It was quite a year for ABC soaps as we wondered (for about 5 minutes) who killed Michael Cambias, who killed Keri Reynolds and we're still wondering who killed Ida.  From triumphant returns to horrific recasts, 2003 was a year of visceral ups and downs.  Fans walked away, ratings fell and actors both veteran and newcomer were shed like tears from a mother's eyes.  It's easy to focus on just the good or just the bad, but when you consider the year as a whole, you'll find that there were a lot of fun memories intertwined with the mess that was the Year in ABC Soaps.

Stroll with me, darlin...

First, the review of the best and worst of Head of ABC Daytime, Brian Frons:

Best of Brian Frons was that he did away with the gaudy and annoying "Shop the Soaps" that was the brainchild of ex-Prez of ABC Daytime, Angela Shapiro. 

There were only 2 worsts of Brian Frons this year:  Everything he said and everything he did (except scrapping Shop the Soaps)

The grandpa of ABC soaps pulled more boners this year than than a British page three girl.  Every time he opened his mouth, he offended fans, offended actors, offended his species and was an embarrassment to his network.  The guy should be issued a directive from Disney, "DO NOT SPEAK."

Now, on to:

Best Newcomer:  Scott Cliffton as Dillon and you know what?  I miss Brittany Powell.  Eileen Boylan as Sage gets honorable mention, but I needed to see more of her (on screen, not more of her body... saw too much of that) to make a good assessment. 

Best Return:  Stephen Nichols as Stefan, Jane Elliott as Tracy Quartermaine and, well, OK, Vanessa Marcil as Brenda.

Best Je ne sais quoi:  Helena at Stefan's funeral. 

Best Transformation of a Character:  Seeing Skye fall into the depths of total despair after Jax's betrayal and then climb up to a worthy, sharp partner for Luke was a real joy.  Skye just takes a lickin and keeps on tickin.

Best Kept Secret:  I think the secret that Carly was living in Ric and Liz's house was a real kicker.  Best reveal was definitely Liz seeing Carly pleading for help as she collapsed from birth control overdose.  You just can't get that kinda stuff in prime time.

Funniest Scene:  Anything connected to Brenda and Jason's wedding day, particularly the ride up on the elevator.  Very close second is Dillon taking on the headmaster of the military school.  Runner up is when Edward called for Dobson after Alexis had been found out.  After he was reminded he said, "That was the best butler we ever had." 

Best Tear Jerker:  Stefan on trial.  His speech at the end had me sobbing.  Bastards.

Best Running Joke:  For me, I kept seeing Whore Blouses everywhere I looked.  :) 

Best Friendship:  Jason and Carly.

Best Drama:  Dead Lily.  Loved it.

Best Team:  Luke and Skye

Strangest Team:  Edward and Faith.  WTF?

Best Couple:  Jason and Brenda

Best Recurring Character:  Blake Gibbons as Coleman and Bergen Williams as Big Alice

Best Bit Part:  Blake McIver Ewing as Guy, Georgie's gay date.

Best Irony:  Gotta be Sonny shooting his wife through his enemy.

Best Kiss:  Georgie's first kiss planted on Dillon, followed closely by the kiss between Sonny and Brenda on Valentine's Day.

Funniest Kiss:  Cameron kissing Dobson while Zander looked on.  Alice kissing Dobson.

Best Line:  Cameron to Alexis, "I let my son think I was gay for you!"  (or something to that effect)

Biggest Jackass:  Luke.  Yes, I know I just did a column examining him and yes I'm fascinated by the character and have a deep affection for him, but that awful, awful idea that LuLu is tainted by the Cassadine blood from her bone marrow transfusion (evidently she is better off dead than with Cassadine blood saving her life) should NOT have been revisited and was best left in the deep recesses of bad writing.  Having Luke give validation to the thought YET AGAIN, even to show him at his lowest Christmas Carol point, is unforgivable.  A very, very close second is Jaxass' treatment of Skye after he knew Brenda was back.  If ever a scorned woman had a perfect right to exact hell's fury, it is Skye.  He was deeply in love with Skye until Brenda jumped straddle him on his wedding night with his oblivious wife waiting upstairs in the wedding bed.  After that, the Skye had fallen and Jax barely even looking for a transparent excuse to dump her.   To be fair, he was also a friggin ass for dumping Brenda at the altar and humiliating her in front of the whole town.  It still doesn't beat out the one, damning and damaging line from Luke, but it's really, really close.  I guess he gets the award for Serial Jackass.

Biggest Flop of a Story:  My, my.  There are so many.  I think Emily's cancer wins this one hands down.

Biggest Mystery:  Why am I still watching this show?  Ha ha.  Just kidding.  Who killed Ida??? How is it that Faith can keep getting hit in the face and not have a bruise (deep, deep theater make-up, maybe)?  What happened to Lucas?  How do they manage those incredible international flying times?  Is Port Charles in some kind of time warping zone?

Biggest DOH!:  Summer realizes that she was dating, of all the people in Port Charles, both father and son, Luke and Lucky.  You know, on second thought, what beats this out is Stefan's henchman accidentally killing Summer instead of Emily.  NOT a fair trade!!

Biggest Let Down:  Oh my, where to start?  Stefan's return, Fan February, No Q Thanksgiving, No Cuddly Valentine's Day... so many more.

Dumbest Move:  Pregnant Courtney jumping into the "icy" 80 degree waters off the coast of Columbia from 5 feet in the air, only to find out that it wasn't Jason floating in the water and that she imploded her unborn baby when she hit the water.  Second most dumbass move was Carly not thinking to simply remove her stupid coat when the end of it was caught in the door, pulling her off a cliff into the water.

Most Resilient:  Definitely Liz!  This year alone, she was poisoned (Faith), had an embolism from too many birth control pills (Ric), hit by a car (Courtney, or was it?), nearly smothered (Ric again) and wasn't she shot at some point?  Jason Voorhees has got nothing on this gal.

Smoothest Cuckold:  Nikolas moved RIGHT in on Zander's wife ("Oh, THOSE vows didn't count!  I didn't know I was going to LIVE and all!") at every chance and banged her right in the guy's house! 

HUH?:  The kiss Faith planted on Courtney

Best Recast:  Definitely glad to see Tyler back as Nikolas and OK, although I despise the character in an aggressive and hair-pulling way, I have to say Natalia Livingston makes an OK Emily.  I think M'fundo Morrison (I always think "Mufasa" for his first name and I know that's wrong) is doing a fine job as Justus as well.  He definitely has that Joseph Phillips feel to him, which I enjoy.

Coldest Move:  Faith poisons her own grandmother.

Hottest Message Board Fodder:   Spurred on by Ric in both cases, first with Carly, then after he gave Liz a drug and had sex with her - "What constitutes rape?"

Worst Recast:  Katie Stuart as Sage.  It's not her fault at all.. just a terrible, terrible job of casting.

Worst Disguise:  Nope, not Dobson.  It was that horrific red Kristina wig.  *shudder*

Worst Abuse of a Return:  Stephen Nichols.  Bastards.  They pulled a full on Rick Webber on him.

Character We Could Most Do Without:  Saddest part is that I wouldn't wish ANY of our cast off the screen.  I'd just want them paired up with different people and HAVING A FEW HOURS OF SCREEN TIME  A WEEK.  OK, I lied.  Dump Sage.

Character We Never, Ever, Ever Want to See Again:  Judge Farmer

The Very, Very Missed:

And yes, there are others and more coming!
 

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Katrina