The Soap Opera Digest Awards reminded me of the drama club banquets at my old high school, William Fremd in Palatine, Illinois (Go Vikings!). Except our banquets had better lighting.

The Daytime Emmy Awards are drenched in mystery and intrigue. Who are the anonymous members of the blue ribbon panels? How did each show’s producer choose the nominees for nominations? Stories of backstage politics, bruised egos and foot stamping run rampant. Nothing simple about those awards.

In contrast, the Soap Opera Digest Awards are exceedingly simple. The editors exercise their autocratic right in choosing the nominees. Readers then vote on their favorites. It is a popularity contest plain and simple. Just like the awards the Fremd Drama Club gave out. Which explains why I never won one.

The award venue even looked like a high school cafeteria done up for a big event. Large and drafty. The stage decorated with back lit colored scrims. No live orchestra. Everyone sitting at tables with their friends.

And really bad lighting. The stage was lit but everything else was in shadows. One of the most fun things about past SOD shows has been seeing how the seating changes over the course of the evening. Who winds up sitting with whom leads to a lot of fun speculation the next day. Bad lighting took away one of the best things about awards show, the post prandial gossip.

Enough whining, on to the show!

Lisa Rinna and Ty Treadway, from Soaptalk, hosted the event. Hosting awards shows is a thankless task and this was no exception. They did their best with hackneyed material. Ty has a natural charm, which served him, and the viewers, well. Lisa does this "woman as ditz" thing which grew tiresome by the first commercial. (Note to the gang at SOD: I am volunteering Katrina and me to write next year’s script.)  [Note from Katrina:  We are SO on it!]

I was distracted during the opening comments by Lisa Rinna’s nipples. They were doing their best to poke through her black leather S&M gown. I kept wondering if they were her nipples or if they came with the dress. (Would you like the optional nipples with that dress, Ms. Rinna?)

Well, they did tell the attendees to dress in "Hollywood Hip." I guess that was her interpretation. Everyone had their own, that’s for sure.

As evidenced by the first presenters, Peter Reckell and Kristen Alfonso. Mr. Reckell, dressed in scruffy pants, wrinkled shirt and worn suede jacket clearly thought the dress code meant: clothes you would wear to clean out your garage. Ms. Alfonso, dressed in a very elegant taupe pants suit thought it meant: an outfit you would wear to your publicist’s afternoon wedding.

Nancy Lee Grahn, who won the first award, Outstanding Supporting Actress, got it just right. A body skimming long sleeved black sweater over a red skirt, hipped up by a black fringed, jeweled scarf tied around her waist. Simple hair. Hoop earrings. Perfection.

Adding to the high school feel of the event were the voiceovers as the winners made the walk to the stage. Included were the expected comments on previous SOD nominations/wins, coupled with little known facts about each winner. Just like the sort of thing one would read in a yearbook. Did you know that NLG’s first acting job was as a pony in Oklahoma? To her credit, she did a fine impression of a pony before accepting her award.

Melissa Archer and Ilene Kristen, the next presenters, represented opposite spectrums of dress. In an almost Oxford style shirt, with the requisite hand covering cuffs over a dark short skirt, Ms. Archer could have been on her way to return books to the library. Ms. Kristen wore a black lace fringed dress that could have easily been draped over a piano. Yet, they both looked good because their outfits suited them each so well. And for OLTL fans that despair that Natalie will always be blonde, Ms. Archer’s hair was definitely red!

They presented the award for Outstanding Younger Lead Actor, which was won by Kyle Lowder. Turns out Mr. Lowder, who was dressed in all black, is an avid bowler. He did not however share any strike getting tips with us.

One of the next presenters, Ron Moss, clearly thought the dress code was Hollywood Hippie. What else could account for the poncho he was wearing? His co-presenter, Jennifer Finnigan, looked very put together in a two piece black off the shoulder outfit. Mr.Moss’ ramblings about being a lech prove that no matter how lame a script is, sometimes it is best to stick to it.

They presented the Outstanding Newcomer Award to Melissa Archer. Watching her as Natalie on OLTL, I never would have guessed she loves to sing country music and learned to drive at the Sears Driving School.

Keiko Ellsworth and Brian Priestly were dressed casually. So casually they made Peter Reckell looked positively dressed up. I wonder why Brian Priestly, a cute guy, insists on wearing knit caps that do nothing for either his looks or guesstimates of his IQ. He should take his cues from his wife, Erin Hershey Priestly, who was dressed in short black two piece number that was hot and hip. This trio presented Steve Burton with the Outstanding Supporting Actor award. We learned that Mr. Burton loves to surf and met his wife on the GH set. He put those silly voiceovers in perspective when he began his speech with, " His head looks like a Chia Pet and he cuts his own hair with a Flowbee."

Ty Treadway then informed us that the Mayor of Los Angeles had declared Saturday to be "Soap Opera Day." I have friends who live in LA and it seems to me that every day is soap opera day in LA.

Kurth & Taylor then performed, much to the delight of those of us who miss Eddie Main on GH.

Next up, Victoria Rowell, was the most formally dressed presenter. Long formal floral gown, chandelier earrings and her hair pulled back in a soft chignon. Inexplicably she was carrying Wally Kurth’s guitar. But then who wouldn’t want to handle his instrument? Her co-presenter Kristoff St. John wore a black shirt with a wide grey stripe under a black suit.

