Okay. I have a beef with just about everyone right now. (Likely because it’s 11:14 pm and just about everyone BUT me is asleep as I’m wracked with anxiety and can’t relax.) So here I sit, pondering the important things in life; wondering why there are so many of us EOS writers who write specifically about General Hospital. Yeah, a good guess is because we’re somewhat addicted to the show and when it’s great we can’t help but shout it out (through our keyboards, at least) and when it sucks we use Katrina’s lovely site as a means to vent our angst and frustration. But that’s not the only reason. Most of us EOS writers like to consider ourselves one soap watchers. We don’t watch the other soaps on ABC, or any other network for that matter. It’s All General Hospital, All the Time. Never would any of us admit to even glancing at any other soap opera on TV. Why, saying that we watch more than one soap, well, that would be a bit obsessive, wouldn’t you agree? You know how it is, people that don’t watch soaps think (rather loudly, mind you) “You watch soaps? What? Don’t you have anything better to do all day long than sit around and watch trash TV? Why don’t you home school your kids? Get a job? Clean your house? Are you lazy? Those soaps are for stupid, lonely women that have no life.” And so on. And so on. And so on. Well of course we have something better to do! Of course we have lives! Of course most of us aren’t going to home school our kids! Heck, I’m struggling with my 10 year olds long division, let alone the algebra my middle school kid is learning! Yes, we can clean our houses and we do! We follow the hints and suggestions of the EOS Diva of Clean to the T daily! PFFT! to you people! We have so much life going on we don’t have the time to validate it all to you measly pee-ons who’re wrong in thinking you’re above us because you watch The Mole and Survivor instead of good trashy soap operas. PFFT! I say! PFFT! So that you see, is why most of us GH’ers don’t admit to watching any other soaps. We don’t want to be considered addicts, obsessives (I’m obsessive about enough, thank you very much!), and even, um, well…stupid, lonely women that have no life. We must not be comfortable enough in our own skin to realize that these people are just flat out wrong and not give a rats hoot what they think or feel about us. (Kudos to those strong women out there who are secure enough in themselves to admit their truths! You go girls!) But I have a secret. Most of us do watch the other soaps. I know I do. Maybe not religiously. Maybe I’m not regularly sitting in front of my TV with a box of Bon Bons watching Greenless make an even bigger ass out of herself or wishing John McBain would take a shower for the love of God, but oh yeah, baby, I’m watchin! I’ve got ABC on each of the four TV’s in my house, readily available for viewing/listening in any room I may meander into. And you know WHY I watch all these soaps? Because those non-soapers are wrong about me. I do have a life. And soaps help me escape it every now and again. You know what I mean. Sure, I’ve got laundry to do and my gorgeous husband burst a button of another pair of pants but Ryan is shirtless again on AMC and nothing warms the soul like a good lookin’ man without a shirt in the middle of winter! I watch soaps because I’m out of high school. Female cat fights are almost foreign to me now. But sure, there’s a bit of the ole’ clawer that begs to come out and paw it out every now and then and a good cat fight between Faith and Courtney helps ease the bitch in me. Everyone needs a good cat fight once in awhile. I watch soaps because I’m not a big drinker… but there are times when my life almost drives me to drink. So here I sit, with Luke or perhaps Skye, beltin’ down my water or orange juice with a loud “cheers” to my TV. Nothin’ beats getting’ drunk with a good friend! I watch soaps because I don’t know one single person as tacky and fun as Roxy and she brings all of the ‘me’ I’m too scared and conservative to be, into my world. I watch soaps because I thoroughly enjoy raggin’ on stupid people but feel immensely guilty if I do so toward anyone real so I use the characters as a means to an end. I watch soaps because my mom did and I admire and love my mom. I respect her greatly and have often attempted to emulate her actions. With this, I’ve succeeded. But, um no. I don’t pinch my kids arms or pull them to their room with their earlobes. That wouldn’t be nice. I watch soaps because I like the hairstyles. And the good lookin’ men who take their shirts off in the middle of winter. Did I already mention that? I watch soaps because I can’t stand any of those stupid Judge shows or Jenny Jones or any of those other scary talk shows where the real trash of the world air their problems for all to see. I like to think the trash of the world is more like Babe and Krystal. I don’t want to see what they’re really like. (Disclaimer: If you or anyone you may know or know through someone else has been on any of those shows, you have my sincere apologies.) I watch soaps because otherwise I might surf the net and find more naked pictures of Kelly Monaco and well, there’s only so much breast I can take. I watch soaps because when am I ever going to go to a ball or a big party where I dress to the nines with hair extensions and make up that takes hours to apply? I watch soaps because I hate cold weather and because it rained all last summer and was too humid to play outside. I watch soaps because when my kids come home the TV’s are all turned to Nick or Disney and I’ve got to get my chance at the TV while I can. I watch soaps because I like to pretend I have millions of dollars. I like to pretend I have so much money that I don’t have to work and never have to use the bathroom. I watch soaps because the guy who’s on talk radio here during the day has a really horrible voice and it makes me cringe to listen to him. I watch soaps because I like to know up to the minute, what stupid car crash happened on the expressway and warrants a ten minute special report. I watch soaps because I like the Joe Boxer guy and I’m hopeful his commercials will come back on. I watch soaps because I don’t have any cousins who are really my long lost sister who’re married to my brother but my mother won’t tell the truth because she doesn’t want my father to know she slept with his best friend who at the time was married to her sister. See, though I do have a life, it’s not always as exciting as the likes of Skye or Luke. Never, ever, ever have I found a lost treasure! Never has my town been threatened to be frozen and I’m quite confident there is no sub-sub-sub-sub basement in my local hospital where a dead man has been frozen and brought back to life. Never. I admit it, at times my life, as fulfilling as it can be, is just b-o-r-i-n-g boring. And that my friends, is why I watch soaps.
Have a great day!
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