“Exclusive:  Behind The Scenes Lingo At GH!” 

A friend of mine, Betty Boo Buford, recently took a trip out to Los Angeles.  While she was there, she ate lunch in a really snazzy, upscale restaurant.  As Betty Boo was looking over the menu, she overheard men talking at the table next to hers.  They were using some strange sort of slang that sounded familiar to her, but totally foreign at the same time.  She glanced at the men and for a split second, thought one of them was Elton John.  Then it hit her, that wasn’t Elton John!  It was Robert Guza, Jr.! 

Being well versed in magazine and Internet gossip regarding “General Hospital,” Betty knew Mr. Guza to be a co-headwriter of the show.  She then recognized the other two men at the table.  It was the other GH co-headwriter, Charles Pratt, and the President of ABC Daytime, Brian Frons. 

Betty knew she might have just hit the jackpot when it comes to GH scoops, so she proceeded to listen intently to their conversation.  By the time the men got up and left their table about 20 minutes later, Betty was almost in tears.  She could hear every word they said, but none of it made sense to her.  Guza, Pratt and Frons had been speaking in a strange sort of insider code and Betty just hadn’t known what to make of it.  As soon as Betty got back from her trip a few days later, she called me because she knows I have contacts who can help.  She read me the list of “slang” words she’d overheard, I wrote them down and told her I’d get back to her as soon as I could. 

Then I called my secret weapon, Jillie Lou Pickle.  I explained that I needed some GH slang interpreted for me.  She then contacted her cousin, Beebub, who works as a part-time window washer at the GH studios.  Beebub is not to be confused with Jillie Lou’s other cousin, Bubba.  Bubba used to work as a part-time window washer at GH, but they only just have the three windows and he felt the work wasn’t very fulfilling, so he quit.  That’s when his brother Beebub applied for the job, becoming my covert inside source. 

Jillie Lou explained the situation to Beebub, telling him we’d missed out on some good GH insider info because of industry lingo being used.  She gave him the words and phrases Betty Boo had overheard, explaining that we desperately needed the definitions so we could inform the GH fans for their future eavesdropping purposes.  He agreed that this was an important mission. 

So, Beebub swung into action, listening in on writer’s meetings and secretly taking notes.  Jillie Lou then compiled the following definitions Beebub found for all the inside “lingo” Betty Boo had overheard that fateful day in Los Angeles.  If only poor Betty Boo had possessed this helpful list, she might have been able to pass along all kinds of juicy spoiler info to us here at “Eye On Soaps.”  Alas, it was not to be, but now all GH fans can go forth and dine in snazzy, upscale restaurants all over Los Angeles with confidence.  If they should happen to sit at a table next to TPTB (The Powers That Be), they’ll be able to understand every damned word they say. 

Here is the industry jargon list, with definitions, faxed to me by Jillie Lou.  Read it.  Learn it.  Know it.  Feel it. 

“General Hospital Technical Jargon”

Researched in the field by Beebub Twiddle

Compiled and Typed by Jillie Lou Pickle  
 

Definition:  When a character’s personality is utterly crushed and destroyed so that his/her current romantic partner can be paired with someone else TPTB have deemed to be “better.”

Technical Jargon:  “Getting A.J.-ed” 

History/Example of Jargon:  The term, “getting A.J.-ed” was first coined after the character of A.J. Quartermaine was destroyed so his wife, Courtney, could go into a romantic storyline with Jason, the alleged “hero/hitman” in the situation.  A.J., who had his problems but was basically just fine and on his way to being redeemed through love, began stalking his own wife and hired another man to stalk her, too.  I suspect Sonny Corinthos is currently being “A.J.-ed,” thus the current destruction of Sonny’s character by turning him into a complete asshole, having him shoot his own wife in the head and the current building up of Alcazar as Carly’s romantic “hero/drug dealer.”  It’s basically A.J., Part Two, only much, much worse. 
 

Definition:  When a character is put into a “wacky caper” storyline where he/she gets to do a lot of fake running around and heavy breathing to look like they just arrived “in the nick of time” somewhere.  They’re always creeping around in the dark, looking for clues, following leads and having what is supposed to be zany, entertaining banter with their so-called partner in the wacky caper. 

