CAUTION:  My girl, Carol, speaks her mind in a strong, brassy and vibrant fashion.  If you are offended by straight talking, adult oriented language (sometimes, there's a "very" in there), please be aware that you may well find it here.  Carol shoots from the hip and tells it like it is, pulling no punches and taking no prisoners.  That's why I love her & why I hired her.  If it's not your bag, let's part still friends and salute our differences in tastes (I'm sort of a strong strawberry flavor...)  ~*~Katrina~*~

 

WRITTEN IN A CORNER

How many times have I read “Storyline-dictated,” in relation to another favorite character axed, replaced or a newcomer pulled from the canvas before her prime... and wondered if, between the lines, a little somethin’ personal wasn’t also at play? 

Well, another batch bites the dust, hopefully to move onward and upward into primetime success and Golden Globe, Emmy nods. 

I’ll really miss what Catherine Wadkins’ Mary (GH) could’ve been, outside the vortex of NEm’s fateful pairing. It’s sad when TPTB (The Powers That Be) cannot see the potential for the third wheel spoiler to a lame triangle designed more to showcase the chosen couple’s ability to rise above and maintain love than to truly give equal access to two different but equally powerful suitors. 

I don’t understand why they couldn’t have used Mary in other stories, or, God forbid, one of her own that involved families, friends, history, motivation, a fully-fleshed out reason for her one fatal sin and many more reasons for her eventual redemption. The actress had the chops to pull off redemption, with the layered performances she always put in, performances even NEm’s portrayers, Tyler Christopher (Nikolas) and Natalia Livingston (Emily), couldn’t help but notice, if not—at least it felt that way to me—waved bye-bye to without a fight. 

It made me sick to read a recent Soap Opera Weekly blurb on what those two thought of Wadkins’ storyline-dictated move out of GH. They came off as very rehearsed, like two popular kids in a high school clique trying for Homecoming King and Queen so they better say something nice to the outcast. Christopher made mention of how good Wadkins was, so valiant in trying to make her character sympathetic, but in the end could not overcome the bad things Mary had done to Nik and Em (the bad things the writers stacked against her). And Livingston would be sad to see Wadkins go, since she was so nice. I half waited for them to add, “But hey, at least we’re still together, la la, nyah nyah!” 

Just once, I’d like to read one of these soap stars going on the soapbox and stumping for the outgoing newcomer or veteran to stay, pleading their case, declaring the exit an outrage, maybe providing a few storyline ideas in the bargain. Of course I’d be waiting for an eternity since soap bosses generally don’t allow their actors an opinion outside the party line, they certain don’t allow the hired help any complaints, as evidenced by the Genie Francis (ex-Laura, GH) blackout. 

Which brings me to another peeve. Why must every single character click in a love match for him/her to work? Why can’t, say, Ilene Kristen’s Roxy over on OLTL simply be given her own storyline because she’s a cool, offbeat, unpredictable character? Back to GH’s Mary, why couldn’t she match up with Lucky, Jason, Sonny, Jax, or go lesbian with Tracy? Why even match her at all, why not have her make friends and help some veterans struggle with health and social issues, participate in a wacky caper? That’s why they call ‘em character actors, people, not porn stars. 

But then I’d get into an entirely other topic, too oft-repeated for my liking, the youth demos, vets and minorities as window dressing, plot-driven gimmicks for actual character-driven stories, blah, blah. 

Just like my soaps. 

 

PAIR-BOND MAGIC

On the other hand, I can totally dig why TPTB would be so consumed with finding the next, greatest, hottest thing on four legs. Who wouldn’t after GH’s Luke & Laura, Sonny/Brenda/Jax? After another hot and heavy dose of AMC’s Zach and Maria, I have to agree that when a pair fits, the ratings can soar, the stories practically write themselves and another soap saves itself from cancellation. 

It’s ridiculous for me to sit here and spout platitudes about families, friendships and social issues, when most of us in the audience paid for our proverbial tickets to see some love in the afternoon. Maybe it’s not so much that we don’t want couples or couples in the making, but we’d rather not have them advertised before our very eyes, sometimes—as in the case of GH’s Jam (Jax & Sam)—before they even hit the airwaves. 

