August 1, 2004

Why on earth did Kelly stab herself in that picture when Kevin was a mere inch away?  Good grief, someone balance her meds already.   

That Blair and Kelly catfight made me laugh!  It was totally an “I wanna beat the crap out of you but I don’t want to set down this drink in my other hand, nor do I want to muss up my hair” kind of slap fest.  The entire party was hysterical actually and totally what I expect from my soaps.   

I know I was supposed to be cringing when Todd was gleefully telling Kevin his baby was dead, but I just…didn’t.  In fact, the entire scene had me feeling like I needed a cigarette afterwards.  I absolutely love watching Todd and Kevin go head to head, and I will say that I don’t think any of the previous actors who played Kevin would’ve been up to this task.  I can’t stand Kevin, but Dan Gauthier makes me interested in watching him, even while he irritates me to no end.  The entire scenario is great, it brings out something worthwhile in Jessica on occasion, and it puts Viki right smack in the middle with no right side to take (though, in typical Viki fashion, she seems to think she’s found one…she sure does have a short term memory, that one!).  I also felt a little something for Natalie finally, since she does have a point about both Todd and Kevin, and I could feel how disheartened she was that neither her mother nor Jessica could understand it.  It was all very fitting though, because in a way there will probably always be Viki and Jessica united, with Natalie watching from a distance.  Frankly, at the moment, it’s the best of all worlds for me because I can love and hate (almost simultaneously) all the characters involved in this mess, and see comeuppances, downfalls, and victories all around.  I don’t have to find character’s justifications…most of them are hateful AND sympathetic in some form.   

Good thinking on Todd and Blair’s part though.  Don’t teach Starr to cope with life when it doesn’t go her way, teach her to just hold on until mommy and daddy can buy her some friends!  And they also get the award for the shortest attention span this week since I’ve no idea how they managed to leave the house determined to end the pain brought to Starr by Kelly’s lie but were somehow perpetuating it in front of Asa five minutes later.  They better hope the mean lady in the elevator wasn’t watching. 

Did Tico’s great-uncle sell that picture to Kmart or something after he acquired it in Antwerp after the war?  It would make sense that Tico would search every discount store far and wide in order to buy the precious family heirloom back, and I can’t find any other explanation for the bar code on the back of it.  Wish I had screen caps, but I swear it was there…in all its black and white glory. 

David is the best thing ever.  You just don’t often get the chance to laugh right out loud during ABC soaps anymore, and David is the absolute best at making it happen for me.  “We’re naked!”  “Kevin, why are they arresting you?” “…sounds like a great party!” “The Atlantic ocean!” Maybe it doesn’t sound that funny, but if you watched it, you’re already laughing again.  Tuc Watkins deserves a special award for being one of the only actors that always makes me sit up and anticipate enjoying the scene he’s in, no matter who else is in it with him.  I love him.


Aug 1, 2004 

Brook Lynn’s outfits have gone quite far enough.  She and River Carpenter (OLTL) both appear to be dressed by the same idiot.  Turn off the Boy George song, step away from that rack of crap you’re picking their clothes from, and drop the darn eyeliner.  Different is only interesting when it doesn’t look like you’re trying hard to look stupid.  God forbid Brook tangles with a magnet!  She’ll lose limbs for goodness sakes. 

So, Carly had a lacy black camisole under that bright white shirt she wore for days?  She managed to change her hairstyle at least twice, but couldn’t be bothered to change that shirt.  Then she put on that fricken huge robe that Sonny must keep around because he has a fantasy that someday he’ll have all his women in it at once, and I realized that not only does wardrobe have no eye for fashion; apparently they’re all actually on crack or something.  That probably explains why they’re under the impression that they’re subtle with their color choices as well.  Oooh, Faith is undercover in a huge white hat and all-white outfit with a flowing train or some such nonsense.  But hey, it’s white, so no one would ever suspect she’s Faith!   

Here’s how I heard Courtney and Carly’s conversation about the woes of Carly’s marriage and how to fix it: 

Carly:   “Courtney, I just don’t know how to get past what he’s done!  He’s having the baby girl I’ve always wanted with that nasty Sam!  I got past her having the boobs I’ve always wanted, but how am I supposed to get past this?  Plus, I think I led Ric to Sam this morning and Sonny will probably never forgive me anyway so I don’t know why I’m even thinking about a reunion now.” 

