For more of Katrina's writing and a complete list of her columns, check out "Katrina's World."

JUNE 6, 2001

Hi folks.  I'm trying something new (actually, I tried a form of it before, but it needed work) to save some EOS admin time and free up more time to actually write.  We're going back to the actual journal format, which shaves off a lot of minutes.  I will also be including AMC commentary now.  It's not as pretty, but it definitely helps me some.  Thanks for your patience.  This column can now be reached at:  

http://www.livejournal.com/users/rasbold/

May 29, 2001
10:30am

The music swells.  I present, "The Eye Awards."

May 21, 2001
3pm

They did it!! They did it!  Whhooooo hoooo!   They FINALLY hit Monica in the face with the Dawn glove!  OUTSTANDING!  Bravo to the powers that be for FINALLY reading the message boards and GETTING THE MESSAGE!!

May 21, 2001
11:00am

Despite my best efforts at hopefulness and positive spins (both for your benefit and my own), my nagging fears seam to have been made manifest:  JFP and Meagan McTavish are undoing the bindings that hold together GH.  Favorite couples are being burst apart by the characters behaving in really weird ways, just like on OLTL (Nora and Bo = Sonny and Carly).  Key characters who are strongly driven by custom dialog are suddenly talking like idiots, just like on OLTL (Todd = Helena).  Her pets on the show have become the stars, infiltrating into almost every storyline, just like on OLTL (Rappaports = Roy and Melissa).  Look, I’m not one to complain about more Roy, it’s the ALL Roy that bugs me.  A character’s children are totally forgotten, even when pertinent, just like on OLTL (Leslie, Frank and Al = Dawn).  I could go on, but I won’t.  I’ll just say that there will be a GH after these dynamic duo has left, just like on OLTL. 

Since I don’t like to dwell on the bad stuff and enjoy instead, accentuating the positive.  That is one of the reasons it’s been so long since I last wrote.  I’ve been busy looking for the good stuff. 

Of course, the scene between Luke and Laura on the yacht was wonderful.  Genie does frantic, unabashed fear so well.  Luke does puzzled, inept love so well.  Their chemistry is still so dynamic.  Laura and Stefan were a snore together, even though I got to see Stef with his shirt off (definitely a good thing).  Laura and Scotty are sweet because of their history and the potential that is rife for seeing Scotty semi-nekkid, but really, it’s not drop dead electricity like we saw between Laura and Luke after being apart for two years or more.  JFP has made promises of bringing the two of them together and has enlisted the help of Anthony Geary in getting it done, which most likely accounts for this thread being the best the show has going.  What will happen now that Elizabeth is proudly flicking that ring around?  I’m sure we’re due for one hell of a Laura frenzy (don’t bogart that popcorn, pass it down!).  Just spare me the dumb stuff.  One minute, you’re winning an Emmy on a yacht and the next, you’re the floating head of death (I was thinking of “Jambi” on The Pee Wee Herman Show,” original HBO cut) in an arcade game. 

To take a detour into negativity, what is going on with Elizabeth that she isn’t noticing that her beloved Lucky is a Loony Supreme with Cheese?  At least Nikki isn’t blind to what’s going on and it gave Gia an opportunity to appear on screen.  It seems like Deception, Gia, Elton and all that goes with it has been wadded into a ball and tossed into the trashcan.  LET Stefan press charges against Lucky for attacking him.  I mean, why shouldn’t he?  Get that kid under control.  I was aghast when he started pounding on Luke’s laptop.  I don’t believe I would have been frozen into motionlessness like Luke was.  Mess with my computer and you get the bull’s horns. 

I normally love, love, love the cheesy sci-fi stuff and I have to admit that seeing Tony come out of hibernation has been a real joy, but Helena’s dialog has GOT to go!  She’s suddenly talking like Vincent Price in House of Wax.  I can’t wait to see RKK come up out of that chest freezer and stretch out those long cold bones.  I know just the woman to warm his cold, cold heart.  Meanwhile, can we get a dialog specialist on the writing team instead of Our Gang providing the verbal sparring on GH? 

I’m hoping some of these kinks (OK, there are more kinks here than in a Parisian Whore House) will be ironed out before my precious Robert Scorpio returns in the fall.  My Tristan does not need to be dealing with such madness. 

