Hello darlings.  This one has no soap info whatsoever.  This one is almost entirely about me.

As some of you know, Katrina, our webmaster, is just about my best friend in the whole world.  She's  a really amazing person and I have a lot of love and respect for her.  On January 27th, Katrina's mother died after a few grueling days of back and forth of her getting better, then worse, then better, then worse than that.  Because I adore her, I've done my best to be there for her as she goes through this difficult time.  I know in my heart that she would do the same for me.

What I did not anticipate was the effect her mother's death would have on me.  I never met the woman, but I know she must have been very special to produce such a great kid.  This has all been a real mixed bag of emotions for me and while I know it is even more so for Katrina, I was shocked at how blindsided by this I was. 

I am moved beyond words at the outpouring of support that has come from our Eye on Soaps readers.  You are all such a loving bunch and I just adore you.  That's for real.  I am elated that she is going to be able to get to the funeral and that WE did it together.

I did not expect, foolishly, I know, that I would take it in the gut over MY mom when HER mom died.  When she called to tell me that her mom had passed over, I felt my knees go out from under me and all the air leave my body.  We really had come to the conclusion that she was going to make it and it just felt, well, wrong. 

Even though there is a 20 year age difference, there are some vital similarities between my mom and Katrina's.  One is that BOTH of them have said that they know when they are going to die...and it's far away.  Katrina's mom told her that less than a month ago.  Since she has now died, that made MY mom's prediction extremely suspect.  When I asked my mom about it, she said, "Pfft.  I'm just better at it."  Another way they are alike is that they both have suffered congestive heart failure.  My mother recovered or rather, is still recovering; hers did not.

In July of 2001, my mother's  health took a dive and she stayed down for the better part of a year.  We were pretty convinced we were going to lose her, no matter what she said.  She has been as close to gone as she can get and come back again.  Now, she's in better health than she's been in for months and months.  Last month, she had a bad cold and we all got worried, but it was more like an average person having a cold than a life or death situation.  Even with an oxygen and medication therapy that seems to be working, she's in her 80's and if she were to go, it wouldn't be that much of  a surprise, objectively speaking.  It's not like people are surprised when a woman in her 80's passes away of "natural causes."  Fortunately, right now she's in great shape.  She's still on oxygen and meds, but she's happy, feisty and full of life.  For that, every moment of that, I am so grateful.

Anyway, I'm finding that when I'm working on the site, my heart just isn't in it right now.  I'm distracted and rattled and I feel like I need some time to regroup.  Since Katrina is leaving out tomorrow for her trip, I am going to close down the site until Monday, when we will re-open with new spoilers and columns for the week.  Think of it as a 4 day "moment" of silence out of respect for Katrina, her mother and her family.  I'm going to spend the days with my mother, maybe even taking her on a little trip or something.  I need to focus on life instead of death and get my head back together again.  I will likely be spending very little, if any, time on the computer during this time, so if you don't get an answer to your e-mails or posts on the message boards (which will still be active), it's because I'm spending time with Mom or a tree or a fat joint or a bottle of Captain Morgan's, trying to regroup.

So know that I love you and on Monday, all of the Sage's Searches and regular updates will resume, along with my regular Monday column.  EOS staff, if you send in your stuff, I'll get up posted for you on Monday.

Please, all of you, I urge you, watch a sunset, smell some flowers, dance in darkness of the new moon, hug your babies, tell your mom or someone who is like your mom that you love them, hell, tell EVERYONE what they mean to you so there are never any misunderstandings.  Get up from the computer and rejoin life for a few days.  In fact, here y'go:

http://www.mamselle.ca/error.html
click it, baby

and just for fun:

 http://www.dur.ac.uk/paul.clark/crabvspipe.html

That's just how fast it can happen.

Darlings, I love you, but Sage is going to bow out and tend to real life, with the caps of LIFE, for a little while.  I'll be back on Monday, good as new and brimming with love and, of course,

Hot, hot gossip.

Love,
Sage