© Rowena Morrill

September 3, 2003

I apologize for my recent absence and "absent" about sums me up lately.   Sssshhh.  I've been hiding inside myself lately.  I'm not completely sure why or what's up, but ever since I got back from LA, I've been out of sync and discombobulated. 

I think I mentioned that as soon as I got into the car after landing at the airport, the kids erupted into chaos and I've been working full time to try and get them back to normal again.  Nathan has been really screamy and clingy and it's making me crazy.  He shrieks when he talks to me and it's been tough to try and get him out of that.  The main theme has been to get the message to him that it hurts my ears (and my spine and my head and my ass) for him to be screaming like that (And he's not screaming things like "the house is on fire."  He's screaming things like, "I WANT A DRINK NOW!!!) and that he's not going to get what he wants until he speaks to me in a normal tone.  His response is to scream louder.  It has been a lot of work to break his spirit and I have no idea what happened that brought this on other than me just being gone for 3 days.  You may feel free to raise your eyebrows because I've had mine on the top of my head since his first shriek.  (You want a WHAT, WHEN?  Oh ho ho really?)  He was pretty well broken of it by the time this past weekend hit, but by the time Monday rolled around, it was screamfest again.  I got another stupid cold and Eric has determined it's because I don't exercise (thank you, dear).  I'm overtired and so I'm all foggy and vapid, which isn't particularly becoming.  My house and laundry are in dire need of attention and I can't seem to find the motivation or wherewithal to tackle it.  I just want to crawl into bed and sleep and heal for a few days.

I'm not sure why I can't find my groove since the trip.  I'm trying not to overthink it and to just try and find my step again. 

So don't think I'm not thinking of you guys, because I am, I just can't seem to get words to come together in any kind of sense, so I'm avoiding torturing you with my ramblings that are going to not make a lick of sense.

I'll be back around again.  I just need to rest up and get back on track again.

OH, the good news is that my birthday is on Friday, the 5th!  Eric forgot it last year, so I started announcements about a week ago.  I haven't decided what to do yet.  I'm thinking go shopping for a couple of goodies and maybe grab some dinner with Eric.  I'm feeling low key for #42.  What do I want for my birthday?  I want the house cleaning (and garage cleaning) fairies to come and leave everything all organized and spotless and I want a lovely meal I didn't cook and I want a soft, gentle, long nap.  Forget the other thing I want.  It would only torture me.  Katie brought me lust incense.  Like I need it.  :)~

I'm off to wander around my house running into wall some more.  Everyone that I owe e-mails to, just know I love you and  when I'm in my right head again, I'll (maybe) catch up.

Much Love,
Katrina

ssssh
I'm still
hiding.

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