October 24, 2005

Um….so, what do you think of the playoffs, huh?  And boy, another hurricane – that sucks, doesn’t it?  Halloween is coming up, going to any parties?  Hey, did you catch AMC this week?  Yeah, a lot of stuff happened.  Ha ha!  Don’t mind me, I get like this when I’ve been dealt a few blows to the head.  *taking several deep breaths and letting them out slowly* 

Monday was my little girl’s birthday (she is now three), so I missed the show.  I read the transcripts, and was really glad I didn’t see the arrogant, pompous faces that went along with the crapola that I had to read on my computer screen.   

Greenlee actually told Erica that if she didn’t give her stamp of approval on the baby, then Erica wasn’t allowed to go to Ryan’s memorial and officially mourn his death.  That was probably the bitchiest thing she’s done in a long time - which is saying a lot.  It was just beyond uncalled for.  I can’t believe Kendall went along with it. 

I couldn’t get over Jamie having no remorse for the way he hurt JR.  He is still convinced that what he did is the right thing.  He also doesn’t have a clue about the meaning of apologies.  He won’t give one because otherwise JR would lord it over him?  He is just as small minded as he accuses JR of being. 

As evidenced by the past couple of weeks, Zach is getting to the point where it is hard to keep his hands and his feelings for Kendall to himself.  But because he is in a place right now where he can’t imagine any woman wanting to receive his love, much less Kendall, he is focusing on the one thing she will allow him to do – help and protect her.  He is the kind of man that wants to be in charge, wants to feel in control of a situation – to see things spiraling out of control is the sort of thing that would make him jump right out of his skin.  This week demonstrated that very clearly.  

“You want me to make this go away?”  Before the memorial service, Zach was right there, ready to swoop in and take care of Kendall if she needed it.  Interestingly enough, during the service itself, he chose to stand off to the side and let JR do the hand-holding.  Was it because he didn’t want to be up close to see Kendall mourning her ex-fiance?  “I’ll protect Kendall, believe me.”  Up until that point, Erica was accusative and contemptuous.  After Zach said that to her that it was like a switch was flipped.  When Zach came over and said he would take Kendall home, Erica quietly protested that she needed her mother.  When Kendall said she wanted Zach, Erica silently acquiesced.  Erica has always had the philosophy that anyone who supports her agenda is on her side – at least temporarily.  When Zach said those words, she apparently took them as gospel.    

When I was watching the show, I interpreted Erica’s comment, that Zach wouldn’t be so smug when Ryan finds out Kendall is carrying his baby, as implying that he would lose Kendall once Ryan and she bond over the baby.  It was pointed out to me later that she could have meant that she feared for Kendall, feared Ryan’s reaction to her.  She did, after all, see the footage of Ryan’s behavior that fateful night.  The thought didn’t occur to me because she has always been, and still is, on the Ryan bandwagon.  Is she perhaps, choosing to ignore his character when his focus is on Greenlee, but takes off the rose-colored glasses when it comes to Kendall and protecting her?  That is certainly an Erica way of looking at things. 

Wow, so we finally got some prolonged, sustained Zen touching.  Not sexual touching -  no of course not, that is reserved for the supercouple.  The foot rub scene...  All bone melting aside, what an odd little scene.  Kendall is preparing for the Big Confrontation.  Zach knows it is coming.  He knows it.  There are a number of apparent reasons why he chose that moment to perform one of the most intimate acts outside of sex that can take place between a man and a woman.  What was more surprising than him doing this, was why she let him.  It was so much different from the Ryan and Greenlee scene, where Greenlee wanted him to make love to her.  She had no idea of his betrayal.  It is a fascinating trait of Greenlee’s that she has the ability to obsessively remain focused on only what she wants to see.  Kendall wasn’t suffering from those delusions.  She knew Zach’s part in the whole mess, and she still let him minister to her.  Kendall has been down this road before.  Too many times.  She knew in her heart she was going to end up throwing him out.  She wanted explanations, but it wouldn’t have mattered what he said.  She was hurt and angry, and just plain weary of it all.  So, why not?  One last hurrah, one last achingly tender moment between her and the man who has come to be so important to her.   

