These questions are not offered in any particular order
other than the order
in which I received them.
Dear Sage,
What is your favorite all time GH story line? And Why? Least favorite? And Why?
Hmm.
That's a really tough one. I have to say that my favorite storyline of all
time was the mixed marrieds. I loved the spin that made the wrong people
ended up married for the right reasons and I really, really wish they had
dropped the ultra-boring Chloe-Jax pairing and gone for the Ned-Chloe and
Jax-Alexis marriages to work out. To me, that would be the most poetically
lovely wind up for the story, but of course, that couldn't happen. >:<
It is my impression that romances born of friendship are absolutely the most
precious of all and I would like to have seen that explored further. I
thought the mixed couples were much more interesting than the ones who began and
ended together. Plus, that would have been a fantastic "screw you" to Aunt
Gertrude instead of Chloe losing her company.
My least
favorite story was the writing of Lila's Memwahs. I felt it was demeaning
and insulting to everyone involved. I felt Lila was painfully violated by
Luke and Felicia's persistent hounding, even after she asked them to stop.
The broke into her homes repeatedly, stole her belongings and pretty much raped
her past when Ned's idea had been to honor the lady she had become and share the
path that brought her there. This was the beginning of the depiction of
Felicia as a selfish, neglectful mother and a lying, deceitful wife and Luke as
a heartless horndog. The
whole thing just... sucked.
Dear Sage,
Have you ever met any GH stars? Been to an event? Details please.
I ran into Tristan Rogers
(Robert Scorpio) at a bar in LA once. He was gorgeous and pleasant and
very drunk and we
talked for a good long while (this was after he left the show).
I saw
Maurice Benard (Sonny) at a fan event and the way he behaved changed the way I
looked at him and the character of Sonny forever. I was a totally smitten
fan until that time and after that, I just went cold. OK, he might have
been having a bad day. OK, maybe everyone is entitled to bad behavior once
in a while, but regardless, I felt there was no excuse for the way he treated
the fans that day. I'm not slamming the guy... I'm just telling what
happened. And that's all I got to say about that.
Dear Sage,
Any word of a Vanessa Marcil return? Or a Brenda recast?
There is no indication of a Vanessa Marcil
return at this time. She has not ruled it out in the future, but
currently, she is involved in a majorly hyped NBC series called "Las Vegas" that
is expected to go the distance with a heavy hitting cast and strong
behind-the-scene team. There are heavy rumors of a Brenda recast, but I
have not heard anything worth banking on in that respect.
Dear Sage,
Do you know what secret Mitch has about Natalie and Jessica that is to be
revealed?
Any time we hear storyline information, it
immediately goes onto the website. We do not hoard info or wait until
posting day to reveal it. Every day is posting day at EOS if info comes
through. We have heard no word of whatever secret Mitch has about Natalie
and Jessica or if there even is a secret. There is a strong possibility
that the secret only exists on the internet.
Dear Sage,
Are Jason and Elizabeth ever going to get together or are we stupid for hoping?
I don't think you're ever stupid for hoping.
The word I'm getting at this time is that it has not yet been decided who is
going to be with whom.
The thing I really want to impress is that
building an affection for the show that is reliant around one couple or actor or
character is always an exercise in pain because in soaps, all things, especially
couples, are fleeting and terminal. Actors leave, character change
as new actors play them and couples join and break up. The only thing that
is absolute is change. To invest your energy heavily into one situation
regarding a soap means that ultimately, you are going to likely be devastated
and end up chasing ghosts (holding constant hope for a return or a reunion as
time marches by and it doesn't happen). If you view and value the show as
a whole without placing too much obsession on one particular couple, actor,
character or situation, you can appreciate the entire show and the comings and
goings and break-ups and changes are not as devastating.
Dear Sage,
How long have you been involved in scoopage/gossip for GH? Have you ever done
anything for anyone other than EOS?
I wrote
my first EOS column in June of 2001. I have never written for any other
website or magazine and never will. This is my home.