Kelly Monaco (Sam, GH) recently spoke with Soap Opera Weekly editors on that very subject, among others, and admitted that had TPTB left well enough alone and left them as actors to do their jobs, feel out the story together, take the on-screen relationship slow, then maybe the couple wouldn’t have been such an abject, immediate failure. The original characterization for Sam in the first place was nothing like the Sonny-fied Sam we see today. Monaco continued, adding that the inspiration to have her tough and independent was primarily based on the pre-destined pairing of her with Jax in the minds of TPTB. Both Monaco and Ingo Rademacher (Jax) have said that the pairing had been rushed and forced, written into a storyline corner, which, I say, GH’s idiots in charge have been fond of doing lately. 

And when it feels like every reason for any character’s being is to be paired up with someone, anybody of the opposite sex (sorry, Bianca) and for that pairing to stick in a memorable, if not clichéd way (hello, Jessica & Antonio), otherwise, good-bye Liza and Roxy and Mary... well, expect fans to negatively balk and complain about soaps turning into one big typical hook-up. 

Everybody who’s ever been in love knows that the only road to successfully replicating true romance is to leave well enough alone, let chemistry happen, take advantage of natural reciprocity and stop focusing so much on orchestrating these insane love matches. We already don’t take the disasters of the week, the fastest moving murder mysteries, the accelerated plot devices all that seriously anymore. Why spoil the art and the journey of making love, too? 

The writers should take a page out of AMC’s Zach and Maria, OLTL’s John and Natalie, GH’s Lois and anybody, and just let these characters tell them what next to write. It’s what GH co-head writers Bob Guza and Charles Pratt are forever bragging that they do (they don’t). 

So do it. But Zach and Maria go first. 

 

HAND ME THE DUCT TAPE AND TWO BY FOUR

Is Brian Scott Frons auditioning? He has got to be the most vocal, most tactless, most diplomatically-inept press whore network executive around. Because NBC hosts this year’s Summer Olympics, to start this week and last two and a half weeks, Frons is in the press even more, pimping his latest brainchild, an attempted take-over of NBC’s daytime fan base who regularly, devoutly tune in to DOOL and Passions, also very high on the prized youth demographic. 

Frons figures, if ABC Daytime can successfully tempt this youth demo during the Olympics when their favorite NBC soaps have been preempted, then he’s laughing... all the way to the bank (probably to recoup the millions wasted on promos for youth-oriented cable channels like MTV and VH-1 that nobody will pay any attention to). Scheduled so far, interstitials, promo spots in between soap segments and commercials featuring Bob Guiney (who tested high on the interest scale as former reality-TV dating show’s Bachelor Bob) and a host of ABC soap stars against a backdrop of the mock-Olympics in ABC’s Wide World of Soaps, and a special SoapNet/ABC Daytime preview show of fall spoilers galore. 

I’m surprised Frons didn’t also schedule a couple blow jobs and tongue baths for our viewing pleasure while he’s at it. 

Nobody important over at NBC or CBS is buying this take-over attempt as seriously as Frons and his cronies. And most of the ABC Daytime fans are cringing at the bold-face unsportsman-like conduct it took Frons to pull this off. This particular fan thinks it shows just how desperate ABC Daytime’s executives really are to sink this low for a youth demographic that hasn’t proven worth the risks, or the costs. 

NBC Daytime’s executives have ensured their soaps remain on the minds of their loyal fans by delivering cliffhangers along the lines of Dallas’ “Who Shot JR?,” keeping said fans on the edge of their seats for two and a half weeks until August 30th returns their soaps back on the air. Research confirms that the fans will do just that, stay put and remain loyal, despite a rival network’s desperate moves, based on what Frons said allegedly happened when ABC, in 1984, hosted the Summer Olympics*. 

Frons, because he used to work as an NBC executive, thinks the opposite and for once disavows contemporary findings (which always point him in the direction of high schools and colleges for viewership) for the past, when similar situations netted rival networks not preempting soaps to reap the rewards of transplanted fans pissed off that their soaps aren’t on. 

