There are going to be several unpopular opinions voiced this week.  Take a deep breath and dive in at your own risk…there’s no lifeguard on duty. 

The week started with Taggs throwing AJ into a wall and threatening him.  I know a lot of people were screaming that AJ deserved it, but I don’t think so.  Taggs was way out of line, as a cop he should know how to control his anger a little better and if he’s so insecure about his relationship with HannaHo, then that’s a point he needs to take up with her, not AJ.  Fortunately for me, Taggs did just that later in the week. 

Flea is once again back in the danger zone.  I couldn’t fastforward her this week because she went to see Luke and met with Scotty.  I’m sick to the point of being disgusted about the Hiram and Orphie business.  She is just a cheap version of Laura…not even a good hologram.  She needs to realize this, tell Mac the truth about Luke’s alibi and let the chips fall where they may.  Hopefully, he’ll kick her to the curb, she’ll move back to Texas with her gurrls; Mac will dust off his male pride, conscious and sense of humor and proceed to hook up with the oh-so-bitter A.D.A. Jensen.  As for da man, he also needs to do a little retrospective thinking and realize that the only thing he ever saw in Flea was the fact that she vaguely reminded him of Laura (pre-Lasha).   Meanwhile, Laura should be playing footsie with Scott under the defense table! 

In other “da man” news: After hanging on to the edge of my seat all weekend seeing the confrontation between Luke and Scott on Monday did not disappoint.  The phrase “if looks could kill” comes to mind and whichever player you want to apply that to will fit.  Scott’s only there at Alexis’ request and Luke wants no part of it!  By the end of the week, I believed that hell had in fact frozen over because Luke consented to Scott being attorney of record for him with Alexis playing silent partner, after having been brow beaten by Bobbie, Alexis and Roy.  In the meantime, the reigning King and Queen of chemistry and one-liners (Luke and Alexis) treated us to some of the best scenes all week.   

My dear, sweet, beloved Nexis were ever entertaining this week.  I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record and you are all probably screaming for someone to put a quarter on my head so I’ll play right over this scratch, but it just has to be said again….I love these two!  First, the Chelsea chick, um…if TPTB wanted to bounce some ideas off of Chloe why didn’t they just bring Chloe back because this girl could have been her clone (far too perky and annoying, interrupting a perfectly lovely solo Nexis moment).  Ned’s sidebar comments were too cute and cracking me up, especially that last one….”God, I love you.”  AWWWW!  Well, just color me smiling like a big goofy idiot!  I have to agree with Alexis that her being the millennium woman is just silly.  Being photographed in your underwear is not the best way to achieve “political, economic and social equality of the sexes” (the definition of feminism according to Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary).  The fact that MyNed is sending her anonymous email is intriguing.  This story may just be the cream filling to the twinkie that is GH, but I’ve long believed that the cream filling was the best part.  

Dr. Ruth Landers-Macgyver began the week evading Sorel’s men by incorporating some the Scoobies evasive measures for example, hiding under ::::gasp:::: a baseball cap.  Hey it’s worked for Emily throughout this increasingly annoying kidnapping.  Wonder how they missed Jason’s hogg out front? Then, and here’s where the Macgyver part comes in, he bought some lighter fluid and rope and blew up the car Sorel’s men were chasing after Zander in!  After finding Emily’s letter to Monica and Alan he summoned the family to give them the letter.  This was quite a touching scene despite Jason’s presence.  Monica became too emotional to continue reading the letter aloud and Edward in one of his softer moments took the letter commenting on Emily’s impressive handwriting rather than acknowledge the danger she’s in or the enormous worry he’s carrying.  St. Jason (the Landers part) offers up some pretty vague encouragement to the old man, telling him not to worry that he’d find Emily.  Then, (the Dr. Ruth part) he counsels first Carly then Sonny on the state of their marital affairs.  Afterwards it was off to search for Emily again, when through his superhuman X-ray vision he spotted a black hat laying on the side of the road, correctly surmising that Emily had been there!  I gathered from his touching the dirt that much like an Indian guide or Marissa Tomey’s character in My Cousin Vinnie he knew, which way they were headed, what kind of vehicle they were driving and how fast, and how much Zander weighed.  ::::rolling eyes:::  When does he find time to sleep?  How did Port Charles remain standing in these last eight months without their resident superhero?  Yep.  It’s time for him to go again.   

As for the other Scoobies, I’m not feeling the love with Liz and Lucky anymore.  I was impressed the night of the rave when Liz got all fitshaced, but on Friday they just didn’t click for me and I’ve passed my resentment of Jacob Young so it’s not that.  The magic just didn’t show itself.  The only thing I saw of Nik and Gia was the blurr they left on my tv as I sped past their scenes at warp speed. Emily and Zander are both starting to wear on my last nerve.  This is not a roadtrip guys…it’s a hostage situation.  Emily had more than one chance to extricate herself from Zander this week and no matter how many pixie stix he buys for her I cannot believe she’d rather save his hide than get back to her family.  She’s taking good manners a little too far even by Emily Posts’ standards.  In the immortal words of Mr. Clint Black, by this time Zander should be “seeing nothin’ but the taillights” of his stolen vehicle as Emily breaks the sound barrier to get back to her boyfriend.  

