Sage Uncensored is NOT a spoiler column and does not represent itself as such in any way. It is not intended to proved "new," "out-scooped" or otherwise groundbreaking material.  This column will discuss news, rumors and spoilers already in circulation, so if you are here to bitch that there is no new material, don't say you weren't warned.  Those of you who enjoy Sage and his writing will likely appreciate the column.  Those of you who are just here for your spoiler fix are probably in the wrong place.

For those of you who choose to continue on and share time with Sage,  welcome!

It's time to donate to Eye on Soaps' monthly site expenses!  Thanks to all of you who keep us going each month.  If you have not donated in a while and like what we do, please click on a button below to help us to remain on the net for another month:

February 28, 2005

"Ooh ooh, that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooh ooh, that smell
The smell of death's around you"

...Lynyrd Skynyrd

...and indeed, it is!  Death permeates the ABC soaps in the next week or so and what better way, really, to inject the drama into daytime?  Is little more dramatic than death, particularly a violent, possibly unexpected death?  To all appearances, the writers of each of the three shows are playing the soapy trump card to compensate for some particularly lame, asleep-at-the-wheel writing on some decidedly boring stories.  Will it work?  It could!  Let's explore the deaths on each show:

It isn't often that a death makes my heart go pitty pat, but when it comes to Edmund, I wish I could be the mystery hand that bonks him on the head and sets the stable on fire.  Gods, I hate this sanctimonious, impulse-control lacking, stick-up-the-ass character.  I am sick of looking at his smug mug, sick of watching him employ his double standards on all around him, sick of watching him use his wheel chair as an excuse to be an asshole (the being an asshole came first and the wheelchair merely served to, in his mind, justify more assholish behavior) and sick of his swaggering, pompous, arrogant, vindictive attitude stinking up my show.  Tell us how you really feel, Big Daddy Sage.  Well, there you have it.  If I had my way, I'd send him on his way with a kick in the ass and a slam of the door.

Now, given my white hot hatred of Edmund, we must examine the idea that he has a worth in death that was not clear in life.  For one thing, the way it is playing out with a healthy dose of blame for his death flinging right at Zach, especially by Maria, we can quickly see that there will be trouble in that particular wing of paradise.  Add to that some drama of the prodigal son, Sammy, returning all growed up (SORASed to age 15) and pissed off at Maria for his father's death and you've got some good, soapy resentment going on. 

If you are wondering whodunit, the general consensus at this point focuses on the newly returning Braden, now played by an as-of-yet unnamed actor.  Employing a technique generally despised by soap fans, it is thought the writers are bringing back Braden as a scapegoat on which to pin the shooting of Ryan, poisoning of Greenlee and murder of Edmund, not to mention most other traffic violations and fashion faux pas in Pine Valley.  That will essentially wrap up the pending stories on AMC and perhaps give us a springboard for the new, the better, the revamped that is to come.

How great was it to see Josh D in the Binky montage? Mmm Mmm Good.

Not a new death by any means, in fact, not a death that many of us care about or recall, the murder of Paul Cramer is about to come back into heavy focus as the murderer will finally be revealed.  Now haven't we all been waiting with baited breath to find out who removed such a vibrant and vital character from our Llanview canvas?  As with Edmund, we are promised that Paul's death will be far more interesting than his life as the killer is revealed to be someone quite unexpected who will impact the people in Llanview in a particularly profound and intense way. 

[*gasp*  Is that, could that possibly be, is there any chance I just saw the incredibly edible-with-a-spoon John de Lancie (aka "Q" on "Star Trek, The Next Generation") doing a walk on doctor shot on a "Judging Amy" rerun.  Bedamned to Katrina for getting me interested in this whining, self-absorbed show, but wow, Q!  What more could a person ask for, I demand to know!  Now that we've experienced Sage's delighted surprise as a sidebar to the riveting discussion on Paul Cramer's murder, let's return to the OLTL dissertation.]