The power behind Frons most likely comes from the fact that ABC lags behind the other major networks in primetime ratings, struggling to stand out since the 1999-2000 break-out season. Interestingly enough, the network’s daytime line-up fares better, the potential to carve out a money-making niche, possibly to regain mainstream notoriety from 1980’s Luke and Laura fame. That’s Frons’ hope anyway. 

Not wanting to antagonize DOOL’s producers, cable alternative, SoapNet (ABC’s extension) wisely chose to back off the NBC heist and air DOOL’s greatest hits during the Olympics soap blackout... especially after having snagged the lucrative deal to air DOOL same-day episodes in the first place, quite recently. 

If only Frons had such class. But alas, he made the situation worse by insulting a huge chunk of CBS Daytime’s audience, those 55 and over, by referring to them as a collective watching CBS soaps from nursing homes. He did so while trying to refute the statistics consistently placing CBS soaps in the #1 and #2 positions for decades and decades (although B&B is slowly slipping into third behind GH in recent weeks), using bullying tactics and avoiding the substance of the issue by dismissing CBS’s core fan base, which is a far cry from nursing home viewers and, in reality, encompasses the majority of minorities and multi-generational fans. 

Getting loyal fans to cross over, much less switch sides is near impossible, according to NBC’s daytime executive Sheraton Kalouria, who said they’ve tried to figure out a way to accomplish this. (Why do CBS and NBC executives, who rarely whore for the press, sound more humble, honest and human than ABC’s?) 

Frons has failed to produce on many of his broken promises. He’s shown the daytime world what little he thinks of traditional soaps, traditional soap fans, soap veterans and a little healthy competition. 

And now, with his constant pimping of a lame idea, which basically amounts to a gleeful, public admission of stealing, I suspect he’s sealing his fate as the next daytime president to be shown the exit door. Or, helping to make ABC Daytime the laughing stock. 

*Footnote: It has been called to my attention that either the reporter or Frons is full of it regarding the timeline of GH’s Luke and Laura. In the article, both mentioned 1983 as being the big Luke and Laura year, the one that put them on “Time” magazine, had Laura as inspiration for a Christopher Cross hit single and generally helped soaps cross over into mainstream hip. But... according to a veteran soap fan (and a big name online) with a mind like a steel trap, Laura only appeared briefly to reunite with Luke, then bailed it out of town, never to be heard from for years. Otherwise, the soap was about some duplicitous fartknocker named Grant Putnam and Luke’s other Laura wannabes (ultimate failures). Furthermore, despite Frons telling reporter Frank Ahrens that ABC preempted its soaps during its hosting of the Olympics in 1984, the network did not do any such thing, my source insisted. Maybe Frons is counting on those nursing home residents to be the only ones reading his revisionist history. 

-“ABC Makes Its Move on New Viewers As Olympics Leave NBC Without Soaps” by Frank Ahrens
Washington Post, August 13, 2004 

 

AMC

Y’know, Maria and Zach may be the first soap couple to thoroughly convince me that I need a full-frontal love-down, daytime’s answer to soft porn. Watching them on the bluff, how very Wuthering Heights, him barely able to contain his passion even when she’s riding him about his secrets, the groaning restraint in his voice... they need to be naked and rolling around in the sheets pronto. Actually, scratch that. They’re living proof that on-screen couples need not strip in order to exude sex, in the manner of the big screens of the glamorous ‘40s and Shakespeare. Edmund, who? 

Missed the big debut, caught the protestations and the lovely deep British accent of James Scott as Ethan, the supposed Cambias heir (methinks his mother is Aidan’s too but different dads). Too bad he’s a) not Damian Lewis (that guy’s been AWOL since Dreamcatcher and it’s eons since I’ve heard a word about his next two films) and b) probably going to Kendall, what a waste of some perfectly healthy and virile testosterone. 

Kendall, who used to be a favorite of mine, I can’t believe how unappetizing she is and how over her head portrayer Alicia Minshew has been in trying to appropriate street chic, street thug (it’s like watching GH’s Carly tongue her lips). This is the worst character next to JR on the canvas, and they need to start using the veterans in their own stories more instead of wasting precious air space and mannequin designer wear on the likes of Kendall. 