Speaking of madness, I’m of a torn mind with the Quartermaine goin’s on.  I hated Skye on OLTL, but love her on GH.  She fits into the Quartermaines so beautifully, having been primed for the role during her formative years by living in the Chandler home.  What doesn’t fit well is the sudden alliance between Ned and AJ.  I can accept the fluke of the two of them working together to set up Edward, but then it should have been business as usual instead of the two of them butter rolls for one another at the table and slipping gift certificates for Sharper Image under the other one’s door.   

That Lucas can sure pitch a fit, can’t he?  Excellent seizures! 

Has anyone at Kelly’s noticed that Tammy is gone?  Do Elizabeth or Emily still work there?  Have they closed down?  Is it in the same bankruptcy court as Deception?   

Where’s all the black people at?  It was bad enough that Justus just *disappeared*, but now I haven’t seen Florence, Gia or Taggert, not to mention the long lost Dara who evidently lives in the courthouse, in weeks other than a few gratuitous shots to support the other characters.  I thought when we brought his family into the cast that we’d see Taggert on a personal, rather than a professional level.  He has all but disappeared except to bitch at Sonny here and there.   

Sadly, that about covers all I have to say about the show.  I refuse to slip totally into pessimism and look forward to GH getting it’s act together and rising to it’s previous standards or better.  I would like to see some representation of GH in next year’s Emmy Award nominations!

May 10, 2001
2:30 pm

Mmmmmm.  I love how they are showing Sonny working out the puzzle of who betrayed him in his head.  It sure didn’t take him long.  I’ve been reading the spoilers and I have to say (without giving anything away) that the direction the Carly and Sonny romance has taken is shocking to me.  Sure, Carly was always a class act screw up.  Sure, Sonny seemed doomed to never have a family and true love in his life, but I’m disappointed that it has been set up for Carly to betray him.  I am also noticing that Meagan McTavish’s name is now showing up on the credits at the end of the show.  It’s interesting that the destruction of the hottest couple on GH perfectly corresponds with the transference of the writing reins from Michele Val Jean, who was of the old Guza regime, and the new scribe who is Jill Farren Phelps’ soul sister.  Not only that, but it’s interesting that this is happening right when the new gal comes on board as Carly.  When Sarah Brown left and the story of a heated argument between her and the new EP was quickly stomped out, her clarifying statement said (paraphrased) that she knew when she was done.  Could it be that she knew she was done because she vehemently disagreed with where the story was going?  I think that argument might have actually taken place and I think that SB had a FIT when she heard what they had planned for Sonny and Carly.  That’s just my humble opinion.  This story blows. 

WHAT is the total hell is wrong with Monica?  We’ve been all over the Dawn issue and that he has no call to be up Alan’s butt about this the way she is.  I don’t get the hysterics and shrewism.  Speaking of hysterics, no one does’em like Linda Dano.  I loved when she was hamming it up in the scene where Rae learns Edward was behind her child being stolen.  (Is there no legal recourse on this??)  In the very next scene where Edward comes upon Skye, she looked so small and alone sitting by herself.  I love how she’s buttering Edward and he’s falling right into it.   

On the Emily front, while it’s good that Zander is letting her work for it a bit, I have to say that I think he’s gone more than far enough.  He doctored up a room he left her in with a dead guy to make it look like she had taken drugs again, been raped or both.  He carried her away, terrified and at gunpoint and held her hostage for days before being “nice” to her.  She tells one lie and he breaks up with her.  Yeah, I’d say that all comes out in the wash (not).   

So, so telling.  Bobbie is in the hospital, desperately praying and distraught.  Flea cum Farrah brings her nail polish and magazines.  Yeah, that should help.   

Other than being a little girl with blonde curls, that kid looks nothing like Shirley Temple.  Other than having a heart shaped face and being a strawberry blonde, NuCarly looks nothing like Carly.  She’s way over her head talent-wise and it was cruel to put her in a role demanding intense scenes with hard hitters like Maurice Benard and A Martinez and following the powerhouse act of Sarah Brown.  And that’s all I got to say about that.

May 4, 2001
2:45 pm

WHY??  Why didn't Alan bring up Monica's daughter from the past?  "ONE bastard child is enough in this marriage?"  DAWN!  DAWN!  DAWN!!  He handled it for her!  She can handle it for him!

The AUDACITY of this woman!!  It's not as though he cheated on her in his affair with Rae!  It was WAAAY pre-Monica.  

Bitch.