Courtney:  “Look Carly, I know he yells at you a lot and sends you to your room.  I know you are never quite good enough for him.  I realize that he throws and breaks things when he’s angry.  I know that he shot you that one time when he somehow missed seeing your screaming head behind his enemy’s.  But now!  Now he has a chance to redeem himself!  Maybe this is Sonny’s chance to really prove himself to you.  Maybe he won’t take Sam’s side when you confess what you did this morning.  If he doesn’t, then it’s a sign that nothing else matters!” 

Carly:   “Oh. my. God.  I totally didn’t look at it that way!  This will like totally revolutionize our relationship!  Thanks Court!”    

Ok well, she really did say that part about this being Sonny’s chance to prove him self.  I mean really?  That’s been the problem?  He just needed to believe her once when she was telling the truth?  What the heck? 

Why is it that I cannot picture Amber Tamblyn’s Emily saying such things as “That will be quite enough!” and “Don’t presume to tell me…”?  Attitude is one thing, haughty is another.  Emily sucks.   

Someone needs to clue Heather in about Emily’s “virtue”.  Even the criminally insane can’t talk about purity in the world, using Emily’s virtuous soul as an example.  I will not stand for it.  If we let that pass, next thing we know Edward will soliloquy over the warm fuzzies he gets from Jason’s every glance.  

Hmm, a lip-synching guy with too much hair…

Dilli Vanilli?  Is that you? 

At least now we know why we didn’t see much of the teens in school last year, they obviously don’t need it!  They’re psychic or something, knowing the words to Brook’s original song without ever having heard it before.  What kind of record producer doesn’t notice that there’s still only one voice, even if you harmonize it?  Good grief.   

Since TPTB are insisting on making me watch Lucky only with Emily (because, you know, it’s not like he has any real ties in PC to be able to have his own story or anything), I’ve decided to go ahead and name the pairing.  They will now be known to me as uckyEm.  It just fits the situation. 

Speaking of Lucky, I really do at some point want to talk seriously about what has happened to the character of Lucky over the last few years (and that none of what’s happened is good) but at the moment, all I can do is wonder how the heck they are making Greg Vaughan seem so utterly juvenile.  Trust me, this takes actual work on someone’s part!  What the heck?  It’s like Lucky is digressing back into childhood or something all of the sudden.  I fully expect that he’ll show up with a Mork and Mindy Trapper Keeper in his hand at any second, ready to enter fourth grade.  If you’re going to cast GV as Lucky, you may as well make Lucky into a man already…it doesn’t work to see him as a bumbling, juvenile, needy little boy following Emily around like a puppy dog.  Probably it could be Emily’s fault if I think on it hard enough.  See that?  I’m not afraid to admit my biases! 

Which part of “I don’t know who the hell you people are” is too tough to follow for Emily and Lucky?  After NOT telling him the truth for months, Emily has now decided the way to “protect” his fragile psyche is to just keep showing up and butting into his business at every turn?  Can they not at least knock when they show up to lecture him?  Good grief.  I actually feel bad for the poor guy, not getting two seconds to himself without risk of some idiot walking in to tell you what to think or do.  To top it off, when you don’t do what they want you to, they’ll huff off for the three hundredth time, saying something like “fine, if that’s the way you want it, it’s done” over their shoulder as they leave…only by now you know they don’t freaking mean anything by that because they’ll be back ten minutes later so the whole thing can be started again.   

Seriously for a second though, that scene on Thursday between Carly and Courtney at the Cellar was very, very interesting.  Maybe my eyes were deceiving me, but I could’ve sworn that Carly looked more resigned and resolute than she did happy.  Courtney flat out asked why she doesn’t just leave Sonny and I’d have never dreamed anyone would be allowed to utter such heresy against the best little sperm donator in PC anytime soon!  Carly admitting that she was choosing to be there, in part because of ego, was a most stunning confession.  It would have been even better if Courtney would have remarked on the utter dysfunction of it all and maybe expressed concern that her friend might suffer emotionally by locking herself into the penthouse relationship again, but hey, I’ll take what I can get.  If this all leads to Carly actually regaining her strength someday, I’ll be impressed.  All in all though, I most definitely now view this “reunion” differently than I did a few days ago. 