Dear Sage,
If you could have three characters back on GH, who would you choose. If you
could get rid of three - who would they be?
Just three? If
I'm narrowed to that, I'd have to pick three that would also be vital to the
stories on the board at this time and boost up the octane of the show as well as
make me happy. That would be Helena Cassadine, Felicia Scorpio-Jones and
Laura Spencer. Helena only counts if she is played by Constance Towers.
I'm open to a recast on Felicia and Laura. I chose Felicia because I feel
she's vital to stories still on the board and it's just too odd that she's gone.
She needs to be there. Same for Laura. There is too much Laura stuff
going on for her to be off screen constantly. If there's going to be a
Spencer-Cassadine feud, both Helena and Laura need to be around for it.
I'm open for a recast on Laura only because I know that the parting between
Genie Francis and ABC was not on good terms and I would want her to be happy
returning to the role and I'm not sure that's possible. Guza (co-head
writer) has never liked Luke and Laura and has continually worked to break the
two of them up so that he can have his dark, sinister Luke figure. For
that reason, even though I'm bringing Laura back, I think I'd be more interested
in seeing a Stefan-Laura reconnect because our current writing team writes
better for them than for Luke and Laura. It is really, really hard for me
not to rush to Jane Elliott as Tracy Quartermaine (who I consider to be very
vital material), Rena Sofer who I LOVED as Lois, Robert Kelker-Kelly as Stavros,
Lisa Cerasoli as V and A Martinez as Roy DiLucca. Any of these would be an
absolute joy to see again.
Who would I dump? That one is even harder.
This is going to sound really, really harsh, but I think I would let go of the
characters of Sonny, Courtney and Carly, only because it would force the writers
to explore the rest of the characters and let them out for some air. I'd keep
Jason just because he's cute and I really, really want to see him make bridges
with the Quartermaines.
Dear Sage,
What do I do with a pestering A-hole who assumes I update columns on SoapZone,
and thus calls me a lazy butthole for slacking on the job, if I can't do it on
time I should give the job to someone else, and when I explain that I don't
update the columns, I just write them and turn them in, on time, this same
person then attacks me saying, why do I bother writing the columns if I don't
give a d a m n whether they're updated or not?! Am I supposed to put a gun to
Jeff's head because this is more important than life or death for heaven's
sakes?
Nope, not at all. Jeff's a really good guy and
you know it better than most. I admire him because his attitude toward the net world is
very similar to mine and a lot of the time, it seems as though he just doesn't
give a fluck, which I think is great. Far, far too many folks take this
stuff waaaay too seriously. What you've got to do is work from a disconnected
point and look objectively at the true weight of these comments. These people who are writing to bitch about something so stupid
as when the site is updated and
who don't have enough sense to figure out it's not you posting this stuff are
sad, small little people and need to be dismissed as such. Evil, angry
people may have a loud voice, but they don't have a significant voice because
their venom and stupidity (such as ranting because their free service, dammit!,
just didn't get there in time!!) has nullified from the beginning anything they
may have had to say that might be worth hearing. You trust me? You trust Jeff? You trust
Katrina? We tell you you're awesome and that these people only have a
voice because they have a keyboard that a chimp could operate. Who are you
going to trust and believe? The loud mouth chimps, squawking and shrieking
and throwing their own poo at one another? Pfft. When idiot chimps
are throwing poo, sometimes the people who walk upright all the time and speak
in sentences will get hit. That doesn't make the people chimps. How
do you deal with pestering assholes like that? Two words: "pfft" and
"delete." Don't even bother to reply. Hateful people like that don't
deserve your time to write. If you're feeling particularly generous and
just want them to shut the hell up, you can give them the link to DDP and show
them that it updates like clockwork. Not generous? Block their
address, baby!
Dear Sage,
What attitude should I take when diehard fans turn on me for mentioning gossip
that paints their beloved star in a bad light, i.e., the Emmy blind item and my
spec that it fits Robin Christopher?
