Sherry's Jubilee!! By Sherry Mercurio

September 22, 2003

The good: Detective Capelli is hot.
The bad: Detective Capelli is on the take.

Why? Why couldn’t they just do the usual and bring in a day player to play a “cop on the take” when they conveniently need one? Did we really need to have the only remaining decent lawman besides Mac turn into a criminal? If Lucky the uber insta-rookie is the one to bust Capelli, therefore allowing him to skip the other 98% of the training it takes to have the force be with you, I’m going to be even more ticked than I already am. I still say Lucky has no business in that business anyway…and where’s his stupid uniform? Don’t most officers start in uniform and work their way up to detective? Why is he already following one around, acting like he has a purpose and trying to give orders? Oh wait; he’ll probably don the uniform just in time for his daddy to have a heart attack when he lays eyes on him in it. Whatever. Frankly, the idea that Mac would hire Lucky on in the PCPD is ludicrous anyway, I’m certain there would be better candidates from the latest academy class…maybe even ones that actually WENT to the academy.

The good: Carly stood staring off a cliff obviously contemplating bringing Sonny up there and shoving him off.
The bad: She gave it a dry run with the car, which came to almost disastrous results.

Unfortunately, she also became very confused when faced with a very difficult decision: Do I pull on the door handle and release my coat that way, or do I take the coat off? Life or death situations often become confusing when you throw fashion into the mix.

The good: Sonny actually had valid points when confronting Carly over her “fall”.
The bad: Sonny is a dink that cannot be trusted with valid points.

Hey, I was with him right up until he started spouting about trust and crap. First off, no Sonny, even accountants and plumbers like to be able to trust their wives - you do not hold some sort of patent on the idea. Secondly, you lost me when you started talking about always telling the truth and such because we all know you rarely share everything with Carly. You didn’t tell her Brenda was alive until you had to. You chose just this week to not tell her that Lily’s grave has been dug up…nah, you’ll just handle that on your own, no need for the little wifey to know about it. Granted, she came fully equipped for lying, but you’ve certainly provided her with an aftermarket package or two and now she’s loaded with deception tactics. Thy hypocrisy astounds me. I’m not sure what they were going for with that argument, but TB succeeded in making me think Carly is somewhat afraid of Sonny and that she is fully aware that he treats her as a lesser commodity in the relationship (“stupid and terrible mother”), which is completely unfair since I think they are both stupid and terrible parents. Carly needs Lorenzo, at least this version of Carly does, and I’m all for it. As a side note, Carly is looking great lately and she brightens up even more when she’s in Lorenzo’s company.

The good: Nikolas is hot.
The dumb: Nikolas and Emily don’t have enough brain between them to at least move away from the windows.

Seriously. They had no idea where Zander went or how long he would be gone and neither one of them gives a rip that he could meander up the sidewalk at any time? Has Emily never had the power go out before? Does she not know that Nikolas can’t just “turn it back on”? Does she not remember that she has plenty of male relatives to call when she’s scared of the dark? I’m sure the Q’s would send a servant right over there. It makes absolutely no sense to me that she would call Nikolas for any reason other than wanting to jump his bones, I’m surprised she didn’t climb into bed and hide under the covers until he got there just to make it all the more convenient when he had to take off his shirt. Blech. Whatever chemistry was there is basically gone for me – I dislike them both too much at this point to want to see them do anything that requires words or facial expressions. I’m not sure this version of Nikolas really interests me much beyond the eye candy factor, I must confess. He’s messing with another man’s wife, and showing not a second’s worth of remorse about it. He’s apparently completely incapable of coming up with any solutions to his problems on his own; he requires help from everybody and their brother (literally). Nah…he’s not brooding and dark…he’s just becoming so dense that it looks dark when you glance over his way.

The good: Courtney still has a conscience!
The very good: She didn’t buy into all the justifications and platitudes being offered by her life coaches.

