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May 9, 2003 With Mother’s Day fast approaching and with my complete inability to come up with much to say about Port Charles at the moment, I thought a tribute to daytime moms might be in order. That thought was quickly followed by the realization that it’ll have to either be a really short tribute column, or I’ll need to turn it into a “Mother’s Day Roast” because…well, most daytime moms rather suck. What to do, what to do? Will it be a column talking nice about the elusive half-decent moms that, let’s face it, are almost all completely on the back burner? A nice lengthy look at which moms have chosen the best nannies, or maybe an award for the daytime mom who has scored the best prop department, affording her the leg-up when it comes to visual proof of offspring? Best placement of toy truck, bassinette or stuffed bear? Special effects and sound awards for best mechanical reproduction and best dubbing in of some real mom’s screeching baby? Frankly, all good ideas (I rarely have anything but) but a little too much work involved for me. I’d have to sit and remember the names of barely seen children, figure out the rules (if the child is on screen but the mom is not, is the mom still eligible??) and then try to stay awake for the actual judging…very complicated stuff and I fear I do not have the stamina for such a (pointless) task. Instead, I have decided to dedicate this PC column to moms everywhere by following the ever- famous mom rule: “If you can’t say something nice…blah, blah, blah, etc.” Hey! That IS the way I always heard it, so I’m just quoting what I remember. Can’t be helped. So without further ado (doodoo?) I give you the mom friendly version of my PC thoughts! I thought it was really great of Livvie to obey the “No way you can bite Caleb from that cell” rule when the other three had escaped and she was still imprisoned. Just because she could fit her whole head between the bars, doesn’t mean it would have been right of her to turn Caleb. After all, she needed to wait until the poison factor came into play or the story would have been ruined. I would like to request more of Livvie dreaming of Caleb and Caleb dreaming of Livvie please. It really is important for us to be reminded of their relationship anytime they aren’t actually together in a scene, or we might get confused. I think Liz is correct; she was a good vampire as vampires go. She’s an even better ex-vampire and I agree with her when she suggests that they all go bite themselves and bleed to death. It’s important for a woman to be up front with her feelings, and Liz would do any mother proud with statements like that. Hey Karen? It’s understandable that a woman changes her mind from time to time, but I must have missed how you went from drinking and celebrating with Joshua to accusing Frank of joining Joshua’s dark side and accusing Frank of being “one of them”. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to see you recognize what was going on…I’m just wondering what went on off screen that tipped you off? Wanna hear something funny? I have digital cable, which has that little option where you can hit a button and it tells you a little about whatever show you’re watching. I hit it by mistake the other day, and found the description of PC a bit surprising; apparently they don’t update it very often. It says, “Young doctors in love populate this General Hospital spin-off!” Hmmm, there must be a better way to describe the current Port Charles, don’t you think? How about this: “Young vampires in love regularly loot General Hospital’s blood bank!” or maybe “Sink your teeth into this compelling drama, it’s guaranteed to suck you in!” or we could just stick with “It’s a Vampire Nation – deal with it!” Whatever. No mom really, I am trying to be helpful here, that’s all! It seems a bit odd that Ian of all people doesn’t know any better than to leave bio-hazardous waste in the living room trash can. I’m sure he just didn’t think it through, no harm done. So, did you all enjoy the “safe sex” lesson Caleb gave? Yes, you see safe sex is now any sex that doesn’t result in your being bitten…update your manuals, please. And um… “I will never stop wanting that…to feel your teeth tear into my flesh…” ??? WTH? Update your manuals to also reflect that anything involving teeth, tearing and flesh all in one sentence is NOT sexy. I repeat, NOT sexy. This has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood Sherry. Kudos to the workmen involved in revamping (hah) the Recovery Room. That was some FAST work, my friends. Maybe you guys could go over and work on that hole Alison and Rafe abide in…it needs help. So, why doesn’t Joshua just turn Liz again? Does he just enjoy listening to her, or what? In fact, if he’s so all-powerful, why doesn’t he just turn