The first set of questions is from the old column.  I will include new info in red below each response if there IS new info.  After the old questions, there will be new questions that have hit my inbox in the past few weeks.  One thing that is important to know is that most of these questions have been answered via e-mail and I gave the information I had at the time.  I'll answer now with updated information, so if you already got an e-mail response, the info given here is the most current.

First, the old questions from 2 years ago:

Dear Sage,
What is your favorite all time GH story line? And Why? Least favorite? And Why?

Hmm.  That's a really tough one.  I have to say that my favorite storyline of all time was the mixed marrieds.  I loved the spin that made the wrong people ended up married for the right reasons and I really, really wish they had dropped the ultra-boring Chloe-Jax pairing and gone for the Ned-Chloe and Jax-Alexis marriages to work out.  To me, that would be the most poetically lovely wind up for the story, but of course, that couldn't happen.  >:<  It is my impression that romances born of friendship are absolutely the most precious of all and I would like to have seen that explored further.  I thought the mixed couples were much more interesting than the ones who began and ended together.  Plus, that would have been a fantastic "screw you" to Aunt Gertrude instead of Chloe losing her company.

My least favorite story was the writing of Lila's Memwahs.  I felt it was demeaning and insulting to everyone involved.  I felt Lila was painfully violated by Luke and Felicia's persistent hounding, even after she asked them to stop.  The broke into her homes repeatedly, stole her belongings and pretty much raped her past when Ned's idea had been to honor the lady she had become and share the path that brought her there.  This was the beginning of the depiction of Felicia as a selfish, neglectful mother and a lying, deceitful wife and Luke as a heartless horndog.  The whole thing just... sucked.

Dear Sage,
Have you ever met any GH stars? Been to an event? Details please.

I ran into Tristan Rogers (Robert Scorpio) at a bar in LA once.  He was gorgeous and pleasant and very drunk and we talked for a good long while (this was after he left the show). 

Dear Sage,
Any word of a Vanessa Marcil return?  Or a Brenda recast?

There is no indication of a Vanessa Marcil return at this time.  She has not ruled it out in the future, but currently, she is involved in a majorly hyped NBC series called "Las Vegas" that is expected to go the distance with a heavy hitting cast and strong behind-the-scene team.  There are heavy rumors of a Brenda recast, but I have not heard anything worth banking on in that respect.

Dear Sage,
Are Jason and Elizabeth ever going to get together or are we stupid for hoping?

I don't think you're ever stupid for hoping.  The word I'm getting at this time is that it has not yet been decided who is going to be with whom. 

The thing I really want to impress is that building an affection for the show that is reliant around one couple or actor or character is always an exercise in pain because in soaps, all things, especially couples, are fleeting and terminal.   Actors leave, character change as new actors play them and couples join and break up.  The only thing that is absolute is change.  To invest your energy heavily into one situation regarding a soap means that ultimately, you are going to likely be devastated and end up chasing ghosts (holding constant hope for a return or a reunion as time marches by and it doesn't happen).  If you view and value the show as a whole without placing too much obsession on one particular couple, actor, character or situation, you can appreciate the entire show and the comings and goings and break-ups and changes are not as devastating.

At this time, there is little hope for our dear Liason friends.  The powers that be are VERY heavily invested in Jason and Sam and are intent on playing that couple through for as long as possible.  Rebecca Herbst is still on a reduced work schedule in order to spend more time with her little ones at home and isn't expected to lock into a major story or romance for a while yet.  I can't emphasize enough what I've already said above:  If you are only watching GH for one couple, one actor or one character, you will ultimately be disappointed.  In soaps, even in the best of times, all things are transient.  The actor/character WILL eventually be written off or back burnered and every couple will eventually break up.  It's the circle of soap life.  If you are at all able to appreciate each soap for what it is as a composite, it opens your eyes to more things to love (or hate).  If you are dead set to love and invest in only one tiny part of the show, it's hard to remain a happy viewer.