See above. Specify that it's just speculation,
like a million people have done a million times on a million message boards and
beyond that, suggest that they bite your ass then have a vanilla milkshake or,
if on Atkins, a nice egg. People who are insecure about their alliances as
far as characters and actors need to have others agree with their every opinion
and when someone suggests something even the least bit disparaging, they freak
out and have to write and try to convert you to their Hail ______ (insert name
of their patron saint character) religion. People who are comfortable with
their feelings about favorites and feel good in their own skins are mature and
balanced enough to let other people feel what they feel without it being a
threat to their own ideas, thereby removing the need to constantly defend their
causes.
Dear Sage,
Do you really think GH is all that and a bag of Fritos, after so much
dysfunctional darkness without meaning?
I imagine I will always
think GH is all that and the Fritos. I love GH, good and bad. It's
not always a good friend (as Katrina and Dr Phil would say), but it's an old
friend and I adore it. Like all soaps, GH works in cycles and now it's
down and later, it will be up again and I'll be there to see it.
Dysfunctional (and unnecessary, gratuitous) violence and darkness is the calling
card of the current writing team, so it's what is to be expected *shrug*.
I am more than willing to sift through the shit for the good stuff and polish it
up for all to see.
Dear Sage, if you could
attend an SSW-type event, whose line would you wait in first, and what would you
say when you were face to face with your celebrity of choice?
Awww. What a joy
that would be. Stephen Nichols. Hands down. (way down - wink)
Dear Sage,
If you could give GH head writer, Robert "Elton John" Guza some advice on
writing the show, what would you tell him?
Quit. Now. Don't come back.
Dear Sage,
Do you still think Cynthia Preston is going to leave?
Yep. I don't think she'll last the summer.
I believe the situations I reported were true and I think that she is being
written out as a result. Not open to debate. We'll see what happens.
Dear Sage,
If you were stranded on a deserted island, what one ABC soap star would you
choose to be stranded with you and why?
Ty Treadway. Why? Oh please. Did you
really think I was going to give some cerebral answer that was going to require
a "why?" Girl, you know me. ;)
Dear Sage,
Utilizing your "hair expertise," which ABC soap stars do you think have the best
hairstyles? Which do you think need some major hair help?
Best hair: Alicia
Minishew, David Canary, Melissa Archer, Kassie DePaiva, Robin Strasser
(usually), Kathy Brier, Timothy D. Stickney, Anna Lee (always impeccable), Robin Christopher and John
J, York.
Worst hair: Rebecca
Budig (lank, blah), Vincent Irizarry (I don't like the greasy look), Ilene
Kristen (OK, I know it's in character, but I really, really, really don't like
the bleached blonde dried out look), Patricia Elliot's latest (freakin YIKES!),
Leslie Charleson (her hair always looks seriously damaged and abused to me),
Greg Vaughn (please let him stop trying to be Jacob Young - no one should TRY to
be Jacob Young) and all the guys who have greasy assed hair on GH (ick).
No wonder the ladies on GH has such smooth, supple skin. They're always
cuddling up to Lard-Heaven with the 40 weight crap in the men's hair. It's
like they use motor oil on half the cast and super glue on the other half.
I can't believe no one has yet put their eye out on the Bart Simpson spikes the
nongreasy men sport.
Dear Sage,
What have you heard on Jackie Z.
contract?
I heard she's re-signing.
Dear Sage,
Anything more on JFP stayin' or goin'?
Pfft. They'll have to fricking blow her ass up to
get her to leave.
Dear Sage,
Coleman back on anytime soon?
Pfft. Who knows? He's another valuable gem lost
between the cracks.
Dear Sage,
Your opinion on the likelihood of
Genie Francis returning?
Minimal. They would have to do some SERIOUS sweet
talking, amends making and promising and I think they used all that up on
Stephen Nichols.
Dear Sage,
Does Stephan look good or what??
Pfft. Yeah!!
Dear Sage,
Who has The Head now? You or Kurt.
Kurt has the head. I'll write about it later this
week. :)
Dear Sage,
It doesn't sound like Ma
Bourland is doing too chipper these days. *sigh* Are your sisters giving
you more help, and are you remembering to ASK them? You've got to share the
workload sometimes, dear!
