Katrina's NonSoapy Journal

February 12, 2003

Feeling tired, feeling old.  (Thinking of that old Jimmy Dean song, "I'm tired and I'm old and I ain't got much go...")

Father forgive me, it has been 8 days since my last Nonsoapy Journal entry.  I hate it when my friends don't update their journals.  I have about 6-7 places that I haunt on line to see if people have updated and most I check a few times a day.  Like developing a tolerance to drugs, I am tough to entertain, not to mention having little enough time to be entertained, so I have to distill down to the bare minimum. 

Anyway, I apologize for not being around much.  I've not really been fit company anyway and putting more than 3-4 words together isn't exactly my forte as of late.  I didn't expect Mom's death to be harder after I got home, even.  I feel her everywhere and I miss her so much.  Paradoxical, isn't it?  :) 

There really should be grief leave.  The hardest part has been feeling all of this and still having to do everything I always have to do.  Somehow the kids shrieks are more irritating, cleaning is harder and all I want to do is hide in a cave for a month or so and feel and grieve and rant and cry and get through this instead of having to act normally.  I feel about half sick all the time and everything just bugs the hell out of me.  I can't sleep well and my memory is totally shot.

I spent last night beginning the process of organizing the photo albums.  I inherited about 10-12 from Mom, as well as some pictures in frames, so I'm consolidating them, taking out the duplicates and getting everything chronologically sorted.  Mom wasn't really very big on that.  So far, I have done historical pictures of my mother, my father, all of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and cousins, as well as the current pictures of them.  Also did my father's pictures from Germany (Army, 1957-60).  Now, I'm finally up to the biggest job, which is the historical pictures of me all the way up to current day.  I have a big box (doesn't everyone?) of current pictures *somewhere* in the garage and can't seem to turn them up.  I'd sure like to do them all at once.  My back is aching like mad from bending over the table for hours and hours.  It went bad on me when I was pregnant with Nathan (#6) and gives me trouble now and then. 

I'm also in the midst of getting ready for Joe and Sandra's visit tomorrow night (my oldest son and his wife, who live in Canada).  I'm so eager to see them.  It's been over a year now.  They'll be here until Tuesday.  I can't think of anything I'd like more than spending time with two of my favorite people in the world.

Anyway, I was just checking in.  I don't really have much to say.

I do want to thank everyone who has sent contributions to my mom's memorial fund and well wishes to our family.  Edward and I are working on how to meet her funeral expenses and it's really helping that others are chipping in.  We are both very touched by the response.  Lord, it costs a lot to return a person to the earth.

Kiss me mother kiss your darlin'
Lay my head upon your breast
Throw your loving arms around me
I am weary let me rest

Seems the light is swiftly fading
Brighter scenes they do now show
I am standing by the river
Angels wait to take me home

Kiss me mother kiss your darlin'
See the pain upon my brow
While I'll soon be with the angels
Fate has doomed my future now

Through the years you've always loved me
And my life you've tried to save
But now I shall slumber sweetly
In a deep and lonely grave

Kiss me mother kiss your darlin'
Lay my head upon your breast
Throw your loving arms around me
I am weary let me rest
I am weary let me rest

 

Good God, She's Verbose!  There's More!