Ditto, sadly, for the Journey fans.  The couples for the next year are Jason and Sam, Courtney and Jax and Carly and Steve.

Dear Sage,
How long have you been involved in scoopage/gossip for GH? Have you ever done anything for anyone other than EOS?

I wrote my first EOS column in June of 2001.  I have never written for any other website or magazine and never will.  This is my home.

And I left from November 2003 until May of 2004 and I am *so* happy to be back.  I missed it and you folks very, very much.

Dear Sage,
If you could have three characters back on GH, who would you choose. If you could get rid of three - who would they be?

Just three?  If I'm narrowed to that, I'd have to pick three that would also be vital to the stories on the board at this time and boost up the octane of the show as well as make me happy.  That would be Helena Cassadine, Felicia Scorpio-Jones and Laura Spencer.  Helena only counts if she is played by Constance Towers.  I'm open to a recast on Felicia and Laura.  I chose Felicia because I feel she's vital to stories still on the board and it's just too odd that she's gone.  She needs to be there.  Same for Laura.  There is too much Laura stuff going on for her to be off screen constantly.  If there's going to be a Spencer-Cassadine feud, both Helena and Laura need to be around for it.  I'm open for a recast on Laura only because I know that the parting between Genie Francis and ABC was not on good terms and I would want her to be happy returning to the role and I'm not sure that's possible.  Guza (co-head writer) has never liked Luke and Laura and has continually worked to break the two of them up so that he can have his dark, sinister Luke figure.  For that reason, even though I'm bringing Laura back, I think I'd be more interested in seeing a Stefan-Laura reconnect because our current writing team writes better for them than for Luke and Laura.  It is really, really hard for me not to rush to Jane Elliott as Tracy Quartermaine (who I consider to be very vital material), Rena Sofer who I LOVED as Lois, Robert Kelker-Kelly as Stavros, Lisa Cerasoli as V and A Martinez as Roy DiLucca.  Any of these would be an absolute joy to see again.

Who would I dump?  That one is even harder.  This is going to sound really, really harsh, but I think I would let go of the characters of Sonny, Courtney and Carly, only because it would force the writers to explore the rest of the characters and let them out for some air. I'd keep Jason just because he's cute and I really, really want to see him make bridges with the Quartermaines.    

Well, there is some history at work there, right?  I think now I would vote for a return for Roy DiLucca (the team of Roy and Luke should never have been disbanded again), Damian Smith (I refuse to believe he's dead and it would be great if he turned out to be a secret partner of Lorenzo's) and Jerry Jacks (who would team up with Felicia).  Interesting.  I just noticed that they are all past loves of Bobbie.  I'd love for Stefan and even Stavros to return, but not until we get new writers.  This batch is just screwing the Cassadines like they were fifty cent whores.  Who would I dump?  I'm so sorry, but Emily has to go.

Dear Sage,
What do I do with a pestering A-hole who assumes I update columns on SoapZone, and thus calls me a lazy butthole for slacking on the job, if I can't do it on time I should give the job to someone else, and when I explain that I don't update the columns, I just write them and turn them in, on time, this same person then attacks me saying, why do I bother writing the columns if I don't give a d a m n whether they're updated or not?! Am I supposed to put a gun to Jeff's head because this is more important than life or death for heaven's sakes?

