April 4, 2002 

Lots to say, little time!  Let’s get right to it:

I have an idea for those wily residents of Wyndemere. Next time someone is “missing” call the launch guy and ask him if she took it to leave the island or not. You see, this will tell you whether you should bother searching the house, the grounds, the tunnels, etc. This could save you valuable time in the event that Helena actually did take her; which would be really, really horrible, not Liz, please! Take someone more sanctimonious and annoying this time and leave the riveting scoobies alone…as a favor to me. Anyway, the launch guy might even be able to tell you if she was alone and maybe even have a hint that was dropped in polite conversation that will enable you to guess where she was headed. Maybe you could get one of those dry erase boards and hang it by the front door so everyone will know where everyone is. I’ve provided an example of how to fill it out:

WHO: Prince Cassadine WHERE: In the newly remodeled common area, in full sight and hearing range of all, telling Gia that I can’t believe I lie so much. WILL RETURN: I fear I will never return to the land of the decent and honest.

WHO: Princess-to-be Cassadine WHERE: In the newly remodeled common area with the Prince, alternating between nodding & consoling and telling him we have to come clean. WILL RETURN: Sooner than he will, I suspect.

WHO: Lucky WHERE: In the stable with Sarah. We are just talking, I mean, she understands how hard it is to have no mind. And if it starts to rain or I spit on her shirt or something…well, who can help it? I really can’t be held responsible for what I think, now can I?? WILL RETURN: With my luck lately I will probably run into Liz on the front porch as she is coming back and I’ll probably have Sarah’s bra stuck to my shoe…

WHO: Sarah WHERE: With the brainiac, in the stable. Hey, what can I say…he looks pretty good to me and I think I’m smart enough for the both of us. Plus, this should take Liz down a notch or two - you can all thank me later for that. WILL RETURN: When I’m done, or when my shift starts. I am the only working person in town you know…

WHO: Liz WHERE: I had to run out for a minute because I heard that a wrong has been committed somewhere and I have a few words for the perpetrator. This whole town is full of scummy liars, cheats and idiots - idiots I’m telling you. They could all learn a thing or two by watching how I run my life. WILL RETURN: When Lucky and Sarah are done.

____________________________________________________________________

GH is only an hour-long show. Did we really need to spend that much time on Carly’s driving test? It was cute for about 30 seconds, and then it felt like fluff masquerading as comedy.

Why is it that every time someone goes to the police with a complaint, that person also gets to accompany the police to the alleged perps house and help arrest them? Jax even got to announce why they were there; they should’ve just given him the cuffs and sent him on his own.

** LET’S STOP FOR A MOMENT TO PAY HOMAGE TO THE WRITER WHO MANAGED

TO MAKE MAC SOUND EVEN MORE STUPID THAN HE DID LAST TIME HE WAS ON**

The award goes to whoever is willing to claim this little exchange as their brainchild:

Carly: “I am the one who locked Skye in the boat shed, not Sonny!” …

Mac: “Wait a minute, are you saying you are in possession of information that is germane to this case?”

Carly, if you really want to convince them that you are guilty then I have advice for you too:

Turn over your crayon to the authorities by placing it carefully on Taggart’s desk and then back away slowly with your hands in the air.

Mac, look carefully at the note and you will see that the crayon matches the color of the writing. You can safely (I know honey, but trust me on this one…) assume that since Carly is saying she did it and she has the crayon in her possession and because she is the most likely person in the room to have a crayon handy to write a note with…well, she did it Mac. You can send it all to the lab but my concern is that this, of course, means that you will never see it again because Tags will probably trip on the way there and mistakenly ingest the note or something. It’s just not a good idea to over think this one, though that would be a first I admit. Now - Alexis is right over there, grab her hand and run, I still have the plane waiting for you…WHAT? You’re locking up who? No, Mac - it’s the writers, they’re using you to get the chance to make Sonny get all sweaty and worked up! Don’t fall for it…No…Stop….Wait….ARRGGGGHHH!

Apparently “getting off the bench and back into the game” really means “who cares how you feel about me, let’s get it on”!

Let me get this straight. Liz doesn’t like the song, she yells at the DJ, she feels she needs to get up on the bar so she asks a woman to move so she can use her chair instead of the three empty ones right past her. She gets the DJ to change the song even though it was a request (probably Lucky’s request - that’s how in tune (in tune! HA!) these two are) and someone hasn’t wiped that snarky smile off her face yet? And I am not commenting on that dance routine on the bar, accept to say that when the entire bar has gone back to what they were doing you have way overstayed your welcome up there.

And please, don’t let that be the last time I get to see Liz stop mid-sentence and stare off into the distance - it cracks me up like nothing else on this show does.

If you need to catch a fugitive in PC, you can release a sketch of the trench coat and hat that they all end up wearing, whether they’re criminals (Helena and Faison) or just slinking around for fun (Kristina). It’s definitely the disguise of choice.

Two comments about headbands: Skye’s weird looking one was in a different place on her head in every scene for some reason, and I think I should have realized this sooner but I think Gia’s bangs are attached to whatever headband she happens to be wearing.

Thanks go out to Helena for breezing in and out of that bar so that we got to witness Bar-Fly Barbie in action. It was a delight, let me tell you.

Now here’s what I liked this week:

I liked Sonny and Alexis’s scenes in jail. I admit I’m something of a sucker for those types of scenes but I thought they were well done. And I’m grateful to see Alexis acting a bit more like herself - oh, and for the record, I don’t really see where Alexis lied for Carly. She didn’t voluntarily give answers to questions she wasn’t directly asked (by someone who mattered anyway) but I didn’t hear a lie in there.

I liked the Skye and Jax interaction at the police station. She pegged him with the moving on to rescue someone else comment and honestly, if I believed Sonny had locked me up in the boat-house-shed or whatever you want to call it, I would have said pretty much what she said to Jax about his changing his mind about it. The scene after she didn’t lie was very good. I thought her reaction toward Jax was right for the character. I’m curious to see how they write these two in the future.

Did you see Bobbie and Laura in the kitchen? I just knew TPTB were reading what I write, I knew it! For some odd reason they are choosing to ignore most of what I say…hmmm…but, hey - I saw a kitchen! And they were doing exactly what I said, chatting and fixing some coffee or something. It was a nice scene.

I can’t say I thoroughly enjoyed Liz giving everyone the business about the crash, but I did enjoy watching Nikolas tell her what a little hypocrite she is sometimes. Just because she’s on the right side this time doesn’t mean I have forgotten her part in the “Save Emily by hiding a dead cop in a freezer” routine. Give me a break - she drives me nuts. For two seconds when Bobbie told her to get back to getting what she wants I thought she might turn into the old Liz, but then she put her ‘everybody but me sucks face’ back on and I realized she just may be beyond help. I was rooting for Nik in that spat.

That’s all for now. It does feel like it’s picking up a little to me - let’s hope I’m right!

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