The Kendall we saw those last two days was….chilling.  Kendall crying and screaming and begging and hitting, we are used to.  Instead we got Kendall, quietly furious, her pain radiating off her in waves.  And how could she possibly process it all?  On  the one hand, here is all the scar tissue freshly ripped open and bleeding,  On the other hand, here was Zach telling her all these things which didin’t fit in her head with what seems like betrayal. “I was glad that he was gone because I wasn’t going to let him hurt you.”  

The words that most represented his attitude was when he said he would be the guy “between you and Ryan.  Between you and the world, if you can get past this.”  That was what really made me cry.  Buckets. He has no expectations of every receiving her love or even that she would want to receive his. All he wants to do is protect her. His protection is all he thinks he has to offer. And now he feels like he failed at even that.  She threw it back in his face, refusing to accept that as his intentions.  So she did it - she kicked him out.  And after he left, she gave that little foot stamp, the one that said “Why is this happening again?  Why did he leave?  What the hell did I just do?”  Kendall can’t believe that she can be loved, believes that she would destroy it if she were loved.  Two emotionally scarred people who have just piled on even more pain.  “The damage I cause is it’s own reward.”  Sigh. 

Thursday’s episode was an interesting director’s choice.  They’ve done it before, tying in different scenes with certain words, but not this blatantly or with such emotionally impacting scenes.  It was hilarious the one time it was changed out – Ryan and Di said they were wrong, and Zach said that he wasn’t wrong.  Excellent.   

The Di confession was amazing.  The veteran actors knocked it out of the park, and most of the newcomers did an excellent job as well.  When Opal slapped Di, she gave a very good shocked reaction.  Not just surprise or outrage, but genuine shock that someone as peace-loving as Opal would smack her like that. 

The scenes between Tad and JR were so poignant.  Tad tried to convey that for once he wasn’t lying because this time he wanted to get it right, even knowing how much it would hurt JR in the process.  “It was a beautiful lie.”  Those words gave me goosebumps.  JR tried desperately to come up with an excuse, any excuse that would somehow make Di still his mother, before he finally broke down in Tad’s arms.   

Later, when Di came out, the tone of the scene changed dramatically, but was still heartbreaking.  Di was unable to resist continuing to call JR her sweetheart, honey, baby.  JR giving her that speech about himself.  “Forgive you? Forgive you? Do you know who you’re talking to?  I'm the knife who cut his wife out of her son's life for turning on me. I'm the payback machine who shredded my brother for sleeping with my wife and stealing my boy. Oh, I could fill a graveyard with as many people who are dead to me. But here you are, with your hand out. Forgive you?”  And her response, “You don't have to turn into who you described, a man who wears his vengeance like a medal.”  But he is simply being who everyone expects him to be, and who his father demands him to be. 

The Ryan and Greenlee scenes were played pretty much as predicted, except one surprisingly intense moment.  Ryan confessed that he still doesn’t really think he wants to be a father.  As he kept bringing up their dead baby, Greenlee was thinking about her latest creation, and completely snapped.  As I mentioned before, Greenlee can be obsessively focused, and when that focus is shattered, she is shattered.  Every blow she takes, she recovers and becomes even more maniacally devoted to her purpose.  But this time, the illusion was in pieces too tiny to put back together. 

Based on Greenlee’s words to Erin,  I thought Greenlee concluded that Ryan committed suicide.  But she said to him this week that she thought it was an accident.  The one thing *I* didn’t realize was that Ryan really was trying to commit suicide.  I honestly thought he came up with a plan to fake his death as he was riding the motorcycle. 

I have three favorite snarky lines of the week.  David saying that Di and Ryan can start a Return from the Grave club.  Greenlee’s line, “Hi honey, I’m back from the dead.  Do you want Chinese or Italian?”  And lastly, Zach’s line, “Show me the person who could force Kendall into anything and I'll gladly shake their hand.” 

Thanks for reading.  Cheers!