Charting one woman's journey
to the body of a goddess.

August 17, 2005

Blah Blah Blah, Relacore, blah blah blah gazelle, blah blah blah low carb  Harrumph.

All are good thoughts, but there's something missing.  I keep reading the same entry over and over in my fat journal, just with different dates at the top.

So do you, since you're reading this now and may have read it before.

I went to LA, which was lovely, did a lot of walking, but did not gazelle when I was there.  When I got back, I worked out three times a week and pretty much kept it to that.  I have been off of supplements since I got really sick for a couple of weeks two months or so ago. 

I figured to hell with it.  I was going to eat when I was hungry, stop when I wasn't hungry any more, lay off the sweets and other refined carbs, exercise no less than three times a week and monitor my blood pressure to make sure it was not creeping back up.  No weighing since the daily ups and downs of the scale affect my mood even if I tell myself it won't and shouldn't. 

That was about a month or so ago that I started this radical approach of just eating when I am hungry and maintaining an exercise routine.  My blood pressure is perfectly normal and I feel wonderful.  I have lost nearly all of my peri-menopausal symptoms (and been through back into normal periods, which sucks because they were fairly light and acting as though they were going away - hurray! - but now they are longer and stronger than before) except the night restlessness and hair loss.  Went off my Remifemin until that started up, then went back on them to avoid being bald and tired.  I also no longer snore, which is a major blessing.  My muscles are much, much stronger and my stamina is much better than before.

This reminds me that when I planted my yearly goals in the Spring, what I actually planted was "Physical Health."  I figured it was obvious that weight loss would be a major component of that.  One would think, anyway.

When I weighed this morning, I was at an all time high, full term pregnancies included. My body is about the same size as it was after I dropped the 2 dress sizes when I first started exercising, but I think my belly is a little bigger.  I haven't lost any inches in over a month, of that I am certain, because my clothes still fit exactly the same way.

That, of course, means that I have succeeded in harvesting the physical health, of course with more work to go.  I no longer fear that I am going to drop dead of a heart attack or stroke at any given moment, even when exercising.  It does, however, mean that I should have been a little more specific on my planting.  It also means that if I am going to ever actually drop this fat, I am going to have to sacrifice more than the heavy duty carbs and a few days a week of exercising.  Of course, I naively hoped that would be enough and that over time, the weight would start to come off.  Now, I'm pretty well convinced that I have to tinker with the program a good bit more.

What I do know is that Relacore and Hoodia are both wonderful supplements that help suppress appetite with (in my case) no obvious side effects.  The Relacore is also very good at mood elevation.  Both are fairly inexpensive, compared to other weight loss products.

I have several options for exercise that I now do not hate.  Monday, after the kids went to school, I went out for a walk on my old 30 minute route.  I ended up jogging a good bit of it, only walking on the uphill inclines and for a few steps after to get my breath again.  The circuit only took 20 minutes this time.  I know of another direction that is a little farther and does not involve as much uphill work.  I will likely give that a try today, plus I have a lot of outside work to do in the yard, mowing and weeding and cleaning and such.  It has been too hot to do much of anything, but lately, we've seen a good 10 degree drop in temperatures.

Rather than eating what I want when I want it, I will have to go back to a more closely regulated diet and be very aware of anything I eat. It was so nice not to have to think of that for a while.  I feel like I've spent my whole life obsessing on what I did or didn't eat. 

I am not giving up, although it is really damned tempting.  I've harvested in the good health and the results of that are impressive enough to me that I want to try and go the distance.

I am very much an emotional/stress eater and now that the kids are back in school, I will have more time to take care of myself emotionally and not have to lean on that crutch quite as much. 

So, I guess, here we go again.  I will probably only check in if I have something to say, so if I am not writing, it doesn't mean I am either failing or succeeding. It likely means there just isn't anything remarkable to report. 

In fact, unless something staggering happens, I will report in when I have lost 10 pounds.  How's that.

(see you in a year or so)

Nah, I am just kidding.  A friend of mine who used to journal about her own weight loss efforts started a betting pool with her readers to see who could most accurately guess how much weight she would lose in a particular amount of time.  I believe it was 3 months, but I don't exactly recall.  People wrote in to submit their guesses and the winner received a copy of a book she enjoyed.  One person wrote in, "I think you will work really hard and then give up and probably be a few pounds heavier by then" or something to that effect.  She was, of course, really saddened by the letter, as would anyone be.  Now, I realize it would be perfectly reasonable for someone to think that about me as they read over these fatastic journals which have spanned years and reflect only a small part of my journey.  I have been thin.  I am now the heaviest I have ever been.  I am happier now, not due to weight at all, but due to where life has taken me and the lessons I have learned about myself and the world. 

I know I was happier with my physical body when I was thin, but back then, I was sick enough in my mind that I never felt pretty (looking back in photos, I actually was quite attractive) or thin. I always felt fat, pasty and soft.  I would love the opportunity to take my new, healthy mind and put it in a fit body.  I am not going to say I have had some life altering revelation or anything like that because I haven't.  I am not vowing this or that or doing more than stating where I am now and how I plan to progress from here.  I am sure I will succeed on some days and fail on others.

I plan to exercise 5 days a week instead of three, if for nothing more than to keep this good health going. I am going to more closely monitor my eating to be more aware of what I take in and to limit my calories, fat and carbs more than I am currently.  I am going to take a supplement, not sure which one yet, to help me do that. 

See you in ten pounds!





June 23 - July 27, 2005

February 21 - March 3, 2005

February 10, 2005

December 27, 2004 - February 9, 2005

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