They aren't really in much of a position to help since
I'm the only one with no life. Kye takes Mom once a week and the other 6
days, she bitches at me (Mom, not Kye). I meditate... a lot, then zip in
to grab whatever computer time I can when she's out or sleeping.
Considering drugging her tea. Health-wise, the doc says she's fine.
Dear Sage,
How's the weather in your part of the
world?
Awesome! I wub
California!! Nineties in the day (but it's a dry heat, dontcha know) and
high 60's in the night. Perfect for my hot tub!
Dear Sage,
Why is it than when a new actor comes
into a role, it seems that the character is written totally differently? Is it
because the actors get a lot of leeway with the lines, or is it that each
character has their own writer..or something else? (This is from Doug - he's
just wondering, and cites NuEmily, NuOldNik, NuGia and NuNuLucky as his points
of reference)
It's like when you're a kid and you move to a new
school and can remake yourself into whoever you want to be. When a new
actor comes on board as an old character, the writers get to do whatever they
wanted to with the character and then blame it on the new actor "making the
character his/her own." That lets them make changes the old actor didn't
like or didn't play well. Case in point... they wanted Gia to be more
cerebral, so they recast in that way when Marissa Ramirez left to do her show.
Dear Sage,
Why is my beloved Lane Davies kissing girls dressed as boys and having an
obvious non-story with Zander when there is such obvious potential? How did I
get to this place where I'm not sure I care whether he stays or goes? Help :( I
think I maybe I need a cocktail...or something.
See above
in regard to Coleman, then fall on your thankless knees and give praise that
Lane gets air time at all, ungrateful wench. (I'll take that cocktail)
Dear Sage,
Who would you like to see Stefan paired romantically with this time around?
I was
thinking the obvious (me), but other than that, I'm going with the old favorite
of Skye.
Dear Sage,
Have I told you lately that I think
you're awesome? Just wondering :)
Awww. Thanks, Sherry, you gorgeous, hot woman.
The check's in the mail. Now come on over here, sit on Uncle Sage's lap
and give him a big kiss. (Y'all talk amongst yourselves for a bit)
Dear Sage,
Whatever happened to that guy, Bender, who was stalking you?
Bender did some time in
jail for the death threat, then was released on a lengthy probationary period
that involved him not living in my town or contacting me in any way. I
haven't heard from him and don't expect to. That's food for Mom's paranoia
and fussing as well.
Dear Sage,
Who in the past (living or dead) would you pay any amount to have back? Not
character, actual actor.
Actualvactor? Constance Towers first and Jane Elliott second (you'll
notice this is a whole different question than what CHARACTER I'd have back in
the previous question).
Dear Sage,
Do you actually remember a time without Sonny? I'm having a hard time
remembering? Just kidding I actually like Sonny.
*sigh*
Yes I do. It was lovely.
Dear Sage,
Did you call in for Luke and Laura's wedding? You hear all kinds of stories
about how people skipped school (like me) and called in to work.
I've never been in a situation where I had to call in.
That was in 1981, I was 23 and just wrapping up my first degree and was plopped
right on the couch watching it with Ma.
Dear Sage,
Do you have any info on what happened with Finola Hughes? Was she suppose to
come back at all? What changed? Wouldn't you just love to see the Scorpios
return?
I can't really answer that because Shirley (GHH2) held
all the cards on that one. All the info I ever had didn't know anything
about her leaving. All I heard were net rumors that I couldn't get
confirmed. I am not really eager for the Scorpios to return because I
think the current writers would suck at writing for them and they wouldn't be
treated right. So I'd love to see them come back, but not until we get
better writers.
Dear Sage,
Do you think Laura will return? If not will they try a romantic s/l with Luke
and someone? Who would you want Luke to be with?
I don't see them pairing Luke with anyone for a long
while. Guza likes Luke dark and sinister and lurking and crazy. That
so cramps a dood's style, so I'm guessing that unless Tammy comes back home,
Luke won't be getting any play anywhere soon. The rest is answered above.
