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or… The Whoreblouse goes to Cali! So many things had to happen for me to get to the GH Fan Club weekend that it’s not fair to make you even read about all of them… basically, I had 4 closings in 5 weeks (3 houses and one business) plus I had to pack up my house and be ready to drive cross-country the morning after returning from the GH Weekend. No mean feat. At any rate I made it and let me tell you babycakes – it was sooooo worth it! First up was the plane ride, which was your typical post 9/11 pain in the ass. I also at the time of the weekend lived approximately 4 hours drive time away from a major airport. The plane was an hour late taking off but since I was due to arrive about an hour and a half before my compadres Dianna and Karen, I was pretty blasé about the delay. Not. I got to LAX and found my luggage, which was now packaged in 2 suitcases instead of my original one humongous bad boy. When I checked in at Dallas, I was over the weight limit (my suitcase you smartasses!) so I had to punt and ended up buying a $9.99 duffel and shoving shoes and hair products into it to avoid paying $15 more for surpassing the one bag weight restriction. Dianna attempted to warn me about the restriction, but did I listen? So I sit and wait at LAX for Dianna and Karen cuz we’re supposed to share a limo to the hotel. Since I’d never actually met the gals, having only shared a great cyber friendship and mutual admiration society with them over the past several months, I decided that they would find me – because I’m wearing a cowboy hat in California where the only peeps who wear cowboy hats are those TRYING to be recognized by someone they’ve never met before. While waiting for the gals to deplane I figured out something useful. If you’re bored and want people to notice you and think you’re someone they should recognize (i.e. of the Paris Hilton non talented celeb status) all you have to do is stroll through LAX in a cowboy hat with some kickass shades on and deliberately keep your head down as if you don’t want to be recognized and bothered by peasants seeking autographs. It works. I amused myself for about 45 minutes in this manner. It was so Anti-Coggie, but I found it hysterically funny. So Dianna (cuddly cute and ready for fun) and Karen (sharp, sweet and in need of a bathroom) and I collected their luggage and met up with our driver who looked seriously constipated. I’m not really good in the backseat of a car (no matter what you may have heard!) and the girls had had an in-flight snack of red wine and peanut butter sammiches so after our 45 minute ride on the 405 none of us were feeling particularly fab. We checked in and decided to freshen up and head over to the Lodge for some R&R while we waited for the rest of the EOS gang to hit LA.
Ready to Rock and Roll After checking out the Patio Restaurant for some snacks, we decided to christen the bar. Joe the Bartender was sweet, but he wouldn’t change the damn music for us and it was way fogey. Maybe next time I should bump up the bribe from a buck?
About this time I had to go see a man about a dog, so I hopped off my barstool and headed for the ladies potty. BTW, you people from California are pretty cool, but I could do without the unisex bathroom thing – no thanks, I’ll walk my ass inside the lobby. Upon emerging from the ladies, I very literally bumped into Kathy Hardeman and Katrina Rasbold – and commenced to squealing like a piglet. No reason given, just happy to see them I guess. Poor Katrina gave me a look that pretty much said “Good Lord, is she going to do that all weekend – I might have to kill her if she does” – she might have actually uttered those words or something like that, but I was too happy about seeing them to really mind or care very much!! I dragged them over to see Karen, Dianna and Dianna’s new BFF Joe the Bartender. We decided to grab some real food – and adjourned to the Patio Café. All this time I’m absolutely grinning like an idiot, trying to look cool and also keep my boobs from escaping the confines of my whoreblouse. I almost didn’t wear the damn thing, but something told me it would be a good conversation starter if nothing else. Turns out it got me a few free drinks so I’ll count it as an unqualified success. About then Katrina’s cell went off and she started talking to Carol Banks Webber (Code Name: Coggie) and told her to carry her ass down to the Patio so we could all hang out. Now Katrina is a real honest to God broad. She doesn’t mince words, she tells it like it is and has seen more, done more and survived more in her life then any six people I know. She’s got to be the most unboring person I know and why TIIC don’t read her journals and catch a clue for a storyline is beyond me. Well Katrina had made up these gift bags for us with name badges, notebooks, a badass burned GH picture