It's a wonder MSN is still up and running after the flood of e-mails I got about last week's column! How exciting! The inclusion of some the mail I received was such a hit that I have decided to make it a weekly event, for a while at least. When GH fans speak, they have something to say! All of you have such wonderful ideas about the show and it is only selfish for me to keep them all to myself. This is absolutely, hands down, the best part of what I do: getting to read your letters about the show. I am honored to share those some of those wonderful mailings with you.

No means "Hell no." Juan, you little creep. If I EVER found out some nasty little silver tongued snake was pressuring MY daughter to fulfill his little pubescent needs like Juan was Emily, he'd be swimming with the fishes. My thought is that while Lucky and Nikolas are burying bodies on Spoon Island, they need to snag another one for practice. What a little beast! I don't care if he did save up the requisite $40 for that cheap motel by recycling cans or whatever (if he's really talent at L&B, I'd think he could afford a better setting than the Motel 6 he took her to), he really set me off with his attitude. THAT is just getting started when you consider what an evil little pigeon he was being at the rave with those skank monkeys hanging all over him. It's pretty damned sad when the best part of my week is watching a fiction teenager (granted, with the worst fictional case of bb's to ever hit Port Charles) get ripped up by three other fictional teenagers in a fictional rave. Loved the scene between Juan and Lucky, though. Oh yeah, Em, they have lots in common…they'll get along FAMOUSLY.

For Godsake, Monica, kill the rabbit already! All of this tittering and grinning from ear to ear and yammering on about "Oh wow, I wonder, could I be" just isn't realistic. If the average fifty-year-old thought she was pregnant, she'd be snagging the Sharper Image pregnancy test when she was an hour late on her period. (Talk about firing pan and fire…I'm not sure if I'd want the pregnancy or the menopause if my periods were jacked up. I had my last child last year at 38 and I'm telling ya, it ain't for sissies or old people. I thought the pregnancy was tough but chasing after a nine month old who never sleeps and chews up pots and pans and spits them out for bullets is a lot different twenty-two years after my first child!) Now here is what I want to know. What form of birth control have Alan and Monica been using for the past thirty-whatever years that has been so effective that it has kept her from conceiving since AJ?

Braids…Yodeling? No comment.

WHAP! What I wouldn't give to reach through the TV and slap that smirk off of AJ's face when Taggert was talking to him. I've had enough of smart aleck drunks to last a lifetime. I don't need it on my recreational outlet as well. Let's get this story rolling and get AJ what's coming to him. Attention Karma police…we've got a 462 on Banister's Wharf in Port Charles.

So, how are we supposed to believe that Jax is going to be able to, um, pitch a tent for Helena when he hates her so much? I suppose that would not necessarily be a requirement for servicing, but I think Helena's probably quite the greedy little vixen and I imagine she's going to be thinking along those lines. Maybe she'll lace his wine too, probably with the same stuff she uses to make Andreas forget that his brother met with the business end of an ice pick on the same boat.

Talk about anti-climax. Laura's come-on to Mac was way more pathetic than I had hoped it would be. I really feel for her moments of self-justification. It seems that twice this week she felt she had to defend her love for Luke and her marriage. First to Mac ("I can't think of my marriage as a mistake") and then to Roy (I don't think I was wrong to love Luke.") The current situation has really put Laura on the defensive, both about Luke and about herself. It has to be hard for her to go through the war between her head, which sees how convinced Mac is that Luke killed Stefan and her heart and gut which say it isn't true. Please, let's get her healthy, THEN get her a man. I felt very sorry when I heard her tell Roy, "She's going to have to deal with me," knowing fully well that Helena would have to deal with the same tired old empty accusations. Laura puffs up like a big blow fish, then deflates and does nothing. The closest she has come in years to really asserting herself were the catfights with Felicia. Against a formidable opponent, she does a lot of warning, then leaves. Helena knows that and uses it sublimely.

Bobbie and Roy are like a Mad magazine cartoon any more. I cracked up at the lousy writing when she said that Roy had spent "half of his adult life in prison." Sure, math isn't normally of issue in soaps, but this brought a grin to my face to think of Roy being in prison for twenty-five years, that being half of his adult life makes us double it to fifty, then figuring he was in his twenties when he was arrested…not bad for a seventy-something year old man! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you old sticks in the mud saying that he spent some of his prison time out of prison and THAT is what she was referring to, but it's more fun my way.

Another crack up was hearing Audrey say that Bobbie had only used her sick days for the past year and could take a week off to go to Hawaii with Roy. Is this woman senile or is this the best working gig on earth? Bobbie is NEVER at the hospital.

Holy Smokes! What a hair cut on Liz. VERY nice.

How great it is to see our Sonny in love again. Even though the spoilers say that a communication mishap is going to split them up for a while, it's surely not going to take. These two have miles to go before they sleep and it's going to be so much fun experiencing their romance along with them. I'm certain that we are going to get to see "the scene" in which Carly has the chance to be with Jason and finds that she loves Sonny too much to do it. It would be wonderful to see her about to leave town with Jason, then have Sonny come and plead his heart to her and ask her to stay. This really has some potential

I really feel for Roy, plotting the back room gambling proposition with Claude while Bobbie is pleading his case to Tony about how Roy would never do anything to risk their second chance at love. If any of these people would take the time to go on a backward soul journey and really evaluate the choices they've made in partners, the epiphanies would be popping all over town. Fortunately, their lives are complicated and chaotic enough that they never have to learn any lessons until it hits them the hard way. Fortunately, that makes good viewing for us!

