For the week ending December 29, 2000…
The last week of the millennium.

I got carried away writing this - -bring snacks and a drink to the computer screen now! 

That was our Christmas show? 

It started off well with Laura bringing breakfast in bed to Scotty…oh wait that was the classic episode on SoapNet Monday.  So let’s just take a brief trip down memory lane for a real Christmas show.   Like I said Laura walks into the bedroom with breakfast for Scotty, this being the morning after the first re- consummation of their marriage since the rape.  We were treated to a tooth-decaying conversation where Scotty says all he wants for breakfast are “kisses”. (I’d be glad to oblige him, but that’s neither here nor there).  Rick and Lesley have decided to separate after the holidays so as not to ruin the festivities for Laura and Amy.  Luke and Bobbie celebrate with Ruby (I miss her.).  Bobbie gives Ruby a new dress and Luke bought both of his favorite ladies a mink coat (only slightly extravagant).  Luke spends half of his day staring out the window thinking about Laura and the other half explaining to Ruby or Bobbie that he loves Laura but he can live without her as long as he can see her at the disco.  Bobbie tells Luke that Laura isn’t good enough for him and Ruby tells him that he needs to just let go of it because Laura is married (as if that’s ever stopped Luke).  Bobbie leaves to go to work at the hospital (what a novel idea!) and runs into Scotty who has accompanied Rick to the hospital for rounds, and Scotty mentions that he and Laura are “back together”.  Upon returning to Ruby’s Bobbie is more than thrilled to share this little tidbit of information with Luke.  Scotty had just shared this information with Rick (and I’m thinking, whoa!  TMI!!!) at the same time that Laura is sharing said information with Lesley (again TMI!).  Rick tells Scotty that he and Lesley will separate after the first of the year and Scotty wonders if there’s not some way they can work it out because this is going to upset Laura.  Laura comments that she’s jealous of Amy because she’s living with Rick and Lesley and has all the benefits of being there all the time.  Lesley tells her she has no reason to be jealous because Laura is her daughter and the one she loves, all the while Amy is looking on, visibly upset by that statement.  Rick and Scotty get back to the Webber house (what has happened to that set, anyway?) and they all exchange presents.  Steve and Audrey are having the typical Hardy family Christmas with (I’m guessing) Tom Jr.  (I don’t believe they ever said his name, if they did I missed it and this was my first viewing of this episode as I was about 7 when it originally aired and my big dilemma of the day then was wondering which songs the Bugaloos would be singing.)  Watching Steve always makes me wish that my grandfathers had lived long enough for me to get to know them.  At the end of the episode, I wanted to see more.  It was nice.  P.S. I miss the old opening. 

Fast-forward twenty+ years and on Christmas Eve we get Carly and Sonny almost having sex on the living room floor, knowing full-well that Johnny could walk in at any minute or Michael and Leticia could come downstairs anytime, and what should happen but Johnny comes in with Alexis.  In the words of Homer Simpson “D’oh!”.  Alexis was visibly embarrassed (or repulsed, not really sure) at what she just witnessed and tries to leave.  Sonny stops her and proceeds to redress himself in a room full of people.  Alexis needs Sonny to bail the drug-dealing kidnapper out of jail for the holidays, so Sonny shakes two million dollars out of his cookie jar mad-money fund and they are off to the PCPD.  Carly takes Michael to the GH Christmas party whereupon she acts like a complete ass by disrupting the entire party for the sick children just so she can stand by her momma.  I read this somewhere this week and it pretty much sums it up for me:  “Screw Jesus…Carly’s in da’ house!”  (Calm down all you Carly-lovers, the tide is about to change).  I was surprisingly pleased that Carly agreed to let the Qs see more of Michael in the following year.  I just hope that means that WE don’t have to see more of him.  Casual mention will be just fine with me on that point. 

