Best Lines of the Week

Part Two---Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday 

AMC 

Best laugh-out-loud moments:

?         Lily: Sweet. You talkin' trash to me, mac daddy? 'Cause it's mega-cool.

?         Lily: Dude, check you out. Where's your bling? You rock, hottie. You're off the heezy.

Nah, baby, YOU’RE off the heezy!  LOVED it!!  Big kudos go out to whichever writer was smart enough to combine today’s jive lingo with Lily’s sweetly naïve nature and dead pan expressions.  

?         Adam: Well, evidently, the system favors the highest bidder.

Evidently?  Did I just hear Adam say “evidently”?! Adam has spent a lifetime bribing, blackmailing, and buying off more lawyers, judges, doctors, etc… than almost any other character ever on ABC daytime…and yet, suddenly, he’s ignorant to the fact that money buys power?  Whatever…evidently, my ass… 

Too Hypocritical for Words--well, almost--, case #1206:

?         Erica: They can never get back all the months you stole from them.

?         Babe: You'll never know how sorry I am for everything..

?         Erica: Oh, please. Do you think that by saying you're sorry that that could ever begin to make up for all the damage, the pain that you've caused? How could you even expect forgiveness?

Wow, Erica…You mean, sorta-kinda like how you expected Maria and Edmund to just welcome you back with warm embraces full of complete sympathy and understanding after you kidnapped their daughter, claimed her as your own, and led them to believe that their own child was gone for months on end?? 

?         Jonathan: I'm just trying to turn you on. Isn't this what you want to do to Bianca?

?         Jonathan:  Why can't you say it? You fantasize about Bianca when we make love!

?         Jonathan: Don't say that! Please stop lying to me! Please stop lying! I know you think about Bianca when I make love to you!

?         Maggie: Don't! Stop it! You're the only one that I want! You're the only one that I want! I will prove it to you right now! Make love to me right now! I will prove it to you! Please, Jonathan! Please forgive me! Please, just -- just don't be mad, ok? Just don't be mad. Don't be mad.

Dude.  I’m not gonna mince words here.  This whole situation?  Totally.  Fucked.  Up.  Not only is Maggie apologizing to this total waste of skin for something she never even did, but she’s begging him to screw her every which way just so she can “prove her loyalty” to him.  I am totally appalled by Jonathan and what he is doing, it makes my skin crawl, but for the life of me, I am fascinated..  The writing is concise and true to form, and the acting by EH and JB is superb..  Bravo!! 

Case #91795 of the Pot calling the Kettle black:

?         Erica (to Zach): You are completely clueless when it comes to parenting.

Bwaa-haa-haa-haa!! 

?         Ethan: Why is everybody in this town so quick to condemn Kendall?

Look it up for yourself, Eth.  The Book of Ryan, Chapter 5, verse 31 clearly states…

?         Maggie: He's my fiancé.

?         Bianca: Maggie, he is so beneath you.

DUDE.  Truer words were never spoken. 

?         Erica: Ok. I'm selfish.

Whoops!  My bad.  Disregard the previous comment, because hey, it can’t get much truer than this, can it? 

Best introspective moment into a good heart:

?         Lily: Smiling feels nice.

Honestly, I think that the world would be a nicer place if all of us would just stop, take a breath, and realize the worth of a good smile.  

?         Maggie: You know that you are the most romantic man I have ever met?

What a coincidence, because that is the most tragic thing I have ever heard. 

?         Zach: I'm here because I'm your father. And I'm going to be your father until you decide to kill me.

?         Zach: We’re going to have to try and get past this “eat dirt and die” thing.

Aw…Don’t you just love these father-son Kodak moments?  *sniff, sniff* 

Sarah Doc’s most mind-in-the-gutter moment for the week:

?         Ryan (about Kendall): I mean, she's had it in for Jonathan since the day that he got to town.

Actually, if I remember right, Jonathan was the one who had it in…DOH! 

Best-Placed Snarky comments:

?         Kendall (to Greenlee): Fine, if we get caught snooping, then just play dumb. Shouldn't be too hard for you.

?         Greenlee: You want to go down for murder again?

?         Kendall: Yeah, because it was just so much fun the first time. Good times.

A good snark is a joy forever.  

OLTL 

?         Rex: He's not all that crazy about me. Can you tell?

?         Jen: Gee, I wonder why.

Oooo…Score one up for Jen! 

?         Kevin (to Ace):   I hope you'll be proud of me someday, maybe want to make up for all the mistakes I made with Duke, Blair, Kelly, and everybody.

Let me get this straight:  He’s asking his son to atone for the miserable crap that he --Kevin-- has done??  WTF?  First Bridget on GH, and now this joker.  Come on, class, let’s say it together:  Babies are humans, not toys.  They’re not little erasers to be used to eradicate your shady past, nor are they tubes of Crazy Glue to mend your future with those you screwed over.   

?         Rex: I love everything about you, from that beautiful face, that body, that amazing smile, to every dirty, rotten thing you've ever done.

…and THAT, my friends, is true love. 

?         Jen: And besides, how could I ever be with you again after you slept with my mother?

…and THIS, my friends, would be why sometimes love just ain’t enough.. 

?         Daniel: Blair, I really don't have time.

Well, not right now, Blair.  But, hey, keep bugging him and he might be able to pencil you in sometime…you know, right between “Accepting Bribe Money from Adam Chandler” and “Planting Evidence on Someone I Hate to prevent my Son from Going to Jail for Killing Paul Cramer.” 