With suspects spanning two towns and two shows, the idea of a "surprise" killer, particularly one that impacts Bo, Nora and Daniel as hinted in rumors, we can figure that the list of "the usual suspects" doesn't contain the real murderer.  But is that really a rarity for the LPD?  David, Krystal, Babe, Jamie and Tad from AMC, plus Lindsay, Jennifer, Rex, Dorian, David, Kelly, RJ and Kevin from OLTL.  Shall we just post the phone book to the most wanted bulletin board? 

Paul's death was classic soap fare, for which, admittedly, I have a distinct appreciation, of every one in the state threatening to kill him, most in front of witnesses and many in private as well.  Following the tried and true, "He needed killin'" neon sign indicating that the character is doomed, the well trod path was wide open and taken with glee.  Old OLTL stories were revisited with the body not being where the people who buried it left it, several characters scrambling to cover for others who also didn't do it.  Rumors are flying now that it was actually Asa who did the killing.  Some say Jessica in her fractured personality state.  Personally, I don't care who did it, I am just curious to see if they really can pull off a true surprise reveal.   

Since I've not been heavily invested in spoilers, I've caught a few surprises here and there and it's been wonderful.  I have never regretted leaving the spoiler gig and it's especially true now that we're in virgin territory and I only see the immediately impending information.  For instance...

...I totally didn't see the supposedly shooting of Little Morty Corinthos coming.   You just made your last mistake.  Kabang.  Wow.  If you haven't tried spoiler free or semi-spoiler free, you really should, if even for a little while.  It's a whole new experience and although, yes, the writing is lame, predictable and sometimes offensively inadequate, but I do believe a certain edge is lost from soap viewing when we know so far in advance what is going to happen.  I wanted to see if it would be different and it is.  Wow.

So yeah, I had no idea that a "death" of Mikey was planned and figured after Faith was killed off, we'd find all of the little kids safe and sound and life would go on with Sonny as the conquering hero who rescued his kids, likely with the help of Ric, forming an all new bond and possibly all new resentments. 

But no!  The powers that be took a bold move and made it appear that a child was murdered.  It's definitely a plot device seldom if ever used on soaps.  Kids die of disease and accident, but never at the hands of an adult.  This creates quite a chain event of explosive, emotional reactions.  John Durant will be out for Sonny's ass even more so than before.  Carly will likely blame Sonny.  Jason and Sonny will both be dealing with their guilt since Michael died through their mob involvement.  Jason and Sonny may even have their own conflicts over the death.  Jason and Sam will bond over the mutual experience of having lost a child to death.  Bobbie, Alan, Monica and Edward will likely all be gunning for Sonny for the loss of a grandchild.  Sonny will probably be his own worst enemy in all of this, so we're likely to see "the downward spiral" yet again, possibly with the story line ensuing that Maurice Benard has been requesting for years.  If one death could completely blow apart the GH canvas, Morty's would be it.  Honestly, I'd never considered it until that fateful phone call on Friday.

Of course, spoilers (I did read these) indicate that Michael is, in fact, NOT dead and will come back a changed child (but still Dylan Cash).  There is even more whisper that he isn't the only one who is not dead and that Faith's partner is none other than AJ Quartermaine himself with the entire kidnapping as killing two birds with one stone:  a stroke of revenge for Faith, some money for Faith and AJ at last getting hold of his son.  Could the changed child actually be some brainwashing (or clarification of the "truth") by AJ?  Supposedly, Sean Kanan (ex-AJ) has been approached to revisit the character and he was initially not interested.  It would definitely put a different slant on things since Kanan's version of AJ was slightly different than Billy Warlock's.  Since the undead walk the streets of Port Charles on a regular basis, this scenario would not surprise me in the least.  In fact, I would welcome it.  It's creative and ties into a LOT of characters on the show.

Death... the great rejuvenator and breather of life into a lagging set of soaps.    Can they pull it off?  I'm skeptical, but open to the idea.

Note:  Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally.  He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya!  Besides, he writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not!  Needless to say, if you are an asshole, he just for sure isn't going to write back.  If you're inclined to writing hateful things, pretend he wrote back and said, "That's just like, your opinion, man."

If your writing to ask about future storyline happenings, figure he answered, "Pfft, I dunno."  Sage truly does not have info on upcoming storylines except what is posted on the EOS Spoiler Commentary pages!