Sept 19, 2005

Hello Darlings! 

Welcome!  It seems like years since we were last sitting here gabbing about the soaps.  The spoilers for this week seem to really be heating up and I am eager to see how it all unfolds on the screen.  Let's not waste time with chit chat!  It's down to the bones of talking soap spoilers!

AMC COMMENTARY

Julia, Julia, Julia... just when I thought I couldn't not possibly hate you more, just when my memories of you were being mulled by time and the scab turning into protective scar tissue, back you come with your Santos wannabe tough girl attitude when you really are still just Hector's little bitch.  The "I'm so tough and belligerent, but I'm vulnerable and a victim too" grates on me after about 2 seconds or so and I'm starting to find myself leaving the room any time she's on.  Oh yeah, she's a rebel, she's a lone wolf, she's a pitbull, she's on my very last nerve.  My deepest hope is that Noah is really alive and comes back for his beloved wife, carrying her away to places unknown (I'd vote California with Maria and Maddie, two other insufferable Santos women, PLUS the pain-in-the-ass Mateo, but I *live* in California and having them here even facetiously is a frightening thought) ne'er to be heard from again.  I'd be at the studio door doing my best David Spade, "Buh-bye, buh-bye, buh-bye.  Here's you, 'yaddayaddayadda' and here's me, 'buh-bye.'"

Di might actually be pulling off this "I am Dixie" thing because I'm starting to hate her as much as I hated Dixie even on a good day.  Maybe she really is Dixie.

Zendall fans were through a big soup bone this week with the confession of their favorite couple admitting that they are deeply in like with one another.  Whether that will parlay into any kind of deeper attachment this week is yet to be seen, but my bet is on a continued slow burn until it culminates in a raging passionate clutch at some point.

Proving that there is (evidently) absolutely nothing new under the sun, AMC blatantly rips off the Roxy and Max story from OLTL, instead using Adam and Krystal in Crow Hollow.  It will be interesting to see if it plays out as well as OLTL's wonderful masterpiece of a story (despite the resounding thud of them dropping the ball after a brilliant take off).  Of course, Krystal, so altruistic and benevolent, does not hesitate to use the situation of waking up as Mrs Chandler after a drunken night to take Adam for half of his worth.  Yep, she's really changed.  Oh, look out.  Some of my sarcasm dripped on your new shoes.

Proving that all JR really wants beneath his gruff and childishly angry and vindictive facade is to be wuvvvved, Babe inches her way into his affections.  Since it appears that Jamie is a doctor now, 45 seconds after being granted Aunt Phoebe's money, maybe Babe can become a heroine in an even quicker amount of time.

Garrett continues to display his creepy attraction to Danielle by showing up in her bathroom as she's coming out of the shower.  Danielle, in turn, pulls of the soap coup de farce by announcing his creepiness to the whole world at her mother's wedding.  Tit meet tat, I guess.  Oh and there's that thing of Josh punching out Garrett at his own wedding.  Not exactly a dream day for either the bride or the groom, it seems.  Mimi, of course, being Mimi (she should have just cut the pretences and spelled it "MeMe") does not believe Dani and ends up marrying Garrett anyway.  The clichés are rolling fast and hard here, folks.  Shouldn't it be Derek who is punching out Garrett rather than Josh?

Everyone is looking for the Dragan... have they checked Dani's bathroom yet?  I think he might be there...
 

OLTL SPOILER COMMENTARY

• Evangeline shakes down Cristian for the truth.  Cristian fronts, but Evangeline ain’t no fool.  Evangeline avails her services to Cristian, so that he may shake off the shackles of his imprisonment.

Whether or not Evangeline is a fool is highly debatable and subjective; however, I am fully grateful to have her digging her teeth into this story.  I could go on watching Carlo needle Cris indefinitely, but having him out playing spoiler is even better.  I am still all for an Evangeline and Cris pairing, just to make things all square and balanced, but I doubt I'll get my little wish.

• Cristian allows that the thought of breaking free appeals to him. Yet he swears Evangeline to secrecy, until they can acquire a stronger case for his release.

I would think it would be the other way around; that Evangeline would be the one understanding the need for discretion in such a delicate case.  He shouldn't have to talk her into it (give her a mark on the "fool" side).

• Rattled by the truth of Natalie’s new boyfriend, Cristian revises his plan to keep himself in the dark.

So he'll sit in the dawk like a dawg and pout?  Be pro-active, boy!

• Later, Evangeline feels an incredible burden to unload that truth (about Cris) onto Natalie.

If Evangeline isn't incredibly burdened by something, it's not a day that ends in Y.

• Until somebody spills, and so far, Evangeline and John aren’t planning to, Natalie remains in the dark about Cristian.

And our story doesn't move unless the stalemate shifts in some way.

• Todd and Margaret battle for control on and off the island. They both go under, into the drink, and only one of them surfaces.

Which doesn't mean he killed her, mind you.

• The surfaced Todd pops up back in Llanview a changed man. He’s even-keeled, for one thing.

Get it?  Keel?  Boat?  As Kelly says, I crack myself up.

• Todd reassures Blair, again in even tones, that Margaret has ceased—to be a problem for them.

Or just ceased to be, whichever.

• Starr can’t help but suspect Todd of the bigger, untold, picture.  Starr puts Todd under a microscope of interrogation.