May 3rd, 2001
a stroke before midnight

Since I just ragged on recasts for about an hour and a half in my “On the Soap Box” column, I thought I’d step away from the commentary in this installment of the GH Online Journal and play with my current favorite story which we will call, “Alan’s Turn.”  I am too depressed by Helena using Lucky to jack with Lucas to go into that.  I am still too busy wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes after watching Luke’s blatant rejection of Felicia (Let’s hear it for honesty!!  The crowd goes wild) to comment on that OR her nasty Charlie’s Angels (circa 1970’s) hair.  I’m too stunned by the miserable writing and crazed current storyline to comment on Sonny or Carly.  (Could a story be going any MORE all over the place?)  I’m too bored by Bobbie’s hysterics to even appreciate how cool Melissa is and anticipate her revenge.  Likewise, the plot of Nikolas renouncing his throne, Liz and Gina making nice or Alexis and anything (never thought I’d say THAT).  So without further ado, I present to you, “Alan’s Turn.” 

Setting:  The Quartermaine living room.  All family members allowed on the show are present, including Rae Cummings and Skye Chandler.  Reg is there too, since he is family. 

Rae:  I know you are wondering why I have called you all here. 

Monica:  Oh, no doubt you have a whole tribe of kiddies to parade through my house, all claiming to be descendents of some member of my family.  Can we get on with it?  Who is contestant #2 for Steal My Fortune? 

Alan:  Monica, would you shut up and let Rae speak?   

Monica:  Oh sure, take her side.  Why don’t we haul the vicar back and he can marry the two of you? 

Alan:  Are you kidding?  I broke up with her, didn’t I?  How many years do I have to ignore someone before they are no longer a threat to you? 

Monica:  Until they are OUT of my living room and stop bringing in your bastard children, that’s how long. 

Edward:  Dangnabbit, would you two shut up so we can get on with this? 

Rae:  I never thought I would say it, but thank you, Edward.  Now, since I am a licensed therapist… 

Emily:  Weren’t you just an advice-to-the-lovelorn columnist when you first came back to OLTL?  How’d you get to be a doctor so quickly? 

Rae:  (smiles)  Well, I’m a doctor of the heart… 

Monica:  Oh for the love of God.  REGINALD!!  Get me a drink. 

Reginald:  I think Emily is leaving again in light of Mr Q’s betrayal, so you’re back to being your own bartender. 

Emily:  Cool!  I want to be a doctor of the heart too!  How long is the school? 

Rae:  ANYway, since the integration of a new family member can be unsettling for everyone concerned, I thought if we had a group therapy meeting with the family members present, it might smooth the waters a bit.  I’m sure this is all quite unsettling for all of you and it’s important that you understand that since this sort of thing doesn’t happen often, you will need to be particularly gentle with one another and assist each other in this difficult transition.   

AJ:  Are you nuts?  Do you really think this is the first new member we’ve brought to the family? 

Rae:  (smiles patiently)  Well, no, I am aware that Emily is adopted, so I know there is some experience with welcoming a new family member… 

Ned:  HA!  You really haven’t done your homework!  We’ve welcomed more new family members than Charles Manson.  Everyone here has had someone hiding in the closet at some point. 

Rae:  (chuckles)  Well, Ned, I’m sure you’re exaggerating, but regardless… (she stops as she sees them all looking at her with blank eyes).  You are exaggerating, right?  (Edward clears his throat and looks away and the other follow suit, looking anywhere but at another human)  Alan, would you care to explain what Ned just said? 

Alan:  Well, it’s simply that our family is, well, complicated.   

Skye:  OH, great!  Complicated is another word for “dysfunctional.” 

Rae:  Complicated.  Explain “complicated.” 

Alan:  Well, for instance, Monica had a daughter that none of us knew about.  Her name was Dawn and she showed up unexpectedly. 

Rae:  (eyes narrow)  You went through what I went through? 

Monica:  Absolutely not!  I knew my daughter lived.  I just, well, didn’t tell anyone. 

Rae:  I see.  Edward? 

Ned:  No, Grandfather has not had a single out of wedlock child sprung on us.  He’s had TWO: 

(music plays:  duh duh DUHHHH and we see a close up of Edward’s face, looking solemn) 

Edward:  It’s true.  Both Jimmy Lee Holt and Bradley Ward were my sons by illicit affairs before and after I married Lila.   

Rae:  Ned?  You said everyone.  What about you? 

Ned:  Secret wife.  I was married to socialite Katherine Bell, but had first married the real Mrs. Ned Ashton, Lois Cerullo.  No one knew about Lois until she sprang out of a cake at Katherine’s birthday cake holding our marriage license.  Not one of my finer moments. 