everyone? Why does having mortals make any sense at all? Turn everyone, feed on each other and live happily forever after…what am I missing? Liz and Kevin are a maybe for me. Jack and Reese are growing on me. Casey and Jamal…a maybe too, she has been okay at times lately. Ricky is still a waste of time (I mean that in the nicest way, of course!). It was fabulous to see Chris one day last week – who wants to be in charge of collecting the donations and finding out who we have to pay off next to get him a few more minutes of screen time next month? They should at least be able to work in a “What are we gonna do about he massive blood shortage?” hospital scene by then. Special thanks go out to Ricky, for giving us a taste of the hood recently with this memorable line: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game, Homeslice” Word up! I truly enjoyed Liz and Gail’s chat in the park! RS was fabulously funny and I’d love to see more of that kind of thing. She was also great with Chris at the Recovery Room party – those two scenes and the Caleb/Alison interaction were by far the most interesting things to happen lately…and nary a fang was in sight, imagine that! It seems very wrong that Livvie is being tricked at every turn (she’s bitchy yes, but dumb? No!), and not to be critical but if she was that hungry why didn’t she jump that guard Joshua sent to get her? The Livvie I know could’ve been on his back and wrapped around him so fast he’d never know what hit him. She’d have had that telltale blood drip coming out of the corner of her mouth before he could say “Wha...”! Speaking of the blood drip, here’s something to keep you busy. I am becoming suspicious that the drip is not always consistent with which way the vampire’s head was turned during the feeding (if ONLY I could ban that word from existence, I swear I would!). Logic says the drip should be on the side lowest during the actual bite…I’m thinking though that it’s usually just on whatever side is closest to the camera, go figure. How sweet was Lucy, offering to “help” Victor fight it like Ian is fighting it? If Victor only knew how she “helped” Ian, he might have thought twice before turning her down, particularly with his newfound obsession with being younger and more…useful. What in the complete hell was that noise coming out of Joshua after Livvie told him Alison was dead? I thought an alien was going to come out of his throat or something! Add that to Ian snarling and growling in the church and I’m thinking maybe they decided the glowing eyes, blood and fangs aren’t quite enough…queue the sound effects, stat! I really liked that they brought up Alison’s (Rafe induced) nightmare about Caleb. That was a great way to incorporate a little recent history and actually made that nightmare more interesting in retrospect since at the time I thought it was pretty low of Rafe to do it. Caleb’s surprise at it mirrored mine so I appreciated that as being realistic. I also appreciated being able to watch all four of them react to it. All four of the reactions were telling and seemed right for the characters. Very nice touch! Was that red smoke supposed to be a smokescreen or something? Because it really didn’t screen her flight at all…watching Joshua stand there slapping his thigh and basically “aw shucks-ing” because he couldn’t see what happened to her was rather lame frankly. It got a laugh out of me, but I doubt that was the intent! Lucy’s prayer in the church was very effective, maybe too effective. “ Please fix what’s broken here, fix what’s broken in my home because I need to know that the people I love can live out their lives in peace…” I felt bad for the poor lady, standing there feeling something she loves is doomed to darkness. Everywhere she looks there is more darkness with little hope of seeing happy times. Then I wondered why she’s any worse off than me since I feel the same damn way about my beloved PC characters, and at least she has hope of seeing Chris once she’s in the hospital (off screen, no doubt)…I don’t even have that to look forward to! I don’t need happiness and light all the time, but I’m beginning to get really tired of the doom and gloom on this show. There has been no respite from it for months now – a girl can only take so much I’m telling ya. Well shoot, I’m not sure this qualifies under the guidelines I set forth…I did try at least! Believe me when I say, this hurt me more than it hurt you! I’d love to hear how you’re feeling about PC, misery loves company and I’m always game to have my mind changed as well so send it on! Email me at sherry@eyeonsoaps.com with the good stuff I’m missing or the commiseration condolences - both are welcome!
Want More of Sherry's Work? Sherry's Taste of PC - 4/13/03 Confessions of a Soap Opera Drop Out - 4/2/03
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