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November 4, 2004 ..and I am! It has been a wonderful week and for that, I am so grateful. My house has been wonderfully, freakishly clean all week. I've been watching what I eat and I feel really good, but I've also been occasionally indulging myself (like now, I wanted some Honeycomb with milk, tried to work it out by going out to the wood pile, getting some wood for the morning, chopping it down a bit, piling it by the stove, still wanted Honeycomb with milk, so I'm having some even though I had a high protein breakfast an hour ago) so I don't feel deprived. I've been taking Dexatrim Natural, which does a pretty good job of curbing the cravings and also gives me a "full" button, so I don't just keep eating and eating and eating. I feel full and then I'm done. I still haven't started exercising, but I'm definitely getting the food issue worked out. I feel much more in control. It's bizarre how quickly eating can cross over from an enjoyable way of fueling oneself to a compulsive anesthesia for unresolved emotions. Today is laundry day and my goal is to get it all done in one day, from first scoop of detergent to last shirt in the drawer. I also need to vacuum, mop and clean the fridge. In between, I have some writing to do and then tonight, I roast chicken and make scalloped potatoes. I am so bored with my own cooking. I look at the chicken, the steak, the ground beef and think, "Ugh." I love eating food cooked by other people. Even if Eric drives through McDonalds and brings me a cold Big and Tasty from the road, I'm trilled. Yep, it's official. After 35 years, I'm officially tired of cooking. I am 43 and I want to spend the next 2/3 of my life with people bringing me chicken alfredo and pollo funditos and potato soup and potato skins and hamburgers and chili that I didn't make and is cooked to perfection. We had a quick flurry of snow this morning, but it's not particularly cold out. The sun is shining, but there is a grey patch of overcast darkness over to the West still. Eric is foraging for wood again this weekend, so I hope it's clear then as well. I'd love to go see Josh and the grandkids this weekend if we can, but Eric usually doesn't want to travel on weekends since he drives all week, which is fully understandable. Next weekend is our wedding anniversary. Not sure what we are doing yet. I'd love to go up to Tahoe for a while. It's only a little over an hour away and it would be great to get away with Eric for a while. It's also Eric's birthday and I already know what I want to get him, so I have to get to town one way or another this weekend. As I am writing this, I realize I really don't have too much to say other than to wish all of you well and say hello. I hope your week ends well and life is being kind to you. Love,
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