Rae:  I suppose not. AJ? 

AJ:  Nope, clean as a whistle.  No surprises.   

Ned:  Are you kidding, Junior?  You had a kid so secret even YOU didn’t know you had him. 

AJ:  Oh yeah.  Good lord, that’s twice this week we’ve agreed on something.  Alert the presses. 

Rae:  Surely not little Emily… 

Em:  Sorry.  Secret boyfriend.  He kidnapped me but was really nice.  I couldn’t tell anyone about him at first because they’d bug. 

Rae:  I’m not sure a boyfriend counts as a family member… 

Em:  OH, great!  So you’re against Zander too!  You don’t even KNOW him!!  You haven’t even given him a chance!  (tears streaming)  I hate you.    

Rae:  Lila, surely not… 

Lila:  I’m terribly sorry to disappoint you, my dear.  Secret husband, Toliver Craine.  He showed up quite unexpectedly to prove that Edward and I were never legally married because he and I were never really divorced.  Quite a scandal, it was (chuckled). 

Rae:  I can’t believe this!  NO one in this family has NOT had a secret person? 

(They all exchange glances) 

Emily:  (chokes back a sob)  Jason. 

AJ:  Oh for Godsake.  Jason WAS a secret child.  (all begin talking at once, melee ensues) 

Alan:  Jason was NOT a secret.  Everyone knew he was my love child. 

Monica:  You definitely paraded it around for long enough. 

Ned:  Jason was sleeping with Carly and we didn’t know it.  She was secret, until she said he was Michael’s father. 

AJ:  OH, just twist the knife, cousin, twist the knife. 

Skye:  (whistles loudly through her fingers)  SHUT UPPPPP!  (all are stunned into silence)  Thank you.  I can’t believe this family is so weird!  What’s WRONG with you people? 

AJ:  With us?  What about the rest of the town? 

Rae:  What do you mean? 

Ned:  Well, Bobbie had a secret daughter. 

AJ:  Laura had a secret son AND a secret mother. 

Monica:  Stefan had a secret son that he didn’t really have. 

Lila:  That Roy DiLucca had a secret daughter. 

Ned:  Alexis had a secret mother!  That’s right! 

Alan:  Sonny Corinthos had a secret father! 

Edward:  Carly had a secret lover!  Jason!! 

Emily:  Grandfather, that doesn’t count.  We already talked about Carly and Jason.  It is so five minutes ago. 

Ned:  Elizabeth Webber!  (snaps fingers)  Secret family! 

AJ:  They are not, we know they exist, somewhere. 

Alan:  But her father was Steve Hardy’s secret son! 

Lila:  OH, and Audrey Hardy had a secret son that she said died but didn’t!  Oh, I do so love this game! 

Edward:  What about Luke? 

Monica:  Secret cousin, Bill Eckert.  Looked just like him. 

Alan:  I’ve got one!  Tiffany Hill had a whole secret family!  The Crumholtz! 

Ned:  Ha!  Can’t top this!  Robert Scorpio!  Secret brother was Mac! 

Jax:  I had a secret dead wife!! 

Monica:  What are you doing here?  You aren’t due back yet for weeks!  And you can’t count someone who comes back from the dead.   

Jax:  Hey, you counted Lesley Webber, WHO had a secret daughter, I might add AND no one knew Miranda existed until she showed up.  So there. 

Monica:  We counted Lesley ONLY because she rode on the point for Nikolas.  But you can keep the point because it's true, we didn’t know about Miranda before she arrived. 

Edward:  Now see here!  Who made you the referee? 

Monica:  It’s MY house! 

AJ:  Anna Devane.  Secret twin sister.  I saw it on AMC. 

Edward:  Her daughter, Robin!  Secret Alien, that young Casey fellow! 

Ned:  Taggert? 

Alan:  Secret sister and mother. 

Ned:  Oh yeah!  We thought he was hatched.  (chuckles)

AJ:  Hey, what about Tra… 

Ned, Monica, Edward:  DON’T say that name in this house!! 

AJ:  Jeez, sorreee. 

Ned (under his breath) I’ll get with you later on it. 

Monica:  Scott Baldwin had a secret daughter! 

AJ:  Lucy Coe had a secret lover who was a killer! 

Alan:  Kevin Collins had a secret homicidal twin brother! 

Edward:  Amy Vining?  What about her? 