I should’ve been moved to tears over Erica’s literally genuflecting before Bianca (ha ha ha!), wailing that her precious daughter was worthy and so loved and so perfect. But, alas, it’s Bianca after all, and I know the only way to soften that creature is to ply her with empty compliments. She’s even got autistic Lily doing it. But it is Erica who deserves “the magic,” not a rip-off whiner who supports you if you support her first and blindly.

 

OLTL

There has been at least one major improvement since I started watching soaps in the early 1970s and continued to do so, off and on, throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s: they’re funnier, rivaling sitcoms of the ‘70s-‘80s funnier. 

I know it’s cheating, but Kamar de los Reyes (Antonio) and Michael Easton (John) are best friends from way back and play naturally on that real-life status for the TV screen, producing side-splitting moments, as in August 9th’s show. At first, they’re just shooting the breeze, Antonio shooting some hoops in John’s office, working late, waiting around for more work, reminding me acutely of my own former trade magazine editor status (what fun during deadlines way into the night!). Then, the phone rings, John answers it, and shares with Antonio that a body surfaced at the quarry. In the telling of this story, when Antonio asked what the kids found there, John could’ve just answered him straight, a dead body. But instead, Easton injected offbeat humor into the serious cop-to-cop situation, which probably happens a lot in real life (for the actors and for working class stiffs everywhere) with, “Not Asa in a Speedo.” Antonio barely grinned, but I felt him laugh inside; had he grinned and chuckled aloud, the scene would’ve lost the credibility of two male pals talking shop. 

Next, Antonio and John walk out into the hallway to get some food when they run into Daniel half undressed and Nora rubbing his shoulder and chest with a cold soda can. The looks on their faces were priceless. But even better, instead of getting all googly-eyed, Antonio and John merely paused, absorbed the goofy situation, then continued walking toward the exit, Antonio continuing where he left off in choice of cuisine, “Or we could try that Italian.” He came back later as an awkward, but obviously turned-on Daniel left and Nora tried to figure out what the heck happened, and as he muttered going in to John’s office about finding a file and muttered about those Yankees going out, I was left smiling ear to ear, thinking, with all that’s wrong with OLTL, and there’s plenty, what’s right is some of the best blends of comedy and drama. TPTB would be wise in utilizing the police department background, many late working nights and the major players doing their jobs, yet doing what people tend to do as the stress rises, act weird. 

The above scene did more to win me over to Daniel and Nora as a couple than any plot contrivance trapping Bo and Nora together (the third time was definitely not the charm). Daniel without a shirt on, Nora caressing his bulging bicep with just a hint of middle-aged love handles, just about had me keel over from lust. More sexy than a confident stance, flexing said bicep, was Daniel’s discomfort and embarrassment, because he’s so turned on by Nora, yet doesn’t have it in him to boast of his athletic conquests to win her over. And of course, the slow burn on his face as he heard Antonio and John about to walk in on them was the best foreplay a girl could ask for. 

On the other end of the spectrum, unfortunately I had to endure Marcie’s high-decibel yammering and nagging and shrill, strident shrieking for the bleeding liberal party over Michael’s inability to agree with her about gay marriages. Personally, I’m on Marcie’s side. I really can’t see the harm in letting people marry whomever they want, provided they’re of legal age and aren’t related to one another, love is love, and marriage, to me, merely means committing oneself to another before family, friends and the spiritual beings of the couple’s choice. Legally, according to the government, as far as I can tell, it’s about handing over more of a piece of the tax-break pie, which might explain the President’s reluctance in granting such a privilege. 

