The Highlights

Several good things happened this week.  First and foremost….LUKE IS BACK!  In Roy’s own words, “Good to see ya’!”  Nothing thrilled me more this week!  The most anticipated moment of my summer and I was not disappointed.  There is no need for me to mock Luke’s disguises because Roy did a pretty good job of that.  Luke has been a fugitive from justice for many years; I find it extremely difficult to believe that he is not an expert at evading the cops/FBI/interpol/WSB or any other initials that may be looking for him.  That little fire tale that Roy spun for Luke was cruel and heartless considering Luke thought that’s how his son “died” last year.  Luke lost a point when he asked about flea before he asked about his wife (YES, I SAID HIS WIFE!!!) and his children, but I take solace in the fact that it is easier to get the small talk out of the way first and that’s all flea is…. small talk.  His voice was also softer when he asked about Laura, so he gained back the point he lost.  Roy started out strong this week sans his Bobbie attachment, but when started in on Luke about things that were over and done with about 20 years ago, I wanted to smack him.  He told Lucky to get over it, so should he!  Laura was the victim.  She forgave him.  Everybody else just shut up about it.  I’m on the edge of my seat now wondering if Luke will manage to escape the two interpol agents at his door, or if that’s how he actually makes it back to PC.  A Friday cliffhanger, once again I must say that being spoiler free rules!  I loved the newly shaved head and the crack about eating his pet monkey.  Roy and Luke are good together, but it made me miss Robert.

Eddie’s Angel is still enjoyable at this point, but Drag Queens?  I love Alexis, but really give me a break!  One photo and people are manufacturing an underwear line and dressing in drag?  The reporter, GreasyChris, should really rethink his interview tactics, because I seriously doubt any other star will want to give an interview knowing he can’t be trusted with items that should be “off the record”.  MyNed and Alexis have lost their collective minds for walking away giving that cameraman the opportunity to switch the tapes.  Everybody saw that coming and they should have been more savvy than that. I can’t wait to see the next poster of Alexis….back arched, siting on Ned’s lap, Ned’s face buried in her cleavage.  It’s time for this story to move on, even as much as I’ve enjoyed it.  Ned and Alexis both have bigger things to worry about.  For example, a nephew or cousin being involved in concealing a copsicle, a dead brother (-in-law to be) who never got a memorial service, a (an almost step) daughter who should be starting her first week of first grade.  And, oh yeah, let’s not forget somebody still needs to pick a wedding date!  

On the positive side, I did think it was funny that when Alexis climbed on Ned’s lap, they almost flipped the chair over.  The champagne and chocolate covered strawberries were a nice touch.  That’s a Nexis trademark, which goes back to the beginning of their relationship.  Somebody at GH is paying a little attention, at least.

Stefan/Chloe: Finally they are being given enough airtime to be moved from the Miscellaneous thoughts

That evil little snicker you may be hearing in the background of all the Stefan/Chloe scenes…that’s me, so pay no attention.  I love this story.  Give me more, more, more!  Stefan is amused by Chloe’s determination to get off of the island and he knows there is no way off. Chloe says she’s awful at strategy games (Aren’t all Barbie’s?) but a few weeks ago she and Alexis were laughing over the fact that Ned is so bad at Gin that neither of them will play with him. 

 The Lowlights:

Flea/Mac: Actually, they weren’t as annoying as I had anticipated, but not enjoyable either.  Mac’s sudden 180 about Felicia hit out of the clear blue.  All summer he’s been preaching that he wants to move on, then 24 hours before heading to Colorado he decides that they might be able to make it work.  I can only speculate that the writers did this in order to set up a big gasp in the courtroom later when Felicia reveals that she is Luke’s alibi and Mac’s entire case is shot to hell.  Once she returns to PC, she just needs to stay away from Luke and maybe I’ll move her into the Miscellaneous thoughts rather than Queen of the Lowlights.

The Scoobies.  I’m bored by this story and each member of the gang is on my last nerve separately and as a whole.  Liz was right to call Jason.  Lucky’s not only losing time, he’s lost perspective if he thinks he can just take a swing at Jason.  Jason would mop the floor with that perfectly highlighted do of his.  Nike is more amused by Gia than aggravated by her antics.  Gia is a bitch and Emily should have put a beat-down on that girl for showing up at the Q mansion uninvited.  Later her director like comments at the rave house made me want to pop the top on that can ‘o’ whoop ass for the rest of the gang or perhaps lure her to the parapet.  Juan needs to get over his Emily and Lucky jealous fixation.  He’d still be sucking face with Emily every two minutes if he hadn’t taken a breather to suck face with Sherry.  I did think it was hugely amusing when Juan said that they should bring DeadTed into the rave after I made the comment earlier in the week that Guza had been watching Weekend at Bernie’s again.  I suggested that Lucky and Nik should cart him around at the rave, put a hat on him, fix him a Luke special and watch all the chicks hit on him ala Bernie, then Juan damn near suggested the same thing.  GH is good for a few laughs every now and then!  I’ll refer all you readers to last week’s column for my problems with transferring DeadTed into Zander’s car, and add this week that Emily’s colossally stupid idea of lurking in the parking lot will probably get them all busted now, unless St. Jason shows up.