AJ:  Secret surgeon! 

Alan:  So you can see, Rae, it was just my turn!

Lila:  What about Helena Cassadine? 

Edward:  We think she has a secret second grandson, dear. 

The game goes on until late into the night and we pan away with the group happily continuing to chalk up points.  We see them moving animatedly through the terrace windows as the screen fades to black and the credits roll.

April 26, 2001
3:00pm

OK, let me get this straight.  Bobbie let a patient stay in quarantine for a whole day, Melissa gets a black mark on her record, GH loses a great surgical nurse, Melissa gets chewed by Tony and gummed a bit by Alan and she's not sorry?  What the hell kind of psycho bitch is she?  Please, please tell me she's going to get what's coming to her.

Loved seeing the Cousins Grimm working together to expose Edward.  NICE scenes.

All in all, another satisfactory day at GH.

OH.  Commercials:

Love it:  "The snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off."  Hee hee.

Hate it:  Chevy Ventura ad where the kids are locked in their seats with headphones jacked into their heads and the TV, staring mindlessly while parents smirk, obviously quite pleased that they aren't forced to interact with their progeny.  Even I, after wrestling beastly little preschoolers on temper tangents all day am offended by the premise.  Ick.

April 25, 2001
10:30pm

OK, so the scene went differently in my head than on the screen.  *I* saw Nikolas burst out of the secret passage where he’d been stealthing himself, rant and rage at Helena and Stefan as they looked on, aghast, then grab the Cassadine Book from its Place of Holy Shrine-age, brandish it at them, (veins sticking out and throbbing in his throat and temples, eyes wild with anger, face a rictus of fury), spitting out, “Here, HERE is what I THINK of your CASSADINE legacy!!” then he threw the book on the floor, whipped out his mighty sword and pissed all over it.  Alas, it was not to be, but it was pretty doggone good in my head.  Wish you’d been there. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the ZEm break up scene brought a tear to me eye, especially when tough, kidnapper guy was choking back the tears.  What a couple of little dynamos those two are.  AJ is definitely the champion in this one and I think it’s going to go a long way toward winning back his legitimacy in the family.  Edward is going to sew another merit badge on his Pr!ck sash and the family will forgive him as always, although I’m quite sure Lila’s door is going to be locked to him for a good long while.  He’s going to be lucky to get an answered phone from the staff after what he has done to Little Emily comes out.  Amber T played it F-I-N-E today when she was breaking off to Edward about their little secrets.  I was thrilled to see Ms Skye saunter up to Alan today and it’s going to be great to see how she fits in with the Q’s.  For those who don’t know, she’s a real pistol! 

No.  Way.  I’ll get to Bobbie’s behavior in a minute, but when Tony was chewing Melissa a new fast track, I had to wonder about the rumor I heard of JFP giving Brad Maule back his contract.  Any chance that there’s a Melissa-Tony pairing in the future?  It would stand to reason that if Bobbie has Melissa’s ex-man, Melissa should have Bobbie’s.  Hmm.  Ex-con versus Neurosurgeon.  Both felons.  Both ruggedly cute.  Both singers (although the audience doesn’t yet know that about Roy).  The biggest key to a future couple is that they have a skirmish right away.  I think I smell luv. 

What a BAG Bobbie is being to Melissa!  Now that she is busted to Roy, I can only hope that she finds a way to turn the tables and show Bobbie for the ass she’s being.  Good Lord, Roy is doing everything but handcuffing himself to her to prove his love and devotion and still Psycho Woman won’t let it go.  I was praying that someone would overhear the things Bobbie was saying to Melissa (trying to bully her into leaving town, for instance) and call her on it.  Where is Alan when you need him?  Kibbitzing with Rae, of course. 

THAT was Sarah Brown’s last scene?  Couldn’t we come up with something to show her meddle?  What a whimper instead of a bang.  I miss the good old days when Carly would have grabbed the bomb from Sonny, it would have gone off and blown her face away, she would have recovered in bandages for a week and emerge looking like Tamara Braun.  Now we have these recasts where it can never, oh no NEVER, be mentioned that the person looks totally different.   

Looks like the Luke and Laura reunion is a go from what we’re seeing indicated so far on the show and I’m worried that my Scottie is going to take yet another beating (hopefully not literally this time).  One minute she’s kicking his butt at pool, then she’s fighting with Luke about the same old crap of Luke demanding that she not see Nikolas and Laura demanding that he recognize that she gave up the life of adventure to raise kids.  Different verse, same as the first.  Next minute she’s dumping her purse and he’s passing meaningful looks.  I’m sure Flea’s profession of love is coming, so these little intense moments are certainly going to influence how he responds to her.  Good thing she has Mac The Pup in reserve (again).