But Michael isn’t Nick. He’s not calling Mark a faggot, a homo, or any other derogatory names; he’s not ostracizing or punishing Mark (or Eric) for being gay. He’s just trying to explain his differing opinion, based on—from what I’ve heard so far—his understanding of what the institution of marriage historically is based on. And, despite Marcie’s bull-headed histrionics, he’s right in that marriage was originally founded by religious, monotheistic groups who sought God’s seal of approval in the primary task of bringing a man and a woman together so they could procreate. That didn’t mean adopt or hire a surrogate. It meant a man’s penis into the woman’s vagina, splooge, wait a few days, and conception, given the right circumstances. That was the hope and the intent and the goal of marriage in the first place, whether children happened or not. And that was what Michael was gently trying to convey to Marcie, who only saw the outrage of her boyfriend reverting to his homophobic ways (pre-Al possession) and of him refusing to go along with her every opinion pointblank. It’s a frequent knee-jerk response of many liberals I’ve encountered; all or nothing, for or against (I know, I used to be one of those liberals). Perhaps she’d rather date a fellow liberal like herself, who never disagrees, a “yes” man who also never thinks for himself. After suffering the second harangue from Marcie, which seemed to last an eternity, I kept waiting for Michael to storm off and find himself a even-tempered blond homosexual to hook up with. I would’ve left 15 minutes ago. 

Can someone explain the deal between Evangeline and John?... because I cannot. She’s driven, she can be funny in that ordinary sophomoric sorority girls will be girls way, she’s smart as a whip, she’s assertive, she’s competitive, mostly for herself and her demons, she’s non-judgmental (except for R.J.), but she’s not John’s type. He’s liquid, she’s solid. He’s mystery, she’s an open book, with a few phony between the lines. He’s hints, innuendos, she’s bold-face, a walking advertisement depending on the man she’s courting. He is, she talks, incessantly. He’s deep, she’s shallow. Her pronouncement of him as never opening up or expressing himself rings false to me; I think he opens up and expresses himself plenty, talking about how worried he’d been about his mother after his father died, what he did to ensure her safety, at the expense of his sleep, for example, spoke volumes. Maybe the sex is hot, but again, I point to John and Natalie, who often don’t even need to speak – or take off each other’s clothes, to get their points across. Even from several windows away, as the romantic music plays and John and Evangeline get it on, Natalie exuded a soul connection. 

Not that Marcie’s worth the trouble lately, but ... when is her boyfriend Michael gonna haul off and punch Nick’s lights out? Later, Mark had to do it, and he did it right away, God bless him. If my husband Eddie were in the same room with this homophobic, weight-obsessed Neanderthal and he tried calling me fat, he’d barely be able to utter the “F” in the word before he was knocked out. 

The only way to save Starr from complete social ostracizing, is not to have her parents once again perpetuate fraud, i.e., try to bribe a highbrow couple of parents onto the board of directors of the country club. The answer is for Starr to be adopted by proper parents who see a lie as a lie no matter what. But I did enjoy Todd’s “Why do I have to wear this noose?” line. 

Shane McRae, right? New, temporary Paul, for a few days, then back to obscurity? Too bad, this one’s got Paul’s number down to the bad boy complex and the casual sexy appeal of getting the girl... right off the bat. 

If this is true – Mary Beth Evans (Sierra, ATWT; ex-Katherine, GH; ex-Kayla, DOOL) hired for a recurring part, to start next month – and it’s equally true that OLTL suffers from major budget cut-backs forcing them to start dumping deadweights, why did Ilene Kristen (Roxy) have to go? Huh? Hah? Maybe she wasn’t of the right blond consistency. 

I’m even more convinced Angelina is Isabella, Antonio is her firstborn son and Manuel is somewhere out there biding his time. Yawn. Bring back Antonio and his Vega family in a story we can all relate to, maybe about a minority’s struggles to rise up from the ashes of a forgotten gang past into Nora’s tutelage as a fully fledged lawyer. Yeah, I’m at that again. 

It’s funny. Every week I read the spoilers, and every week they have Dorian at some state of duress over the mental deterioration of Kelly. Can Dorian do something else, anything else??? 

My husband Eddie and I were laughing at Ms. Bigelow at Carlotta’s Diner (which should stick to Cuban and Puerto Rican cuisine and cut out the dime-a-dozen burgers and fries), casually offering to do away with Asa or injure him real bad, then dragging David over inexplicably to let him know the secret to her getting along with Todd. She had a huge dossier on David’s darker side, and he looked about the same as me, creeped the fawk out. Eddie suspects she’s really Satan. 

