morning, I was just done with it. I wanted to know what was at the heart of this sad feeling. I have so much! Why would I be so disgruntled?

I decided to do something I almost never do. I did a tarot reading for myself. I have been a Tarot reader for 21 years and I'm very good at it. I believe it the system 100% (but there are some really bad readers out there, don't get me wrong) and enjoy it very much, but I primarily read for other people because I am not as objective as I'd like to be about my own situation. This time, it felt right. So in case any of you wonder how a Tarot reading works and how the reader gets the info they reveal, I'll talk you through mine. This is using the Robin Wood deck, one of my favorites. The 78 cards are shuffled and dealt out in this pattern (there are many "spreads," but this is the one I use most).

Each of the cards has its own meaning, but intuitively, based on the psychic impressions the reader gets when they look at the cards in this particular reading and also classically, based on standard interpretations. Each of the positions in the reading also has a subject and the interpretation is applied to that subject. The number below the card is the order in which I put down the card and in which I will interpret. Below that is what each position covers.

1) The Focus: 5 of Cups. A guy is looking at the 3 spilled cups and doesn't see the 2 full ones behind him. The card means my focus at this time is on things lost. Even though I have some wonderful things in reserve (still behind me), I am mourning the things I have lost and that, in some ways, is more than I've kept. I've lost the ability to have fun in any way that doesn't occur on these 2 acres of land. There are no thrift stores, no restaurants, no swimming pools, etc. I don't have any friends up here. My husband, who was with me almost all of the time for a year is now gone the majority of the time. My babysitters are all far away, so I'm with kids all the time. My computer is slow because I'm on dial up. My kitchen it too tiny in which to function well. The deer eat my plants. Yes, I am in heaven, but I've lost a good bit too and I've been so busy putting my primary focus on the wonderful things about living here that I have not adequately mourned the things I have lost.

2) The Accentuating Card: Queen of Swords. She is the Diva. The Diva gives me the strength to work through these issues wisely and not succumb to the intensity of emotion. I can deal with them and move on.

3) The Focus: Ace of Cups. An overflowing of emotion, love and feelings.

4) What is passing away or has just happened: Strength. A woman tames a wild lion. This represents the ability to keep control over the "beast" inside of us and bring our emotions into perspective and control.

5) What's coming into being, but can be changed: The Emperor. Will power, emotional control and wisdom.

6) What's going to happen: Temperance. A balance, blending diverse situations together until it is a good mix.

7) What's going on with me: The Hermit. (no shit) Isolation to bring wisdom and introspection.

8) What's going on in my environment: The Devil. This represents the things that hold you back from your greatest success (your own "devil"). Since it's in my environment, it's telling me that there are issues in my own environment that I need to get past (like the isolation and loneliness, housework - ack, etc) and stop allowing them to hold me back.

9) What's my real mindset on the situation: 10 of Pentacles. Everything I need is being provided for me and I am in a situation that will provide for my long term needs as well.

10) Outcome: The Lovers. (rrrowwl) Can mean a choice of the high road and the low road or the literal translation of a mutual and loving and erotic relationship.

So all of this looks like a process of a good thing, just with some working out to do.

Speaking of good things, today, I'm having an early day. Eric is coming home a couple of hours early with David and he and I are going *gasp* out to dinner!! I'm so excited! We haven't been out together in months! I'm pushing for Mexican or Italian if we can find a good place in Placerville. Meanwhile, I have to clean my house, post the work of other people and get ready to go!

Hope you have a great day. Remember, I'll be gone all day tomorrow, so if anyone needs me, yell LOUDLY.

Love,