Dear Sage,
How do you feel about what they've done with the character of Alexis? IMO, I
haven't liked what they've done with her since the whole Alcazar thing. However
she is funny playing Dobson! I loved when Zander saw "Dob" and Cameron kissing!
I love the Cameron and Dobson romance, but I think
overall, what they've done to Alexis is pretty tragic. Yes, I do think she
pissed someone off and I think the same thing happened to Kristina Wagner.
The writers seem to be a vengeful bunch.
Dear Sage,
GH has gotten so much better now than it was a few months ago and I am really
glad because I had stopped watching it. What made the writers change? Was it the
fact that so many fans were angry over where the show was going or did they just
get better at writing?
I think they wanted kick ass sweeps, got them and now
they're on cruise control.
Dear Sage,
How are you? How is your mom? Do you know how special you are? I hope that you
know that. I enjoy reading your columns and I love the Ranch. When the world
feels like it is crumbling around me I go to your site and read your columns and
I always know that I'll have a good laugh. Thank you.
I'm OK. Stuff is what it is, you know? All
you can do is try to fix what doesn't work if you can, make peace with what you
can't and find your happy in the middle of it. I'm so glad we can give you
a giggle. :) You are very welcome and it's people like you who make
this all worthwhile.
Dear Sage,
How would you like to
see the story with Alcazar Part 2 to go?
Ted
King's signed a long-term contract, which means he's likely to stick around.
I'd like to see him seduce Bobbie. That girl sure loves a bad, bad boy and
it would make great story to have Bobbie with Alcazar and Carly with Sonny.
Dear Sage,
Do you envision a future
of TPTB ever taking Sonny down on the mob power scale? I think he was so much
more interesting (and likable) when he was an up-and-comer trying to make it to
the top. (Think the Sonny and Luke friendship days.) As opposed to now where he
seems to think of himself as a king looking down upon his minions.
I'd like
to see it, honestly. I think it would give all of the actors involved some
great material to chew on for a while. I think it would be interesting if
Alcazar took over the Port Charles mob, hired on Faith and Rick and pardoned
Sonny, issuing an order of protection on him and Jason. Take the mob
totally out of the picture for Sonny and Carly, let them get jobs and live like
the rest of us for a while. Hey, not much else about Sonny's mob story
makes sense, so let's take fantasy all the way.
Dear Sage,
What would you most like us to stop talking about?
Repetitive actor or character bashing. I can dig
it if you state your dislike for a character or actor in the context of
conversation, but just loud, obnoxious ranting about an actor or character gets
on my nerves. The folks at the Ranch (my message board) are really cool
about not doing that and I really appreciate it, but I've gone over to the EOS
GH board a few times and keep finding posts that hurt my teeth to read.
Dear Sage,
Who, from GH past or present, would you most like to get stuck in an elevator
with?
Doug Sheehan (Joe Kelly). He was a hunka hunka
burnin love.
Dear Sage,
Do you think Guza-Pratt are still in improvement mode, or is this as good as
they can get?
Definitely not on the way up. I think they got
great during sweeps, dropped off and now have plateaued for a while.
Dear Sage,
And on a personal note...what is your favorite indulgence?
Other than the aforementioned Captain Morgan's, that
would be Stephen's Vanilla Sipping Cocoa and See's Chocolates - Nuts and Chews.
Dear Sage,
How do you think the rape storyline on AMC will play out?
I'm not convinced there will be one.
Dear Sage,
Is it true that Pratt and Quza will leave and be replaced by
Riche?
Pfft. NO.
Dear Sage,
What is your all time favorite storyline in your personal history of
watching ABC soaps?
I can't pick one. I just can't.
The romances of Bo & Nora, Max & Luna and Mel & Dorian; the death of Stone
Cates.
Dear Sage,
And, lastly, when you are typing with Captain Morgan, are you in your
birthday suit, darling? Hehe
Sometimes!! *wink* And
you never know when that time will be!
Feelin the love, baby,
Help us or