CD and a GH trivia book. It was totally cool of her to do that to make us feel even more special – though I still feel childish for coveting Kathy’s “It’s all about the Jason” button! Coggie came down and joined us for a bit – I actually shut up for about ten seconds because before I was ever a member of a GH fan club, I was a member of the Coggie fan club. She probably has no recollection of this, but about 4 years ago I wrote her a fan letter when I used to do daily recaps on Soapzone. I remember that I told her that she wasn’t allowed to go on vacation anymore because I couldn’t stand missing her column as it was so chock-full of juicy tidbits on GH and its’ stars. Anyway, she stayed for a bit, but headed upstairs to write which left me once again in awe of her commitment. After that we met several very cool people who were milling about getting ready for the Wally Kurth Bingo event that was about to take place. I hadn’t bought tickets for that event, even though I’d heard it would be a blast. Wally’s Bingo event, the luncheon and Rick Hearst’s events sold out pretty early and besides, I wanted to spend some quality time with the EOS girls, so we parked ourselves by the pool and kept one eye out for GH celebs that might happen by. Earlier we had seen quite a bit of Dylan Cash running around the pool and having himself a fine time, but that was about it. Until I looked up and saw Wally Kurth peeling his shirt off outside the event room. Oooohweee baby – my first real GH Weekend sighting (no offense Dylan) and it’s a doozy. Now granted, we were sitting one floor below but my eyesight is pretty keen (except for when we all waltzed past Stephen Nichols like he was some regular schlep off the street – God, we’ll never live that down) so I could even make out the pit stains on the poor guys t-shirt. California was hot and muggy as a mofo by the way – and I’m still not certain why exactly he took his shirt off outside the room giving us a cheap thrill, but I ain’t complaining either! A little bit after that we stopped over to say hey to Debbie Morris, the Official General Hospital Fan Club’s President and the putter-onner of the weekend’s festivities. Debbie is so cool; I’d met her before on my trip to Dallas and hung with her and her peeps Linda and Linna. This time, mindful of what Katrina had written and what I had memorized in the “GH Fan Weekend for Dummies” I kind of hung back and didn’t intrude because this is a fantastically busy time for her and I didn’t want to be a bigger pest than I am naturally. It was cool though, we all kind of stood around and Katrina mentioned to her that I was going to be moving from Texas to Florida the day after the Weekend –(Debbie’s from Houston) and they all sympathized with me over the crap that was waiting for me at home. Then she mentioned that we should wander up the stairs and and be on the lookout for emerging GH peeps. The words were hanging in the air and here comes Jennifer Brandsford gracefully descending the stairs. Now I didn’t have my camera with me at the time – stupid I know, but let me just say how truly beautiful that gal is. Slender and wearing some jeans (with a gorgeous studded belt) sandals and a flowy kind of blouse she stood right there next to me and commenced to visiting with Debbie. And they talked and they talked and they talked and people took pictures (the poor thing must’ve been seeing constant afterimages from the flashes). Finally, Debbie mentioned that Jennifer didn’t mind people taking pictures, but would really rather take pictures WITH people. Thus began the first stampede of the weekend. After about 10 minutes of this, Katrina leaned forward and asked me if I would help get Jennifer out of there and escort her to her room. Would I? Would I? So I jumped up and started maneuvering people away from her and finally touched her on the arm and suggested she just follow me and we’d get her out of there. I think Linna was following along and bringing up the rear, but it’s a little hazy. All we really did was walk her down the hall to another room so that she could do a little visiting, but I was feeling mighty pleased with my night so far! Bless you Debbie and bless you Katrina! About this time I’d decided I’d had about as much GH excitement as I could deal with on top of my jet lag and being overall just tired as shit. We did waltz upstairs before heading back to the hotel and tried to nonchalantly stare into the room where Bingo was winding down. Cynthia Preston was up front helping with the number calling and looking oh-so-cute. Adrienne, Ignacio and Lindze were also there playing and contributing to the success of the evening. Everyone truly looked like they were having a great time and were happy to be there… I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring! See you then! KellyB
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