The shootout.  I loved it, if for no other reason than the pure irony of all the weapons and violence being shown on one of Wendy Riche’s final shows.  Previous Emmy speech be damned, we’ve got to have Sonny in the hospital so Carly can cry over him for a few weeks thus giving her material for the next Emmy reel.   Seriously though, I was very impressed with the montage.  I was captivated enough that I had to walk closer to the television.  I think it would have made for a better long-term story if Ned had gotten shot leaving the PCPD with Zander and Emily going to the hospital Christmas party.  It would have involved the Cassadines, Qs, Sonny (Jason, soon enough), the teens would of course be involved because of Nik and Emily.  We’d have more of the cast ::::gasp::::: integrated in this story.  Alexis would feel guilty about the non-wedding and not listening to Ned about the dangers of being the mouthpiece for the mob.  Ahhh, what could have been.

I’ll leave the picking it apart to everybody else.  It’s been done before by anyone with a keyboard handy including me, and I admit it was far better than watching Chloe have another dream or any of the other drivel we’ve been subject to of late.  Sonny’s dying declaration of love for Carly was typical soap but I’m sure it made all of the S&C fans just melt unlike the snow.  Once everyone was delivered to the hospital, I never expected to see a great medical drama and they didn't disappoint yesterday.  Tony acted like Zander scraped his knee. Somebody should have been putting that boy on pain meds stat!  Again, Tony, THE NEUROSURGEON was working in the EMERGENCY ROOM? It would have been far more believable if one of the Port Charles interns (in fact Frank Scanlon should have been one of the paramedics arriving to take care of Sonny) had been there and perhaps called Tony in.  It would have been better if they had called Monica since she's the cardiologist and Sonny had chest wounds, BUT with Leslie Charleson's broken arm I guess they didn't have much choice.   All of those extra non-medical people, including Emily and Carly, should have had their asses in “chairs” as they say on ER.  I’m giving my two-thumbs-up-scene-of-the-week to Alexis and Carly when Alexis steps off of the elevator and Carly, without her normal hysterics, knows instinctively what happened and has Johnny take Michael home.  Subtlety is not something we normally get from Carly and I really enjoyed that scene.   It wasn’t my favorite scene but it was chilling and acted to perfection.  NLG does subtlety better than anybody in daytime and at least in that particular scene I was not subjected to any overly dramatic Carlyisms.  I was also seeing a glimpse of a person I could care about when Alexis was telling Mac what happened and Carly sat there, very quietly crying.  Alexis should have mentioned to Mac that Sorel threatened her, but I’ll let her off the hook for this temporarily since (speaking from experience here) her mind wasn’t in a place to be thinking about anything.  My favorite scenes would be (1) Ned and Alexis seeing each other when the elevator doors opened. No words were necessary even after the events of last week; and, (2) The follow-up scenes where he wanted to take her home and “hold her all night long”.  I find that tears are much more dramatic from a character that is not constantly crying.  I'll admit a bit of a bias but I did try to look at it objectively.  When Alexis got choked on the "I lo....love you with all my heart" that was it for me and I was blubbering!  Powehouse Performer of the Week has to be Nancy Lee Grahn.  Nobody could touch her.  Honorable mention goes to Sarah, Wally, Amber and Chad.  Excellent performances were given by all. 

Zander is thisclose to knocking Carly off of the throne as the character I most hate.  He has NO RIGHT to say ONE word to Alan about any damn thing, unless and until he decides to profusely apologize for drugging Emily; leaving her in a hotel room NAKED, next to a murdered cop, framing her for the murder and subsequently kidnapping her a gun point!   The more I see of this story the more I hate it.  At this point I'm upset that Sorel didn't succeed in killing Zander. This entire relationship is more contrived than S&C and I'm not getting behind it at this rate. Emily is being far too protective and doing too much lusting after Zander without the writers giving us something to root for in this character and this romance. If the writers ever decide to tell a story here rather than letting Amber and Chad stand on their chemistry and talent this story might actually turn into something I’ll enjoy.   Emily’s part in this scenario is bugging me also.  There is not a person on this earth who I would allow disrespect my father like that ESPECIALLY in my presence and still expect me to be their friend! No way, no how, nuh-huh! I was begging Alan to hit that punk. Alan, Monica, Edward and everybody else have not only the right, but the obligation as Em’s family to be upset with Zander for all the things I just mentioned, and I’m finding it difficult to swallow the fact that neither Zander nor Emily “get” that.  Trying looking at what’s going on from their perspective.  Chad Brannon is doing an exceptional job.  The shaking during the talk with Juan was totally believable!!!  It’s Zander that I can’t stand.  Emily needs a good-old-fashioned-over-the-knee-ass-whooping! The way she has been talking to Alan and Monica is unacceptable! She knew Zander was going to be fine. That girl needs some serious discipline! Boarding school in California sounds PERFECT!  