April 25, 2001
10:00pm

A Few More Commercial Words 

I had a rant a while back on commercials that really bugged the crap out of me like that Remifeminist atrocity and the Pollen-Dust-Cats lady who is still on my hit list.  I’d like to briefly mention some of the commercials that I love.   

The Dasani commercial where Ms. Whatzit is on the tropical island and the guy who looks like Mateo from AMC comes up and tells her he’s fixed the copier, then turns into The King of the Nerdery always makes me smile. 

For no reason at all, I love the Fantastic commercials where the old fat woman says, “It’s a grime scene!” and the cop gives her a glittering smile at the end and says, “It’s Fantastic.” 

Love the Pull Ups commercial where the big little kids are teaching the little little kids to potty train.  (“The best advice I can give you is watch for zippers.”) 

“It’s yours, Frank.”  “It isssss.” 

April 14, 2001
10:30 pm

I’m trying to be a silver lining, glass is half full kind of person, so I am going to forego the things I could rant and rage about and delve straight into the things I can rave about.  OK, so some minor raging might be involved in the raving, but balance is everything and all things in moderation and all that stuff. 

Melissa.  I am so grateful that Jensen Buchanan was able to iron out her legal issues and return to the role of Melissa.  *A soap actor who can act*   Ahhhhh.  What bliss.  Dare we hope that we can hit the jackpot and also have a character who has no subtext and is all she appears to be?  Melissa is coming off more girl next door pure than Patty Duke.  With her oh so natural beauty and casual, caring personality, she’s a stark contrast to Bobbie, who’s synthetic from her hair to her boobs to her nails to her wardrobe.  It is purposeful that Melissa is the picture of wholesome goodness while Bobbie still dresses like a hooker?  I think not.  Is it a coincidence that Roy is contemplating his life and turning introspective when past and past and present converge?  I think not.  If Melissa is not a fatal attraction, avenge my brother’s death psycho, then she has to be smart enough to know that if she just continues to play as she is and not make a wrong move, Bobbie will do herself in.  Already, she’s stunned into agog every time she sees Roy speak to Melissa.  She always acts as though she’s seeing it for the first time:  her eyes bug out, her jaw drops to the floor and her head tilts a bit.  Does she really think that they aren’t going to speak when they see one another?  They live in a big town, but run in small circles, so they are bound to run into one another and the hi howareya’s are going to start up.  [Sidenote:  I, however, would have instantly taken Roy across the hospital tiles if he canceled dinner with me, then I heard Melissa talk to him about “looking forward to tonight.”  That little misunderstanding would have been cleared up in nothing flat before any junkie had time to cut me off.]  Melissa has been painful accommodating of Bobbie’s initial nastiness and overall neuroses over her presence, “Is it OK that I come to this party that my boss invited me to?” [Loses points for the nasty fairy princess costume she wore there – very Barbie, but that’s just my humble opinion]  “Is it OK if I keep this great job that I sold my soul to get and NOT have to sell my blood to afford moving to Seattle?”  “Is it OK that I’m working the same ER shift that you’re working?”   

I thought the crazed junkie grabbing Melissa was pretty contrived (no, didn’t see that coming! – wiping off the dripping sarcasm).  I’m sure it will end up as a vehicle to piss Bobbie off in some way.  How many Bobbies does it take to change a lightbulb?  Just one.  She holds the bulb in place and waits for a second because everyone knows the world revolves around her. 

Mac.  New, improved, oh so delicious and maybe a little psychotic.  The glasses are a wonderful accent (speaking of which, what happened to his?) and the longer hair is most flattering.  I just hope he’s as twisted as I think he might be.  This sudden determination to win back Felicia smacks of having six cans, but no plastic thingy to hold together the six pack.  It would be great to have him get a good storyline that doesn’t involve Felicia for a change.  Someone that cute should never be a lap dog. 

