GH, As It Should Be
By Sage Bourland, aka SuperSagelicious

We're going to tell this story not in script form, but in a narrative form with which you will no doubt warmly identify.  Remember the stories you read as a kid where a picture was substituted for a word here and there?  We're going to do a spin on that.  It's just something too cuddly and friendly to pass by.  You can click on all the pics and make them bigger and yes I stole the pictures from a million websites that I have long since forgot (these were in my private folder collection, darlings) and I seriously doubt anyone laying claim to them was the photographer, so get over yourself and just enjoy the story and lighten up a bit.  Fun is, well, fun and need not be taken so seriously.  Let's get on with the story, the drama, the excitement of The New General Hospital.

Jason Morgan forced his eyes open and slowly sat up on the bed, jagged memories of dreams best forgotten still haunting his mind as he threw his lean legs over the bedside and stood up to his full height inside a beer can. 

After his shower:

he got dressed for the day:

and hurried out for his morning work out at the Port Charles Health Club and Manly Man Gym:

All pumped up: 

he decided to head down to the beach for a relaxing run to get up his cardiovascular vibe:

While he was there, he ran into his friend, Jax:

who came out to catch a few waves.  Jax comment on how much younger Jason looked at the beach and how different his hair looked.  Jason considered this:

and informed Jax that he also looked much grainier with his clothes off.  Jax's speedos filled Jason with clothes envy and he began to sweat even more, but had to chuckle when he saw that Jax was dragging some toilet paper on his heel:

and decided to leave the beach of Port Charles and get dressed for some real mob work:

He met up with his mob boss, Sonny:

who warned him that there was trouble in town.  A new force had pushed up from the underworld and was determined to take over the Port Charles territory.  Jason told Sonny he was on it:

and jumped into the Mystery Machine with Freddie, Velma, Scooby and Shaggy to go find the bad guy.  The search went into the night as they followed lead after lead.  As the sun set, Jason started to get chilly and put on a sweater:

At long last, they found a clue that paid off.  Tentatively, Jason knocked on the massive oak door and hid in the bushes to confront who emerged:

"What in the complete hell is going on out here?" Stefan inquired in a matter most dignified.  Frustrated, he put his hands on his hips:

"You blasted kids...don't make me come out here again!" he shouted.  Jason sprang from the bushes and said:

"Identify yourself, or I'll shoot!"

Stefan chuckled and noted that Jason couldn't possibly carry a gun in so little clothing and suggested he come in and meet Mr Big.  Jason sheepishly admitted that his gun wasn't loaded at the moment and followed Stefan inside where he met the real power:

and the woman behind the power, Nurse Melissa Jensen.  "That's right," she said, "I used my nursey powers to bring him back from practically dead and now we are ready to exact our revenge on those goodie-goods of Port Charles!"

"That's right," Stavros laughed.  "And you can't stop us, Nipple Man."

Jason laughed.  "Do you really think I believe YOU are the kingpin in all of this?"

Stavros froze and whipped out his most menacing look:

"Whatcu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" he asked.  "I *AM* the power that will take over Port Charles."  

"Pfft.  Sure.  You were a Popsicle for the past twenty years.  You're telling me that Mr Freeze is going to run Sonny out of town."

"Not Mr Freeze," said a voice from off screen.  Jason whipped around, unable to trace the accent.  "I am."

Jason stared...agog.  "Aren't you...??"

"That's right, mate.  Robert Scorpio...but this time I'm using my powers for good.  As soon as your boss is run out of town, I will have finally succeeded in making Port Charles the inner sanctum of truth, justice and the ABC way that I intended to so long ago.  And I'm so cool, I don't have to take off my shirt to do it."  All of the other alpha males in the room looked at him with a sense of longing in their eyes.  Just then, the door burst open:

"You're under arrest!" Mac and Taggert shouted in two part harmony.

"For what?" Stefan asked.

"Unlawful assembly," Taggert barked.  "Failure to disrobe in public," Mac yelled at Robert.  "And pretending to be dead!" Taggert added.  "And for being Sonny's golden boy," Mac sneered at Jason:

"Who, me?" Jason asked.  With that Mac and Taggert cuffed the lot of them and hauled them off to jail.  But is it really over?  Stay tuned for the next, General Hospital.  Bwaahahahahaa.

* * *

Bottom line.  To me, Steve Burton's job involves more than just showing up, doing some decent acting and going home.  If any of the lovelies on GH were to plump out or cut their hair off, they'd get a stern talking too at the least and fired at the worst.  As soon as Genie Francis developed a lovely woman's body instead of a young boy's stick body, they took her out of kicky Ice Princess Island Wear or jeans and forced her to dress like Bea Arthur on Maude.  Similarly, Bobbie is a mom, Bobbie is an older woman, but Bobbie is skinny and has gigantic boobs and gets to dress like a hooker.  Accidental?  I think not.  Part of Steve's job is to take off his damned shirt.  There are certain concessions that much be made when one is a heart throb on a soap and dammit, I wanna see some nipples and I wanna see them now!  Maybe if we all sing together, we can make it happen: (think Mouse Club, Boys and Girls!!!)

N-I-P, P-L-E, P-L-E-L-E...Nippleleleeeees...nippleleleeeees....forever may we see them peeking throuuuuuugh!!!  Come on Steve, let's loose the sleeves, and show them off to meee.  N-I-P, P-L-E, P-L-E-L-Eeeeeeeee.

OK.  While heartfelt, I don't think that's going to work.  I'm going to have to bring out the big guns.  Gimme a second:

"Hello, Steve.  It's me.  Jesus.  Sage was telling me that you were having some nipple issues and *chuckles* while I can understand some hesitations, I mean to tell you that you don't have man nipples for breastfeeding!  Women use their nipples for a most productive purpose and men should as well.  So go on, Steve.  I didn't have you birthed nekkid for nuthin!  Whip off that shirt and show the fans what God gave ya!  For mysakes, boy, do you know how many times I showed my nipples in life?  Just have a look at the artwork if you doubt it!  I was hanging out all over the place and no one thought I fell from grace for it.  If I had a wife, you'd better know I wouldn't let her insecurities dictate my style of dress, so be bold, boy and remember what I told Spock in those final moments:  "The needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many...or the one.  Be proud of the body my Heavenly Father gave you and what you've done with it!  You know and I know that if you had left that shirt on, you'd still be asking people if they would care for a hot apple pie today and yelling at some guy named Frankie to put down another basket of fries.  I'm telling you, son, it's OK.  I've blessed you and I will continue to do so, for you are my beloved child.  Now stop being such a baby and take off your shirt.  I'll talk to you later tonight.  Bet on it." 

You know, you just can't argue with logic like that.