See ya next week.


"Constance Towers has created the creepiest bitch in soap opera history. I have to applaud whoever does her lines. The character is evil incarnate but believable in an intense human way. Devotion and vengeance are intertwined within Helena's soul and she really relishes in her own perversion. I really saw these qualities displayed in the poisoning scene. Helena was total menace and entirely believable in her emotions towards Stefan. I winced when she cut him down as only a mother could. It was painfully in her expression that I also saw her devotion to Stavros' and Mikkos' legacy. What a blow delivered. I immensely enjoy good acting and Constance Towers is a master at her craft."

"Don't you just love Helena? She adds so much to GH. I can't remember a female villain who was so much fun. Her scenes range from creepy with Stefan, chilling with Alexis, combative with Laura, and I don't know what with Andreas. She is the puppet master supreme! In keeping with her non-trusting and controlling personality, I'm surprised she doesn't have all the rooms on the yacht under video camera surveillance. In that case, she would have discovered that Stefan was on to her plan and that Andreas was his accomplice. I am also wondering how Andreas (under all those threats from Stefan and knowing that Helena would kill him in a moments notice) can still rise to the occasion. He must be popping viagra like pez."

"This is an idea I had when I got a little too bored during commercials. Wouldn't it be a great murder mystery if Helena were killed? I bet Mac would have to question everyone in town. But I don't really want the powers that be to kill off Helena. She's an intriguing character, and besides what would happen to Andreas?"

"Is Helena going to ax Jax or is Chloe going to be unable to forgive him sleeping with the tough old bird? I suppose the third option is the drug cures Chloe and he leaves because he can't face her. I have it. Helena has perfected her mind control technique on Lucky and now uses it on Jax to turn him into a permanent "boy toy". Yeah, yeah she has Andreas but it's like being too rich. You can't have too many love slaves either. I'm with you though, my fantasy man cooks, cleans and does laundry."

"Are they throwing Chloe and Ned together so much, so she'll have someone to lean on and eventually hook up with when Jax leaves us? Does this leave Alexis free to steal Roy? Or maybe Laura and Roy? Or Leslie? Or Jake - anybody but skeletor succubus. Yes, there was a day when I was happy Roy came into Bobbie's life, my joy was short lived. I can't deal with Bobbie the Ho. And while I know that after 20 years in jail, Roy must be lovin' having her climbing all over him instead of Bubba, he has to eventually get annoyed with her. Doesn't he?"

"[Bobbie]…could she dress any worse? I am so worried about her parts falling out of whatever she has on...Maybe that's why they aren't showing her at work anymore. She can't find a nurses' uniform that has enough cleavage showing."

"She's been one of my favorites until the last year and now I leave the room when she's on, which really hurts because I've been waiting for A Martinez to come back to daytime for years."

"Bobbie is dragging that good man down fast. I liked Roy when he first got on the show, but now the face-sucking piranha has him and he's sinking."

"I cannot take Roy and Boobie scenes anymore. Who makes these decisions, about that every scene they have is to make out. Does she have the say because she has hungry eyes the moment the camera rolls and they are staged in position to start the scene? I am so sick of her and him as a couple. Boring ZZZZZZZZZZ.... She is very invested on being sexy. Sort of mid life crises for some women."

"I am so glad I have the power of ff. I've noticed it takes me about 15 minutes to watch the show lately as I can't stand most of the story lines. I like Carly and Sonny and, um…"

I'm getting all into this Carly-Sonny thing; I want it to go on forever…it's SO nice to see two extremely talented actors, who compliment each other so much that they seem excited to be doing scenes together. I just love watching them. It's like after years of them both being around, finally they have found their acting soulmate."

"Maybe I'm missing something. I still don't understand why they don't get some kind of restraining order against AJ. He verbally assaults her every time he sees her. After the fall down the stairs it should be easy to get. If Jason has to come back I hope we at least get to see him go up one side of AJ and down the other."

"I just can not wait until Jason comes home. And when he does, he needs to come to his senses and regain his relationship with his family especially A.J. He betrayed A.J. for Carly and took his son and look what it got him. She hurt him anyway."

"Please tell me how anyone in Port Charles can for a second believe that Stephan is dead. Half that town has "died." Lets see.... Laura & Lesley (both twice). Lucky, Roy (I mean you don't hear the phrase "They thought you were dead too, didn't they?" everyday). Faison, Edward, Katherine ...the list goes on. Yet the PCPD is intent on capturing a murder of a man whose body has not even surfaced. You'd think by now they should have learned."

"I know you have mentioned a few times that you think this pairing is a good idea. I did too, at first. But then when I started to think about it.... Mac is such a Dudley Do-Right. He's a good guy but he definitely sees things in black and white, right and wrong, with no middle ground. Laura, on the other hand, lives in that middle ground. How long could she live up to his standards?"

"Given most folks opinions of the direction GH is taking, is there any word on whether Guza will be ousted? I heard rumor he was being swayed by Days to write for that show and I couldn't wish for anything else. Well, maybe just one thing. Ya think he could possibly take KW with him. He can dress her up like his little plaything and possess her with demons and all sorts of freaky stuff. That's the perfect arena for his type of trash."


ELIZABETH: (to Audrey about hitting Lucky in the head) "Since that night, Lucky and I have been closer than ever. AUDREY: "Well, maybe you knocked some sense into him.

HELENA: "Andreas. I appreciate your concern, but she's harmless.

ALEXIS: (to Jax about Helena) "You know that every drop of that compound could cost you a pound of your flesh." A POUND??!! Whoa.