When We Gonna Start Sweeeeping?

Are the November sweeps, when the network rushes to bring in viewers (or jog them awake) ever going to hit? Did I sweep through it? To sweep, per chance, to dweam? ("A wed wose, how womantic!) Dweam as in, I come out of the shower and the last five years or so have been a dream? Where would that put us? Damian and Katherine are the really bad people in town, but they were oh so gorgeous. Lucy and Kevin were together and he gave her Sigmund as a (Valentine's, can't recall) gift. Annabelle and Foster were deeply in love. Monica and Alan actually had a story when she developed breast cancer. Kevin's nasty brother, Ryan, sweet talked his occupational therapist, Connie Somebody, into helping him escape by pretending to be dead, then in a very graphic and heart-stopping (hers, primarily) move, he strangled her with the very scarf she had knitted for him!! Robin and Stone were in love and the tension was high when he learned he had AIDS. Mike came on the scene, much to Sonny's disgust, and even took a bullet for him in a shoot out between Sonny and Luke and Sonny's mentor, Joe Scully. Mary Mae, Justus and Keisha (*gasp!* A whole black family!!) were prominently cast with ties to most of the residents of Port Charles. We got to hear Mary Mae croon from time to time and Jason, the old Jason, not the new one, made love to her in Paris or some foreign country. Who was watching the geography with naked Jason under the covers? Sonny and Brenda were the love that could not die, but could sure get wired. Lily gave him the heads up that Brenda was going to record him and he ripped her shirt off then practically ripped her head off in a kickass scene of anger. Prior to this, there was a dynamic scene of Brenda getting shot up in the shower that was definitely Godfather-worthy. Later on, Brenda snuck into Lily's room at Kelly's to see the wedding dress Lily would wear when she married Sonny and Brenda ended up setting it on fire.I mean, it just doesn't get better than that! Felicia was playing all kinds of kinky games with Tom Hardy, who was having a tough time with his hard-as-nails step-daddy, Steve, and when Felicia was being stalked by a nutcase, Tom was the prime suspect. You didn't know whodunnit until the last second and it turned out to be KEVIN who was the nutcase. He managed to even keep Lucy through the debacle! Damian hired the wonderfully daffy Madam Maia to bilk Lucy out of money for a psychic awareness foundation and Mac and Kevin went undercover as women to expose her as a fraud.

This is by no means in order and is just based on my dysfunctional memory, but imagine a world where there are no Cassadines, no Carly, no Hannah, no Juan, no Chloe, Jax is a rogue who is after Lois who is still happily married to Ned. Bobbie and Tony are still together, but their nemesis is Damian, not Carly. Roy is still dead and Ruby still wipes the counter at Kelly's and bosses everyone around. Amy works more than five minutes a month and Luke wasn't quite as much of a dog as he is now (all of his total descent into nonredemption came later). Just take me back to that time and let the wonderful parts of the last 5-6 years still happen, but in a way that is better written, better planned instead of flying by the seat of the pants month to month and with some respect for a little something called "history" and "viewer memory." A lot of what happened in the interim can certainly still play out, but I'll bet if we put our heads together, we can make it happen without breaking as many eggs as before.

About today's episode, and Friday's for that matter, there is only one good thing I can think of: "Don Vito." Love it. Keep that Scotty coming. Without it, I'd be wearing out my FF button until I couldn't see the little arrow. (Don't get me started on Lucky and Elizabeth making out. It was a well shot scene, but among the things I don't want to see in my life is nestled comfortably "people that I knew when they were children making out." Nuff said.

There is always tomorrow.

For all of the people whose dignity I offended with my story of borrowing flowers from the graveyard for my first wedding, I beg your forgiveness. I was young, impressionable and totally lived in the world of my family in which class was not exactly a long suit. My father thought it was a "score!" when we were in Pizza Hut and someone would leave their table and there would still be a half pitcher of soda left behind. My brother once came back from the bathroom in a restaurant with handsful of money gleefully saying, "Look what someone left on all the tables!" "Shopping" meant that my brother and I were foisted into the Salvation Army dumpster to toss out the salvageable stuff to my dad who was waiting on the other side with a flashlight. If it makes you feel any better, while we were there, we did pick up the litter that others had left in the cemetery.

Here too, there is always tomorrow.


Good lines, especially the Cruella line. But good lines a soap no not make. I'm bored out of my gourd with what's happening on GH and pray it gets better soon. The most fun in a while was when Sonny's bodyguard was feeling up Elton. I promise to come up with something interesting to say soon, but for the moment, when I watch GH, it's as though the artist is painting the canvas with disappearing paint: a picture starts to form, but then it fades away. Hang in there everyone. These lulls are always temporary. We'll be swinging into action again soon.

See you next week!

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