They awarded Outstanding Younger Lead Actress to Rebecca Budig. Did you know that Ms. Budig made her acting debut in an Aerosmith video and she knits scarves for her fellow cast members? She decided not to knit herself a dress for the occasion. Instead she opted for what was almost a cocktail dress. It was silvery grey lace over a white undersheath, with a wide black band just above the waist. She also wore pearls. She looked really lovely but reminded me of a sorority girl who stumbled into the wrong party. Still, that very polished look suits her, which is why she looked so damn good.

McKenzie Westmore always looks good. She was wearing a pale lilac chiffon number with a fluttery bias cut skirt. Her companion, Galen Gering didn’t look half-bad himself in a black leather jacket.

They presented Favorite Return to Vanessa Marcil. Ms. Marcil gave the most spontaneous comment of the evening when she began her speech with, "Of course, I have to pee." Does she ever look bad? Her outfit was perfectly Hollywood Hip, a Gaultier-esque white top over jeans. Oh, and lest I forget, we learned she was named after Vanessa Redgrave.

Ricky Paul Goldin opted for a black suit, black tie and open collar white shirt. His co-presenter Aubrey Dollar, wore a simple white dress that wasn’t quite hip enough.

They gave the Outstanding Lead Actor award to (no surprise here) to Maurice Bernard. He was looking very good in black pants and T-shirt under a cognac colored suede jacket. Did it surprise anyone to learn that he modeled his portrayal of Sonny on Al Pacino?

Lisa Rinna then changed clothes. What possesses this very attractive woman to wear clothes that completely distract from her good looks? This number was a peachy color satin dress with a huge fabric brown rose pinned between her breasts. It is never a good idea to have ornamentation on your dress that is the same size as your head.

Kassie DePaiva, looking very chic in black sequined pants and halter neck top, entertained the audience with "When We Had Nothing."

Interspersed between the awards were segments with Linda Dano interviewing people in the "Sally Beauty Supply" hair and makeup room. This were not really interviews, more like meet and greets. And mostly were there to mention "Sally Beauty Supply." It would have been nice if someone from Sally’s had told Ms. Dano she had two spikes of hair sticking up like horns on the top of her head. I find Ms.Dano to be an incredibly striking woman and look forward to seeing her at these events. I found myself struggling to not yell at the screen, "Her hair! Someone tell her about her hair!" Alas, no one did.

Brian Datillo, in a black suit and striped shirt, presented the next award with Alison Sweeney, who was wearing a red print dress bordered in a black print. They presented the Favorite Couple Award to Bo & Hope from DOOL. Unfortunately Mr. Reckell (Bo) had not yet finished cleaning his garage, so was wearing the same outfit that he was wearing at the start of the evening.

Lisa Rinna then changed into her last outfit of the evening. It was a blue, violet and white Pucci-type print with a low cut very ruffled neckline. Around here it became known as the Pucci –Hoochie dress.

It was then time for the first ever Diamond Award for Career Achievement. The award was presented to Susan Lucci by William DeVry and Walt Willey. Mr. DeVry looked elegantly understated in all black. And Mr. Willey looked very corporate in a brown suit with blue shirt, print tie and matching handkerchief. Ms. Lucci headed up the stage steps too soon and was gestured back by Mr. Willey. He said, "I boss you around on the show and I am bossing you here." Ms. Lucci then sat on her husband’s lap while she waited to be summoned. It was all kind of cute. They showed a tape featuring all of Erica’s marriages. Walt Willey then praised Ms. Lucci’s accomplishments as an actress, wife, mother and humanitarian. He then let her on stage. In addition to the award, a large crystal diamond, Ms. Lucci was also presented with a diamond and platinum necklace. Why don’t I ever win awards like that?

Ms. Lucci looked great, as always. Her short sheath was light blue with a darker blue animal print running across the chest and down the side. Silver straps dressed it up nicely.

A new award this year, and the only to be voted online, was the Soapnet Outstanding Plot Twist Award. This award presented by Rick Hearst and Cynthia Preston, both in NYC hip, meaning simple black. This new award went to "Alexis and Sonny Have Sex". In accepting the award, Nancy Lee Grahn announced that "It was good for me." I don’t think GH viewers doubted that in the least.

Outstanding Lead Actress was next, presented by Scott Holroyd and Mark Collier. Mr. Holroyd was dressed in a very frat boy style: sport coat, striped shirt, and dark pants. Mr. Collier was the anti-frat boy in tan suede pants, jeans jacket and white t-shirt. My, they both looked might fine. They were my favorite presenters of the evening. They were the only ones who made their repartee seem spontaneous. (Every time I see Scott Holroyd I keep thinking he would be perfect as the next Kevin Buchanan on OLTL. Just thought I would throw that in.)

The winner in this category was Michelle Stafford who wore a low cut black satin pantsuit with a very elaborate black jet bead choker.

If you are wondering, or disappointed that I did not recap everyone’s acceptance speech, it’s because they were all basically the same speech. Everyone thanked their co-stars, the show crews, the writers, their agents, their friends and their families. I did notice the ABC winners also thanked ABC management and Disney, leading me to think there is not much job security at ABC daytime.

The final award was presented by Susan Lucci and her daughter Liza Huber. The very tall Ms. Huber wore a black strapless dress with severely pulled back hair. And the winner of Favorite Soap? General Hospital. Producer Jill Faren Phelps, wearing red chiffon hostess pajamas, accepted the award. Steve Burton joined her onstage, bowing before her. And what can I say about that because that says it all.

And so ended the 18^th Annual Soap Opera Digest Awards.

Photos from:  http://groups.msn.com/GHWorld2/welcometoghworld2.msnw