Which bring us to Scott.  The French gave us the Statue of Liberty, Orville Reddenbacher gave us gourmet popcorn and PC gave us (back) Scott.  He lights up the screen in his every scene, but so far, has only served as a shadow for Laura.  I’m eager to see him get involved with AJ’s case and go head to head with Sonny and Carly.  We can expect fall out fireworks between him and Bobbie as he tries to win custody of Michael and the potential dynamics between all who are involved is incredible.  Carly works in the same office area with Laura, so Scott will be seeing her quite a bit as the legalities proceed and no doubt, tempers are going to flare.  I think that is what is called a conflict of interest, considering that Scott is chief legal council for a company in which Carly is a major share holder.   

AJ is holding his own well and it’s been invigorating to see Billy Warlock take on a strong role instead of a pathetic one.  Again, the custody battle story line should be his friend. 

I’m pleased that Monica was given a clean bill of health and thought that the cancer scare was played off quite well.  I think it was quite prudent of the powers that be to forego the descent into a dramatic illness as soon as they come to the helm. 

Another scene that I thought was most noteworthy for its authenticity was the interchange between Melissa and Edward in the ER.  John Ingle played off Edward’s panic, pain and vulnerability magnificently and (having worked in a hospital before) Melissa’s nurse banter was right on target as she gently and matter-of-factly explained to him what she was doing when.  “You have the touch of an angel,” Edward told her and that angelic aura is exactly what the show wants to cast onto Melissa.  She was kind and nurturing and all that an ER nurse should be. 

Love the crack from Luke to Helena about it being Karaoke night.  Those two are priceless and Stefan in the mix just makes it all the better.  You can practically see the little mist of spit flying off of Nikolas’ lips as he snipes at Helena and Stefan, “Damn you both!  Damn you all to hell.  You see, I was hiding in this here alcove and I heard the snarky things you said about my Gia bet, so bedamned to hell, evil family!  I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee!”  Lovin’ those Cuhrazy Cassadines. 

April 9th
1:00pm

Just one quick question.  How much is that fat little BBQ eatin' boy on the Bounty commercial going to pack away?  Mama, get that boy some nutirtional counseling!

April 5th
2:00pm

Couple of quick comments:

*Given the choice, I'd choose fighting with Scott over making out with Luke any day.  Scott is just that cool and Luke is just that much of a jerk lately.  

*For those of you who wrote to me saying, "WHAT kiss?"  (yes, there were way more than a couple of you) in regard to Liz and Jason's encounter that I lauded magnificently, all I can say is I'd rather have that heated, heavily charged, cupping of the face, "don't you know what you are to me," tentative moving in, kaPOW tiny kiss than all of the smearing and sucking that Bobbie and Roy do, resembling two Siamese twin toilet plungers joined at the cups.  To me, that was a hot, hot, HOT moment and I was able to say that, despite my intense, white hot hatred of Liz.  I did take a moment to worry that Jason would pull back, covered from chin to eyeballs with red lip gloss, but I got past it.

*LOVED Jason stomping all over smart ass Zander today.  Whoo hooo!

*Felicia is lecturing Laura?  I really despise her.

*For Godsake, Emily, stop whining or I'm going to be glad you're leaving.

*"You and your bank teller shoes from here to Guam"?  Heh.  I spent four years on Guam.  Love to hear it mentioned.

*What?  Felicia is in love with Luke, but she's still wearing Mac's fat diamonds on her married finger?  The scene with Bobbie has affirmed to me that Kristina Wagner is a horrible, horrible actress.

*Zander cleans up reeeeeal good.

*HA!  You guys never cease to surprise me and I love it.  I can never, ever tell what you are going to enjoy and I'm tickled that you enjoyed my brief disss-ertation on the commercials.  Here are a couple more:

**I would never go to that really, really cool health club if I have to be a "Remifeminist" to do it.  Who in the complete hell saw a light bulb click on over the head of the idiot who first said that word?

**Did the woman on the Cascade Complete commercial REALLY just put a layer cake in the dishwasher and run a cycle.  Where's Ralph Nader when I need him?

**Why do I want to whack that pretentious woman who is sharing her allergy list with us, "I'm a pollen/dust/cats, he's your classic mold."  I really don't like her.

**I love the new K-Mart Blue Light commercials.  : Þ

**Love the Cadbury bunny commercials, but miss the little kids who used to say, "Thank you, Easter Bunny!"  (bok bok)

April 4th
3:00pm

At last!  At last!  I didn’t think I’d ever get to write!  It has been so busy lately with little boys everywhere.  Sometimes I think I gave birth to sets of triplets and didn’t realize it.  J   

Anyway, let’s talk GH.   