Moving right along to a story that garners nothing more from me than eyerolls at this point.  I don't think Larkin is the culprit behind the bizarre things happening to Bobbie and Roy. That’s too easy.  I have a couple of theories that range from most likely to Chris Carter inspired.

1) Maybe "Roy" isn't really Roy. No, I don’t mean that he’s really an alien (god, please no more Casey stories!).  Perhaps he was just a good decoy to send in from the FBI (they've been known to use look-alikes - hello HannaHO) when they were trying to take down Sonny and this Roy just liked all the fun he was having with Bobbie.

2) Maybe all those years of playing different people caused Roy to develop a split personality disorder. We just have not been privy to the lapses.

3) Maybe Roy is just crazy (needing the meds, locked up in the nervous hospital, wearing a pretty white jacket kind of crazy) and he's sending the stuff to Bobbie trying to make her more dependent on him.

4) Maybe it's one of the many people that Roy helped put in prison over the last 20 years (this is my most plausible idea) who is now out of jail and looking for revenge.

 MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS AND 
SHALLOW OBSERVATIONS

 Tony had more class than Carly by just conceding to her outburst in the ER and backing off when he could have helped save Sonny.  He did, after all, save HER life earlier this year. 

Exactly how many corners was Sonny’s car parked around?  We know Rick went to get the car before Alexis got Zander’s papers in her hands much less signed, but we never see or hear from him until a couple of days later when he’s driving Emily around. 

My Q men were right on all week! Edward was 100% right about everything. I even applauded his getting all loud with Lila, and was most especially cheering him on when he headed to the PCPD to demand Mac’s resignation. Lila's wrong this time, just plain wrong. AJ was correct for pointing out to Em that Zander wouldn't have had to jump between her and bullets if he hadn't been the cause of the bullets (you go boy!). Alan scores many points for nearly beating the living daylights out of Zander, then scaring him half-to-death in the hospital.  A psycho Alan trying to protect his little girl could be such a good thing! He was Cassadine creepy in those scenes and I loved every minute of it.  Go Edward! Go AJ! Go Alan!  

And, I really can’t believe I’m going to say this: GO JUAN!!! I loved his conversation with Zander! Juan’s still thinking of Embecile's safety, something Zander’s not doing.  I never, ever, ever in a million years thought I'd say it (especially twice) but GO JUAN!!!!  Now let’s hope this is his last act in PC before heading back to Puerto Rico or going on tour with Daddy. 

I simply cannot be expected to believe that NOBODY called Bobbie to give her the heads up about Sonny. Her ex-husband was his doctor, her best friend supervised in surgery, none of the GH staff, not even Ned or Alexis when they left stating that Carly shouldn't be alone. Whatever.  

Liz and Lucky were the only “couple” that we got to see celebrate Christmas and I really didn’t see that except in fastforward.  If TPTB want everybody to stop comparing Jacob to Jonathan then perhaps they should stop re-doing stuff!  There are a few things that are not only sacred to a character but also to an actor portraying the character and having Jacob sing “Elizabeth” is just sacrilege.  He’s only had two days when I thought he exhibited any kind of connection to real Lucky (once with Liz after the rave, and once with Luke when Luke was in prison and I even think that scene was more genuine because of Tony Geary).  What was the logic in placing those cheesy scenes between the real drama of the shootout anyway?  I certainly didn’t watch it at all. 