?         Kelly: I'm going to the F.B.I., I'm going to the police, I'm going to whoever will listen to me. I have worked too hard to make this right to let it go wrong again..

I have to give props where props are due.  Kelly may have caused the whole baby switch thing in the first place by asking Paul to steal a baby for her, but after finding out the truth behind it all, her actions have pleasantly surprised me.  Daytime is rife with characters that put their own wants and needs ahead of their own childrens’ best interests.  But Kelly put her own desires behind her, and really worked hard to do the right thing.  Thumbs up. 

?         Margaret: Listen, either you make a baby with me right now, or I'm going to choke the living life out of you!

Nothing like a little sweet talk and foreplay to get your man in the mood, eh, Peg? 

?         Dorian: Darling, I have never been more proud of you than I am this minute.

Nope, she can’t be proud of Adriana for having been the only Cramer woman who hasn’t shot at or killed someone, can’t be proud of her for not doing drugs or sleeping around, can’t be proud of her for being -- in general -- a good, polite kid and member of society…noooo…Dorian is proud because Adriana is going to be deceitful and spy on Kevin.  Gotcha.  

?         Duke (to Adriana): The more I get to know you, the more I learn. And the more I like.

Aww…and the more we watch you two, the more we like…well, mostly…when ya’ll aren’t being too cute that it gets stale and boring.. 

?         Starr (on TV to Todd): …and I still have to learn how to unlock safes as good as you do.

Aw, doesn’t that just take you back?  I, of course, remember the first time my dad showed me how to take out a home security system…how to launder money…our first B&E together…*sniff sniff*…good times, good times..

GH 

?         Carly (to Courtney):  Will you be selfish just for once…

Just for once?  Um, really, Carly, who do you think you’re kidding here? 

Most heartbreaking line of the day:

?         Sam: Just why do I keep falling in love with these little girls just to have them taken away?

Honey, we know *just* how you feel.  I mean, after all, every time a character gets pregnant on this show, the baby (born or unborn) gets taken away.  Mikey ought to count himself very, very lucky.  Kristina, too, for that matter. 

…and the winner by knockout:

?         Steven: I guess I've said something to turn you off.

?         Carly: I was never turned on.

DOH!!  That was HARSH, Carly-babes, even for you…but so damn funny. 

?         Courtney: Sam told me that you guys are over. And I guess I just started thinking that maybe --

?         Jason: Courtney, before you say anything, I'm in love with Sam.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I mean it, Jase.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for putting the brakes on that oncoming train of dullness, and saving us all from being subjected to yet another weepy declaration of undying love.  You’ll never know how many FF buttons are in your debt for this one act of humanity alone. 

?         Carly (about Sonny): I don't think I will ever experience a love like his again.

?         Steven: You know that that's dysfunctional, right?

DUDE.  You do NOT even know… 

Best laugh I‘ve had all week:

?         Courtney: You've been drinking?

?         Bridget: If you're going to keep it in the cabinet --

Bwaa-haa-haa-haa!!   But seriously now, folks, if you’re gonna be taking troubled teenagers into your home to live with you, in the hopes of getting them to walk the straight and narrow path, doesn’t it seem a little - I don’t know - defeatist to keep your booze in a place where it’s easily accessible to the same people you’re trying to straighten out?  What’s next?  Holding Narcotics Anonymous meetings at a crack house? 

Best Comeback of the Day:

?         Sonny: You heard the judge. She ruled I get unlimited visitation. And you know what that means. That means I get to see Kristina pretty much whenever I want.

?         Alexis: Well, that's what happens when you pay off a judge.

BOO-YAH!!! 

?         Helena: Every minute that Nikolas wasted with you diminished him. But that has come to an end, and, fortunately, so have you.

?         Helena: Well, then I'd better act quickly. Say goodbye, Emily.

?         Helena: Hold on to those words, Emily. You're going to die with them.

For God’s sake, Hells, would you just quit with the small talk and shoot her already?!  

?         Alexis: I was hoping maybe someone could watch her that wasn't hiding a weapon?

Pfft.  In Sonny’s world?  Ain’t gonna happen, honey. 

?         Emily: Pull the trigger. Do it!

Uh, pretty please?  With sugar on it? 

?         Dillon: I will always be faithful to you over there. I promise, no matter what happens..

?         Georgie: You don't have to promise. I trust you completely.

Aw…but, we all know that what she REALLY wanted to say was…“Pfft!  Does the name Sage “Oh, GOD, Dillon!  It‘s SO big!!“ Alcazar ring any bells?  Hmm?  You promised then, too…but, you know, whatever..  Just remember this:  If you EVER screw around on me again, I will go Lorena Bobbitt on your ass so fast and clean that you won’t even know your pecker’s been cut off until you go to take a piss…but I love you, honey..” 

?         Jason: I guess you're not in Miami after all.

Well, duh..  She’s standing right in front of you, in Port Charles, where you are…“guessing” is kinda moot at that point, no?  

?         Diego: I'm not an idiot
Oh, honey.  You’re totally underestimating yourself. 

?         Alan: Lucky has no more sense than Luke.

Score one for Alan.  Lucky is pretty damn hot, but really, there’s not a whole lot going on upstairs, is there? 

?         Lucky: Be happy with Nikolas.

Honey, that girl needs encouragement as much as I need a good shot of cyanide.  Hmm…cyanide or NEm…tough choice, but I gotta go with the one that’s less painful.  Fill ‘er up, Hells.

Hope you enjoyed Part two!  See ya next time! 

Part one!!