A couple of points to jump into right away.  That kiss was worth waiting a day to see.  As much as I appalled by the notion of  Elizabeth having her cake and eating it too, that kiss was HOT.  Jason was seriously moving on those collagen-filled ruby reds and it’s no wonder Liz had it on her mind, regardless of any permanent lock she might have elsewhere.  YOWZER!  “Don’t you know what you are to me?”  Lord, I’ll be your maid, your mama, your accountant, you name it, just keep looking at me like that!  Permanent Lock becomes Permanent Crock. 

Has Felicia been raiding Bobbie’s closet?  Where’d she get dem Ho clothes she wore to see the bank loan officer?  I expected her to start talking like Candy.  Is Laura going to care that there’s someone in Port Charles who is under the impression that she dresses like a high priced call girl instead of a frump?   

The hand of JFP is NOT falling softly upon some of my favorite characters.  Suddenly Zander is absolutely insufferable.  His snorting and griping and blustering around makes him sound like Edward Quartermaine, Junior.  He used to be interesting and came off as a romantic rogue.  Now, he’s just a pain in the ass smart-alecky kid who flat out refuses to take care of business.  Taking a chance and getting nailed by Sorel’s guys once should have been enough.  Now we’re supposed to believe he took off on his own again?  He and Jason are doomed to stare one another down.  “Did you bring Emily?”  Gimme a break!  Like she’s in Sonny’s back pocket, going to all the mafia meetings?  Puh-lease.  WHAP!!  Smack dat boy. 

Psycho Sonny just isn’t playing off as well as it did before.  Now, instead of tortured and trouble, he’s just seeming nuts.  Alexis and Sonny were both so oblivious that they didn’t see Michael tool away from them when he was two feet away?  I don’t think so.  I’ve lost kids with the best of ‘em, but even that doesn’t wash. 

Carly is insufferable.  I was a big time Carly fan, but her treatment of Gia sealed it all up for me, as I’m sure it was meant to do.  It makes me wonder if that depiction of Carly is what told Sarah Brown she was done with GH. 

Alexis has become an overly (rather than cutely) neurotic basket case and interrupts everyone constantly to ask for help.  Not like her.  I miss her class and poise.  Playing her off as pathetic is a big disappointment to me.  I hope she cleaned up her penthouse. 

I LOVED the interchange between AJ and Michael, especially when Dylan Hopkins kept asking if his twin brother, Blake, could have a little bear as well.  J  What a sweetie.  “I’ve already got a daddy.”  OW!  More smart AJ play is a good thing, as far as I’m concerned.  Loved AJ with Scott. 

I loved the scene of Melissa and Roy at Luke’s and the expression on Bobbie’s face when she saw them together.  Bobbie carried herself well, I have to give her that.  It’s been very nice to see Roy form words instead of just leeching with Bobbie.  Being friends with the new executive producer has its bennies. 

I was pissed at Alan for telling the world about Monica’s condition, then telling them “but she wants to keep this private.”  He did redeem himself with he warm and loving support when she had the biopsy.  It was great to see Jason come give his love and support as well.  *sniff* 

Anyone think Mac looked not only devastatingly handsome, but, um, psycho when he was talking to Felicia? 

Luke went a little above and beyond in his attack of Laura.  “We don’t have ANYTHING.”  ??  I dunno, KIDS?  He’s such a jerk any more. 

Lastly, some dumb stuff about the commercials.  Pardon me if you don’t get the same commercials I do, but… 

Doesn’t Mo Thompson from the Gateway commercial who says that when she started at Gateway, she could yell back and ask who had Bill Whatsit’s computer look completely and suspiciously like the checker who tells the guy that the Arm & Hammer Baking Soda Chewing Gum is in the toothpaste aisle?  Moonlighting? 

Can that guy really make it through the whole football game cleaning with one Brawny paper towel?  “They’re your parents?”  I’d be more in favor of telling the in-laws that the reason the place is a wreck is that their baby boy sat on his ass and wouldn’t help clean.  And why wouldn’t the guy trash the paper towel after a cursory clean?  Commercials are so near-sighted. 

How about Sarah Jessica Parker trying to hawk that nasty yellow hair color on her head?  Ewww.   

Lastly, what about that unfortunate looking woman on the Nature’s Woman soy menopausal supplement commercial who says, “I may look young, but I’ve got menopause symptoms” or something like that.  She should be saying, “I may look like a man, but I *do* have a uterus and ovaries, so I have menopause.”   

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March, 2001

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