Where were our scenes of the Scorpio girls, Lulu, Lucas and Michael sneaking downstairs to see what Santa left?  No Mac coming over to see the gurrrls? How about Scotty buying Laura a Christmas gift?  Surely Roy and Bobbie bought gifts for one another.  I’m positive that Ned had something for Alexis, not that he would have given it to her after the non-wedding, but a shot of the card on the gift under his tree that read “Merry Christmas Wife” or something equally cheesy would have been nice.  No mention of Ned calling Bratlynn or sending her any gifts (though I’m sure he did).  Chloe didn’t have Stefan’s favorite meal prepared or any exotic white chocolate delivered from Switzerland?  I’m also sure that Carly and Sonny bought gifts for each other.  Couldn’t we have gotten a mention that she wasn’t going to open her gifts until Sonny was home and they could celebrate Christmas together?  Where was our Dave Koz??? As far as the holiday goes, this episode sucked. 

What the hell was Chloe thinking putting all of those rubber bands in her hair? Somebody give that girl a dollar to buy a clue!  She’s also almost done with the psychic brain tumor.  Yippee-Skippee.  Is it wrong of me to hope that Tony’s bad hand slips during the gamma knife procedure and turns her into the drooling vegetable we know she already is? 

Sorel is da man! He's a much better mobster than Sonny. He says what he means and means what he says!!!!!  

I don’t really mind Juan’s new goatee look. 

Those two “professional hit-men” should look into alternative work.  If you can’t kill four people from twenty feet away with two automatic weapons you’re career as a hit man won’t last long. 

Having Tony Bennett sing anything anytime is always a good idea. 

Sonny is in ICU.  Eve on PC is in ICU.  Lucy, Kevin, Carly, Bobbie, Ian (etc.) never run into each other.  Boggles the mind. 

I loved AJ's talk with Chloe while waiting on news about Emily. The trip down memory lane to explore his relationship with Emily was touching. Billy did an excellent job showing AJ’s love for his little sister. 

Bobbie is the one person that I’ve never minded Carly with.  She takes none of Carly’s mouthing and gives as good as she gets.  Their scenes in Sonny’s hospital room this week were great aside from the “momma” stuff, which doesn’t ring true to me.  I’ve always thought “momma” was a more endearing term and I don’t see that Bobbie and Carly have reached that plateau in their relationship.  I prefer that we stick with Bobbie or Mother.  Other than that, I enjoyed --ok, maybe that’s too strong, let’s say I “appreciated” Sarah this week. 

Felicia working with Mac on the investigation.  Hmmmm, let me get this straight – The woman who could have stopped the last murder trial with one simple statement is now being trusted by her soon-to-be-commissioner-ex-husband who was humiliated personally and professionally by said woman with said acts or lack thereof.  Nope, even when I type it, it doesn’t make sense.  Additionally, Mac should have lost his job as commissioner long ago, but this act takes the . . . badge!  Two-to-One odds that Robert and Anna are spinning in their graves watching how ineptly this police department is being run.  Flea also needs to keep her comments about Laura to herself.  If she didn’t want him enough to be faithful then she can’t badmouth the woman he’s showing the slightest bit of interest in.  It would serve her right if Mac wants Laura and when Luke returns he’s also decided that HE wants Laura.   

I don’t believe I really needed to see the make, model and serial number of Alexis’ answering machine when Em called.  I’d much rather have heard the message and watched what was going on over on the sofa. 

Carly reaction when Monica was simply giving Bobbie the advice to prepare Carly for the worst snapped ME back into reality.  Yes, all of you can say “oh, that’s just Carly being Carly”, well it’s just me being me to hate her for it.  Hysterics and high-strung people don’t play well with me in real life and I certainly don’t like to watch it on television. 

Ned could be mad at me from here throughout eternity as long as he’ll flash those dimples and bound down my staircase when I come home from work!  He loses points for allowing Alexis to go to the hospital unattended the day after the shooting (which should have been Christmas day, right?).    

Saved the best for last: Ned in silk jammies bringing breakfast to Alexis.  YUM  - - Pun intended!  Gotta love it when somebody at GH remembers little details like the french toast.  

Whew!! See ya’ next time.