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WARNING:  SONNY AND CARLY RANT.  If you are a fan of either or the coupling you may want to skip this section…just scroll down to the next line of asterisks. (Jeri – This means you! lol) 

Sonny and Mike and that resonating slap. I was totally on Mike’s side until he got physical.  He’s 100% correct.  The only difference between Sonny and Mike is that Sonny has power.  I also fail to see how borrowing from a loanshark is any (ANY!) worse than being (or owning) the loanshark.  Mike is guilty of poor judgement and an addiction.  What is Sonny’s excuse?  I think everyone keeps forgetting that he is, in fact, a MOB BOSS!  He is not the moral center of Port Charles by which to gauge everyone else’s behavior and is in no position to be passing judgment on Mike these days.  Hate him for leaving him and stealing that damn bike? Yes, of course. (Would somebody please, please, please replace that bike already!!!) Sonny and Mike were long overdue for a confrontation on these issues and it should have all come out and ended then and there. A no holds barred, bare knuckle fight (so to speak) to the finish but Mike had to make it physical and Queen of the Eavesdroppers couldn’t keep her flaring nostrils out of somebody else’s business. 

Speaking of Snarly and since I’m already on my “moral” rant.  Snarly told Sonny that he was an “honorable” man right after his fight with Mike.  This prompted me to go into the archives of my computer and pull out a former Carly rant of mine when she said the same thing to him and I touched on several of the same points Mike brought out: 

“Carly said Sonny is honorable. WTF? Since when? When he left Brenda at the alter? When he was playing tonsil hockey with Brenda while he was supposedly committed to Lilybits? When he was running a teet-club and getting teenagers hooked on drugs? When he knockedup his alleged best friend's girl? When he took another man's child and began teaching said child that he IS daddy? I see no honor in any of this.” 

The rest of that rant only gets more snarky.

I could only laugh maniacally as Sonny told Carly on Friday that he was letting her go as if she was a seasonal worker at the coffee warehouse.  I was hoping Carly would just say “Alrighty, see ya’ when I see ya’.  I won’t let the door hit me on the ass as I rush over to Jake’s.”  But, much to my dismay and for the first time, she stood there stunned like a doe in headlights.

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In the most heart breaking scene of the week, AJ lined up seven shots of premium vodka, proceeded to drink each one and toasting someone who has wronged him in the past.  1) Golden Boy for stealing his son.  (2) Sonny for improving upon the idea.  (3) “The Tramp” for giving them both permission in more ways than one.  (4)  Edward for always playing favorites. (5) MyNed for never missing an opportunity to show him up.  (6) To the future, to Hannah (ok so this made me want a shot myself); and the hardest one of all (7) To Emily, “please come home safe.”  I must take a moment to loudly applaud Billy Warlock on the outstanding performance!  This was an outstanding scene!  Notice how I keep using the word “outstanding”, as in “The nominations for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Daytime Drama are:…”. I was moved to tears, something that almost never happens.  I felt his pain and if I could have hoisted myself through my television dropping myself onto his couch, he could have cried on my shoulder all night.  Before you know it, I’ll be referring to him as MyAJ. 

MISCELLANOUS THOUGHTS AND SHALLOW OBSERVATIONS

1.      Stefan, swimtrunks, saltwater…. I am NOT kidding when I say this: I always speed through the week’s shows again just before I sit down to write this little foray into madness.  When I got to Stefan and Chloe’s scenes I stopped again to actually watch (*eg*) again but had no recollection of their conversation!  That is precisely how distracted I was!  Why was Chloe not wrapped around him like a starfish on a rock?!  Lawd, is it warm in here to anyone else?

2.      MyNed was looking way too comfy cuddly in his sweater this week.  Is there anything that the man can’t wear?  To answer my own question: YES!  The caterpillar and that black vest….hated it the first time he wore it….hated it this time too!  Shave and then donate that vest!

3.      On Friday, Carly wore the ugliest pants in the history of ugly pants.

4.      Zander and Emily must be going to the Canadian border by way of Phoenix.  Last time I checked New York bordered Canada so I’m thinking that it’s at most a one-day drive across the state but they’ve been driving at warp speed for a week now.

5.      The PCPD needs to be buying their handcuffs from Helena’s supplier, because when the cop came in to retrieve Luke, he unhitched the deadbolt on the table and when Mr. Spencer stood up to leave one of the cuffs came off!  Nice technology there guys!  Don’t believe this would have happened to Hells!

6.      Is there an unwritten rule somewhere to which I do not have access stating that Liz and Lucky are forbidden to have good hair on the same day?

7.      Where is Em getting all that makeup, not to mention the toothbrush, which I can only hope she has with her at this point?  Can they please stop by a truck stop and grab a $5.00 shower and maybe rinse a few things? 

I saw the GH promo for this week (on SoapNet over the weekend) and I’m looking forward to this week so much I can’t stand it.  It looks promising!

See y’all next week.

 ~Tracey~