A little plug and shout-out to ladyday’s latest celeb site (with Julie and Michelle), the official one for Nathaniel Marston (Michael, ex-Al), which debuted last week. She works real hard for her favorites, as a true fan, and I know personally how rewarding this coup was to her.

 

GH

A lot of fans are raving about Alexis turning Sonny down in that misleading, meandering way of hers with lots of “You go, girl!”  “She rocked the house!” “It’s about time!” But I found the August 9th scene strangely devoid of everybody else’s emotion, but Alexis’s. Even Carly stayed far in the background with Jason, and she normally would’ve run in front of Sonny and gotten in Alexis’s face for daring to say one word harshly to her man. You’d think Ric’s face would’ve dramatically changed as he realized Alexis was on his side for once, nobody else was looking at him, but his face stayed immutable, bored almost. But a lot of other fans did notice that the scene did not provide the payback Alexis’s melodramatics were demanding, Sonny didn’t seem at all bothered by her playing him, he treated the exchange like a comedy act, “So that means a no?,” thoroughly invalidating and undercutting her deeply-felt emotions released cathartically. 

I’m going to cut NEm some slack after witnessing that Monday’s episode, primarily a homage to Emily’s devotion and Nikolas’s valiant, if flawed, struggles to find himself, his terms. I don’t relate any better to Emily and I still say Natalia Livingston is no match for an Amber Tamblyn, but... in order to feel a change of heart the way I did, I had to put myself in her shoes and really look at Nikolas as she does. What did it was the tender, almost maternal wiping of the side of his mouth after he ravaged several bites of a sandwich she stole for him. This girl is totally, completely, utterly in love with this guy, the kind of love that compels her to abandon everyone else in her life, because she’s finally found a home of her own, a matched identity of her own... similar, in fact, to Elizabeth’s reawakening with Ric. I thought of the handful of men in my life and the ones who evoked such all-consuming passion and compassion in me, to the neglect of all others, and then, I was there with Emily, vaguely aware that this was more than a little co-dependent, and maybe I should step back and give Nikolas some space, maybe I’m wrong and I can’t control his version of love. I mean, Keesha had to do the same in essence for Jason, but in their fateless case, her cause was long gone, long before he tried to rape her. This really was different. 

The signs were there all along, in the intensity of Nikolas’s rages against Emily and Lucky, the rage, so much rage, inside all that frustration, a love buried in hate, with the key to unlock the floodgates in him overhearing her with her mother, defending him helplessly, unable to stop, even if forced. As he prepared to make love to her after, part of his confessional rang very true with me, that they’re “...beyond memory...” 

Sam is an ungrateful, boring, using, manipulative skank, but at least she takes orders from her men without question or complaint, unlike Carly. Witness the two there at the PCPD, both concerned for Jason’s welfare, after the cops dragged him in cuffs following Lorenzo’s yacht explosion, both wanting to do whatever they can to help. Only Carly refuses to leave after Jason asks her to pointblank. Cue Sam, Carly asks her to leave, so does Jason, and Sam goes. But Carly, again, refuses to join her, thinking she could do more good staying put (and the sick thing of it is, she can), and Sam’s an interloper of little importance anyway. While I don’t condone a woman for dutifully obeying a man’s orders like a lapdog—Sonny’s and Jason’s idea of the perfect woman—it was refreshing to see some woman, any woman, not arguing, nagging or whining back for a change. I know, this show is warping my ideals. 

Newsflash: Last week, Jason was about to kill Faith himself, with Max, the bodyguard instructed to finish the job in case something happens. Instead, Lorenzo beat him to the punch by having his own yacht blown up with Faith trapped below deck, then making it look like Sonny and Jason orchestrated the hit. Yet, because Jason was caught by the cops in an ambush, based on a tip from Lorenzo to Ric, he’s treated by Carly, Sam, the writers’ Greek chorus, like a wronged, innocent martyr, while Lorenzo’s clearly being marked as the villain for daring to sully Lois’s clean-cut record, lying pointblank to her (nothing less than Sonny did to Alexis), insisting on his innocence to one and all. The only difference being, Lorenzo has added frame-up to attempted murder; most heinous (to TPTB) of all, against Sonny and Jason. But Jason was going to kill Faith anyway. 