I think I’m offended that Edward is already kissing someone else.  It’s been about five minutes people, isn’t that a bit soon?  For goodness sakes, Tracy’s finally right about something and now we get to watch her get beat up by Heather and a few rose bushes?  I’m not sure I like any of this one bit.  And if Emily wins the Quartermaine Survival of the Purest competition, I most humbly request that Zander drop in (from the grave, of course) on her acceptance speech to tell the sweet story of the day he left the safety of the cozy home he shared with Emily the Purest, to run over to Kelly’s for a minute, only to return to find her…well wait a minute!  Maybe what was going on there was that Nikolas needed a purity transfusion and Emily would, of course, be the one to administer it!  She’s so unselfish, and there’s really no point in keeping all that purity for one’s self, now is there? 

My intelligence is also offended that Sonny lied straight out to Alexis.  Apparently I need the same wakeup call that she does, because I really didn’t think he’d do that.  Part of why Sonny used to work was his sense of honor.  His word meant something.  If they’re trying to make him the male version of Faith, it’s working.  “I’m gonna kill you, oops, guess I won’t – but maybe I’ll try really hard to sort of get you next time!”  “It wasn’t me, I swear! *insert evil laugh*” Where the heck did the person who had layers and depth go anyway?  First off, I didn’t really understand why Alexis would even ask, I admit, because knowing the answer certainly wouldn’t put her in a good place, professionally.  Secondly, I’ve no idea why Sonny would decide to answer the question either.  The whole thing was just stupid and basically trashed something that I took seriously once upon a time.  I’m interested in Alexis and Ric, but if this was just to give them a reason to bond further, it wasn’t worth it.   

So I take it the little erectile dysfunction thing is over with already?  Lois figures Dillon has reclaimed his manhood so now it’s time to put on a skirt and some heels?  WTH?  However, Scott Clifton really can do comedy and I sorta laughed for a minute when Alcazar told Lois what was going on behind her at the Cellar.   

Why are Courtney and Jax not telling anyone that Faith shot him?  I’m guessing it has something to do with the writers going, “Oh crap, once Jax gets to the hospital one of those pesky law enforcement types are probably going to want to know what happened to him.  Damn.  Eh, it’s ok.  Well just have Courtney and Jax refuse to discuss the shooting and then in a really super duper coolio twist we’ll have Sonny want them to and still they’ll refuse!  They’ll never see all that coming!”  Morons. 

Go Monica!  I love it when Monica gets her bitch on.  She was totally justified in her comments to Sam and it’s great to see a vet get to recall her inner diva once in awhile! 

It’s heartwarming to see that Alexis managed to find a nanny who is as good at letting Kristina wander off as mommy is!  Wouldn’t want to confuse the child, it really is best to keep continuity when dealing with toddlers. 

Since Nikolas doesn’t remember Helena, and he’s thus far taken what he’s told by others with a huge grain of salt, I’ve no idea why it was appropriate that he be waving a gun at Helena.  Don’t listen to her, fine.  Don’t believe a word she says, fine.  Don’t DO anything she says to do, fine.  But wave a gun at her?  Where’d that come from in that clean slate of a brain he supposedly has?   

All in all, it was quite a week really.  It was great to see Helena.  Carly finally changed her clothes and looked downright good (finally) in that brown dress.  Georgie has become annoying, and I no longer think she should be doing anything except her homework.  Way to ruin something sweet and fun.  She’s now needy, immature, and very self-serving.  Maybe that’s a teen for you, I don’t know, but I know I’ll be glad to see this summer end.  Lois became a joke in the music industry, and that greatly disappoints me.  I suppose I should’ve seen it coming, we did after all have like three or four weeks of her being competent and supposedly great at what she does.  That’s about the lifespan of a smart, strong female on Guza and Pratt’s GH.  There’s no explanation for the fact that Brook is now willing to sing, yet Lois wants to cheat her way to success by creating a girl band instead of just focusing on helping Brook use her talent?  Ned made something of a decree of possession over Lois, and then promptly disappeared with no discussion on the subject.  Faith offered to pay her way out of town, then kidnapped Jax because she was broke.  Jax and Courtney are still sweet; I’ve no complaints at all with them!  Sonny and Carly reunited and I’d tell you if they’re still married or divorced or what, but eh, why bother?  All that really matters is that she’s back to letting him force her to eat mushrooms, rashes be damned, and he’s back to trusting her for the next five minutes or so.  It all has a heavy air of desperation surrounding it, but hey, it’ll be great for the kids, right?  Oh, and in an unexpected turn, I think I actually miss Jason a little.  I know! I’m stunned as well!  Maybe Helena should have *me* committed!   

Photo Credit:  GH World 5!

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