Technical Jargon:  “Getting a Luke On” 

Example/History of Jargon:  Ever since the successful, adventurous escapades of Luke and Laura in the early 1980’s, the show always feels that they must have some characters constantly on some sort of “quest.”  The show tried to have Lucky, Nik and Summer each “get a Luke on” when they ran around Cuba and Russia looking for Cassadine coins, or whatever the hell it was.  Even though they had the real Luke himself in tow, the story tanked.  Currently, Jax, Sam, A.J., Skye, Dillon, Georgie, Coleman and Luke are all “getting a Luke on” for the Dead Man’s Hand. 
 

Definition:  When a much beloved and intelligent female character is destroyed with general insanity or some specific, serious, mental issue. 

Technical Jargon:  getting “Laurafried.” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  This jargon was born when the character of Laura Spencer, normally of sound mind, suddenly flipped out and murdered her stepfather, Rick Webber.  She is now living in a catatonic state off screen, in an asylum.  More recently, the show used the character of Alexis Davis to “Laurafry.”  Fortunately for us, she has been allowed to remain on the show and is showing signs of being the intelligent character she once was before she impersonated her dead sister and dressed as a male butler. 
 

Definition:  The best way to describe a character who is obviously loved and held in high regard by Co-Head Writer, Robert Guza, Jr. 

Technical Jargon:  “Guza-licious” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  The current “Guza-licious” characters on GH are Sonny, Carly, Jason and Courtney, also known as “The Fab Four.”  For over a year, every storyline has been centered on them and they consistently take up at least eighty percent of the airtime.  For a week or two here and there, that airtime may drop to about sixty-five percent and a story may come along that actually doesn’t involve them, but the break never lasts.  The Fab Four are the epitome of “Guza-licious.” 
 

Definition:  A character who does not interest Co-Head Writer, Robert Guza, Jr. in the least.  This disinterest is obvious because the characters in question are rarely seen and when they are, the history of their characters are disregarded and their integrity is destroyed.  If Mr. Guza actually dislikes a character, then they tend to disappear for months at a time and are made into complete idiots when they do make an appearance. 

Technical Jargon:  “Getting Guzafied” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  Refer to the definition of “Guza-licious” above, which cites the “Fab Four” as an example.  Characters who have been “Guzafied” are the opposite and are simply known as “The Rest Of The Cast.” 
 

Definition:  A heroic, charming character who has been abruptly changed into an ass. 

Technical Jargon:  “Being Jaxed Up” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  This bit of technical jargon came into use when the character Jasper Jax was changed from the romantic, dashing hero he used to be, to the well-dressed asshole who committed adultery, leaving his newlywed wife, Skye, in record time for another woman.  As if that wasn’t enough, he then proceeded to taunt Skye (a recovering alcoholic who fell off the wagon when Jax dumped her), for months after his lying, cheating ass dumped her.  TPTB are hoping viewers now have amnesia in regards to Jax’s past and that we will embrace him as the “White Knight” he used to be.  That could be a hard sell.  Emily Quartermaine is currently being “Jaxed up.”  She returned to Port Charles as a noble, lovable character.  Now, with all the lying she’s done to Zander, she’s looking more everyday like an immature, conceited, little bitch. 
 

Definition:  When an extremely talented and charismatic performer is hired and shows great potential in their new role to be a much needed hero/heroine for the show, but TPTB turn the character into a demented psychopath, then regret their decision and desperately try to redeem the character despite their past, unforgivable misdeeds.

Technical Jargon:  “Flipping a Ric” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  This phrasing can be traced to the character of “Ric Lansing,” who could have been the suave, romantic Romeo of GH, but instead almost killed his wife and kidnapped a pregnant woman, locking her up in a “panic room” in the hopes of stealing her baby.  The wavering action of the writers now trying to redeem him is the supreme example of attempting to “Flip a Ric.”  Success of said “flipping” still remains to be seen in regards to Ric. 
 

Definition:  When there are suddenly an abundance of storylines involving 20 and 30-somethings committing adultery, having one night stands, not knowing who the fathers of their unborn children are and just generally being horny little fuckers in the midst of lots of lip gloss and musical montages. 