Not that Faith is worth saving. She’s supposed to be a vixenish villain who delights in putting up roadblocks to Sonny’s peace of mind, a handy obstacle—like a hotel fire or an earthquake, not a compelling human being—when called for. But even previous villains like Cesar Faison and Mikkos Cassadine, hell even Stavros, as well as current ones like Helena, have more going for them than just that sinful delight. They have motivation, conflict, one almost-redeeming value perverted. Until Cynthia Preston does more (or is allowed to do more) with her one layer as Faith, besides that one act of human kindness with Justus when he told her Lila had died (and as an unlikely Christmas benefactor), she’s useless to me. 

I felt so horribly for Lois. When she finds out Lorenzo lied to her and she defended his lies, the fallout will be bloody indeed. I cringed when she stood up for the lying, impossibly handsome bastard to Sonny, because what Lorenzo did to her was the ultimate betrayal. Nice to see, however, a little brotherly concern and sibling interplay in Sonny and Lois’s altercation... you’d hardly notice she was a recast (yes, I’m a huge fan, from her Molly at ATWT period). 

I’ve about given up on Georgie, though, which is such a shame, the actress, Lindze Letherman, is a doll and a half, and gets along famously with the other half of GQ, Dillon’s Scott Clifton. I just finished watching them on SoapTalk speed-chattering as teens and post-teens do; I have no idea what they were talking about but with them it’s less about content than feel. TPTB better remember that before it’s too late. It just may be for me. Georgie’s insistence on making Dillon out to be a cad, all evidence to the contrary (the guy can’t even work up self-righteous anger and disgust at her when she clearly deserves it), will be her undoing. It’s all his fault, in her eyes, or, in Dillon’s own words, she won’t have to list all his “inadequacies” anymore, he’s through with her (oh if only). 

And, the insecure girl who blames it all on Dillon’s inadequacies, still hasn’t learned from her past mistakes of perpetuating deceit in the name of winning the boy back. She has now officially passed the point of no return by luring her cousin Lucas into the game by posing as her new kissing cousin, putting on a show for Dillon and Brook Lynn. This, after Dillon yelled at her about her many duplicitous schemes breaking them up and his lack of trust in her. If that boy goes back to that nitwit, he deserves all the heartache he gets. 

How in the world can Lindze Letherman speak Georgie’s lines with any sort of conviction anymore? The character just got through pretending to be into Lucas’s lips for Dillon’s viewing displeasure, thinking that’ll be a surefire way for Dillon to come running back to her, when all she has to do, as Lucas himself advised, is “Try love.” The reason Dillon’s not her boyfriend anymore has everything to do with her own self-centered, sometimes insane moves to push him away convincingly. Anybody remember her tirade at him over the little blue pills, ordering him to just be friends with her, no sex ever, when he was begging her to reconsider? But no, she wouldn’t, and now she’s supposed to make Dillon (and me) buy her latest lie that it was all for him and she didn’t mean to hurt him? Is she for real? Is she even human? Or has she been taking humanitarian tips from Emily? I can’t believe TIOC are shelving Maxie’s Robyn Richards for this travesty. 

As much as I can finally see the obsessive love – or what passes for it in daytime – in Emily’s eyes, only for Nikolas, I still can’t get how she’s, in Ned’s opinion, a lock on Lila’s stupid competition, “Most Virtuous Quartermaine.” I suppose compared to the lying, bribing, thieving, murdering other members of the clan, Emily would pass muster. But then, remember, it’s Lila’s will, and Lila was far nicer and more understanding than Emily ever has been to anyone, much less Mary, stepping in the middle of her true romance with Nikolas. Look at Zander. Look at Emily throwing a hissy fit in front of Nikolas and Mary, actually saying that she’s tried to forgive Mary’s actions deep inside (so deep not even amoebas can tell) but she really would rather choke Mary until she dies. Well, at least this time she’s not even pretending to be nice and noble. Next to Carly on a rampage, nobody is as cold, heartless, mean and ugly on the inside as Emily when crossed. 

