Comments through June 6, 2003
(Couple spoilers.  Many opinions.  Several eye rolls)  

This is how I know that we are OK.  By we, I mean those of us obsessed to varying degrees with one or more soaps.  Perhaps you’ve experienced some teasing remarks about stereotypical soap watchers.  Maybe, like me, you’ve been told to “get a life” or endured sneering holier-than-thou remarks such as “I don’t watch soaps.  I have better things to do with my time.”  PFFT! to the mockers because I’ve observed those nonsoap-watching snobs and everybody takes a break in some way.  Drinks after work, sports, movies, reading, primetime viewing, Lifetime movies on weekends represent a few favorite unwinding activities.  So don’t even buy into the idea that de-stressing with 38 minutes of passion, romance, angst and fun is a lesser activity than any other.  Wait, this paragraph isn’t going in the direction I planned, wrong soapbox. 

Anyway, at the beginning of the week during one of my Mommy the Taxicab trips I was waiting at a light, which had turned red as I pulled up second car from the front.  In the lane next to me was a man, windows open, who was extraordinarily angry at the car in front of him, which hadn’t stepped on the gas and made the light.  Irritating?  Maybe a little.  Road rage worthy?  I think not.  However this guy was so ticked he spent the entire four or five minutes during the red light cursing, puffing his cigarette, and loudly expounding to his wife how stupid and inconsiderate the guy in front of him was.  Oh, and there was at least one child in a car seat behind him.  The man was blind to those of us around him forced to endure his diatribe.  The light changed and even though I wasn’t driving in the same lane I let him round the corner ahead of me because he was kinda scary and no telling what he’d do if he wanted in my lane.  What does this have to do with soap watching you want to know?  I’ll tell ya.  We may be obsessive.  We may even be a bit crazy as we yell at our television screens.  But compared to that guy driving in the free world, even with our soapy idiosyncrasy we are wonderfully sane, plus we are fun.  So here’s my advice.  The next time a nonsoap watching snob makes a contemptuous remark, haughtily inform him or her that relieving stress through soaps probably cuts down on violence and road rage.  So there! 

There is something wrong in Sonnyville besides the obvious disappearance of He Who Possesses All Authority in Port Charles.  Carly ordered Marco to grab Faith and drag her to the penthouse.  On several occasions I have heard Sonny order his guards not to listen to Carly, she does NOT issue orders pertaining to Business.  Full of helpful suggestions Courtney ran across the hall to fetch Brenda’s London telephone number so she could question her about Alcazar.  Would Jason approve of such action?  I think not, sister.  Broads are not to be involved in The Bidness.  Except Faith who has a contract, snaky legs, viper ways, a Ric fetish, and a skillful manner with dialogue.  I am referring to Courtney Cottontail and Liz Snow White, which made me smile when she said them.  Anyway, I distinctly remember Jason laying down the MOB Girlfriend rules to Courtney so she, along with Carly, should know better than to help their men.  Either the MOB Molls are staging a rebellion or someone poisoned the waterhole (not really, I just like that line from “Toy Story”) or TPTB changed the rulebook and didn’t send out a revised copy to the fans.  Though I’m thinkin’ a rebellion is in order after Sonny instructed Jason to remain behind while he flew to South America condescendingly saying, “I just want you to keep the women calm.”  Yeah, Sonny, come sit by me and let me tell ya how to keep a woman calm…

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Men try to keep women calm and women try to participate in The Bidness. 

In stunning, not seen anywhere else, scoopage, I offer the following sneak preview photo from Courtney and Jason’s wedding that may or may not take place at some not really pinned down time in the future. 

Just kidding!  Don’t get your knickers in a twist. 

Jason needs some wardrobe.  I’m sick of t-shirts hanging out and the same scroungy leather jacket. 