Sonny/Carly/Jason: I just don’t care which way this story plays out.  Carly seems to be happy whichever guy she’s stuck with.  Sonny wants Carly, but not enough to speak up.  Jason doesn’t want Carly, but will take her off Sonny’s hands if he has to.  Nobody is too invested either way as far as I can tell, so why should I pick a side to root for.  I couldn’t help but enjoy watching Carly getting kicked around by Sonny and Jason this week.  She thought Sonny really wanted to marry her, then he said only to keep her from testifying.  She thought Jason loved her, then he told her they’d never be “together”.  Ah, sometimes it does pay off to be a Carly hater. 

Favorite lines:

Luke to Roy:  “Did the bat’s carcass wash up yet?”

Luke to Roy:  “I’m telling you, if you had a video of the ol’ lady whackin’ her son, he’d say it was me in drag!”

Alexis to Ned:  “I promise if you want this worn, you’re going to have to wear it.”

Ned to Alexis:  “I already have this.”

AJ to Hannah: "That detective kit I bought you must have gone straight to your head."

Chloe to Stefan regarding Hells, “Because she is an evil murderous psychotic. No offense.”

Stefan to Chloe:  “My mother is a practical woman.”

Lucky to Juan:  “Now, if Emily decides to dump you, it’s because of YOU.”

Chloe to badfrenchaccentdude: “Lurch!”

Edward to Gia…I don’t remember the exact quote but something to the effect of “L&B is a den of inequities.”

MISCELLANOUS THOUGHTS AND 
SHALLOW OBSERVATIONS

1.       Lucky mocks me with his Shaggy-like attempt at growing facial hair and wearing a green t-shirt.  Where is Foster when I need to complete the analogy?

2.       It’s been two weeks since we last saw Andreas and I’m into serious manservant withdrawals.

3.       Rick the new bodyguard is nice eyecandy, but give me Johnny any day!

4.       I loved the bed in Luke’s hotel room.  It looked like an antique, something you’d find in Prague.  Ok, so probably not in a hotel room, but I’ll gladly suspend that reality.

5.       Can we please get rid of Tammy and keep Jake?  Jake’s got that self-righteous indignation thing going on with AJ just like Tammy, but Jake is far more entertaining.  She has more of an edge.  I like that.

6.       Monica gets the FASHION DON’T AWARD this week for the pink see-through shirt over the black tank.  If I were a patient, I would not have that much confidence in my cardiologist if she came to the hospital dressed like that.

7.       I’ll give Alexis the FASHION DO AWARD for looking great everyday.  Nobody actually stood out though.

8.       Yellow is not Nik’s best color.

9.       If TPTB really wanted to make me laugh, Ned would have put on that teddy . . .. immediately after SHAVING that fuzz off his lip!

10.   Something to remember when visiting Prague, the doors are thin enough for interpol to hear a person talking on the phone.

11.   Carly not only put her feet on the coffee table at the Qs, she had her dirty shoes on Sonny’s couch.  This behavior is driving me crazy!

12.   Hannah should quit running to AJ’s rescue every time somebody calls.  Getting her attention is all he’s after and she’s buying it hook, line and sinker.

13.   I like Alexis and Sonny as reluctant friends, so long as this doesn’t turn into Alexis just being a sounding board for Sonny’s woes like she was for Chloe all last year.  Also, Jason and Alexis were amusing at Jake’s.  He has made eyes at her more than once since hitting PC and she’s seems to bring out a personality in Borg boy.

14.   I seriously doubt that Liz&Lucky’s song “God must have spent a little more time on you” would be on the juke box at Jake’s.  I’ve never found too many boy bands listed in a roadside bar.

15.   Loved Reggie showing up twice this week, once in his goofy jammies.

16.   Despite what Jason said to AJ this week, AJ is not responsible for Carly losing the baby.

17.   Edward spends half of his time blaming Alan and Monica for the mistakes of their children, then told them this week that it’s time AJ took responsibility for their own actions.  Make up my mind, please!

18.   It was nice of TPTB to remember Tony this week and trot him out for ten freaking seconds of airtime.

Last but certainly not least: GUZA IS GONE! I’ve been doing a Cousin Larry and Balki “Dance of Joy” since I heard the news!  Sing with me now…”nah, nah, nah, nah, hey, hey, hey, GOODBYE, nah, nah, nah, nah, hey, hey, hey, GOODBYE” !  I want Patrick Mulcahey back, whether he’s named head writer or he just re-assumes his role as script-writer.  Patrick seems to understand character motivation and pays attention to history AND he knows how to tell a damn story!  I’m keeping my fingers crossed.  Lorraine Broderick is ok with me too, but I know more about Patrick.

That’s all this week folks!  Stay away from the spoilers, GH is more fun this way!