She's sharp and she's not stupid, which could work in opposite directions in this situation.

• A conversation about rape, raised by Kevin and Todd, raises Starr’s pulse further.

And she can do math.

• David connives, keeping Dorian out of the loop in the bargain, to get the goods on Spencer.

And vice versa.

• Next week:  Nash clues in to a layer of Tess’s mystery…

Zzzz.  Oh I am sorry, was I SLEEPING????

• Is it rumor or news? Someone on another board claims to have received an early notice of the new Clint recast from his fan club: Jerry ver Dorn (ex-Ross, GL). Four years, dude.

Works for me.  If we can't have the "real" Clint, I'm all for a recast to get the story moving.  Right now, it's not realistic that Clint is nowhere to be found with all that Viki, Jessica and Natalie have been going through, not to mention Asa's "circling of the wagons."  I am definitely excited about the return of Clint and look forward to the stories!
 

GH SPOILER COMMENTARY

• Sonny and Jason’s unspoken love affair hits a snag in Jason’s memory lapses.

Then Sonny is just not being persistent enough.  If Sam can get past the obstacle of Jason not remembering her and get him to stick around, surely Sonny can as well!

• Sonny feels the sting of Jason’s amnesia. The mobster is left twisting in the wind with this Miami vice looming overhead.

You just can't get good help these days.

• In the end, Jason relinquishes his intention to bail the town.

Jason has never done well with Amnesia Peer Pressure, so this move does not surprise me in the least.

• Jason wants nothing more than to rekindle his love with Sam. If he can just jar his memories back.

Maybe more of the experimental drug? I'm just reaching for straws here.

• To do that, Jason will endure parental and Sonny nagging. And, visit at the gravesite of Sam’s stillborn baby.

Probably the only quiet place he can find.

• A memory stirs while at the gravesite, which triggers a flood of love for Sam.

But not a flood of love for Sonny?  What's the world coming to?

• Jason embraces Sam as his very own, the two eager to start over, fresh, brand new, no more mob. It’s a nice fantasy that doesn’t play well over at GH.

Not nearly explosive and violent enough, is it?

• Carly acts like she’s about to be Sonny’s bride. Just when he thinks she couldn’t be more bonkers…

Yeah, well never underestimate Carly's bonker potential.

• Lucky sinks to undercover means to capture, via a recording, Jax’s ulterior plot to take Elizabeth’s unborn baby from her once it’s born. Lucky means to force Jax to drop his plot against Liz.

Oooh, good police work, Lucky!

• Elizabeth gets her hands on Lucky’s tape of Jax.

The one where the lighting is bad and he says, "Oh baby" a lot?

• Following the custody hearing, Jax experiences a change of heart and feels generous with Liz again. Same with Liz. The custody hearing rattled them both to their senses.

Does anyone believe this guy any more?

• Jax comes over to hash differences out with Elizabeth. They come to a resolution: share custody, to heck with their personal hang-ups.

That's sweet, but I'd get it in writing.

• Lucky sets up a wedding in the park and leaves Elizabeth breathless with astonishment.

Awwww.

• Jax arranges a St. Thomas honeymoon getaway, just for them, as a gift from him.

This sounds suspicious, but I'll take it at face value.

• [Cop] duty takes Lucky away momentarily from his pre-wedded bliss with Elizabeth.

This poor guy can NEVER make it through a wedding, can he?

• [Nurse] duty takes Elizabeth to GH. There, Jax previews the gift he planned for her and Lucky’s wedding, the honeymoon.

I wonder if he is going to borrow the ultraexpensive fake baby used in the premie-Kristina scenes and try to fake Elizabeth out after the birth.

• Jax and Elizabeth celebrate their new-found maturity by going out for ice cream. Too bad they run into Carly on the way. Literally. (Carly should never get behind the wheel of anything, a tricycle much less a car.)

See?  Ice cream really is bad for you.  And why the hell is Carly driving?  Is she so crazy she thinks she can?

• Elizabeth, Jax and Carly are hit terribly hard with the worst calamity ever to befall them at this time. Especially Elizabeth, who loses that which has grown most precious to her.  Elizabeth gets examined and given the okay by her doctor. At first.  In a New York second, everything changes, when Elizabeth’s bent over, with cramps.

I had a feeling this kid was doomed from the start.

• Reese forces Durant to lay off Ric, by using blackmail as her means.

Since she's a mobster now, why not?

• Both Sonny and Ric benefit from Reese’s intervention.

Best to not let the killers face any kind of retribution, right?

• Nikolas whisks Courtney off to an island for alone, humping time.

At least pretend it's not Sonny's island, OK set people?

• Dillon freaks out at what’s next in store for him when he steps inside his dorm room.

Is this where he finds out about Lucas?  The mind boggles.

• Next week:  Carly continues to spiral out of control and destroy lives, like Emily’s… Reese must book it to keep Ric from perishing…

AGAIN????  Ric is just a walking catastrophe, isn't he?  I wondered where the end of Carly (at least temporarily) would come, but now that she's messing with Emily, the Patron Saint of Absolutely Everything, we can figure it's pretty well over...

As is this week's column! 

Lovin YOU!

Donate to keep
Sage & EOS
on the net!