Road Rage


I suffer from Road Rage.  I can see ya’ll reading that line with a small smile playing at your lips and your heads slowly bobbing in the ‘yes’ motion.  It is a terrible, stressful thing and yet I have found no cure.

I don’t understand why that guy next to me driving his fancy Mercedes just has to make that right hand turn from the left hand lane.  A better person than I might say, “well maybe he was lost…” but I know better.  He is not lost, he drives this same stretch every single day and from the moment he left his house he KNEW he needed to make a right at this very intersection.  You see, he does it just to piss me off.

Then there is the blue haired old lady traveling down the interstate in the far left hand lane doing the speed limit.  We all know this lane was designed for passing traffic, not to take a scenic drive down.  It is my god given right to break the law and get a speeding ticket if I so desire.  Move over.  I know this is just an evil plot to piss me off and force me to pass illegally on the right because as soon as I pass her she will move over. 

If the slow driving in the left lane wasn’t bad enough what is up with all the brake lights on the highway?  If there is no one in front of you, you don’t need to jam the brakes every time the road curves ever so slightly.  If you can’t maneuver the road at the speed you are going slow down and get the hell out of MY lane.

One more thing that burns me up on the highway is traffic due to sun glare.  Everyone knows that winter sun makes for highway sun glare.  Get a pair of sunglasses and put them in your car.  Problem solved.

All cars come with these lovely little things called signals or blinkers.  They are not just the pretty little blinking lights that make a small noise that cannot be heard over the blaring radio.  Signals are there to be used and logically the right one should be used for a right turn, the left for a left and NONE when one is going straight.  I know this is a tough concept and contrary to popular belief I don’t read minds.  I am lucky I know which way I am going let alone the added hassle of trying to figure out where YOU want to go.  Help me not ram into the back of your vehicle and signal.

There should be no such thing as a yield sign.  I learned a yield sign gives the other person the right away and means proceed with caution and STOP if necessary.  Apparently, other people learned it means go really fast, cut me off and hope I am paying enough attention that I don’t slam into you. 

Why should I have to wait at a green light?  Put down the phone, drop the mascara, and stop with the coffee, pay attention and drive.  You may not be in a hurry but you can bet I usually am. 

Why can’t people turn into the lane they started in?  If you start out in the right you should end in the right.  We have one spot where I live and it is 4 lanes turning into 4 lanes (the left two lanes are designed to make an immediate left once you get around the bend while the right two go straight) and not one person ever ends up where they started.  They all want to be in the far left and end up in the far right.  Obviously then you have to cut me off on your way across traffic.  Believe me, I will not let you pass.

The other day I watched a guy cut off three people as he cut over 3 lanes.  We all honked at him for being an ass.  I watched him stop his car in the middle of the road and GET OUT to curse out the person who honked as if they were in the wrong.  Thank goddess that person was not I because I’d be in jail.

I have had visions of getting at of my car, grabbing the offender and repeatedly banging their head against the roof of their cars until they had some semblance of sense.  I’ve thought of keeping a stash of rocks in the glove compartment to throw at the idiots on the road.  Oh yeah – I have road rage bad.  It gets even better; I have road rage for the person who is driving when I am the passenger.  Sometimes that is even worse because I am much freer to yell out my window and make hand gestures.

Any one out there with some suggestions on how to unwind while you drive I would love to hear them.  Until then, drive safe!

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