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The Top Ten Reasons Why I’m
Still Watching GH 1. Instead of anticipating Carly’s next words being “You’re a good man, Sonny” while she kneels between his legs and he sits glowering at barware, I am seeing her marching into Kelly’s and telling her mom that her husband is whacking out. Bobbie looks good too. It’s nice to see her. 2. Dillon daydreaming himself and Georgie in classic movie scenarios. They are just precious and I couldn’t help but see a little bit of Orphie Goodlove (*sniff*) in Georgie. Dillon just rawks, totally..like. It’s weird that they get hotter and heavier than Jason and Courtney ever do. Hmmm. Yeah, that really is weird. 3. Jason plays sarcastic (with the French waiter, over the wine…lmao!) so well. That element of his personality remains appealing to me. I’d be happier with his nuptials if Courtney gave a little spar every now and then. What fun is it if you can’t eff with each other a little bit? Am I slipping into negativity? No, I really did think that Jason was funny over the wine tasting. 4. I’m happy that Lucky is a cop. The essence of Jonathan Jackson’s version of the character has been lost for a long time. I’m not opposed to Greg Vaughn striking “Don’t move or I’ll shoot” poses in tight Levi’s. I regret that we never witnessed him in creased blues and a cadet hat (he’d be so stripper-esque), but in Port Charles, making Detective only takes a week or so. Offscreen. It’s a grueling and intensive course, I think. 5. The Lily Haunting is cracking me up. I love the terrified look in Sonny’s eyes. Not that I’m sadistic or anything (hehe), but Maurice Benard can actually exhibit a range of emotions and the freaked the frick out Sonny is more fun than the controlling and spoiled demi-god that he’s been for what seems like 10 years. Oh, don’t worry – that baby is gonna be fine. Lily’s just a hooker (instead of a saint? Does it all just blend together somewhere?) and she doesn’t really know shit. But the Amazing Alcazar knows all, which makes it a pretty fun story. 6. Zander finally gave Emily the dressing down she so richly deserves. 7. Luke’s return was glorious and in true Luke form. His ham factor at the “trial” was vastly amusing. 8. My pulse actually beat during a Ned/Skye scene. After she was finished making an ass of herself over Jax(Ass), Ned called her on it and they exchanged the first heated well, exchange, ever. I guess they are alright together. Well, anyway it was a good scene between the two of them that made me think I could live through it if they decided to stick it out for a few more months. 9. Alexis is living under the same roof as baby Kristina! 10. Jax, while I’m not yet interested in his “story” with Kelly Monaco (I’m thinking that I really might have been if they hadn’t advertised themselves so much) looks really fine. The hottie factor just keeps on moving up with leaps and bounds. Courtney’s wedding gown was completely gorgeous. It was elegant and still managed to embody her casual style with some draping material and criss-crossed back straps. I loved her hair (well, except for those errant hunks on the side, but I’m learning to live with that I guess. I can’t imagine why she had those bangs cut like that.) She looked amazing for the wedding and I was so happy that she was finally able to show up Carly a bit. I hated Carly’s dress. She’s been batting a fashionable thousand lately so I guess she was due for a strike out and God knows that paisley (?) drape covered all the bases. Blech. Shouldn’t Jason have worn a white shirt? Is it my unabashed appreciation for a good looking fella in a crisp white shirt or did he look more like a police cadet than Lucky? I suppose I should be grateful that he changed from the jeans and brown t-shirt. ABC would have a great crossover opportunity if they could wrangle the Queer Eye guys for a Jason makeover as a belated wedding gift (from Carly, of course!).
I DO love that dress. A grand farewell to our dearly departed Stefan Cassadine. No one’s wardrobe has ever been so much fun. Well, there was Brenda. I’d like to say that I’ll really miss Stefan, but alas, he was a victim of shit writing and I just won’t. I’ll hope that in the future General Hospital will gain a few new writers who come up with some kind of “alien invasion” story that explains the last year or so, and we’ll once again enjoy the character brought to life by the talented Stephen Nichols.
the Phantom of the Opera is here inside my mind (he’s better off there, trust me) The following is a Public Service Announcement. If you should ever find yourself in the position of ex-wife to a playboy millionaire who dumped you like a bucket of pig slop in order to bang away at his bubbly assumed dead ex bitch, don’t kid yourself into believing you will get him back by acting available, gushy and otherwise pathetic. Skye! We’re talking to you girl, pay attention. Luke and Alcazar are both reasonably available so set your sights a bit higher than Jax. This is the end of your friendly neighborhood Public Service Announcement. In other news, Robin Christopher (Skye) appeared on the season premiere of SoapNet’s Soap Talk last night. Not only did she prepare “Penne a la Vodka” in tongue in cheek honor of her character, she revealed that she and Luke do indeed have an upcoming storyline “scheme” so I’m looking forward to a bit less groveling in the dirt from the lovely Skye. Jax’s dust is simply no place for my favorite Diva! I honestly don’t think that you could convince me that there has ever been a more intolerable soap character than Emily Quartermaine. I have so had it up to here with her sniveling and double-standards and I’m completely furious that she’s ruining my Nikolas luuv with her Nikolas luuv. Her cancer of convenience is old and just ridiculous at this point. She’s an adulteress. She’s been wearing a really dowdy cardigan for about a week. She walks around with that pious look on her face, delivering hypocritical diatribe that I just long for someone to call her on. “Hey Emily. Fuck you. Sincerely, Zander” comes to mind. It would be easier for the writers to redeem Faison, Stavros and Sorel in one fell swoop at this point than to ever make me feel a pang of empathy for this treacherous little bitch. If treachery and bitchiness (a la Tracy or Helena) were what they were trying to inspire in Emily, it would be great soap. The fact that she’s supposed to be something other than despicable…well, I’m just not sure who they think is buying it. Tyler Christopher’s Nikolas is a huge commodity for the show and a personal favorite character of mine. I cry with him (snot and all) and rest assured that when he’s hot and bothered I’m pretty much right there with him. Now, I’m not so fanatical that I decry at every turn “Nikolas would just NOT act this way”, but I really do think that he has a little more honor, dignity and simple brain over penis power than what is currently being shown. I’m just not sure why he possibly loves Emily. Clearly the intended story was for him to fall for Lydia, whom he was “forced” to marry and for Emily and Zander to have a “love conquers all, or at least cancer” story. They should have stuck with it (since it made sense and didn’t render all involved parties utterly stupid) but ah, someone got a sniff of pheromones humming between Nik and Em and it all went straight to hell in a handbasket. If someone could just fish Nik out of that particular handbasket, I’d sincerely appreciate it. Emily, that snippy look on her face and that forsaken cardigan are really cramping my hot and botheredness style. Rant off. I had to get that out of my system. Sonny. The end. I can’t talk about it. He looked nice at the wedding. That is all. Lorenzo needs a haircut. I’m not opposed to the length necessarily, but he’s a little poufy and could use some thinning shears. He could also use a woman to reveal a little more of the man inside those dark suits. Rrowwl. I’m committing myself to producing more frequent Fashion Police columns from now on. I find that I get busy with life and the first thing to get crossed off the list of things I do for myself is writing. That’s not going to happen anymore (and if I share the commitment, perhaps I’ll stick with it) so I hope you’re looking forward to another gab fest next week. I am. And now, I’d better go find Officer Lucky and see if that corduroy jean jacket meets uniform inspection standards. It’s a tough job, folks. Have a fabulous week!
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