Technical Jargon:  “Full of Pratt” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  The best example is the show right now.  Co-head writer, Charles Pratt, used to write for the primetime soap “Melrose Place.”  Sometimes GH takes on a “bargain bin-Melrose Place” kind of feel and it is then that the show is truly “Full of Pratt.” 
 

Definition:  When an executive tampers with soap operas only to prove that he doesn’t know a damned thing about soap operas. 

Technical Jargon:  “A Case Of The Frons” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  This jargon was born from the actions of the President of ABC Daytime, Brian Frons.  This man seems to want to dictate storylines on all of the ABC soaps, circumventing what the show’s writers have in mind.  I have yet to see any evidence that this approach works.  All the current ABC soaps have suffered from this man’s meddling and now suffer from an incurable “Case Of The Frons.” 
 

Definition:  When a performer is hired to play a character being fraudulently presented to the audience by TPTB as one that will have an actual storyline.  These characters are seen a few times a month, at best, while their fans anxiously await the start of a storyline that never happens.  Eventually the performer is let go from the show citing “storyline purposes,” which is odd since their “purpose” never seemed to be a storyline at all. 

Technical Jargon:  “A Gia Culpa” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  This terminology is extremely fresh and refers to the character of “Gia Campbell.”  Gia had storylines up until her original portrayer left the role and was recast.  The recast, Andrea Pearson, never had a chance as she hardly ever had any screen time.  Recently, the announcement was made that she’s been let go.  Another character that TPTB have been performing a “ Gia Culpa” on is “Cameron Lewis.”  His portrayer, Lane Davies, was signed to a contract last spring, but has never been used anywhere near his full potential, a situation that could have been rectified numerous times, leaving many to speculate there was never any intention to use him at all. 
 

Definition:  When a performer has been summarily dismissed from their long time role on GH as if they are yesterday’s garbage.  No respect is shown for that person’s long time fans.  There are no farewell montages, no dramatic death scenes and, usually, no mention of the character at all.  They are just suddenly “gone.” 

Technical Jargon:  “Audrey-ation” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  Recent examples of “Audrey-ation” are the characters “Felicia Scorpio-Jones,” “Dr. Tony Jones,” “Lila Quartermaine” and the jargon’s namesake, “Audrey Hardy.”  Sometimes the fans are thrown the proverbial bone and the character is brought back to appear two or three times a year as a glorified day player.  The character who is allowed to return after being “gone” has been “Re-Audrey-ated.” 
 

Definition:  When a performer must have really pissed off someone important and is retaliated against by TPTB when the writers give the performer really shitty storylines to act out. 

Technical Jargon:  “Goin’ Dobson On Yo Ass” 

History of/Example of Jargon:  This slang developed from the recent Alexis storyline, in which she dressed as a male butler named “Dobson” so she could get access to her baby girl, Kristina, being cared for in the Quartermaine household.  I don’t know for sure if Alexis’ portrayer, Nancy Lee Grahn, pissed someone important the hell off or not, but it sure would seem that way.  It’s said that the performers are now living in fear of the writers “Goin’ Dobson On They Asses,” so everyone’s trying to fly below the radar and not cause any trouble, especially the men.  They really don’t want to dress up like women if they can avoid it. 

****End Of Fax Transmission**** 

Well, that’s the insider jargon being used behind the scenes at GH these days.  Use it well my friends and remember, if it looks like Elton John and a couple of old, boring dudes dining next to you in L.A., prick up your ears because it could be “The Powers That Be” saying something that sounds like,  “Dude, that’s too Pratt-filled and I’d rather Go Dobson On They Ass anyway, maybe followed up with a good A.J.-ing as soon as he’s done Getting His Luke On.  I just personally don’t find him to be very Guza-licious and I’d rather not waste time Jaxing Him Up or trying to Flip A Ric,” you’ll know what it means. 

And by God, the fans have a right to know! 

Note:  My personal thanks to Betty Boo Buford for bringing this GH slang to my attention.  I also want to thank Jillie Lou Pickle for putting the definitions together and faxing them to me in record time and last, but not least, I want to thank Jillie Lou’s cousin, Beebub Twiddle for risking his job as a GH window washer to covertly gather the inside scoop for all of us fans.  Thanks guys!