My respect for Courtney revived quite a bit when she turned herself in. My dream for this story would be that she actually *did* do it (something that is probably impossible now that she’s been arrested for it because we all know they never arrest the right person) and when Jason, Sonny and Carly have looked at her blankly for the 300^th time when she expresses guilt over ruining someone’s life (ok…well, over causing permanent temporary blindness for a few hours) she runs off in a huff and runs smack into AJ sitting on a swing in the park. He can relate, of course, to how she feels and they can compare notes and such. Then she can finally do a strip tease for him and they can have wild and crazy sex right there. Instead of going back to Jason and doing the whole “live with the guilt” routine, I think we’ll just skip that part and have her give Jas a call and tell him she’s sorry, but she’s moved on. And yes Jason, she knows that the Q’s will undoubtedly throw her and AJ out when they find out she’s dumped the favored Q son, but she’s willing to live under AJ’s sea crane if she has to in order to be with him.

The good: Cameron has baby Kristina.
The bad: Cameron has baby Kristina.

I love Cameron, or more accurately, I love Lane Davies. I’m personally thrilled that Kristina is out of the Q mansion and away from creepy Ned and his ex-cousin/lover, because I find the whole thing just plain icky in a way I can’t really express appropriately. I’ve no longer any use for Skye (thanks to having seen absolutely no motivation for her strange choices of late) so it really didn’t interest me to see her and Ned fawn over Kristina. Having Kristina away from them will therefore take care of a waste of my time that occurred…oh what? For 3-5 minutes a week? So anyway, I’m all on board with moving Kristina. I’m also on board for an Alexis/Cameron exploration (though I’ve been on board for that for what feels like forever, for all the good it has done me) and obviously this new twist should provide a bit more space for that I suppose. On the other hand, why exactly does Cameron have the baby? I gather that it was mostly because he wandered by the Judge’s door and showed an interest in the kid. How frightening is that? She awarded custody to someone who didn’t ask for it, is wholly unprepared for it and who will probably start dressing the little Princess Brat (the only good thing that came from Skye’s time with her) in flannel shirts and brown suede boots. I’m astonished at the lengths they are going through to keep that baby from her mother. At this point, giving the child to a fairly new in town failed father and unprofessional psychiatrist who is obviously involved personally with the mother …well, I really don’t understand that. The court thinks he can provide a better home for her than her own mother would? I mean, seriously? And the court decided this in less than five minutes with absolutely no background information? Stretch reality beyond all feasible boundaries much? I suppose I should just be grateful that Carly didn’t walk by and say “coochie coo” to Kristina in front of Judge Farmer. One look at that pregnant belly and Judge Farmer would have just known that obviously Carly likes kids even more than Cameron…I mean, she’s willing to actually give birth to one! “The court feels it is in the best interest of the minor child to be placed with this skinny blonde pregnant chick. Case closed.”

The good: “Lily” is haunting Sonny!
The bad: Oh…there SO isn’t one, not when someone is bothering Sonny!

Hee. I’m thrilled with Marcella. I’ve no idea how Alcazar found her so quickly, nor why they bothered with plastic surgery since she looked just like Lily to begin with, but whatever. Maybe I’m just not really getting the plan yet, either way though, I’m enjoying the ride already. Sure, this is totally stupid and contrived (what isn’t on this show?) and of course it has the usual “half decent idea to start with before we go and tell the story as ineffectively as possible” GH stamp of late, but hey, take it where you can get it, right? It’s going to make Sonny downright nuts, and I fully intend to enjoy that. From the second Jason and Sonny stood there staring blankly at her empty grave (wondering who the hell is going to listen to all their stupid problems now, no doubt), I was feeling quite gleeful. I’ve got no clue how dead woman walking got herself into the penthouse while Michael was in there sleeping (wtf?) but it was kinda creepy watching her pitter pat around dripping dirt off that tattered dress that looked more like the purple and pink dress my Marie Osmond Barbie doll wore in the 70’s than anything someone had actually worn in a grave for any length of time. That distracted me a little, I admit. Otherwise though, watching her traipse around and then magically disappear off the balcony was wholly unbelievable and rather fun, all at once. Why they told us Alcazar is behind it, I don’t have a clue since that basically negates the purpose of the creepiness factor. Why Alcazar would be so stupid as to involve Faith is completely beyond me. Why Alcazar would have the operation performed at GH…so Bobbie could assist, lol, is even further beyond any realm of reason. I don’t much care though, I’ve given up on expecting more and “Lily’s” appearance is the first thing that woke me from the stupor I fall into every day that I watch this show.