Nope, not at all.  Jeff's a really good guy and you know it better than most.  I admire him because his attitude toward the net world is very similar to mine and a lot of the time, it seems as though he just doesn't give a fluck, which I think is great.  Far, far too many folks take this stuff waaaay too seriously.  What you've got to do is work from a disconnected point and look objectively at the true weight of these comments.  These people who are writing to bitch about something so stupid as when the site is updated and who don't have enough sense to figure out it's not you posting this stuff are sad, small little people and need to be dismissed as such.  Evil, angry people may have a loud voice, but they don't have a significant voice because their venom and stupidity (such as ranting because their free service, dammit!, just didn't get there in time!!) has nullified from the beginning anything they may have had to say that might be worth hearing.  You trust me?  You trust Jeff?  You trust Katrina?  We tell you you're awesome and that these people only have a voice because they have a keyboard that a chimp could operate.  Who are you going to trust and believe?  The loud mouth chimps, squawking and shrieking and throwing their own poo at one another?  Pfft.  When idiot chimps are throwing poo, sometimes the people who walk upright all the time and speak in sentences will get hit.  That doesn't make the people chimps.  How do you deal with pestering assholes like that?  Two words:  "pfft" and "delete."  Don't even bother to reply.  Hateful people like that don't deserve your time to write.  You know that we write for the people who enjoy what we do and are in our groove.  There will always be people who get what we do and those who don't and some of the ones who don't are louder than the ones who do.

You're still right, they're still nuts.

Dear Sage,
What attitude should I take when diehard fans turn on me for mentioning gossip that paints their beloved star in a bad light, i.e., the Emmy blind item and my spec that it fits Robin Christopher?

See above.  Specify that it's just speculation, like a million people have done a million times on a million message boards and beyond that, suggest that they bite your ass then have a vanilla milkshake or, if on Atkins, a nice egg.  People who are insecure about their alliances as far as characters and actors need to have others agree with their every opinion and when someone suggests something even the least bit disparaging, they freak out and have to write and try to convert you to their Hail ______ (insert name of their patron saint character) religion.  People who are comfortable with their feelings about favorites and feel good in their own skins are mature and balanced enough to let other people feel what they feel without it being a threat to their own ideas, thereby removing the need to constantly defend their causes.

Dear Sage,
Do you really think GH is all that and a bag of Fritos, after so much dysfunctional darkness without meaning?

I imagine I will always think GH is all that and the Fritos.  I love GH, good and bad.  It's not always a good friend (as Katrina and Dr Phil would say), but it's an old friend and I adore it.  Like all soaps, GH works in cycles and now it's down and later, it will be up again and I'll be there to see it.  Dysfunctional (and unnecessary, gratuitous) violence and darkness is the calling card of the current writing team, so it's what is to be expected *shrug*.  I am more than willing to sift through the shit for the good stuff and polish it up for all to see. 

Boy, does that still apply.  Sadly, we're still in a down cycle.

Dear Sage, if you could attend an SSW-type event, whose line would you wait in first, and what would you say when you were face to face with your celebrity of choice?

Awww.  What a joy that would be.  Stephen Nichols.  Hands down. (way down - wink)

I think now, I would scurry over to Rick Hearst's like, only because his is going to talk everyone's leg off (that's why I love him) and the line is going to take forever.  After that, I'm in Ted King's line.  What would I say?  Probably start bowing and chanting, "We're not worthy!  We're not worthy!  We suck!"  (Must have seen "Wayne's World" for that to make sense)

Dear Sage,
If you could give GH head writer, Robert "Elton John" Guza some advice on writing the show, what would you tell him?

Quit.  Now.  Don't come back.

I would now add, "And hurry!"

Dear Sage,
If you were stranded on a deserted island, what one ABC soap star would you choose to be stranded with you and why?

Ty Treadway.  Why?  Oh please.  Did you really think I was going to give some cerebral answer that was going to require a "why?"  Girl, you know me.  ;)

I'll second that emotion.

Dear Sage,
Utilizing your "hair expertise," which ABC soap stars do you think have the best hairstyles? Which do you think need some major hair help?

Best hair:  Alicia Minishew, David Canary, Melissa Archer, Kassie DePaiva, Robin Strasser (usually), Kathy Brier, Timothy D. Stickney, Anna Lee (always impeccable), Robin Christopher and John J, York.