If Chloe were alive – not in the least my fave, btw – she’d win, and teach Emily what it means to truly be as forgiving and understanding of a beau’s former love, like Lila had been with Edward time and time again. 

I rarely attack Helena. She wants to attack Emily, so she’s generally my heroine. But why would she promise Nikolas to Mary, a commoner, when she wouldn’t do the same for Emily or Gia? Or is Helena just promising the moon to get what she wants? Give the head writers a few extra weeks and they’ll kill even Helena’s love for Nikolas and pervert it, something that I believe portrayer Constance Towers would never want. 

When ABC Daytime president Brian Frons farts out his latest, I usually wanna take a crowbar to his inflated noggin’, if only to shut him up, but in the case of Helena absconding with Nikolas, then attempting to brainwash him back as Connor, ala Lucky and End Game... I could easily be talked into the fastest plot turnaround and wrap-up ever, which Frons referred to in his upcoming murder mystery for GH, lasting all of one week. 

After reading a Soap Opera Weekly interview excerpt of Kelly Monaco’s (Sam) admission that she lost 30 percent of her hearing in both her ears from a scuba diving accident, and now she requires the crew to help monitor her vocal levels because she cannot properly “gauge” for herself... I couldn’t get past her August 12th scenes with Mike, Danny, Jax and Jason, because I kept wondering how she can hear their soft voices and mumblings to respond, much less interrupt on cue. She did and I’m amazed. 

The psychiatrist Emily consults with looked familiar, a twisted shrink for hire to the highest bidder, I think Ric, Lorenzo or some other nefarious soul. I couldn’t believe she was still employed and at General Hospital like nothing bad happened at her hands to Carly. Just when I talked myself into believing maybe she’s a new character, ala Katie Stuart’s Cindy/Sage, Helena escorts the psych, proving me right. Where’s Gail or Kevin? Is a criminal the only means for sanity in that town? And how stupid is Emily anyway? Wait, we’ll all find out next week as she appropriates Wonder Woman attire in hideous glasses and greasy hair (which, in an SOD feature, looked pretty sane and normal and typically Emily to me). 

After the August 13th episode came out on the East Coast, two threads (at least) made mention of Nikolas’s snot factor, Nikolas thrown in Shadybrook’s insane asylum by Helena’s goons, medicated beyond recognition and held captive Nikolas. For the authenticity, the actor, Tyler Christopher, let himself go, blubbering away, tears and snot rockets. Well, good for him I always say. I’m not one of those fans who contradict themselves on presentation, expecting neat and tidy crying from the characters, not a booger in sight, and yet ranting and raving about a diva like Susan Lucci, as AMC’s Erica Kane, in full make-up and fashion regalia when suffering a nervous breakdown, substance addiction or a prison sentence, not a hair out of place. 

However! Lucas lost a ton of fashion points with me wearing the collar of his polo shirt turned up. Dude, nobody does that but the brace-faced moron in Real Genius and pretentious preppies from East Hampton. 

It happened again. Last week, I mistook Nick Stabile (ex-temp Fox, Passions) for Nick Stable, making up an entirely fictional account of his model origins. This week, I mistook the beginning and the ending of the Summer Olympics, as covered by NBC. For some reason, I took the date – the week of August 23rd – of ABC Daytime’s special soap preview and Bob Guiney-hosted ABC’s Wide World of Soaps series of promotions, designed to lure NBC’s daytime fans from DOOL and Passions (both preempted by NBC for two and a half weeks) and confused it for the date of the Olympics, thinking it started August 23 and ended September 3. Before that, I thought it was odd that NBC was only showing a week’s worth of the Olympics, and how far we’ve sunk since they halved the eight years we normally waited for the Winter and the Summer Olympics, alternated the seasonal events to every other four years. Wait, that’s not right...

-C

GRAPHICS BY SCOTT BILSTAD