Dillon’s drugstore scene was fabulously entertaining!

Georgie looked astoundingly beautiful in that dress, and most of their scenes really worked for me. I’d rather they not have sex anytime soon, but I’m enjoying watching what I’ve seen so far.

Is Liz back to doing Sonny favors now? I can’t keep track of the whole thing and I really couldn’t tell if he was asking for her help with Courtney or if he was threatening her.

I just don’t know what to say about Liz and Ric. The chemistry is still there, but it has pretty much moved beyond my scope of interest since I cannot tell where the heck they are heading with Ric and I’ve gotten tired of waiting it out.

So, Lydia is now in love with Nikolas? Huh? Does that mean she’s done kissing on Lucky and stuff? I missed some of it, because frankly, I fast-forward a lot of that whole Zander/Em/Nik/Lydia/Lucky spit swapping fest because it just makes my eyes glaze over. I guess I missed where she managed to let herself fall in love with someone who is quite obviously in love with someone else. I guess I also missed where she stopped secretly wanting to jump his brother. There should really be a playbook so I can follow it all.

Why does Emily have to stay married to Zander now that Nikolas is working with Jason? I’m confused…did he break up with Lydia solely as a ruse or does he plan to go through with it? If so, then obviously there’s no need whatsoever to stay with Zander. Emily’s little “I don’t know what you’re talking about Zander” speech down on the docks today was just utterly nauseating and her blank “I’m so innocent but I’ll try to look at you quizzically so you know I care” expression was the absolute limit of what I can take from this brat. I guess I shouldn’t talk because I fear I had the same stupid look on my face as I watched her talk and wondered what the hell was wrong with her. Then again, I don’t have much better to say about Zander since he stood there after staring at pictures of her rolling around with Nikolas and still decided that offering her a choice between them (uh, hello? Zander, have we seen YOU rolling around on the floor like that with her since you were married?) was the appropriate action to take at this point. Every one of them now officially deserves what they get…so why do I care to watch? Where’s the wronged party, where’s the one I feel sorry for? Who do I root for again? I swear, G&P either give you every detail in living color and neatly squared away so there are no alternative conclusions to be drawn, or, they push things so far beyond the viewer’s ability to relate or sympathize that they completely obliterate any hope of an interesting outcome.

Ah yes, let’s not forget to talk about the new opening. What brilliance this way comes! It really makes a lot of sense to show clips of something that never actually happened in the course of the story, because hey, how better to encapsulate the present GH than to show a stand alone episode set in the 1920’s or whatever? If only we could have gotten a few clips of Sonny standing at Heaven’s gate telling St. Luke where to go with all his demands of “be a good man Sonny”. *Sigh* That would have been perfect. Do you suppose Jason or Sonny is driving that ambulance? Maybe gunfire coming out of back of the ambulance or one of the hospital windows would be a nice touch as well, otherwise what is really the point of continuing to waste precious moments on those? Heck, eliminate them and we can feature one of those famous “Sonny and Jason vs. a bomb” scenes!

Well anyway, I’m trying to hang in there but I admit it gets difficult at times. I miss writing a more regular column, but I just can’t seem to find enough to say about the show these days. I watch and take a few notes but it never looks like anything I can possibly form into an interesting column, so I usually let it ride until the urge to write gets so strong that I have to just try to work with the seemingly unworkable. Thus, what you see before you today, lol. Just know that I miss writing and hearing from you, and that I’m still hanging around, trying to wait it out. I’m stubborn, if nothing else.