Worst hair:  Rebecca Budig (lank, blah), Vincent Irizarry (I don't like the greasy look), Ilene Kristen (OK, I know it's in character, but I really, really, really don't like the bleached blonde dried out look), Patricia Elliot's latest (freakin YIKES!), Leslie Charleson (her hair always looks seriously damaged and abused to me), Greg Vaughn (please let him stop trying to be Jacob Young - no one should TRY to be Jacob Young) and all the guys who have greasy assed hair on GH (ick).  No wonder the ladies on GH has such smooth, supple skin.  They're always cuddling up to Lard-Heaven with the 40 weight crap in the men's hair.  It's like they use motor oil on half the cast and super glue on the other half.  I can't believe no one has yet put their eye out on the Bart Simpson spikes the nongreasy men sport.

You know?  It all still fits.

Dear Sage,
Anything more on JFP stayin' or goin'?

Pfft.  They'll have to fricking blow her ass up to get her to leave.

Yep.

Dear Sage,
Your opinion on the likelihood of Genie Francis returning?

Minimal.  They would have to do some SERIOUS sweet talking, amends making and promising and I think they used all that up on Stephen Nichols.

Now changed to "zero."

Dear Sage,
Who has The Head now?  You or Kurt.

Kurt has the head.  I'll write about it later this week.  :)

Currently, the head is in my possession.  Don't worry, I'm working on it.

Dear Sage,
It doesn't sound like Ma Bourland is doing too chipper these days.  *sigh* Are your sisters giving you more help, and are you remembering to ASK them?  You've got to share the workload sometimes, dear!

They aren't really in much of a position to help since I'm the only one with no life.  Kye takes Mom once a week and the other 6 days, she bitches at me (Mom, not Kye).  I meditate... a lot, then zip in to grab whatever computer time I can when she's out or sleeping.  Considering drugging her tea.  Health-wise, the doc says she's fine.

Ma is currently on the East Coast (she'll leave in a couple of months before cold weather hits) and is doing very well.  She loves traveling from kid to kid and so far, it has worked out every well for them. 

Dear Sage,
How's the weather in your part of the world?

Awesome!  I wub California!!  Nineties in the day (but it's a dry heat, dontcha know) and high 60's in the night.  Perfect for my hot tub!

And it's starting to cool off at night and the incoming fall weather is glorious.

Dear Sage,
Why is it than when a new actor comes into a role, it seems that the character is written totally differently? Is it because the actors get a lot of leeway with the lines, or is it that each character has their own writer...or something else? (This is from Doug - he's just wondering, and cites NuEmily, NuOldNik, NuGia and NuNuLucky as his points of reference)

It's like when you're a kid and you move to a new school and can remake yourself into whoever you want to be.  When a new actor comes on board as an old character, the writers get to do whatever they wanted to with the character and then blame it on the new actor "making the character his/her own."  That lets them make changes the old actor didn't like or didn't play well.  Case in point... they wanted Gia to be more cerebral, so they recast in that way when Marissa Ramirez left to do her show. 

Yeah, what I said.

Dear Sage,
Have I told you lately that I think you're awesome? Just wondering :)

Awww.  Thanks, Sherry, you gorgeous, hot woman.  The check's in the mail.  Now come on over here, sit on Uncle Sage's lap and give him a big kiss.   (Y'all talk amongst yourselves for a bit)

Since Sherry is still one fine fox, I'll let this one stay.

Dear Sage,
Whatever happened to that guy, Bender, who was stalking you?

Bender did some time in jail for the death threat, then was released on a lengthy probationary period that involved him not living in my town or contacting me in any way.  I haven't heard from him and don't expect to.  That's food for Mom's paranoia and fussing as well. 

All still applies.

Dear Sage,
Who in the past (living or dead) would you pay any amount to have back? Not character, actual actor.

ACTOR would be Constance Towers first and Jane Elliott second (you'll notice this is a whole different question than what CHARACTER I'd have back in the previous question).