Courtney apologized to Sonny for her mother’s behavior to which Sonny graciously replied, “Being part of this family means you never have to apologize.”  I laughed.  That is totally Sonny’s rule, because if apologies were in order he’d have no dialogue other than begging forgiveness.  Though perhaps Janine should practice apologizing for her insistent yapping.  She sounded amazingly like Carly on a tear, except I like Carly.

I’m sorry, Sonny.  No, I’m sorry Courtney.  Really, it’s all my fault…

No, I’m sure it’s my fault…

Hmm, the No Sorry Rule is looking better. 

Did anyone else notice that when Janine dropped her purse and the cash and flask spilled out, Jason handed Janine her purse and cash but he handed the flask to Sonny who glanced at it and then placed it inside his suit pocket.

Purse, money, flask.  Now the flask disappears. 

In typical Jason style, Jason stormed into Ric and Liz’s house and wrapped his arm around Ric’s neck demanding to know Sonny’s whereabouts.  Priorities, however, must be adhered to so the moment Jason’s cell phone rang, roughly he shoved Ric away and answered because, as we all know, in today’s modern society if a telephone rings, it must be instantaneously answered no matter what a person is involved in.  Right.  My husband definitely wishes I would make immediately answering the telephone a priority in my life.  Headlock, threatening with a gun, hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of quiet time, no matter what, the telephone’s call must be heeded.  PFFT!

Wanna play Ric?/What?  Time to go home?/Later days, Bud.  Maybe I can play after dinner. 

Where were the guards when the fake DEA officers stormed the penthouse? 

Well, Greg’s toast, doggonit!  I tend to enjoy the smaller offbeat characters so I’ll miss him.  Greg was willing to betray Sonny for a million bucks and his life, but he wasn’t willing to give up the name of the Miami supplier?  He disappointed me with his lack of scruples.  Or maybe he gave Sonny the name in exchange for his life and disappearance from P.C.  Who’s going to launder Sonny’s money now? 

Buh-Bye Greg 

Oooh, icy Alcazar definitely caught my interest.  He didn’t even cause a flicker of an eyelid or a waver in his gun hand for Jason though, who is probably accustomed to guys who fall off balconies returning to life.  Such is life in Port No-One-Really-Dies Charles.

Do you think he looks good without his shirt too? 

Not surprisingly, Skye slapped Alexis when Alexis insulted her mothering skills.  It’s been what, at least a week since one woman slapped another so I kinda expected a palm to meet a cheek soon.  Alexis should be used to getting slapped since Carly has slapped her on more than one occasion.  Wanna take bets on who’ll receive the next smackaroo?  I say Liz and Skye should be first in line since they’ve dished out a few.  

A.J. set up the nanny cam for Skye and then ducked behind a couch as Ned entered the room with Kristina.  Skye distracted Ned while A.J. noisily slipped out the patio doors.  How odd that Ned didn’t even turn his head and glance behind him when as far as he knew only Skye and Kristina were in the room with him. 

Being a shy wallflower type during my teenage years, I didn’t go to a prom so maybe my lack of experience is showing but isn’t a prom about dressing up for a dance?  Isn’t it full of pomp, circumstance, traditions and dressing to the nines high school style?  Just call me naïve, cause I didn’t realize the prom premise had changed to showing up at a hotel, renting a room, and enticing boys.  Maybe I am being a tad unfair but c’mon, PROM.  Our psychodrama teens should at least have made an appearance in a decorated room filled with classmates dressed in glamorous dresses and suits, danced and socialized before slipping into a rented room hoping for sex and kisses.  Plus, is there no adult supervision anywhere for these kids?  Couldn’t GH make an effort to show in some small way that it is not OK for teenagers to rent rooms and plan sex?  Because I have many teenagers full of life, drama and innocence running through my house, this story hits me way wrong. 

10 seconds in the Hotel Lobby then straight up to the room. 