Since David Vickers is already back full time on OLTL, I think I'd have to go with these:

AMC - Dimitri and Alex (let David deal with his Anna longings with a twinner)

OLTL - Max

GH - Just mesh in the ones from above.  I'm not splitting hairs on character versus actors any more.  I want the original actors in these roles!

Dear Sage,
Did you call in for Luke and Laura's wedding? You hear all kinds of stories about how people skipped school (like me) and called in to work.

I've never been in a situation where I had to call in.  That was in 1981, I was 23 and just wrapping up my first degree and was plopped right on the couch watching it with Ma.   

Dear Sage,
GH has gotten so much better now than it was a few months ago and I am really glad because I had stopped watching it. What made the writers change? Was it the fact that so many fans were angry over where the show was going or did they just get better at writing?

I think they wanted kick ass sweeps, got them and now they're on cruise control. 

And still are, spinning out of control.

Dear Sage,
How would you like to see the story with Alcazar Part 2 to go?

Ted King's signed a long-term contract, which means he's likely to stick around.  I'd like to see him seduce Bobbie.  That girl sure loves a bad, bad boy and it would make great story to have Bobbie with Alcazar and Carly with Sonny.

You know, that's still not a bad plan.

Dear Sage,
Do you envision a future of TPTB ever taking Sonny down on the mob power scale? I think he was so much more interesting (and likable) when he was an up-and-comer trying to make it to the top. (Think the Sonny and Luke friendship days.) As opposed to now where he seems to think of himself as a king looking down upon his minions.

I'd like to see it, honestly.  I think it would give all of the actors involved some great material to chew on for a while.  I think it would be interesting if Alcazar took over the Port Charles mob, hired on Faith and Rick and pardoned Sonny, issuing an order of protection on him and Jason.  Take the mob totally out of the picture for Sonny and Carly, let them get jobs and live like the rest of us for a while.  Hey, not much else about Sonny's mob story makes sense, so let's take fantasy all the way.

Not likely, is it?  Story is still that Sonny is going to prison when Maurice Benard goes on Paternity leave in December.  Whether or not he will return depends on who you talk to and what day it is.  I'm thinking he will.

Dear Sage,
Who, from GH past or present, would you most like to get stuck in an elevator with?

Doug Sheehan (Joe Kelly).  He was a hunka hunka burnin love.

I was reminded (again) of His Hotness when I read Katrina's "Easy As ABC" column referencing him last month.  I have to say, although he's wonderful, my preferences have changed having seen that Ric gives such great elevator.

Dear Sage,
And on a personal note...what is your favorite indulgence?

Other than the aforementioned Captain Morgan's, that would be Stephen's Vanilla Sipping Cocoa and See's Chocolates - Nuts and Chews.

I have switched to White Russians, but the cannies and Vanilla cocoa are still my buddies.

Dear Sage,
Is it true that Pratt and Quza will leave and be replaced by Riche?

Pfft.  NO.

Dear Sage,
What is your all time favorite storyline in your personal history of watching ABC soaps?

I can't pick one.  I just can't.  The romances of Bo & Nora, Max & Luna and Mel & Dorian; the death of Stone Cates.

Dear Sage,
And, lastly, when you are typing with Captain Morgan, are you in your birthday suit, darling?  Hehe

Sometimes!!  *wink*  And you never know when that time will be!

And now for the new questions:

Dear Sage,
Can you tell me who on General Hospital is paid the most?  Do the people (like Bobbie and Alan and Monica) who are never seen any more get paid at all?

The highest paid actor on General Hospital is Tony Geary, followed by Maurice Benard. 

When an actor's contract is negotiated, they are guaranteed a certain number of appearances.  The number of appearances, the amount paid per appearance, the length of the contract, the freedom to pursue other ventures unrelated to the show and vacation time are among the points of contention that are negotiated out during contract renewals.  If, at the end of a year, the actor has not been used the number of times guaranteed in their contract, they still have to be paid for those appearances.  That's why you will sometimes see a pile up of appearances of a particular actor who is normally unseen.