At least we were treated to a few scenes with Dillon who seems to be growing on me.  Frustrated because he doesn’t fit in, he told Ned, “Everybody has this secret handshake and they’re not telling me.”  Of course, first we endured a few scenes of heartbroken Georgie’s sobbing angst.  I appreciate a good cry with the best of ‘em, Sarah Brown could let the tears roll without mussing her makeup, but Georgie’s cry, whine, sob, screech, bawl, yell fit grated on my nerves after a few moments.  She was upset with good cause, but enough already!

I GET it.  You’re unhappy.  Cute kid in a pretty dress, but you cry too loudly. 

How come Emily and Dillon haven’t made any friendly contact?  Living in the same mansion, you’d think they might meet and bond over the breakfast buffet. 

Why do the Q’s think they shouldn’t have to answer the door?  Is Dobson expected to hover in the foyer waiting for a knock or the doorbell?   

Maybe Emily should stand in line to get smacked because she’s not doing right by Zander.  I understand her faulty reasoning, but I liked her when she was truthful.  Zander should be told what she’s going through, and then she can order him to stay away for his own good.  He won’t listen or stay away, but at least she’ll have been honest.  

Hair and makeup must be busy these days at GH as they transform NLG into Dobson.  I wonder how long it takes to glue on facial hair?  At least they’re off the hook with Emily.  Just pat the shine off her face so she looks appropriately pale and weak and she’s good to go.

I know how they do the makeup, but is that real hair? 

In an unusual turn of events, I find myself agreeing with Dr. Cam’s assessment of Alexis.  I believe it was, “You’re certifiable.”  It’s one thing to reinvent oneself.  It’s quite another to switch gender, profession, accent and teeth.  While Dobson has provided some funny moments - Skye said, “You no longer work here.”  Dobson arrogantly replied, “Why?  Because I’m gay?” - I am becoming concerned that tough, smart, capable attorney Alexis has been kidnapped by Helena and clone Dobson/Alexis will be on my screen forever. 

It won’t help but I have to get this off my chest.  Please picture me yelling at the TV.  NED!  GET A CLUE.  DOBSON IS ALEXIS!  How can he not see her under the beard?  Even with Zander’s declaration about Cameron’s relationship with Dobson, “My Dad isn’t protecting Dobson for Alexis, he’s dating him,” Ned should see Alexis under that getup.  The scenes were funny, but I couldn’t help rolling my eyes.  Good thing Alice wasn’t in the hall during the Ned/Skye/Dobson/Cameron squall.  Her poor heart would have been broken. 

To make sure one receives the maximum head injury, bop them from behind and then have them slam their forehead on a desk on their way into unconsciousness.  Oh Luke, I wish I could ease your pain.  Luke confronted Lucky, Nicholas, and Stefan trying desperately to regain control of Laura’s care and then to find Laura.  When Luke is bad, I feel bad for him.  Plus I know the worse he behaves or more wound up he becomes, the closer it is to Anthony Geary’s next long vacation.  As Luke hallucinated Summer into Laura kissing her and telling her he loved her, my heart hurt.  When Luke stood swaying in front of Stefan with a 12-inch blade, I saw his anger, but also his pain.  I look forward with happy anticipation to Luke and Stefan scenes because they are so evenly matched with their opposite and extreme personalities.  In fact, Luke with anyone floats my boat.

Luke with a knife.  Luke hallucinating.  He makes me sad. 

As the Spencer/Cassadine war re-ignites characters seem to be scrambling for footing.  Except for Laura who amazingly exists front and center despite being comatose and unseen for almost a year.  Lucky and Nicholas remain united as brothers and angry with fathers and uncles.  Luke’s anger extends to Uncle Vlad, Nicholas by extension and his son for not participating in the feud.  Stefan’s harder to read.  Suffice to say he’s rarely happy and if he let himself, he’d be ticked too.  So far, the Spencer/Cassadine caldron of venom, dirty tricks and spicy dialogue is heating up slowly the way a great storyline should.  Cross your fingers everyone and hope for a good soapy ride! 

I’d like to accentuate the positive this week with Ric and try not to dwell on the negative.  Like how dense was he to think Carly would accept a ride home with him from Kelly’s? 

I’m positive that Ric’s good for a little eye candy. 

What was that picture that Liz and Ric hung on the door to the panic room?  Was it a windmill or an oil derrick with a red flag in the middle?  

Liz and Ric ponder the deeper meaning of the red square. 

Ric told Faith standing outside of Kelly’s, “Don’t you ever get tired of ingratiating yourself in people’s lives and listening in on their conversations?  It’s really pathetic.”  How funny to hear that coming out of Ric’s mouth since he and Faith are two of a kind regarding eavesdropping and vengeance.  I love Faith’s new hide in the bushes pastime.  How else could she show up at Ric’s door every few minutes?     

We know it’s gonna happen.  Ric will snatch Carly, tie her to the bed in the panic room and…what?  Keep her there for five or six months until the baby’s born?  It seems redundant to say how crazy and twisted his plan is.  Really, does he plan to run in the panic room every 30 minutes with food and bathroom trips?  Pregnant women are very high maintenance and this is Carly for goodness sake.  Spoilers say Carly will escape by hitting Ric over the head.  I so like a woman who is not a victim!   

I love the spoiler that says Scotty will take a bribe.  That’s not a spoiler, it’s Scotty’s MO. 

I have a nonsoapy question to put before you this week.  Hopefully, someone out there can explain to me why adding the word “British” to a business name and a van with a British flag painted on its side can make a daycare successful.  If the British possess a daycare secret formula that helps children develop, I’ve never heard of it.  A previous daycare at that location closed down a couple months ago, but within a few weeks of the new British daycare’s opening, the parking lot is continuously swamped.  Located on the main road past my neighborhood, I have the opportunity to view this phenomenon regularly.  Insights would be helpful, because I don’t get it.

One funny event dropped in my lap this week.  I attended a packed house graduation held in a university sports arena.  Many, many people strolled by, which is always entertaining.  I saw a middle aged man wearing lime green silk dress slacks with a lime green plaid shirt to match.  Another younger man, who must shop where the lime guy shops, wore a similar suit only it was tangerine orange.  From their stance and stride (they weren’t together), they thought they were fine!  I thought they looked silly.  My idea of fun flamboyance would be Ned strolling on stage in his tight leather pants.  That entertained me a bit but the best came last.  As we were leaving a tall, model slim woman walked by.  She was wearing a white lacy skirt and top with white spiky high heels.  My husband reached out, cupped my head and said in my ear, “See the lady in the white dress?  She’s a man.”  “No way,” I replied, “she looks like a model.”  As it happened the “lady” stopped to wait for someone and she turned around to look behind her as we walked by.  Yep, it was a man decked out in drag and lookin’ good except he was a man in a dress.  Kinda like Alexis with a beard but she still looks like a woman with a goatee glued on her face.  Grabbing my elbow, my husband kept me walking because I had totally turned around to check him out.  And I wasn’t embarrassed to stare because if he didn’t want to make an obvious statement, he wouldn’t be walking around in a dress at a packed public event.   

(There are no pictures of men dressed in drag on websites I’m willing to visit.  Sorry.) 

Once we were in our car driving away, my husband teased me about my staring.  Speaking quietly so we wouldn’t have to explain the vagaries of human nature to our children, we laughed over the incident.  Only the joke ended up on us when my 14 year old casually asked, “Are you talking about the man in white dressed like a woman?”  So much for protecting the innocence of my children and avoiding a cross-dressing discussion, because apparently my son took a man dressed in drag in stride.  It’s an amazing world in which we live.  May you have time to enjoy your soap without interruptions this week.  Thanks for checking in.  

http://www.internetbumperstickers.com/

Photo credit for this week:  http://groups.msn.com/GHWorld3

Totally cool GH site!

A happy, uncomplicated picture from a happy me.

Kathy